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November 04, 2005


"Routine sexual activity"


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What a coincidence.. It's called " The Short News".
...And First

Emerging Cultural Trend: Ham Gluing.

Watch for it on The War at Home.

hmmm... I wonder how long I can get a team of nurses to rub oil on me if glue Mr. Winkie to Mr. Dunlap?

The really scary thing is that in this world that just might be routine s*xual activity. And just in case, to be politically correct, we have to add NTTAWWT (even if we think that there is definitely something wrong with g*nital gluing).

gotta wonder, if this is routine, what happens when they get kinky?

Hey, who are we to judge. One man's "routine sexual activity" is another man's Nude Nursing Home Invasion.


i thought this was funny when i sent it to you earlier today. but that glue is dangerous. they should have homeland security look into this.

I'm thinking her lawyer needs a slap for the jury selection.

I wonder what kind of glue she used.

Also on that page "Illegal Oregon Love"

"Doesn't she have rights as a bear?" asks Rocky Perkett

If six month's probabtion is all she gets for these antics, what in the world would she have had to have done to get jail time?

I'm not male and it still hurt to read that.

I did once have a stream of hot glue shot on my arm though; mom had to peel it off. So I can sort of relate...

Did the "routine sexual activity" also include the nail polish on the head and throwing him out of the (let me guess) trailer? Because I think that makes a difference.

And she glued his scrotum to his leg, not his testicles, right? Because she couldn't glue the testicles without cutting a slit through...whoa, I'm getting a little dizzy here...

I"m surprised that no has pointed out that
"Routine Sexual Activity" WBAGNFARB.

Russell...The bear story is strikingly evocative of the scene in "Scooter" Libby's 1996 novel "The Apprentice" in which "...at age ten the madam put the child in a cage with a bear trained to couple with young girls so the girls would be frigid and not fall in love with their patrons. They fed her through the bars and aroused the bear with a stick when it seemed to lose interest."
No, IANMTU; see current issue of The New Yorker, p. 38.
I say we let the whales coast for a little while, and Save the Bears. (And someone needs to brief Scooter on pronouns and antecedents: I'm pretty sure the madam wasn't ten years old.)

lmd33 - I think it's best not to know the answer to that question.

It's 3pm here and my mind is still reeling.

1. Asleep?!? The guy must have been .001 blood alcohol short of death not to notice what his girlfriend was doing!

2. The girlfriend must've been .002 short of death.

3. Everything everybody has mentioned so far plus far, far more, I fear.

4. This happened in Greensburg, PA, where several of my hubby's family members (double entendre!) live. They're wonderful people but they just don't understand why we don't want to visit them.

5. News of the Weird frequently prints odd news stories originating in Greensburg.

REminds me of one of Dave's early columns:

"We will get to the bottom of this; then we will glue it shut"

Regards, Ross

Regarding Scooter's "The Apprentice", naughty passages are extremely funny when isolated.

I don't know how to do a link, but here's more details. It was superglue and the man involve is seeking 30,000 on each of three counts which means a grand total of 90,000. But you can read it all yourself.

Wow, we've got some strange people in PA. Maybe Dave should stay in FL with the snakes.

crossgirl - My thoughts exactly.

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