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December 21, 2005
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um- no thanks, really
Posted by: thirst for first | December 21, 2005 at 01:43 PM
Yeah, I can see the tagline for the TV commercials (which will look a lot like those inscrutable diamond ads) "Because it wasn't awkward or uncomfortable enough the first time."
Posted by: Jen | December 21, 2005 at 01:49 PM
it's appropriate that I'm -Not First!
Posted by: insomniac | December 21, 2005 at 01:53 PM
H.L Mencken has said it before and he'll say it again,"Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.."
Posted by: Cheesewiz | December 21, 2005 at 01:53 PM
Yikes!
" 'If a woman isn't a virgin when she gets married, a man can always put her down for that,' says the woman"
she means divorce right?
Posted by: orcel | December 21, 2005 at 02:04 PM
What happens if the woman doesn't pay the bill for the surgery? Do they send a repo guy out?
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | December 21, 2005 at 02:08 PM
The quotes "it's a pretty expensive thing to do for one night" and "...tear the membrane causing pain and bleeding" made me think...
Too bad they can't use Velcro.
Posted by: bbxl | December 21, 2005 at 02:11 PM
The commercial for t.v. is already in the works..The music in the spot will be , " Once, twice, three times a ladaaayy".
Posted by: Sean | December 21, 2005 at 02:13 PM
Just FYI, that was a 1,300-word news story on fake re-virgination. For those of you unfamiliar with the journalism profession, 1,300-word stories are typically reserved for things like wars, hurricanes and presidential impeachments. So that gives you an idea of the importance of re-virginizing in the grand scheme of important breaking news here in America.
Posted by: Chianca at Large | December 21, 2005 at 02:15 PM
We had a ceremony in high school by which a girl could become a "born-again virgin." It involved being baptised in beer while smoking, er, something...
Posted by: TCK | December 21, 2005 at 02:16 PM
Truly, the gift that keeps on giving.
Or something...
Posted by: lurker | December 21, 2005 at 02:30 PM
bbxl -
When that noise
Ain't your corduroys
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | December 21, 2005 at 02:33 PM
Gives a whole new meaning to those blogits who yell FIRST!!!
Posted by: Eleanor | December 21, 2005 at 02:34 PM
So what's next, un-circumcision for us guys ?
Posted by: Sean | December 21, 2005 at 02:41 PM
"It's the ultimate gift for the man who has everything," says Ms. Yarborough, ...
Ok, how does she figure this?
Posted by: kibby F5™ | December 21, 2005 at 02:43 PM
Sean... it's been done. Look back a few threads.
Posted by: Somewhere North | December 21, 2005 at 02:44 PM
So on his second 'first time' will the guy again have to take 5 minutes to get the condoms open, and finish 5 secionds after he starts?
Posted by: insomniac | December 21, 2005 at 02:46 PM
Losing your virginity is like losing a member of your family
huh?
(bbxl: *snork*)
Posted by: Brainy Jello | December 21, 2005 at 02:47 PM
"So what's next, un-circumcision for us guys ?"
I believe there are people out there that do, do that. This would be more like ... un-circumcision ... then deciding to get circumcized again. Moneymoneymoneymoney .... Money!
Posted by: DJ | December 21, 2005 at 02:50 PM
Somewhere North,I beleive that was fake forskin though..
Posted by: Sean | December 21, 2005 at 02:50 PM
Brainy, suppose they name them too?
"Ah, MAN! Now we've lost Martha. When will this MADDNESS end!"
Posted by: kibby F5™ | December 21, 2005 at 02:53 PM
dave wrote about re-growth (well, stretching) of foreskin many years ago in a column about the st. louis post-dispatch and the portland oregonian, both of which (iirc) edited egregiously or refused to run one of dave's columns... one of my personal favorites.
oh, and i believe the group is called RECAP.
Posted by: judi | December 21, 2005 at 02:56 PM
I hate to, er, bring this up....
Posted by: Blue Meanie | December 21, 2005 at 02:57 PM
So.... what's the sibliminal message about Judi?
Posted by: kibby F5™ | December 21, 2005 at 02:58 PM
Pssst, Cheese - The original quote was "No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public."
Not that it's much different.
Posted by: pogo | December 21, 2005 at 02:59 PM
This is "The Sneetches" with privates.
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | December 21, 2005 at 03:00 PM
Chiana - the Post-Gazette does tend to run long stories in the lifestyles section which is what this is, but, umh,I know that the Burgh is famous for its research hospital, uhmm, this is gross.
And not nearly as funny as Serbia where they restitch the prostitutes so they (pimps or prostitutes) can charge more money.
Posted by: monkeyshines | December 21, 2005 at 03:07 PM
kibby - "It's all fun and games until somebody pokes an... I'm not gonna finish that.
judi - any chance you can post a link to said column?
Posted by: Brainy Jello | December 21, 2005 at 03:11 PM
The *snorks* on this thread were too numerous to cite individually. Thank you, one and all, for your penetrating comments, incisive wit, and keeping me in stitches.
Posted by: Betsy | December 21, 2005 at 03:18 PM
Getcher historic DB column right here, and scroll down until you find SOMETIMES IT'S BETTER TO STAY OPPRESSED.
Posted by: Blue Meanie | December 21, 2005 at 03:31 PM
Thanks, Blue!!
Posted by: Brainy Jello | December 21, 2005 at 03:36 PM
Courtesy of your full-service Meanie....
Posted by: Blue Meanie | December 21, 2005 at 03:42 PM
Betsy, you too run a sharp operation. Keep up the cutting edge humor and piercing sarcasm.
Posted by: Blue Meanie | December 21, 2005 at 03:50 PM
See, Blue Meanie isn't a meanie at all!
Posted by: southerngirl | December 21, 2005 at 03:50 PM
kooks. please. carry me back to old virginity.
Posted by: queensbee | December 21, 2005 at 03:53 PM
Not since I started raking it in with the John Lennon action figures....
Posted by: Blue Meanie | December 21, 2005 at 03:54 PM
The John Lennon Action Figure - It composes, sings and then decomposes!
Posted by: fivver | December 21, 2005 at 04:01 PM
"I thought it would add that extra sparkle to our marriage," says the woman.
Well, once.
The tightening operation I can, maybe, understand (they don't really go into that in the article--does it actually work?).
And I guess I can see it if you were from one of these cultures where they'll beat you if you haven't got one.
But because you think it will turn your guy on?? Ew.
Posted by: Bill | December 21, 2005 at 04:03 PM
Key Quote:
"Women can even redesign the look of their private parts."
I guess if you get tired of redecorating the living room...
Posted by: fivver | December 21, 2005 at 04:08 PM
Great DB column, Blue Meanie - thanks!
It's not easy to be hysterically funny and make a profound point at the same time but our Dave can!!
WTG Dave!
4gz89e
Posted by: Eleanor | December 21, 2005 at 04:23 PM
Just pointing out that "revirgination" WBAGNFARB...
Posted by: Bulova | December 21, 2005 at 04:49 PM
"Ma'am, would you like me to get rid of that C-bol was here tattoo while I'm down here?"
"Um, yeah, that would probably be best. But leave the monkey!"
Posted by: Christobol | December 21, 2005 at 05:24 PM
Meanie, I'm glad I suture standards; and thanks for the link to the "guy baby" column, one of my (many) favorites.
Posted by: Betsy | December 21, 2005 at 05:35 PM
ok i would normally have to delete that link because we REALLY FROWN ON people posting columns without permission, but since it's not actually a web site i'm going to pretend i didn't see it til tomorrow.
Posted by: judi | December 21, 2005 at 05:35 PM
Round-trip yon virgin.
Posted by: golfwidow | December 21, 2005 at 05:41 PM
Uh-oh...
Posted by: Eleanor | December 21, 2005 at 07:12 PM
"Restoring innocence..."
Bullshrike. You can restore a little flesh, but you can't restore innocence without brainwashing. Who do they think they're kidding?
Posted by: Bumble | December 21, 2005 at 07:27 PM
*groaning at Betsy's bad puns, yet again* :)
Posted by: southerngirl | December 21, 2005 at 08:16 PM
Southern...No such thing as a bad pun. If you groan, you know it's quality.
[*chorus of 'hurts so good'*]
Oops. I just gave myself an earwig:(
Posted by: Betsy | December 21, 2005 at 11:01 PM
Betsy ~ by "bad" I meant quality! And groanworthy. Is that a word? BTW, thanks for the earworm! :(
Posted by: southerngirl | December 21, 2005 at 11:36 PM
Thought I posted this yesterday around 6:00pmEST, don't know what happened to it:
Yes, Santa Claus, there is a virginity.
Also, sorry, Judi. Next time I will check with you first (not meant sarcastically).
Posted by: Blue Meanie | December 22, 2005 at 08:11 AM
sg -
r.e.: your ... groanworthy. Is that a word? ... question ...
It is now.
Posted by: U.O | December 22, 2005 at 09:40 AM
I also hereby coin "snorkworthy".
Posted by: Mr. Completely | December 22, 2005 at 12:51 PM
Heh... "no hard data..." heh...
Posted by: saxman | December 22, 2005 at 10:51 PM