NOT TO GET TOO PERSONAL
Have you hugged your chicken today?
(Thanks to Kelly)
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November 30, 2005
MEET THE AUTHOR:
(Thanks to Elizabeth)
TECHNOLOGY LUNGES AHEAD
At first we thought that this gadget seemed like a good idea. But we're pretty sure that if we had one, we'd forget where we put it.
(Via Gizmodo)
LEGAL DEFENSE OF THE WEEK SO FAR
This could be a baaaaad precedent.
(Thanks to Jeff Luhrs)
CHRISTMAS IS COMING
Don't tell The Blog what he's getting.
(Thanks to Rick Harover)
STOP THE PRESSES RIGHT NOW
(Thanks to DavCat14)
ATTENTION, DRUG CZARS
Forget heroin; we need you to start synthesizing and distributing this.
(Thanks to MOTW, who did not point out that NGF and the Love Molecules WBAGNFARB)
WE VAGUELY RECALL PROMISING NOT TO BLOG ANY MORE NAMES FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF MAKING FUN OF THEM
But we figure we were drunk at the time.
(Thanks to Theresa Hogue)
WHY THIS IS THE GREATEST NATION ON EARTH
The opportunities are limitless.
THE HUALIAN COUNTY INDIGENOUS TRIBES CULTURAL AND CREATION ENTERPRISE AND DIGITAL DEVELOPMENT COUNCIL TACKLES THE ISSUES
Totem dispute: Who gets the one hundred pace pit viper?
SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE?
November 29, 2005
JUST SHOOT US, OK?
Epsilon? Freaking Epsilon??
(Thanks to Reddsuss)
THIS BLOG HAS OFTEN EXPOUNDED ON WAYS FOR PARENTS TO ANNOY THEIR CHILDREN
Now we can all play.
(Thanks to Betty Salwak)
ATTENTION, BRITISH PERSONS
Run! RUN! Save yourselves!
(Thanks to djtonyb)
A BAD THING, TO BE SURE, BUT A PRETTY GOOD NAME FOR A ROCK BAND
Give it up for: Ear Squat.
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
TODAY'S HYGIENE POLL QUESTION
Would you be comfortable using a toilet seat that has been used by a cat?
ATTENTION MOTORISTS
Get out of your car now.
DENTAL BLOGGING
Whoops. I blogged this using my phone from the office of my dentist, Stanley, who looks like Willie Nelson, but for some reason the text of the blog never made it. Trust me, it was hilarious. But right now my mouth is too numb to retype it.
Update: When you get to be my age (187) you come to realize that pretty much everything in your mouth was put there at one time or another by a dentist. So when you bite down on something crunchy, you do this little maneuver where your tongue darts around inside your mouth feeling the rubble, in case one of the pieces is a loose dental item. I was doing this recently when I realized that a large sector of one of my teeth was missing; this is why I went to see Willie Nelson Stanley. It went OK, considering that I gagged about 45,000 times. I'm a big gagger at the dentist's office. Sometimes I start gagging in the waiting room. Stanley tries to distract me by talking, as if I'm going to be so interested in what he's saying I won't notice that he has stuffed an implement the size of a lawn tractor into my mouth.
Anyway, it's over. Until the next time. I think sharks have a much better system: Whenever they lose a tooth, they just grow a new one.
November 28, 2005
MEANWHILE IN MONCTON
HEADLINE OF THE DAY SO FAR
(Thanks to Jim Weisz
SPEAKING OF RODENTIA
The Scoffing Chipmunks¹ WBAGNFARB
¹Key sentence that we do not understand: They are also known to scoff chicks and birds' eggs.
(Thanks to Loran Waldron)
SPEAKING OF IMPORTANT SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH
This report comes just in time to prevent needless tragedy during the holidays.
(Thanks to Jimpy)
GUYS DOING IMPORTANT SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH
Ever wonder whether it's possible to open a padlock by shooting it, the way they're always doing in the movies? Well wonder no more.
(Via Gizmodo)
WHY THIS BLOG LOVES GOLF
It is such a manly sport.
November 27, 2005
WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
They act like it's unusual for inanimate objects to sing.
(Thanks to scott baker)
November 26, 2005
'TIS THE SEASON
...to have medical insurance.
November 25, 2005
AND SO WE ENTER THE HOLIDAY SEASON, A TIME FOR FRIENDS, AND FAMILY, AND GIVING, AND...
HOW THEY HANDLE BUILDING-CODE VIOLATIONS IN KUVEMPUNAGAR
They are very strict.
BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN
We cannot overstate the importance of post-pregnancy fitness.
GOOD NAME FOR A ROCK BAND
EVEN FOR THE SNAKE COMMUNITY, THIS IS LOW
Now they're going after George Clooney's dog.
MOST DISTURBING STORY OUT OF WEST VIRGINIA SO FAR THIS WEEK
Fourth grade teacher Scott Elzey showed a little love Wednesday afternoon to Skunk, a black and white goat.
November 24, 2005
AND ON THIS HOLIDAY OF GIVING THANKS FOR THE GOOD THINGS IN OUR LIVES...
Let's take time out to shoot ourselves some turkeys.
(Thanks to Drew Harchick)
WHAT I AM THANKFUL FOR
I am thankful that I live in a great nation, a nation where anybody can run for president, including me. And I am thankful that I have a great Field Coordinator, Ted "This Is NOT a Mullet Hairstyle" Habte-Gabr, who even during the holiday season is out there in the field, coordinating the groundswell juggernaut of popular support for my candidacy. and garnering the endorsements of major celebrities such as Eric Idle, who, as we can see in this photo, supports me with 100% total enthusiasm.
November 23, 2005
THERE ARE MEN
And then there are men.
(Thanks to David A. Satterfield)
ATTENTION ALL ALASKA UNITS
We have a report of a stolen walrus penis bone (second item).
(Thanks to Justin Barber)
Be advised that Walter is on the case.
Also be advised that the exclusive CrapCam has put some kind of weird green line across Walter.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING, EVERYBODY
But be careful.
ADVISORY TO THOSE OF YOU WHO WERE PLANNING TO SWIM IN THE JAPAN SEA
You might want to reconsider.
UPDATE: Is it just this blog, or does this thing look suspiciously like these guys?
THEY'RE KIDDING, RIGHT?
(Thanks to Amanda Budde)
TURKEYS MAKING NEWS
CLAP YOUR HANDS
If you believe in community activism.
(Thanks to Chris)
BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN
(Thanks to Fred)
ATTENTION ALL SHANGHAI UNITS
Key Quote: "But we still let children go inside the bars, and provide guidance to them when they touch the turtles."
THINK OF THE COUNTLESS HOURS THAT HUMANITY HAS BEEN FORCED TO WASTE BY HAVING TO OPEN CELL PHONES MANUALLY
At last, the nightmare is over.
(Via Gizmodo)
CLEVELAND NEEDED ONLY ONE MORE PIECE OF THE PUZZLE TO BECOME A WORLD-CLASS CITY
And now the wait is over.
NOT THAT IT'S OUR BUSINESS, BUT...
Somebody needs to tell these people about this.
ATTENTION, MEN
Do not click here.
November 22, 2005
WHAT THE MANLY MALE ON YOUR HOLIDAY GIFT LIST WANTS THIS YEAR
He wants a sweater.
(Thanks to Claire Martin)