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October 12, 2005

JOB OPPORTUNITY

Not saying another word.

(Thanks to someone signing her email "The Odd Wife")

FORGET BASKETBALL

We'd rather talk football.

(Thanks to freelance fred)

HEADLINE OF THE DAY SO FAR

At least he had a good reason.

(Thanks to Mollenkamp)

FASHION ALERT

This item goes perfectly with the untucked-dress-shirt look.

(Thanks to Candy Tutt)

THE NEWS FROM RIFLE

There's a moose down at the Wal-Mart.

(Thanks to Colorado correspondent Claire Martin)

AS IF GOING TO THE DENTIST WEREN'T BAD ENOUGH ALREADY

Here's a whole new level of pain.

(Thanks to myke predko)

THE WORLD SERIES

When it's over, it'll be time to start talking about basketball.

(Thanks to Bryce Donovan)

VACATION DESTINATION

It would be going too far to note the street address of this attraction.

(Thanks to Justin Barber)

FINALIST: LEAST DESIRABLE JOB

"So, Bob, what do YOU do?"

WARNING:
You do not want to watch this at work. Or, for that matter, anywhere else.

THE WOMEN OF LAPU-LAPU CITY

They do not mess around.

FASHION QUESTION

When did it become fashionable for grown men to wear dressy shirts untucked? I'm talking about men who are going to work, restaurants, etc., wearing nice long-sleeved shirts with the shirttails hanging out, as if they forgot to tuck them in, but they did not, because they are participating in a Fashion Trend. Whose idea was this? Will it be going on long? Can we at least have the Surgeon General warn men that if they participate in this trend, and they are over a certain cutoff age -- say, 22 -- they look stupid?

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN

UPDATE ON GIANT SOUTH FLORIDA SNAKES MUNCHING ON THINGS

Now: A turkey.

UPDATE: Whoops. judi posted this already. She will of course be fired.

October 11, 2005

ATTENTION, SOUTH FLORIDIANS

If you see a chopper hovering over your house taking photos, feel free to panic.

(Thanks to Angel Doval)

THE USERS LOVE IT!

In case you haven't been checking, be advised that this product has received some strong reviews.

MAKES SENSE TO US

According to this press release, a PETA activist is going to dress in a fur coat and drink from a toilet. This will prove.... something.

TERRORISM UPDATE

Now the bastards are stealing trains with bows and arrows.

(Thanks to Ted Habte-Gabr)

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN

(Thanks to Julieta)

CSI MIAMI

The python has been X-rayed, and apparently it was, in fact, dining on Frances the cat.

BASEBALL UPDATE

How about them New York Yankers? They are truly the gift that keeps on giving.

October 10, 2005

SOMEHOW, WE DON'T FEEL AS UPSET ABOUT THIS AS WE SHOULD

They're bombing the Smurfs.

(Thanks to Renee)

DEJA VU ALL OVER AGAIN

Here in Florida, the excitement never ends.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

WAY TO WRECK A PERFECTLY GOOD IDEA

"Titillation is not the goal."

(Thanks to Elizabeth Gibson)

WHEN AN UNRULY PREACHER TAKES THE PULPIT

It's time to call.... The Rogue Choir.

(Thanks to Bob Phillips)

YOUR CREATIVE WRITING ASSIGNMENT FOR TODAY

...is to write a customer review for this product.

Key Vaguely Disturbing Advertised Feature: "Glow-In-The-Dark Spike"

(Thanks to Ken Molay)

WHY NORMALLY DOCILE DOGS SUDDENLY DECIDE ONE DAY TO RIP OUT THEIR OWNERS' THROATS

Reason number 718.

(Thanks to Jennie Garner)

SQUIRREL TERRORISM UPDATE

Now the little varmints are on crack.

"HERE WE COME TO SAVE THE DAY!"

That means that Glowing Mosquito Gonads¹ are on the way!!!

(Thanks to Snard)

¹You know.

CRIME UPDATE

Police responding to an alarm at a cash advance business say they found a naked man hanging from the ceiling.

(Thanks to Claire Martin and the perky Channel 7 News Team)

ATTENTION ALL UNITS

Be on the lookout.

IT'S AN HONOR, IN A WAY

It's kind of like having your image on currency. Only different.

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN

Update: Does this mean she's going to put the child up for adoption?

UPDATE ON LARGE SOUTH FLORIDA SNAKES MUNCHING ON OTHER CRITTERS

Here, kitty kitty.

October 09, 2005

SLACKERS

We are in dire need of a creepy productivity enhancer. Ahh, take two, they're small.

(Thanks to Catherine Langrehr and pretty much everyone)

October 08, 2005

ATTENTION, MEN WITHOUT HATS

Here's a thought.

(Thanks to Justin Barber)

October 07, 2005

YET ANOTHER INSTANCE OF THE WORLD FINALLY CATCHING UP TO THE BLOG

Today's news: Neuticles win an Ig Nobel award.

But as early as December 1996, The Blog had included them in the annual gift guide:

Sometimes we hear about a product that is so unusual we feel compelled to order it just to confirm that it truly does exist. Neuticles are such a product. We swear we are not making them up. Neuticles are artificial testicles for dogs. The idea is, if you have your dog fixed, the veterinarian can install these, so your dog will feel that he is still as much of a canine stud as he ever was. According to the literature, Neuticles are ``crafted from FDA-approved polyurethane material'' and ``replicate the canine testicle in size, shape and weight.''

Needless to say, Neuticles are a terrific way to say ``Happy Holidays!'' to the dog on your gift list. But we think they also make a potentially very useful gift for humans as well. Let's say you work in an office where a male co-worker regularly comes around to your desk and stands there gabbing, thus preventing you from getting any work done. Just put a set of Neuticles -- we recommend the large size -- on your desk, and wait for the co-worker to pick them up and ask what they are. When you answer, your co-worker will -- trust us -- immediately drop them and walk away. After a few steps, he may even faint. This item also makes a great conversation-stopper when you're trying to get guests to leave your party so you can go to bed. Just whip a set of Neuticles out of your pocket, toss them at your guests and say, ``Guess what THESE are!''

We can neither confirm nor deny the rumor that the world's largest privately owned collection of this particular item belongs to Donald Trump.

WE ARE THE LAMBKINS

The Mighty, Mighty Lambkins

(Thanks again to Claire Martin)

BRA WARS

Pot attacks kettle.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

OK NAME FOR A ROCK BAND

The Frog-Sniffing Scientists

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN

AN ALLEGATION OF TOILET RAGE

...as reported by Riazat Butt.

ATTENTION, ALL UNITS

Be on the lookout for a white-kneed tarantula.

October 06, 2005

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN

(Thanks to Steve)

WE'VE SEEN GUYS DO THIS IN BARS

Pisaura mirabilis uses the old give-her-an-insect-as-a-love-token-then-pretend-to-drop-dead trick.

SPORTS UPDATE: BASEBALL VS. GOLF

We're wondering what would happen if this player and this player went... um... head to head.

(Thanks to Ben Coats)

Speaking of baseball: How about those New York Yankers!

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN

October 05, 2005

BASEBALL UPDATE II

This just barely in, too.

(Thanks to Karl W.)

BASEBALL UPDATE

This just in.

(Thanks to Mr. Gene Weingarten)

TERRIFYING SCIENCE NEWS

Plus a pretty good name for a rock band: Bacterial Small Talk¹

(Thanks to Russell Mc)

¹Also "Gregarious Bacteria" and possibly "Quorum Sensing"

PYTHON VS. GATOR EVERGLADES GUTBUSTER DEATH MATCH UPDATE

Because this is such an important story, this blog is providing the following high-resolution photograph by Michael Barron, followed by the full report by Skip Snow of the South Florida Natural Resources Center.

Gator

PYTHON MOLURUS BIVITTATUS (Burmese python) FEEDING ON ALLIGATOR MISSIPPIENSIS (American Alligator) IN EVERGLADES NATIONAL PARK 

FIELD NOTES 

Skip Snow, South Florida Natural Resources Center, Everglades National Park, 40001 State Road 9336, Homestead, Florida 33034, USA 

On the morning of 27 September 2005, with the assistance of Everglades National Park contract helicopter pilot Michael Barron, I examined a dead Burmese python which had apparently swallowed an American alligator. I say apparently because the tail and hind limbs of the dead alligator were protruding from a hole in the mid-body of the dead python. These animals were located in a spike rush marsh within Shark Slough, floating in 75 to 85 cm of water, at UTM 17 R 0518860 2819747 (Lat. Long. 25 29.686 80 48.740), about 3 to 4 miles NNW of Pay-hay-okee Overlook in Everglades National Park. The python was first seen and photographed by Barron, on behalf of the park, at this location on the afternoon of 26 September 2005.

Both python and alligator were badly bloated. The bloating and decomposition of the python was similar to that observed in pythons known to have been dead at least 24-48 hours. I determined the python to be a male, the carcass total length measuring 386 cm, or about 12.5’. The python’s tail length measured 47 cm. Although some bones of the jaw were present, the head of the python was missing.  Based on necropsies of similar sized pythons, head length would perhaps add another 10 to 13 cm (4 to 5 inches) or so. 

As mentioned above, and as the pictures show, the python was found with the hind quarters of a dead American alligator protruding from the snake’s mid-section. The stomach of the python still surrounded the head, shoulders, and forelimbs of the alligator. When extracted from the snake, the alligator was largely intact except for two open wounds, one to the top of the skull behind the eyes and one on the shoulder. In both cases dermal bone was missing, suggesting some kind of trauma. The alligator measured 98 cm snout-vent length (SVL), with a total length (TL) of 194 cm, or about 6.4’ 

The alligator’s skin, from the carcass both inside and outside the python, was largely missing, sloughed and decomposing. Large wads of alligator skin were found in what remained of the GI tract anterior to (forward of) the gaping hole in the body of the snake. This suggests to me that the alligator was indeed, at one time, entirely within the snake’s gut. No other identifiable prey items were observed in the lower gut of the python. How the body wall of the python was breached is a matter of speculation, as is the python’s cause of death. 

 
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