YOUR CREATIVE WRITING ASSIGNMENT FOR TODAY
...is to write a customer review for this product.
Key Vaguely Disturbing Advertised Feature: "Glow-In-The-Dark Spike"
(Thanks to Ken Molay)
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October 10, 2005
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Need that after a jalapeno dinner.
Posted by: John | October 10, 2005 at 03:15 PM
This, health-conscious people, is NOT what it appears to be -- a simple enema bulb.
This is a state-of-the-art Anal Douche instrument ... manufactured to the highest standards of medical care ...
ORDER YOURS, TODAY!
Posted by: U.O | October 10, 2005 at 03:16 PM
I like the review ...
It appears, however, that sales are dropping off ... they need a new ad campaign ... see my prior post ...
Posted by: U.O | October 10, 2005 at 03:18 PM
If I write a comment for this amazing product, Amazon will "recommend" other anal products for my account. I've already seen pirate and sodomy books on my list just from clicking on that stupid book. No thanks!
Posted by: neatfreak | October 10, 2005 at 03:19 PM
Must.....bleach.....eyeballs.....
Posted by: Suzy Q | October 10, 2005 at 03:29 PM
Have you ever wished that you could join the celebrity enema craze, but found it too expensive? Ever feel the need to clean your anus in the middle of the night, but didn't want to wake up your spouse? Well Cheaplubes has the product for you! And if you act now, we'll throw in a year's supply of heavy duty paper towels! Be the first on your block to have a clean tushy, inside and out!
Posted by: Kilmeny | October 10, 2005 at 03:29 PM
Without having personally (or even impersonally) used the product, I can with great confidence say that the Easy Lube Glowing Anal Douche is the finest spray buttox product of which I am aware. Take special note of the easy assembly and cleaning features. Assuming that you are willing to touch it after you use it, think of the hours you'll save! One of friends, Steve, who I just made up, says it even works on pets! Makes a great office gift, and can be used as a conversational coffee table item. Order several today!
Posted by: Christobol | October 10, 2005 at 03:30 PM
Hey...you can get these at Radio Shack, too:
Posted by: John | October 10, 2005 at 03:31 PM
Tomorrow, I have to forego high-fiber foods. Wednesday I can consume only liquids, then I have to drink a gallon of "colon purging fluid". Thursday is the colonoscopy and endoscopy (hopefully not with the same camera).
Anal douche? That's nothing compared with Drano for Colons!
Posted by: Aunt Nancy | October 10, 2005 at 03:33 PM
"You are an*l-rententive in keeping your home spotless, butt why stop there? Now bring an end to those cheeky moments of embarassment and get back to a crackling clean self!"
(Recomended by thong manufacturers; endorsed by the Professional Plumbers Union; your results may vary, multiple units may be required based on personal size; possible danger if consumer has already place a cell phone in region; not to be used in conjunction with airline lavatories; DO NOT look directly at An*l Douche.)
Posted by: Martinishark | October 10, 2005 at 03:36 PM
First off, I know, my earlier post was TMI. Sorry. I'm just a little scared.
Second - John: putting the concept of "anal douching" and "soldering" together makes me even more scared. And sick to my stomach.
*crawls to corner*
mommy?
Posted by: Aunt Nancy | October 10, 2005 at 03:37 PM
I love my Anal Douche! So much better than scooting on the carpet!
Posted by: mudstuffin | October 10, 2005 at 03:45 PM
AN, your post may have been TMI, but it was also very educational! As one who may have to face a colonoscopy in the future, you've given me several very good reasons to COMPLETELY AVOID such a procedure...at all costs. I had heard that the prep was awful, but guess what? You're at least gonna get some good drugs!
Good luck, BTW.
Posted by: Suzy Q | October 10, 2005 at 03:48 PM
The Anal Douche.
Back door Feng-Shui.
A harmonious balance.
A timeless statement.
For the discriminating poop-chute.
Glow in the dark spike.
Gerbil not Included.
Posted by: mudstuffin | October 10, 2005 at 03:51 PM
How come no one has mentioned that Anal Douche WBAGNFARB? (Because it wouldn't? Hardly relevant.)
And what on Earth was Ken Molay looking for when he discovered this fine product?
Enquiring minds are not sure they want to know.
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | October 10, 2005 at 04:05 PM
gives a new meaning to 'Molay' sauce, (yes I know it's mispelled)
Posted by: insomniac | October 10, 2005 at 04:18 PM
Aunt Nancy - been there, done that. The good news is that "colon purging fluid" no longer tastes disgusting (friends had warned me it would). The bad news is it's like someone punctures a compressed air tank in your gut. DO NOT TAKE THIS STUFF AT WORK UNLESS YOU ARE A REST ROOM ATTENDANT.
Posted by: pogo | October 10, 2005 at 04:20 PM
A.N.
It's just salty, that's all.
Posted by: Eleanor | October 10, 2005 at 04:35 PM
a friend of mine told me it is the absolute worst thing she's ever put in her mouth, and that's saying something.
Posted by: judi | October 10, 2005 at 04:40 PM
Hmmmm...it's just salty...worst thing she's ever put in her mouth...hmmmm.....
...can't...stop...laughing.........
Posted by: Aunt Nancy | October 10, 2005 at 05:00 PM
AN, I had it done 3 months ago. It didn't taste all that bad - make sure it is cold. Also, don't leave the house or you will be sorry. Like SQ said, they give you lots of happy drugs, so when you are done go home sleep.
Posted by: BigD® | October 10, 2005 at 05:03 PM
Good luck to you on Thursday, Aunt Nancy!
Posted by: Renee | October 10, 2005 at 05:03 PM
Son to Dad: Dad are there any times when you feel "not so fresh"?
Dad to Son: Well if the truth be known sometimes I do and if the real truth be known I'm a guy and I don't care.
Son to Dad: That's disgusting!
Dad to Son: Thanks Boy I love these talks we have. Now go take your anal douche and get to bed. A boy needs a good nights sleep.
Posted by: ahhm Clem | October 10, 2005 at 05:18 PM
Hey, "Davelog," so far 16 out of 17 people have found your review helpful!
Posted by: neatfreak | October 10, 2005 at 06:08 PM
Hey... where's the cool "buy this used" button that usually comes up?
Posted by: Jillywilly | October 10, 2005 at 06:25 PM
LOL@Jillywilly
Personally, I found the company name 'CheapLubes' fascinating.
Posted by: KOW | October 10, 2005 at 06:51 PM
[wiping tears from eyes]
[gasping] *sigh*
You people are so funny! Too bad only one person got a review filed with Amaz on.
Wishing the best for Aunt Nancy.
Posted by: Deon | October 10, 2005 at 07:44 PM
O!
M!
G!
So much laughter, so little time ...
Ditto on Deon's reactions ... tears, sigh, et cetera ...
Who'da thunk it?
A simple little device, and so many entertaining comments, many of which stimulate some REALLY weird mental images ...
I never thot about it before, but folks who have the physique/brass to wear a thong in public, really MUST have a preparation procedure prior to parading their pulchritude before the public ... (No, that wasn't deliberate, the alliteration just sorta rolled out of the keyboard ... not unlike the resulting events following an anal douche, or enema ... logorrhea, is what it's called, medically ... sort of ...
[-- Of course, you realize that (logorrhea is an Oral condition, mostly ... tho it can also affect the mind -- hands -- ]
SCENARIO
Thong Wearer #1: Would you mind checking how I look from behind? I'm really trolling for some neat guys today.
TW#2: Oh, yes, dear ... nope, your butt looks good -- you've use both douches, so everything should be good to go ... no extra hairy patches on your butt, no dingleberries ... let's go!
Or something like that ... maybe ...
Sorry to be so serious after all the fun of above posts ... you guys took all the good lines, but I sure enjoyed them ...
Posted by: U.O | October 10, 2005 at 08:29 PM
Consider the review done. Now let's see how many days it takes for Amazon.com to ban it.
Posted by: Alex | October 10, 2005 at 08:31 PM
I'm very happy to report that I was not searching Amazon for something weird when I stumbled upon this. As with so many things in life, "It's who you know, not what you know." I confess that I picked up the link from someone else (and I'll go to jail before revealing my source to the committee). I am merely acting as a conduit to the fine members of the board here, as I felt it deserved a wider audience, both for a startling product niche I had honestly never thought about and for the user review.
But in the spirit of helpful exploration, I did manage to find a couple of other possibilities for potential consumers of this fine product.
Amazon features this baster, with an incredibly handy product design that lets it stand upright on its base. You've got to believe that has to be useful for some segment of the population.
And you can't get much more eloquent than the marketing copy attached to the Flavor Express II:
- Larger usable capacity
- Self-filling
- Transparent
- Easier to use
Add Variety to High Protein Diets!
The patented Flavor Express(R) II marinator/flavorizer puts thicker marinades with chunks of herbs and garlic deep into your meats. Fill strawberries with whipped cream! Inject frosting and jello right into your cakes! Think of the possibilities!
Posted by: Ken | October 10, 2005 at 09:54 PM
well, i'd say something, but i KNOW i'd get in trouble with the non-titillation police.
Posted by: judi | October 10, 2005 at 10:23 PM
Gotta love the recovery room after those.
PHHHHFFFFFTTT!
Hey aunt nancy. Do what i did... let 'er rip and proudly declare to your gowned neighbors, "Oops. MY BAD!"
Posted by: DaBlade | October 10, 2005 at 10:57 PM
WTF? Glow in the dark spike? What the hell is the GLOW IN THE DARK SPIKE for?
Posted by: bbescuela | October 10, 2005 at 11:06 PM
bbescuela --
P'haps its for those who can't find their own a$$ with two hands and a flashlight ... ???
Posted by: U.O | October 10, 2005 at 11:17 PM
bbescuela,
so the consumer can stick it where the sun don't shine...with some degree of accuracy.
Posted by: Dennis | October 11, 2005 at 12:26 AM
Wait, a SPIKE?!
Ouch.
Talk about ripping someone a new a$$hole...
Posted by: Alex | October 11, 2005 at 02:28 AM
Anal douche...in so far as.... oh never mind. this thread is hilarious.
Posted by: queensbee | October 11, 2005 at 07:11 AM
Thanks for all the well wishes, folks. I'm not quite so scared now. And thanks to DaBlade for knocking over my inhibitions.
Y'all are great people!
Posted by: Aunt Nancy | October 11, 2005 at 03:14 PM
Aunty, as a former pharmacy technician I know that you can get various flavorings for the stuff you need to take...so I don't get in trouble I believe it rhymes with No Fight Tee? The fruit punch is the best, so I have heard. Good luck girl!!!
Posted by: Mrs Swooshman | October 11, 2005 at 04:39 PM
I am sooo glad I am not one of Bill D.'s grandkids!! I'd rather be taken out of the will than squeeze his bulb!
Posted by: BecE | October 11, 2005 at 04:51 PM