XTREME REGIFTING

Don't do it.

(Thanks to ArcticAl)

(BTW, we rest our case. Come back soon, sir!)

Comments

[thirst for first]

um- no thanks, really

[Jen]

Yeah, I can see the tagline for the TV commercials (which will look a lot like those inscrutable diamond ads) "Because it wasn't awkward or uncomfortable enough the first time."

[insomniac]

it's appropriate that I'm -Not First!

[Cheesewiz]

H.L Mencken has said it before and he'll say it again,"Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.."

[orcel]

Yikes!

" 'If a woman isn't a virgin when she gets married, a man can always put her down for that,' says the woman"

she means divorce right?

[Annie Where-but-here]

What happens if the woman doesn't pay the bill for the surgery? Do they send a repo guy out?

[bbxl]

The quotes "it's a pretty expensive thing to do for one night" and "...tear the membrane causing pain and bleeding" made me think...

Too bad they can't use Velcro.

[Sean]

The commercial for t.v. is already in the works..The music in the spot will be , " Once, twice, three times a ladaaayy".

[Chianca at Large]

Just FYI, that was a 1,300-word news story on fake re-virgination. For those of you unfamiliar with the journalism profession, 1,300-word stories are typically reserved for things like wars, hurricanes and presidential impeachments. So that gives you an idea of the importance of re-virginizing in the grand scheme of important breaking news here in America.

[TCK]

We had a ceremony in high school by which a girl could become a "born-again virgin." It involved being baptised in beer while smoking, er, something...

[lurker]

Truly, the gift that keeps on giving.

Or something...

[Annie Where-but-here]

bbxl -
When that noise
Ain't your corduroys

[Eleanor]

Gives a whole new meaning to those blogits who yell FIRST!!!

[Sean]

So what's next, un-circumcision for us guys ?

[kibby F5™]

"It's the ultimate gift for the man who has everything," says Ms. Yarborough, ...

Ok, how does she figure this?

[Somewhere North]

Sean... it's been done. Look back a few threads.

[insomniac]

So on his second 'first time' will the guy again have to take 5 minutes to get the condoms open, and finish 5 secionds after he starts?

[Brainy Jello]

Losing your virginity is like losing a member of your family

huh?

(bbxl: *snork*)

[DJ]

"So what's next, un-circumcision for us guys ?"

I believe there are people out there that do, do that. This would be more like ... un-circumcision ... then deciding to get circumcized again. Moneymoneymoneymoney .... Money!

[Sean]

Somewhere North,I beleive that was fake forskin though..

[kibby F5™]

Brainy, suppose they name them too?

"Ah, MAN! Now we've lost Martha. When will this MADDNESS end!"

[judi]

dave wrote about re-growth (well, stretching) of foreskin many years ago in a column about the st. louis post-dispatch and the portland oregonian, both of which (iirc) edited egregiously or refused to run one of dave's columns... one of my personal favorites.

oh, and i believe the group is called RECAP.

[Blue Meanie]

I hate to, er, bring this up....

[kibby F5™]

So.... what's the sibliminal message about Judi?

[pogo]

Pssst, Cheese - The original quote was "No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public."

Not that it's much different.

[Annie Where-but-here]

This is "The Sneetches" with privates.

[monkeyshines]

Chiana - the Post-Gazette does tend to run long stories in the lifestyles section which is what this is, but, umh,I know that the Burgh is famous for its research hospital, uhmm, this is gross.

And not nearly as funny as Serbia where they restitch the prostitutes so they (pimps or prostitutes) can charge more money.

[Brainy Jello]

kibby - "It's all fun and games until somebody pokes an... I'm not gonna finish that.

judi - any chance you can post a link to said column?

[Betsy]

The *snorks* on this thread were too numerous to cite individually. Thank you, one and all, for your penetrating comments, incisive wit, and keeping me in stitches.

[Blue Meanie]

Getcher historic DB column right here, and scroll down until you find SOMETIMES IT'S BETTER TO STAY OPPRESSED.

[Brainy Jello]

Thanks, Blue!!

[Blue Meanie]

Courtesy of your full-service Meanie....

[Blue Meanie]

Betsy, you too run a sharp operation. Keep up the cutting edge humor and piercing sarcasm.

[southerngirl]

See, Blue Meanie isn't a meanie at all!

[queensbee]

kooks. please. carry me back to old virginity.

[Blue Meanie]

Not since I started raking it in with the John Lennon action figures....

[fivver]

The John Lennon Action Figure - It composes, sings and then decomposes!

[Bill]

"I thought it would add that extra sparkle to our marriage," says the woman.

Well, once.

The tightening operation I can, maybe, understand (they don't really go into that in the article--does it actually work?).

And I guess I can see it if you were from one of these cultures where they'll beat you if you haven't got one.

But because you think it will turn your guy on?? Ew.

[fivver]

Key Quote:

"Women can even redesign the look of their private parts."

I guess if you get tired of redecorating the living room...

[Eleanor]

Great DB column, Blue Meanie - thanks!

It's not easy to be hysterically funny and make a profound point at the same time but our Dave can!!
WTG Dave!

4gz89e

[Bulova]

Just pointing out that "revirgination" WBAGNFARB...

[Christobol]

"Ma'am, would you like me to get rid of that C-bol was here tattoo while I'm down here?"

"Um, yeah, that would probably be best. But leave the monkey!"

[Betsy]

Meanie, I'm glad I suture standards; and thanks for the link to the "guy baby" column, one of my (many) favorites.

[judi]

ok i would normally have to delete that link because we REALLY FROWN ON people posting columns without permission, but since it's not actually a web site i'm going to pretend i didn't see it til tomorrow.

[golfwidow]

Round-trip yon virgin.

[Eleanor]

Uh-oh...

[Bumble]

"Restoring innocence..."

Bullshrike. You can restore a little flesh, but you can't restore innocence without brainwashing. Who do they think they're kidding?

[southerngirl]

*groaning at Betsy's bad puns, yet again* :)

[Betsy]

Southern...No such thing as a bad pun. If you groan, you know it's quality.
[*chorus of 'hurts so good'*]

Oops. I just gave myself an earwig:(

[southerngirl]

Betsy ~ by "bad" I meant quality! And groanworthy. Is that a word? BTW, thanks for the earworm! :(

[Blue Meanie]

Thought I posted this yesterday around 6:00pmEST, don't know what happened to it:

Yes, Santa Claus, there is a virginity.

Also, sorry, Judi. Next time I will check with you first (not meant sarcastically).

[U.O]

sg -

r.e.: your ... groanworthy. Is that a word? ... question ...

It is now.

[Mr. Completely]

I also hereby coin "snorkworthy".

[saxman]

Heh... "no hard data..." heh...