DENTAL BLOGGING

Whoops. I blogged this using my phone from the office of my dentist, Stanley, who looks like Willie Nelson, but for some reason the text of the blog never made it. Trust me, it was hilarious. But right now my mouth is too numb to retype it.

Update: When you get to be my age (187) you come to realize that pretty much everything in your mouth was put there at one time or another by a dentist. So when you bite down on something crunchy, you do this little maneuver where your tongue darts around inside your mouth feeling the rubble, in case one of the pieces is a loose dental item. I was doing this recently when I realized that a large sector of one of my teeth was missing; this is why I went to see Willie Nelson Stanley. It went OK, considering that I gagged about 45,000 times. I'm a big gagger at the dentist's office. Sometimes I start gagging in the waiting room. Stanley tries to distract me by talking, as if I'm going to be so interested in what he's saying I won't notice that he has stuffed an implement the size of a lawn tractor into my mouth.

Anyway, it's over. Until the next time. I think sharks have a much better system: Whenever they lose a tooth, they just grow a new one.

Comments

[Somewhere North]

Hahahhhahh.... ahhahhahah... wait! I don't get it.

[Reddsuss]

Dental commenting

[gfunksizzle]

I agree, Dave. Wholeheartedly.

[slyeyes]

*spits and rinses*

[GDogg]

Beats rectal blogging.

[U.O]

... um ... nevermind ...

[Bumble]

Open wide.

[random thunking]

The Blog has not been flossing

[queensbee]

wanna hear about all my root canals?

[Somewhere North]

Phew. The blog should be using Listerine.

[slyeyes]

It sure doesn't take much to get us going, does it?

[Jillywilly]

Oh no... Dave must be phoning us a cryptic SOS while lying prone and helpless, fluoride-sodden cotton wads edging ever closer to his trachea. Hold on, big guy -- I'm on my way!!!!!

[Jillywilly]

Um... Florida is south of Iowa, right?

[Somewhere North]

I'm guessing Dave has someone over and he did it on a dare. Just to show them that he can type anything and we'll talk for hours.

Oooooo.... look at those cavities. Cavities and appendages being a favorite topic of the blog.

[Pirateboy]

Earwing alert: Little Shop of Horrors
(Unmodified by moi, cuz it is just too early!)

"Be a Dentist"

You'll be a dentist.
You have a talent for causing things pain!
Son, be a dentist.
People will pay you to be inhumane!

You're temperment's wrong for the priesthood,
And teaching would suit you still less.
Son, be a dentist.
You'll be a success.

"Here he is folks, the leader of the plaque."
"Watch him suck up that gas. Oh My God!"
"He's a dentist and he'll never ever be any good."
"Who wants their teeth done by the Marqui DeSade?"

"Oh, that hurts! Wait! I'm not numb!"
"Eh, Shut Up! Open Wide! Here I Come!"

I am your dentist.
And I enjoy the career that I picked.
I'm your dentist.
And I get off on the pain I inflict!

I thrill when I drill a bicuspid.
It's swell, though then tell me I'm mal-adjusted.

And though it may cause my patients distress.
Somewhere...Somewhere in heaven above me...
I know...I know that my momma's proud of me.
"Oh, Momma..."

'Cause I'm a dentist...
And a success!

"Say ahh..."
"Say AHhhh..."
"Say AAARRRHHHH!!!"
"Now Spit

[Somewhere North]

Jilly, actually it's Northeast. While you're on your way, can you stop by and pick me up some beer?

[Dr. Doug]

Hmmmm, I'm thinking about it.

[Blue Meanie]

Dave, I think that's enough nitrous for now.....

[insomniac]

be sure to sterilize the Crap-Cam before taking any dental photographs...

[Bumble]

Check out what comes up when you google Dental Blogging. There're dentists out there who really love what they do.

[J who ought to be in NZ]

I'd rather have a dentist who loves what he/she does than one who is resentful of the job. "I just wanted to be on the stage..."

[Christobol]

I think Dave's trying to play that "Password" game with us, where he says something like "Dental Blogging" and we're supposed to guess the secret word, and whoever guesses it gets a bazillion dollars or a picture of an oosik or something.

Is it Monkey Nipples? Did I win?

[Bumble]

PB~ My dentist's son had that role when my high school did Little Shop of Horrors. He (my dentist) claimed to have taught him (his son) "everything he knows." *shudder*

[Sean]

Baby got plaque ..

[Sean]

Dentist Pck Up Lines:
Wanna see my tongue depressor ?
I'd like to get incise YOUR pants...
Are you bi-cuspid?
Hey baby, can I scrape your cavity ?

[gfunksizzle]

Folks, we at least have to consider the possibility...

Dave may be dead.

[gfunksizzle]

Whew.

[Sean]

Why can't Dave type if his mouth is numb ? Does he have a Steven Hawking style keypad where you have to use your mouth ?

[Cheesewiz]

At least his dentist doesn't look like Marwan.

And slyeyes, you're right it doesn't take us much to get going. This is a non-blog.

[slyeyes]

I think Dave doesn't quite understand the "hunt and peck" method of typing.

[southerngirl]

I think he admitted what the problem is. He's been spending too much time with Willie Nelson.

[Leetie]

Did somebody mention monkey nipples?

[kibby F5™]

Dave, ask how much he charges for a Blog Canal?

*goes to count pennies*

[HooBert]

Leetie, I was expecting a picture of Twitney. Your pic is still snork-worthy, but my roommate is asleep so it came out more like a snfk. Or something.

[Bumble]

Huh. I've never done anagrams before. This is interesting.

[Jillywilly]

North - No prob. I'll be there in 13 hours. I'll bring the Hamms, but you're in charge of Twinkies.

[TCK]

I think I had a nightmare like this once - Willie Nelson was the dentist, Elvis and Jimi Hendrix were assisting, and the guys from Boston were in the background singing gospel music - the weird part is that it was the young Elvis, and he had monkey nipples...

[kibby F5™]

Oh, and what's his golf handicap?

[TCK]

JillyWilly - you can't drink Hamms with twinkies - everyone knows that the correct beer for twinkies is Old Milwaukee

[Dr Acula]

For decades the letters editor of The Times (of London) cherished a letter that had never made it into the paper. It read:
Sir,
I have just written you a long letter.
On reading it over, I have thrown it into the waste paper basket.
Hoping this will meet with your approval,
I am, Sir,
Your obedient Servant,
AD Wintle

[everysandwich]

Dave moves his mouth when he types? Somehow that wasn't part of the Dave image I've formed over the years.

[kibby F5™]

He's probably got that tounge-out-the-side-of-the-mouth thing when he types.

Na, not an image I'd want either.

[Grandhusul404]

Couldnt someone think of something better to blog about? i hate dentists. especially the ghetto dentist i have been going to the past couple of months. They cant get this filling right! Its on the lower right side of my mouth and they have filled up the space twice and everytime i roll the tongue around that area i still feel it open and mad food get stuck in there! I have a collection of toothpicks, call me the toothpick king.

And they have the nerve to send me a bill.

I admit I am a comparison shopper but for things like healthcare and automobiles it is worth the extra money. I went to this dentist because she was 35% cheaper than the one I really wanted to go to.

[crossgirl]

TMI toothpick king

[Guin]

If Dave's dentist is Willie Nelson, does that mean that Stanley is really the Farm Aid empresario? Discuss. Also, which Miami-area Stanley is Dave blogging: Stanley Krugman or Stanley Zakarin? Why?

[kibby F5™]

MeThinks you got a 35% reduction in filling material.

[queensbee]

great dave! i do the same tongue n tooth check after eating anything anymore.. but if you have enough root canals, you dont need novocaine anymore. now stop eating those caramels. you gotta have some stuff in liquid. caramel is one of those. by the time you turn 200 in a few yrs, you'll be drinking all your food anyway.

[Grandhusul404]

TMI crossgirl

Whatever its not like im keepin them around as souveniers.

Get a life. Blame TMI on the guy who started this ridiculous blog.

[Grandhusul404]

[email protected] probably are right!

[MOTW, for Willie]

(tune of Blue Eyes Cryin' in the Rain)

In the x-ray glow, I see
Dave’s eyes cryin’ from the pain
When he gagged and spit and farted
I knew he’d never chew a-gain

Root canal in late November
Dental memories re-main
And thru the ages I’ll remember
Dave’s eyes cryin’ from the pain

[Mr. Completely]

Crossgirl - I agree with you.

Get a life? How rude!!

[crossgirl]

thank you, mr. completely, for coming to my defense!

my apologies to the toothpick king. dentist talk makes me queasy.

[southerngirl]

Hmm, usually when I find a place to be ridiculous, I don't hang around there. Just sayin. :)

[WriterDude]

Certain anagrams make me queasy. "Dental blogging" = "bald egg nog lint". That's definitely TMI...

[WriterDude]

But possibly WBAGNFARB...

[Bumble]

I have a really weak gag reflex too. But they don't try to quell the gagging by distracting me; they just tell me to breathe through my nose every five seconds the whole time I'm there. Or use a rubber dam.

[Somewhere North]

You know Dave, if they give you enough Novocaine, they all look like Willie Nelson.

[Novanglus]

Wow...gaging to Willie Nelson..be glad you're a guy. Try putting on red lipstick when half of your face and lips are swollen..can't be done, you are totally embarraseed while paying your bill because you know you look like a fish who just kissed a walrus.

Or try getting out of your dentist who is staring at you, and telling you that you talked while you where out during the surgery...but WON'T tell you what you said....OR how about going to a dentist who is really not happy about the fact that you won't date him so he conveniently leaves the POST in that tooth he was digging at, the one he was twisting and turning with all biceps bulging during your root canal. AND for year later you feel a sharp prick on your new cap before you FINALLY figure out what it is....

Or how about those GUM cleanings? I think we should just send dentists to Iraq to question the prisoners. The war would be over. IS IT SAFE? Poor Dave, hope it gets better.

[bbescuela]

Isn't the punchline supposed to be: "The guy in the middle looked like Willie Nelson" ???

[Mike]

I wonder if SHARKY'S SHACK will some day be known as LEFTY'S.

[Dental Fort Myers]

I think that shark idea is a very nice one, but remember it is sharp but kind of fragile because it falls out easily. On the other hand, it is great because you can replace your teeth every now and then.