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January 15, 2006

24

FINALLY the football game is over. I hope everybody has visited the bathroom and is ready for some ACTION.

UPDATE: WE DON'T WANT THE SUBWAY POSTGAME SHOW. WE WANT JACK.

UPDATE: What the hell has Jimmy Johnson done to his hair?

UPDATE: Here we go. I pity the West  Coast.

UPDATE: I hate the needle-to-the-heart part.

UPDATE: Jack is wearing a hard hat. They'll NEVER penetrate that disguise!

UPDATE: The bastards shot former acting acting president Allstate Insurance Spokesperson!

UPDATE: They're setting up a hard perimeter. That's always good.

UPDATE: WHOA! Chloe has a boyfriend! He's, like, 9, but still.

UPDATE: Frank's hot new girlfriend does not seem quite so hot now that we get a good look at her. But she is a major upgrade from Audrey.

UPDATE: The new girlfriend's surly teenage son looks alarmingly like Chloe.

UPDATE: Michelle is reminding Tony that they used to run scenarios. That is SO romantic.

UPDATE: They got Michelle! These people are dropping like flies.

UPDATE: Oral-B has a new toothbrush that looks genuinely scary.

UPDATE: Whoa. Edgar has not been skipping the Krispy Kremes.

UPDATE: NOW THEY'RE AFTER CHLOE. It's like they want to wipe out everybody who had anything to do with the last season! And who can blame them?

UPDATE: New Girlfriend (NGF) to Jack: "I can't thank you enough for all the work you've done around here." Heheheheh.

UPDATE: Jack wants Chloe to go dark.

UPDATE: Jack got out his Secret Agent Kit! He's baaaaaaccckk!

UPDATE: NOT AUDREY! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

UPDATE: The first lady is not taking this well.

UPDATE: Jack has commenced hitting people.

UPDATE: Jack is taking the NGF's surly teenage son (STS) in the helicopter. It's a chance for them to bond.

UPDATE: The First Lady says she is, quote, "not making this up."

UPDATE: Edgar is the size of a two-car garage.

UPDATE: They're not at speed! I hate it when people are after me and I'm not at speed.

UPDATE: Hey, Jack is stabbing now. Is that new? He was always more of a shooter.

UPDATE: Do NOT mess with Chloe.

UPDATE: The guy actually believed Jack wouldn't shoot him! Obviously he has never seen this show.

UPDATE: At this rate, by the end of the second hour there's going to be nobody left alive in Southern California.

UPDATE: Celebrity skating? Where will it end? Celebrity welding? Celebrity eye surgery?

UPDATE: Why are they showing the highlights of the first hour, which we JUST WATCHED??

UPDATE: Edgar ran it through a high-res filter. That's exactly how I would handle it.

UPDATE: Chloe's going to get Jack a schematic.

UPDATE: "Jack would never murder his friends."

UPDATE: Edgar is jealous.

UPDATE: President Manilow is SUCH a wienerhead.

UPDATE: They launch in less than an hour! (Who the hell are they?)

UPDATE: Jack's girlfriend is thinking she should have kept dating the plumber.

UPDATE: Chloe is reading the agents' transponders. She is some woman!

UPDATE: "Relax. He's really good at this."

UPDATE: Jack is booted up, and Chloe is uploading to him.

UPDATE: Jack is a smooth talker.

UPDATE: You rarely see that kind of cleavage on a first lady.

UPDATE: Edgar found out that Chloe's logged in remotely! With an external socket!

UPDATE: HEY! ASSASSINATED FORMER PRESIDENT ALLSTATE INSURANCE SPOKESPERSON IS ALIVE AND DOING COMMERCIALS!

UPDATE: I don't like the looks of the bald guy with the accent and the guns.

UPDATE: At some point, even the FBI is bound to notice all the unconscious agents lying around.

UPDATE: There's, like, dozens of agents after Jack. They have NO chance.

UPDATE: The girlfriend's on the 210 at the 10.

UPDATE: Chloe is a stand-up gal.

UPDATE: Jack really does care.

UPDATE: Somebody is messing with the first lady's mind, such as it is.

UPDATE: Edgar says there's chatter! They're sourcing it! The reliability's approaching 95 percent!

UPDATE: Eventually the bald guy is going to punch President Manilow out.

UPDATE: I see guys like that in the Miami Airport all the time.

UPDATE: You watch. The airlines will claim this is a weather delay.

UPDATE: OHMIGOD! THE WEASEL ASSISTANT TO THE PRESIDENT! HE'S IN ON IT!

UPDATE: Looks like there will be shooting tomorrow night.

OK, everybody take a handful of powerful sedatives and try to get some sleep. We'll recap tomorrow. You'll be on your own tomorrow night, but I think you have shown, in the comments section, that you are completely out of your minds up to the task.

Comments

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Twenty-fourth!

but Dave...the post-game show ....doh!

A GUY must be in charge of programming.

Where the hell are the Simpsons?

Y'know...the premier could ONLY be better if Jack were to come in right now and stab each of these football analysts in the thigh...

any time now....!

YES!!! THE CLOCK IS BACK!!!!

What's the over/under on time until Jack shoots someone in the leg?

All right Dave! Four updates before the show even starts!

Poor Jack Bauer, reduced to being an illegal immigrant. ;>

Frank?

Jack's drilling for terrorists?

I love Frank's hat.

Oops. Didn't expect That!

I hope President Allstate had life insurance...

Now I see why they said "special guest appearance" for Pres Allstate.

Oops....bet Alllstate doesn't cover that

Is anything wrong? Well, I've been shot!

The president looks guilty as hell.

So does Palmer's ex-VP get sworn in as the new ex-President?

Why did it have to Palmer? Logan soooo much more deserves to be shot.

there will be no stopping Jack now

Jack's really gonna be pissed....he's supposed to get the first kill of the new season

*whine* OMG where? in the head...

was the president picking his nose before they went live?

Great. I missed 4 lines and I'm already confused.
And does this mean President Weenie is President again?!

Chloe?!? Not with Edgar?!?

And she had a tatoo?!

Whoa! Is that Chloe!!!

He must not know about her and her automatic weapon.

Jack's crying!
Oh...he just needed his gun.

Gird your loins! Jack's gonna shoot!

Wow, Jack is a bit paranoid....

uh oh...land shark...nope, it's a woman.

Cloe's hot and where's Edgar?

Jack's Hot Girlfriend's Son is Kurt Cobain?!

Cloe's hot and where's Edgar?

Yippee.... Hot red-headed moms with bacon...we know what Frank...uh...Jack likes

OK, I think we know who's getting shot in the thigh first.

Wow, Jack's girlfriend's son is a bit paranoid...

I don't like Derek. He looks like a disgruntled former Hanson member.

he just gave the kid the death stare.

there's going to be a big reunion at CTU. Maybe they'll have a party.

Oh, that's a bad sign. When they just kiss you on the cheek like that? Very bad.

I think that Michelle person is gonna get shot...oops too late. I was right.

On third thought...good thing he didn't go with her

OK, I wasn't thinking bad like THAT!

I hope Michelle didn't have the same life insurance as now-dead Former President Allstate!

So...is this the episode where everyone dies?

scratch the reunion party.

They can't put anything past us, can they?

Okay, I think it's safe to say we are CLEARLY NOT in good hands with All State.

See what happens when you give Tony guff in the morning?

I'm watching on a 42" 16:9 widescreen without an HD broadcast. All my people still look like linebackers - even Michelle. She's blowin' up Hollywood.

so the big 10 minute suprise was that chloe was getting some?

Tony too, DAVE, help I'm gettin' afeared for Jack!

Maybe Jack is behind all this. 18 months of not being able to get work as Frank just made him snap, and he's decided to shoot everyone he ever met in the thigh.

the first 15 minutes are crazier than the whole last season, this is going to be a good one! I'm just glad it has finally started!

A whole lot of thighs are gonna PAY for this.

I predict Chloe's new bf is a terrorist bad guy.

I think Marwan...ImhoTerrorist...is behind all of this...we're really watching The Mummy III

Edgar is still a charm school dropout.

keyboard tapping. just like us.

don't start your car Chloe!

No Stormy, it's not Jack. Someone else is killing all Jack's friends to try to get to Jack.

C'mon, give Chloe a gun. I think she'll beat Jack to the whole thigh-wound thing.

Wait, is she running away to go shopping at the Gap?

wrong Jack...there's the call.

So Chloe hangs up on someone near by who can easily send police to help her, so that she can call someone across the country who has no way of helping her?

terrorists in big trouble now...Jack's gone to his air conditioning vent reserve

whoa Jack is putting on his decoder shades

Audrey...NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Oh great...It's Audrey...

Hee! I don't even watch "24" and I'm loving this.

That's it. Audrey is behind all this!

She still blames Jack for her husband's death.

No one at CTU knows that Jack is alive? What happened to him, supposedly?

NOOOOO! Audrey's safe!

So, who's the crazy lady?

that has to be the First Weiner

Mrs. Logan's got....issues

Hey, this is a First Lady I can like.

a couple of valiums and Mrs. Logan will be right as rain

I could get to like Mrs. President Weenie...she looks like she's going to be a fun subplot to watch...

Damp First Lady on the run!

She's going to be as much fun as Sherry!

eat dogfood out of a can? I take it back...gonna take more than valium

Martha has impulse control issues. NTTAWWT

Jessica,

Last season, Jack pissed off the Chinese Embassy. Something trivial about one of their people getting killed.

Anyway, they insisted Jack be turned over to them. President Weenie Logan agreed to do it. So of course, the obvious thing for Jack to do was get killed. But only temporarily. Tony brought him back to life again.

Outback's commercial has Florida's new slogan.... "I love coming to Florida!"

Mrs President Weenie used to be a Designing Woman, right?

Does anyone else think Martha and Former Preident Allstate had a thing?

*walks by looking oblivious*

Huh?

Terrorist boxes?

I'm glad I drank my Red Bull before this all started...I'm not sure how I would have handled this so far otherwise...

Has the First Lady always been a bitch? I've never watched this show before.

Please, Jack, shoot the American Idol thing in the thigh. Please.

Giant Frog and are up to the 9 PM episode of the first season of 24 on DVD. I don't care if all this is spoilers; I'm laughing just thinking of Jack and his thigh obsession.

Great work, Dave!

Thanks, qetzal, I remember now. I never got to watch along before.

Can Jack shoot that American Idol kid in the thigh, and quickly?

Lab, this is the first time we've seen her.

LabSpecimen...the first lady just materialized as far as I know.
I've never seen her in any previous seasons.

Quick, shoot Cobain in the thigh, Jack!

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