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December 28, 2005



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At least you're louder!!

Oh, Dave. :(

You couldn't have broken it to us a bit more gently, sir?


Bet Sophie's glad, though. :)


Wow! Dave looks HOT for an 800 year old guy!

There may be no more columns, but at least we still have the blog.

Thanks, Dave!

Oh. . . Thank you, though. There were times when all my dad and I had in common was laughing through your columns together.

Oh come on Dave......Pretty please???
I don't even read the paper any more because you're (not your) the only reason I read it in the first place. Can't you just pass it off to a ghost writer or something?

*sobs uncontrollably*

So you've decided on bi-weekly?

I think we can live with that.

Good for you! (Bad for us, but good for you.)
Keep the books coming, though, ok?

Say it isn't so!


Let's get some perspective, people. The article DID say that he will be spending more time with his family and his BLOG (also the Board, it is to be hoped) so we're not being totally left out in the cold.

". . . it wasn't as if I had to remember how to turn on the computer or anything."


Well, that confirms that it really is Dave who has been blogging practically daily.

I for one, am honored that blogging with/for us remains a priority for Dave. Sure, it may be merely the same kind of escape from duty which draws many here. And it might have nothing to do with the amazing wit and intellect which I find assembled here. But still . . . he coulda gave this up months ago.

Thanks Dave.



.... what else did he say?

How about I ghost write it for you? I promise I won't talk about my breasts or vagina, as that might be a dead give-away that I'm not you.

I can be had for cheap (do with that phrase what you will).

I am sorry to hear that there will be fewer new columns from you but I am glad to hear you will have more time with your family. Besides, you might be able to come up with newer inventive ways to tie boogers to, say, the current stock market trends with more time between articles.

If you ever decide to pass the torch to a ghost writer I put myself up for consideration...

And you are looking pretty suave for an 800 year old...

Dave does this mean we can count on full commentary for the Four HOURS of 24 in a few weeks!!! I guess I will have to start watching that show.

Dave thanks for all you have given to us boogers and jokes and tears.


If not weekly, couldya at least go for more often than "occasional"? Pleeeease??

Darnit, he played the family card. We can't really argue with that.

Best wishes, Dave, and if you need someone to design your T-shirts, you know who to call! Thanks for all the laughs!

*kisses Dave on the cheek*

Thanks, hon. I'll look forward to the "occasionals" and enjoy the classics!

However, if you ever try to leave the blog, I will hunt you down, drag you back and glue you to your computer with absolutely NO REMORSE.

*sees about reserving a flight for Kaf from NZ*

Let's see, wonder what odds Vegas will give me on Dave leaving the blog? It should well cover that airplane ticket.

Dave is actually ramping up his bid for President in '08. LET'S GET OUT THERE AND CAMPAIGN FOLKS!!!

.... who's got the low flow toilet???

At first I was sad then I realized that Dave's weekly 24 blogs are kinda his new column and whats more they are just for us. So I say to you Dave you have earned the rest just dont quit the books or the blog.

Well, heck.

*digs out "Guide 2 Guys" to cheer herself up*

I agree, Addicted. I still feel we get the good stuff daily (instead of just weekly)and it feels a little more up close and personal. I can go columnless Dave, as long as you and judi keep blogging. Happy New Year!

darn, darn, darn. i really love the columns, and still read the re-runs every week. when i was living in south carolina 1984-8, my sister used to send me packets of your columns, cut from her paper -- and she kept sending them when i lived in japan 1988-9, which is the only reason i emerged semi-sane after a year of raising 2 babies in a country where i didn't speak the language. most of my office went to your booksigning, after the japan book came out. i have a whole shelf of your books!

one of my all-time favorite columns involved the letter from a justice of the U.S. Supreme Court, about that hot new product, Beano. well, but i also liked the PopTart column that involved turning a toaster into a flamethrower. the exploding columns; the home decor columns; the wildlife columns; the raising kids columns. worst song ever contests. plumbing. precision broom patrol.


Erma would approve, Dave.. family first.

I am deeply saddened.

We better have a new book soon.


I'll join Kaf in gluing Dave to his computer if he ever decides to quit the blog.

But as a consolation for that, my genius computer engineer fiancé will do repairs on it whenever needed for free.

Whaddaya say? Is it a deal or what?

Doncha just wish all contract disputes worked this way?

MLB Commissioner Bud Selig conducted an e-mail interview with the Players Association one year after they went on sabbatical.

B.S.: So, it's been a year. Any plans to come back?

P.A.: No, we're all doing a lot of fishing, hanging out with the kids, finishing up our GEDs, and all that.

B.S. Do you think you might come back eventually?

P.A. Check in with us a few weeks after our funeral. Right now, we're enjoying our families and taking steroids since we can't do that while we're playing anymore. Bonds is putting on a batting clinic next month, mostly out of guilt. Palmero is volunteering at the local GNC, helping seniors get their B12 shots.

Although I am definitely louder.

As a guy with fingers that can occassionally make a bass guitar sound like it's in tune, I appreciate this part. If I had the ability to quit working real hard and instead spend my time with my kids and then turn it up to eleven when they go to bed, I know exactly what I'd do......same as you.

My stupid newspaper didn't carry your columns for a long time, and when they finally started there were a bunch of blue-hairs writing in wondering if you were real, and apparently worried that the editors had gone insane for putting it in our Sunday edition. I think we'll all agree that they were insane... ;-)

So anyway, being way too late to make this a short story, at least I still get a charge out of the archives.

Brad - ROFL!!!

Well, at least you decided to keep the blog. At least the addicted can get their fix here.

Ah, Dave. I knew you wouldn't come back on a weekly basis. Too much work. You deserve more time with the family. And this way, every time you travel (which is much more often, it seems), you can send us CrapCam photos to comment on.

And, how could you possibly write a weekly column during the 24 season? Impossible!

Good times....good times... :)

No worries, Dave - we'll take any (and as much) of your efforts as we can - and we'll still be here throwing inane comments onto even the most trivial of blog posts....

Thanks Dave, You've just saved my ribcage.
Let me explain. I got introduced to your columns in my sophomore english book. Then I gave a shot at finding you on the web. I succeeded, and began to read your columns en masse. what an afternoon it was. my rib cage nearly reduced to little charred fragments, it got to be a major highlight of that year.
So long, Columns of the Dave, Looking forward to this blogging stuff.

Dave/judi, does the Year in Review come in this Sunday's paper?


I go away to actually do some chores ... then, I get back and whut (not watt) do I find ...

The end of civilization as we once knew (not new, or gnu) it ...

HOWever, being as I am somewhat older than Dave, and that I can easily identify with some of his stated feelings, I can understand -- and even approve -- of his choice ...

Now, if the RBRs ever play somewhere I might actually be able to attend ... and Dave stays with the blog, as promised ... and I could hear them ... (louder is good, Dave)

Well, Sophie's gain is our loss, but we'll survive ... until we don't ... at which time, other things will happen ...

Well, I can understand why a weekly column would be taxing. As long as you keep updating this and make new books, I'll be happy.

We're all grateful that you'll keep blogging. We're assuming judi's staying too, for which we're also grateful.

Mainly, we're relieved because we're pathetically addicted to your blog, Dave and don't want to have to go to Dilbert's. :-)

Now there really is nothing good in the newspaper. First Calvin and Hobbes, now Dave's column. I guess I'll just fade into illiteracy.

Sorry to hear it. Can I have your job?

This begs the questions, how many weeks after your death? Who will be the ghostwriter?
Well congrats on what most of us would be calling retirement.

yes the year in review is going to be published 1/1/06 in the herald. if it appears anywhere earlier than that... that's a definite no-no.

and thanks scat, yeah, looks like i'll still be here...

matt: the money book is out on 1/17/06 -- check www.davebarry.com/events.html for bookstore events in your area. i'll post the national tv/radio spots too, as soon as i can.

I'm thrilled to hear there's going to be a Starcatchers sequel!!!

What this means is that he will also have more time to devote to his candidacy for president. This time, we're gonna get to the Final Four.

The Field Coordinator.

When someone is really bad at what he or she does for fun, we say, "Well, don't quit your day job." We've spent all our energies at this frequent fliers' fan club convincing Dave Barry he's really good at what he does for fun.

So this whole thing is our fault.

judi, the year in review showed up in the nydaily news today. Sounds like they need a cuff upside the head!

Dave, great decision!

yes judi, part 1 was there, with parts 2 and 3 to follow, so they said....

My favorite part of the columns was poking fun at politicians, done with such skill that I bet even the targets of the jokes chuckled. The end of the year 2004 was priceless, sort of tied up all the nonsense we had just lived through with an appropriate spin on the sublime as well as the ridiculous. I think we appreciate Dave's humor so much because bottom line is he makes us laugh at ourselves and is not above putting himself in with the rest of humanity, and does it without guile, just in the spirit of fun, pointing out how silly we can all be, and helping us recognize that being silly is part of being human. I am a mental health counselor, and I read the blog on my lunch hour some days just to regain a sense of balance in a zany world. Thanks, Dave, may your tribe increase!

And I can't recommend the Guide to Guys DVD highly enough. If you are going through Dave withdrawl just pop it in and you will laugh away all your worries. The bonus features are great too.

You all realize, of course, that one reason he won't do a weekly column anymore is that he spends so much of his time here with us. It is a sacrifice I'm willing to make. I really like the daily dose of Dave. The comments from the bloglits add to the value of the Blog. Besides which, my local paper didn’t carry Dave’s weekly column. I always read it from the Herald website.

BTW, the photo of Dave on the NY Daily News site makes him look closer to that 800 years. I like the one on the Editor and Publisher site better. Dress up like that for the big New Years party, Dave.

All fawning aside, linking to a third-party article on the subject is not an especially considerate way to break the news to your fans. A lot of people were sincerely hoping you would choose to continue, and I think a direct address to the fans responsible for your success would have been much more appropriate.

Thanks for the memories, Dave, sir. Your column taught a directionless teenager how to believe in something, whatever that was. Hope to see you on the next Midwest tour of the Remainders!

It is easy to become dependent on somebody to the point where they feel their "fans" are sucking the very life out of them. I applaud Dave's choice to set a limit and stick to what is best for him and his family. We will have him around a lot longer if he takes care of himself, and I can only imagine the weekly pressure to feed the beast must have been unremitting. Sort of like sex on demand, loses its lustre and becomes a chore instead of fun. If he writes a column every now and then because it suits him, and not because he has to, it will nourish him as well as us, and in the long run be much more satisfying. Them's my sentiments.

Dearest Dave,

Thank you for sharing with us your humor and your wit all these years . I look forward to reading whatever you write in the future ... no matter how infrequent.

But you know ... feel free to post anything you write on here ... like your shopping list ... your letter to the City of Miami disputing your latest speeding ticket, Judi's latest personnel review, your to do list, the latest song your working on for the RBR tour ... you know, that kinda thing.

With deep gratitude,


Even before we got the "official" word, I was sorta thinkin' about this concept and how (as Hanna says) the job can nearly suck the life out of you ... burnout is another possible name for it ... and I thot to myself that I should offer the counsel and advice of someone who has been there, done that, puked on the T-shirt ... so to speak ...

I was gonna say, "Dave, sometimes you hafta learn to be able to say 'No' to some requests ..."

But he made that decision by his ownself ... so I won't hafta say it ...

And, BTW, tnx Dave ... for all the fun ...

wow, i would LOVE to post my performance reviews... if it might convince people that they are anywhere close to the truth. they are, without fail, amazing pieces of fiction. :)




p.s. deeply ashamed at my misuse of "your" instead of "you're" in my last post. Someone pour me another drink please ... ease my shame.

Blessed St. Judi ... who wrote those reviews?

If you did, I'd have no problem believing them ...

if it was Dave, OTOH, well ... his skills @ fiction are well known ... someone once said that the only difference between Fiction and History was whether you spelled the names right ...

From the first column I ever read ("Daze of Wine and Roses", copies of which I have sent ever since to friends who threaten to turn into insufferable wine snots), I have relied on DB the way I relied on Monty Python, and some other folks rely on their own particular Good Book. During personal crises, depression, work stress, global disasters, and minor household traumas, I have read myself to sleep, laughing, with the collected works. Years ago, when my kids were teenagers, they would look up from their respective sections of Sunday paper, and see me convulsed and shaking with *snorks* on the sofa. They would roll their eyes and say, "Mom's reading Dave Barry again."
Yes, she was. And she still is; and he'll never get old for her.
Perhaps my greatest appreciation, though, came through the occasional serious column -- the losses of his parents, Rob's trip to the Emergency Room, the reflections on children growing up --which threw into relief the fact that this is one incredible writer. Anyone can crack jokes; but the sensibility revealed in those columns, and, later, in his novels, enhances the humor by showing its context. We laugh because otherwise we'd be crying all the time.
I'm glad you got the Pulitzer, Dave. If it were up to me, you'd get the Congressional Medal of Honor and the Nobel, too.
Peace and happiness...and please keep blogging!

Nice job Bets' ... me, too ...

When my husband died and I was looking for a new improved replacement model (after a reasonable time, of course) one of the criteria for a new partner was whether or not he had a sense of humor. (Along with the right answer to the question "mayo or Miracle Whip?" which is, of course, "there is room in the fridge for both.") If I met a guy who didn't know who Dave Barry is, he was history. Life is too short to share it with a sourpuss...

And before that, through the process, many times I turned to the Sunday paper for a chuckle and a lift, a chance to regain some perspective and especially to fuel my own lagging sense of humor, which is the one thing besides friends and family that gets a person through such times.

Maybe we could clone him???

whut everyone else said. and does anyone know where I can find a copy of a tax form dave wrote (when he was around 300 years old)? it was hilarious and I've never seen it since.

Good for you Dave, You are probably alot happier. More energy will be put into other things that you enjoy more.

'red ... oh, boy (or girl, in your case) ... that's ancient!

I dismember seein' it, but as to where ... mebbe if you email St. Judi she can dig it out for you ... that's the best I could suggest, at the moment ... mebbe another bloglit will have a better idea ...

(Heck, they've ALL got better ideas ... it's just that sometimes I get there first ...)

azred: Is this it?
Or this?:
If you can recall particular lines from the article, you can try googling it. I just found those 2 columns by googling Dave Barry AND taxes.

Never posted before, but I just wanted to thank you Dave, so much, for making me laugh and smile every day (yes I have the desk calendar). I will continue to follow your blog... I'm so glad you've decided to continue with that, because without your productivity enhancers I'm not sure I could endure my present occupation. Keep 'em coming, because I need to get promoted this year!!

azred, if those aren't it (you know what i mean), please check the faq at davebarry.com/about.html and then send me as much detail as you can.

'red -- I googled too, and found lots of outtakes, but no specific listings ...

Told ya St. Judi would help ... she's answered more than one of my prayers to her ...

Remember to say tnx ... and ... I'd appreciate it if you can let us know what you find ...

thanxs all - but it wasn't a column, it was a tax form - or so I remember. it was from mid-70's (??). that was before I was actually paying taxes, but after I started reading dave. I may have seen it in reader's digest. all I know is I couldn't stop laughing every time I thought about it. oh, look, my cat just threw up something shiny.....

**move along folks, stop pointing and laughing at the geezer**


Exactly NOT the news I wanted to hear.

Oh well, at least we still have him to ourselves!

I've been thinking on this all day, as I read the notice this morning and didn't know what to say.

I guess there really is no Santa Claus, because we didn't get what we wanted this year.

And to Dave - Thanks man for all the smiles and laughs that you've given us over the years. You've brought a lot of joy into our hearts and made us forget our troubles. You have the power to make us laugh out loud and cry when you touch our hearts. Thanks.

One thot I've had today is about the "how" of the way we learned of this ... I, personally, appreciate the fact that Dave posted this in such a manner -- early, and among friends -- before we heard the terrifying news from some other source ... or before some unfriendly blurker jumped in, told us, and then offered us the equivalent of "neener, neener" ...

tnx, Dave, for having the presence of mind, and the guts, to tell us about it first, and (sorta) face-to-face ...

that means quite a bit to me ... hope it does to others as well ... and, as AB says, we've still got Dave to our ownselfs ...

What U.O. said. Couldn't have been said better.

Or, what U.O. said couldn't have been said better.


While I am disappointed that a regular column is not in the cards, I am pleased that it must certainly mean that there will be more time for Dave to work on the fantastic Miami Herald (Tropic) Hunt for 2006 and beyond!


perfect. just perfect. *sigh*
#%*&. #$%$#*&%$#! n crapweasel also, too.

`least we still have judi n *coughmulletheadcough* Ted.

azred: I think you're talking about an editorial cartoon drawn in the mid-70's or so. It's a replication of an IRS form with ridiculous check boxes and questions, and it has a big "splotch" of an ink stain on the bottom right. Is this what you're talking about?
The Miami Herald reprinted it a few years ago, it was by a well known political satirist. I saved it but I am so disorganized I'll never find it.

Yeah, Josh ... that sounds familiar ... might've been in the cartoon that accompanies the column ... (back in the days when there was a column) ... or not ... I dunno ... but your description does ring a very tiny bell in my memory ... or my imagination ...

Oops ... din't mean to editorialize there ...

Well, mebbe a little ...

Well, yeah, I'm disappointed, but why should today be any different than all the other days of my life?


Y'all should know me a little bit by now ... very seldom do the bounds of societal good taste or proper etiquettial mannerisms stop me from sayin' somethin' ... only when I feel that I'm overstepping the metes and bounds of my own personal standards, will I refrain from stating what is obvious (at least, obvious to moi ownself ...)

Welcome to (semi-) retirement, Dave ... one may only hope that one's goals for one's ownselfs semi-retirement will work out as well as yours seem to be transpiring ...

Thanks for all those years, Dave. I guess I'll look for a first edition of ... that travel book with the pink cover.

cd, from
"The Incessant Nagging Drizzle State"

OK, found it. No, not my copy, that's too hopeless, but I did some reseach online, and Jeff MacNelly (aka Shoe) did the cartoon in 1976. He won a Pulitzer Prize for it in 1978. Here's the link to the cartoon on Jeff MacNelly's site:

U.O: It's alright, we love you anyways. Cantankerous and all!

Dave, as disappointed as we all are, we wish you the best. There's always reruns! And the blog!


That's even funnier now than when I first saw it ...

Difficult to believe that it was that long ago ... or, that I'm that old ...

>>I also tried to get better at the guitar, but I failed. Although I am definitely louder.<<

Try softer strings. And keep away from anything that sports Fender decals or neon signs.

bummer..... but maybe you will have more time to update the book of bad songs... its still a big hit, and this time you could include your favorite operas, ok?

Josh -

Watchu mean "cantankerous" ???

I got a big enuf section of fundamental anatomy, I can anchor any relay team ... (well, mebbe not the sprints) ... but the beer drinking relay team ... I was the anchor on that one for the fire department ... and ... the tug-og-war team for the teachers' team ... and ...


Oh. and do something about your spell check dealy, OK? The word is "anchor" ... and ... the song is NOT "Anchors Away" ... it's Anchors Aweigh ...

damn... i feel the pain of column missage here in singapore half a planet away...

Good for you Dave, glad you're happy...and i hope the "occasionals" come around quite often...

josh, judi, uo, et al - thanks. no wonder I couldn't find dave's form - it only existed in what's left of my mind.

**shuffles sadly onto the geezer bus, humming "muskrat love at the copacabana."**

Dave, I'm just glad your Page-a-Day calendar still comes out every year. I actually bought mine before New Year's this year!

Keep enjoying the family time; Sophie's only little once, after all. But thanks for keeping the blog going.

And besides which already, in case I fergot to mention it ...

No one will ever be able to even hint about the concept of asking when Dave "Jumped the Shark" ... he saw the time, and changed channels (no not THAT way, silly!) before the well ran dry ... to mix metaphors a bunch, here ...

Unlike many others I could name ...

I know it's late to weigh in here, but good for Dave. You work your butt off so that you can take it easy later.

Too many people never get to that last part.

Congrats, Dave! We're glad you still do the blog.

oh... poop.

gee..I got lost and ended up in the obituaries! What..did Dave die? Did he buy some real estate on the moon with Tom Cruise and Speilburg? Get a grip guys!!!

You know...when politicians "resign" they ALWAYS say they want to spend more time with their family...Dave has bigger and better things coming for us all....and if not, hopefully he Will keep running for President, or open a bar, or write serious novels under a different name..(like Erma F. Bombeck, or JF Rowlings) and he will tell us by code on the blog how to find out.

Sophie needs a dad..and even Tom Baker had to quit Being Dr. Who.

Having said that.....where's the bottle?

whut bottle ...?


What everyone else said, especially Betsy. I have all of Dave's books and they keep me sane when the world is crazy. I even gave Big Trouble to my 95 yo grandmother for her birthday. I have survived this year with a Dave-quote-a-day calendar, and the blog, of course, but have hoped every day to hear he would return to writing columns.

*big sigh*

Oh, I get it. This is one of those British tabloid posts, like the Twitney ones with the wacko stories. National Inquisitor and all that. Well I for one am not falling for it. This is just another Cockney-maimed fabrication.

(sits waiting patiently for the next DB column....)


then again, it's nearly 2 am here. It could be hallucinations from fruitcake fever....

Mr. B, don't make me come down there! All righty, then, guess I'll have to start entertaining my own self.

Last one out, turn (not tern) out the lights.

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