« Previous | Main | Next »

January 06, 2006


BACKGROUND: Some years ago, in a book about home ownership, I wrote about how scary it is to be a civilian home-buyer at a real-estate closing, where people keep thrusting documents at you to sign. I had a little dialogue in there where a lawyer tells the buyer to sign, among other things, a diagram of the digestive system of a badger.

This leads us to an email I got today:

My name is Melissa Martin! I'm a graphic designer for The Arizona Daily Star and the Tucson Citizen.

I am buying a house right now and my realtor and I had a big laugh over the closing ceremony you wrote where someone would hand me paper and say "and this is the digestive system of a badger"....

In fact I liked it so much and found it to be so true that I had to create this paperwork.

I then slipped it into a small mountain of paperwork I lugged over to my Realtor's place to review with me. I wish I had a camera for his expression!

I scanned Melissa's document in. I hope you can read it.

UPDATE: Helpful hint from commenter Kafaleni: For those who can't view it in the blog main screen, right-click on the document, "view image" and then use the "magnifier" so that you can see it.



Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

I think I'm in love! Melissa will you marry me? Of course, I'll have to clear it with the wife first.


Badgers make things funny. Almost as funny as weasels

As a fellow graphic designer... Melissa! Excellent! But couldn't you have sent a pdf? Can't read it! :( Still...I'll take a dozen copies! ;)

I can't read it. But then again, when my realtor shows up I never read anything anyway. Which is possibly why I now live in a phone booth when I thought he told me I was trading up to a detached.

For those who can't view it in th eblog main screen, right-click on the document, "view image" and then use the "magnifier" so that you can see it.

Badgers? We don't need no stinking badgers!

As a fellow graphic designer, I had my head up my ass. Internet Explorer 6.0. Clicky the "makey bigger" arrow thingee. Readable. *blush*

i could read it fine which is odd because i thought i was the technoligically disadvantaged one on the blog. melissa deserves some sort of award or ovation or maybe just a great, big *SNORK*

Melissa...Bless your heart (or your badger's digestive system)! You have single-handedly raised the recent level of discourse on this blog to a height not seen since, umm, day before yesterday.

I'm sorry I'm in Chicago. You could be my Realtor (note capital 'R') any day of the week.

She even referenced the "Badger Badger Mushroom Mushroom" song, a favorite of my preschooler.

Now I understand why Lab never asked me to marry him.

Badger's Duodenum wbagnfarb.

So we have to sign Barry Alvarez's tummy ?

Oh, wait! You're not the Realtor; you're a Graphic Designer (note capital 'G' and 'D').
Sorry! In any event, *snork*!
P.S. Please note that my level of amazement has fallen slightly since I realized (Realized?) that you're not a Realtor. We have other graphic designers, but I don't think we have any Realtors here; it would have been, um, unusual.

Tamara, I can't ask you to marry me because I can't figure out how to say your name.

LabS - Guess you can go ahead and throw out Gisele Bündchen's number, too.

Her name's Melissa, a graphic designer..
She used the realtor's pen to sign on the duodenum..

LALALALALALALALA I can't hear you!!!

*cranks up music to drown out the earworm*

mmmmmmmmmm - Gisele

Just as well, Lab; we graphic designers are a dime a dozen. ;)

now for a musical interlude.

Tamara Rw/C, I too enjoyed the reference to the Badger song (a favorite of mine {no, I'm not a preschooler})

The Link for those that don't know what we're talking about, also, if you don't know what we're talking about, where have you been?

Anyone notice Lola has been a musical theme for 2 days now? I blame all the crack around here. You all oughta pull up your pants.

Nice crossgirl . . . great minds, etc.

Brainy: I'll gladly pass. I'm not into that skeleton look.

Tamara: Unfortunately, all I have is a nickel.

Sarcasmo: I've been right here at my desk. Why, what have you heard?

Lab - it rhymes with "camera", so I've heard.

I was told it rhymed with "swordfishtrombone". That's close, though, isn't it?

*tries to read into that comment*
*comes up empty*

Must be a bad neighborhood.

The badgers 'round here have weasels to digest their food for them.

Tamara I have a dime. Where do I pick up the other 11?

fyi, tamara, she DID send a pdf, but we don't have any way of uploading it (afaik) so... dave scanned it in. if we CAN upload pdfs, i'd like to know about it.

What about the Llama Song? That's an earworm!
"Llama, llama, duck."

I could never spell Tucson.

i think uploading pdf's is illegal in some florida counties.

i know for sure that uploading pdf's has been banned in san francisco and is punishable by death.

We're doing a refi so I just sent it to my broker with a 'WTF is this?' question.

I can't wait for that call back.

Judi, like I said, my head was up my arse. :)
For what it's worth, if you are able to upload a pdf, it would be on its own page, and you'd just post a link to it here.

But I'm just talkin' like I know stuff. I could be wrong--and frequently am. :)

Omgwtfbbq....all I have to say is aaaacccckkkk and badger, badger, mushroom, llama, llama, duck!

(i think it's a new dance craze?)

Wang - Phunny, I can never spell Phoenix.


You can upload pdf files.

Now you know about it. Do you feel better? I know I do.

Apropos of nothing in particular, that haven of calm in the social seas, Snopes.com, the bringer of Light and Truth to an otherwise desperately uninformed public, today quotes Our Dave in its discussion on cell phones.

Link here to read it.

Note to the Grammar Police: Yes, it's a run-on sentence. So what?


Mr. Completely,
Thank you for sticking the Sheryl Crow Lyric "I I Wanna Do" into my head. (not that there was much in there to begin with)

To return the favor...
"All I wanna do is have a little fun before I die,"
Says the man next to me out of nowhere

It's apropos of nothing
He says his name's William but I'm sure
He's Bill or Billy or Mac or Buddy
And he's plain ugly to me
And I wonder if he's ever had a day of fun in his whole life
We are drinking beer at noon on Tuesday
In a bar that faces a giant car wash
The good people of the world are washing their cars
On their lunch break, hosing and scrubbing
As best they can in skirts in suits
They drive their shiny Dodge’s and Buicks
Back to the phone company, the record store too
Well, they're nothing like Billy and me, cause

All I wanna do is have some fun
I got a feeling I'm not the only one
All I wanna do is have some fun
I got a feeling I'm not the only one
All I wanna do is have some fun
Until the sun comes up over Santa Monica Boulevard

Earworm - Boy, it doesn't take much to fire up an earworm with you, does it?

Good thing I didn't say something like "it's a world of laughter, a world of tears, it's a world of hopes and a world of fears...", huh?

This is why I'm studying graphic design. Hey, Melissa, any openings at your place of employment?

Good thing I didn't say something like "it's a world of laughter, a world of tears, it's a world of hopes and a world of fears...", huh?


Badgers? We don't need no stinking Badgers!!

---oh, sorry, that was badges, right?

That is perfection I love it.

Earworm--I always thought she was singing "Datsuns and Buicks," but I suppose "Dodges" is more likely. I sometimes hear of Datsuns but I don't think I've ever seen one.

Datsun is what Nissan used to be, back in the days of wood-burning automobiles.

Btw, Melissa is a genius. Judi, please invite her to the blog.

Badgers and Weasels are biologically related ... cousins, if you will ... that is why both are funny.

BTW, I don't hafta "right click" (and that's a good thing, 'cuz I don't have a "right clicker") to enlarge the image ... nor do I hafta mess around with the "make picture bigger" thingy ... I've got a Mac ... one click is all it takes, to make the picture larger ...

OTOH, sometimes it takes many pictures to make other things larger ... especially among the older persons ... IYCMD ...

This form does not reflect that it has been approved by the lawyers for the Realtors. Are you sure it is accurate? Just to be safe, you might want to take an actual badger with you (in case a question comes up during closing).

Andrew: I am pleased to note I was not the only one who got Llama Llama on the brain. :) Geeks unite!

U.O: You don't need a stinkin' sad Mac. :P Firefox--the only browser anyone should use--is also one click. Although, you can use Firefox on your little Mac, if you insist ;)

Actually, I am the Realtor for which this was made. Melissa (Missy) actually *did* slip this into a big stack of papers I was reviewing with her, and the dialoge we had went almost exactly like in the book:

Me: This is the CC&R's of the Hoa.
Missy: I see.
Me: And this is the Assessor's Map.
Missy: Uh-huh.
Me: And this is......the......digestive system of a badger??? (Brief Pause) (Fifteen minutes of me laughing my fanny off)

I plan on forwarding the D.S.O.A.B. disclosure to every office in town and trying to pass it off as a real form. Since I currently have to have clients sign a form stating that there *may* be lead-based paints in the house (presumably because the first thing everyone does in a new house is gnaw down a wall or two) and another one stating that there *may* be mold in the house (I really wish I was making this up), I fully expect to see it become part of the standard paperwork.

I entirely wish every client of mine was as awesome as Missy!!!!!

marlodianne -

pleeze don't take this as a personal remark directed @ anyone's "equipment" ... but I'm really satisfied with my Safari ... it's SOOOOO much better than IE ... or the OE on the desktop @ home ... I'd guess that I'll prolly not bother with seeking out Firefox ... just sayin' ...

HOWever, your mention of my "little Mac" made me think of a Big Mac ... as to which, I ackshully prefer a #7 @ Jack's place, or the original 'Shroom 'n' Swiss @ Hardee's (them'd be equivalent to Carls Jr. to y'all out here in SoCal) ... which I don't, very often ... prefer gut bomb burgers ... besides which already, I'd really rather have a Buick ...

and ... there's plenty of times that my Mac won't lemme view/hear stuff forwarded by them with P(ieces of) C(rap) ... mostly 'cuz I'm stubborn enuf to not spend the extra $ to get that software ... I remain ... superior, in my Mac-ness ... (HAR!)


Melissa - Keep up the good work! You will truly be a success - or at the very least, you'll have a good time!

So glad I decided to catch up on what I've missed.

Thank you Sooooo Much for the many, many laughs.

(and thanks for the link to the badger song)

This form does not reflect that it has been approved by the lawyers for the Realtors. Are you sure it is accurate? Just to be safe, you might want to take an actual badger with you (in case a question comes up during closing).

Read more here: http://blogs.herald.com/dave_barrys_blog/2006/01/real_estate_upd.html#storylink=cpy

Verify your Comment

Previewing your Comment

This is only a preview. Your comment has not yet been posted.

Your comment could not be posted. Error type:
Your comment has been posted. Post another comment

The letters and numbers you entered did not match the image. Please try again.

As a final step before posting your comment, enter the letters and numbers you see in the image below. This prevents automated programs from posting comments.

Having trouble reading this image? View an alternate.


Post a comment

Your Information

(Name and email address are required. Email address will not be displayed with the comment.)

Terms of Service | Privacy Policy | Copyright | About The Miami Herald | Advertise