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December 20, 2005

SKI TRIP UPDATE

There are two kinds of skiers: lunatics and cowards. The lunatics want to ski all day, and they want to ski only on ski runs with names like "Certain Death" and "Knee Trauma," littered with human skeletons.

I myself am a coward. We cowards like to pace ourselves, hitting the slopes only for limited periods, say from 2:15 to 2:30 p.m. on alternate Thursdays. We ski only on easy runs, runs that are topographically indistinguishable from tennis courts and have names like "Easy Does It" and "Barry Manilow."

This week I'm skiing with a largish group, divided about evenly between lunatics and cowards. Every morning the lunatics try to talk us cowards into going skiing with them.

"Come on!" they say. "We're doing an easy run!"

"What's it called?" we ask.

"Hannibal Lecter," they say.

"No thanks," we say. "Maybe later we'll hit Barry Manilow." Then, as they charge out the door and down the slopes, we resume spreading cream cheese on our bagel, secure in our cowardice.

Comments

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It must be a holiday in the States if an Australian is FIRST!!!!

Who do you think will live longer? Certainly not the lunatics...

I remember once taking the Gondola up to the top of Mammoth Mtn. and then skied down to the top of Hangman's Hollow.

The ride back down the Gondola was very soothing.

I could never understand the attraction of paying serious money for the frequently realized opportunity to have you knees screwed on backwards...

I heard about a guy who crashed on a slope, but then the ski patrol guy who arrived didn't wait for the required second guy. He put the victim in that little toboggan they use, and then wooosh!, the toboggan rocked down the slope - sans ski patrol guy, ending in yet another crash. And a law suit. And a firing.

Seems to me a run named "Barry Manilow" would be very dangerous, provided it was the same size as his schnozz.

D

The first time my husband went skiing he came back to the lodge after a day of clawing his way up and down icy mountain. He had a 20 inch bruise on the side of one thigh. He said he would've been better off paying someone $70 to just beat the #$% out of him.

Sonny Bonehead!!!!!

Repeat after me, Dave...

"I love writing.... I love writing...."

Seriously, enjoy your vacation and stay safe!

>>There are two kinds of skiers: lunatics and cowards. The lunatics want to ski all day, and they want to ski only on ski runs with names like "Certain Death" and "Knee Trauma," littered with human skeletons.<<

hahahahahahahaha! littered with human skeletons. LMAO!

Maximus - while I also have some issues regarding the war in Iraq, etc., I gotta say WTF? take yer crap and sell it elsewhere!

No adrenaline junkies here! Ocassional risk is the spice of life. Maybe sking isn't where you like to take your risks.

Maximus verbiage...minimus braincells....where's the anti-autobot-amathingy when you need it?

Annie -

My guess would be that the anti-autobot-amathingy is out on the ski slopes, with Dave ... 'cuz ...

Dave's not here, man!

Dave?

Ya man, its Dave, I got the stuff, let me in.

Dave?

Ya man, its Dave, let me in. I think the cops followed me.

Dave?

Ya man! Let me in, I think I hear someone coming!

Dave?

Ya man, quick, let me in?

Dave?

Open the door man, the cops are coming!

Dave's not here.

*goes off to find my Cheech and Chong album*

*snork* @ Annie!

At the risk of repeating myself, (on an earlier thread), WHERE IS IVORY BILL? Something has to be said, and he says it best.

Maximus...Keep it up, and I'll change sides.

sg -

I dunno where IBW is ... and, since he does his specialty so much better than I ever could, I'll offer this minor effort as a temporary substitute ... only until IBW returns ...

... m!)@(#*$&%^#g C^%&$*#(@)g A$$h*!3 ...

Hope that helps ...

I've skiied, and enjoyed it. I also scuba dive. Both are equipment-intensive, costly sports. I can't do both, so I scuba. I look ever so much more graceful gliding through the water in my BC, mask and fins than I do flailing down a mountain, usually on my butt. The weather also factors into the decision. .... and the fact that I've seldom managed to swim into a tree. And there are no ski lifts in scuba. HATE THOSE!!!

And we'll have none of that shark talk, now.

Speaking of sharks...this anti-spam bot thingy ain't enough. It's like saying 'no, stop, don't hit me again' to the schoolyard bully. We need something that can hunt down these maximi anal-adhesions and whack them silly. Just blow whatever link they're touting right out of the web water ....speaking of sharks and water...and that kinda stuff.

But no one every drowned while skiing!

-Bruce

Annie - couldn't agree more

also, what's the point of the robot thingy if it keeps making us harmless blogits robot, but lets in the likes of gluteous maximus, scurvy dog that he be - aaaaaarrrr! where's me cutlass? we'll keelhaul the scurvy dog, we will! hang 'em from the yardarm, says I! aaaarrrrrrr!

mmmmmmmm.....bagel

Imbecileus Maximus

Dave~ Being an indoor person is smart; embrace it! ;-)

*hands Dave a mug of cocoa with mini marshmallows*

"... m!)@(#*$&%^#g C^%&$*#(@)g A$$h*!3 ..."

Dang, that was...impressive. All I was gonna say was something about oosiks, and the nearest cactus.

G'night, all!

Oh, yeah ~ what Josh said.

I have the ultimate excuse for not skiing: "bad knees." People frequently say to me, "You live in Utah and you've NEVER BEEN SKIING?" And I just shrug and say, "Bad knees." And then they leave me alone with my bagel.

Personally, I've found that the phrase "an old wapnel shround" [REALLY obscure reference, there) serves much the same purpose ... people look at me, and slooooowly, they move away ...

Is it me, or does anyone else think that maximus is channeling Josef Stalin? What's nice is, max just gave me a nice list of places to go and finish my Christmas shopping.

So there. Neener.

Skiing which is just silly is, words fail me. The best part about skiing is living in British Columbia and reading the news paper reports of the skiers who died going off the trail, or ignoring the warning signs, such as trail closed. Etc. People pay large amounts for skis, poles, boots, ski outfits, appress ski outfits, Now that entertaining

Shop, by all means, A.N. --- Shop!

BTW, if NEbuddy is interested, I "wasted" ink by printing out that card created by monkeyshines ...

It was NOT a waste ... turns out my printer (I found the power plug, in another suitcase ...) has a desperate need for some cyan in the ink cartridge ... sure glad I found out about that!

Dear Maximus

As a woman, I applaud the freedom of choice that you desire for me. You desire it so much that with totalitarian vigor you dictate to an entire party that they follow your, and only your (not you're), views.

I would like to make one weensie little suggestion.

GO HUMP A SAGUARO!

Thank you again. Keep your seat in the upright position and the trays secure. Happy blogging.

[In the spirit of IBW]

Hey, Aunt Nancy, you beat me to the totalitarian thing. Cool:) Maybe "maximus" is really angry because he's a minimus?

Mebbe he's trying to ... compensate ... ??? (NTTAWWT -- as long as his agenda doesn't try to force me away from mine, that is ...)

BTW ... I have a photo I took last month ... of a toilet with a tank that would make certain High-Flo desiring folks jealous ... Looks as if it must hold at least 10 gallons ...

Pix available, if anyone wants to look at it ... or, I could post it on my page @ photobucket, if I remembered how ...

(No, it's not the infamous 7-gallon High Flow that I own ... that photo remains to be tooken ...)

Well, here's the site, I fergot how to link ... too busy packing to go home ...

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Wowser!

I can't even post it ...

Later ...

U.O. - Ask and you shall receive. This is fun, but you would think that I have better things to do:)

LWHS - if you are a spammer, please see all above comments to the tiny url, circus maximus. I'd be glad to throw you under a chariot.

Well, hey, Dave, at least you are a LIVING coward.

Did you toast your bagel first, you coward?

We need to send maximus a friendly virus. Something that, in the spirit of the holidays, says, "I Love You."

After reading all the comments but one, I went back and read our spammer's post.

I don't suppose it has occurred to him/her/it/them that several of the demands are not withing the power of Congress to enact, starting with "We demand that you get the Republican Party to hold a press conference".

I think maximus's screed is an example of why the two sides cannot have reasonable debate and compromise. It is written as demands, has some irrational ideas and comes across as angry.

On a lighter note, I think there is a third catagory of skier. I call it the Cowatic. I know this because I am one. When I was younger and my bones were still rubbery and of course I was invincible, I was a lunatic. But now that I'm older and my bones will break out of boredom, I'm becoming a coward. This trasition phase is when Cowatic skiing takes place.

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