Dave Barry's Blog

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN

Key Phrase: "pop tart"

ICELAND UPDATE

It's lonely up there.

BRACING FOR WILMA

Walter is ready.

HALLOWEEN IS COMING

Here's a cute Halloween productivity enhancer.

(Thanks to MOTW)

FORGET IT

We're not making fun of people's names any more, so we aren't about to blog this.

(Thanks to Bryce Donovan)

THE WACKY WORLD OF ART

And the Headline of the Day So Far.

(Thanks again to Mollenkamp)

GOOD NEWS, LADIES

Something new to blame for those extra pounds!

(Thanks to Mollenkamp)

(UPDATE: Whoops. The link should be right now.)

CANADIAN ELECTIONS

Compared to those in the U.S., they're much more meaningful and appropriate.

(Thanks to Doug Boeringer)

TECHNOLOGY STAGGERS FORWARD

If this product had existed when this blog went to college, this blog would never have finished college.

(Via Gizmodo)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Also: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

WHILE YOU'RE WORRYING ABOUT BIRD FLU

...do not forget the threat of deadly raccoon droppings.

ATTENTION, RESIDENTS OF WEST DIDSBURY

Your loos are safe again.

(Thanks to Graeme St.Clair)

WORKING HARD IN LYNNWOOD

"Can you wait in the patrol car for about 20 minutes? I really need a little evidence of a felony."

(Thanks to Bob Kingsbery)

FASCISM UPDATE

Now they're taking away our children's inalienable right to bear goldfish.

(Thanks to DavCat)

PYTHON PETE

Here he comes to save the day.....

(Thanks to Steve Lancaster)

BUG RUBBER

WBAGNFARB

Key quote, which we are quoting here only because it sounds dirty: "I remember running around the lab that day showing it to everybody, saying 'Here, feel this!'," he laughs.

(Thanks to Russell Mc)

AN OPEN WARNING TO THE PUBLIC

For all of those people intending to acquire scientific knowledge from the lyrics of popular songs: DON'T DO IT.

IN THIS BLOG'S OPINION, THEY ARE WORTH IT

But we had no idea those things were so high-maintenance.

EMPLOYEES ARE TO BE ON THEIR BEST BEHAVIOR AT ALL TIMES

And we mean at all times.

ARE YOU HAPPY TO SEE ME...

...or is there a snake in your duvet?

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN

AND THEY SAY AMERICANS LACK CULTURE

We got yer cultchah right here.

(Thanks to Loren Bosshard and Celine Chamberlin)

SPORT OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Prom-Dress Rugby

(Thanks to Mollenkamp)

YOU MAKE THE CALL

In the phrase "Nude Disco," which concept is more disturbing?

(Thanks to Steve Lancaster

CRACKDOWN ON CRIME IN LOVELAND OHIO

Your tax dollar (approximately) at work.

(Thanks to LabSpecimen)

FORGET ABOUT BIRD FLU

We're concerned about deadly space flatulence.

(Thanks to Justin Barber)

INCREDIBLE STORY

The incredible part is, somebody wrote this story without using the phrase "Cat got your tongue?"

(Thanks to rita from the blog)

ATTENTION, BUSINESS TRAVELERS WISHING TO RELAX WHILE TRAVELING YET STILL LOOK BUSINESSLIKE

You need one of  these babies.

Key Celebrity Endorsement: Howie Mandel

Don't miss the Styles page.

(Thanks to Linda Herald)

CHILDREN OF TODAY

Surely they're confused by all the mixed messages they're getting from adults.

(Thanks to Larry Fern, Michael Winograd and Mollenkamp)

GOOD NAME FOR A ROCK BAND

Give it up for the Predatory Urchins.

(Thanks to Russell Mc)

SOMETIMES WOMEN JUST DON'T SEEM AS "INTO" NEW TECHNOLOGY AS MEN DO

We can't imagine why.

(Thanks to James Crewsmith)

UPDATE: OTOH...

(Thanks to -- no kidding -- "Scuzball")

IF YOUR WORKPLACE, LIKE THE MIAMI HERALD, HAS AN ON-SITE CAFETERIA

Thank your lucky stars.

FASHION UPDATE

Here's the perfect accessory for the woman who wants to show off her puppy.

(Thanks to Andy the tropichunt.com guy)

WHEN PEOPLE TRY TO TELL THIS BLOG THAT THERE ARE NO GREAT DRAMAS BEING WRITTEN ANY MORE

This blog begs to differ.

IT WAS THE "BOGEY" THAT DID IT

An Australian school gets tough.

URGENT BREAKING UPDATE: OMG.

(Thanks to Julieta)

URGENT ADVISORY TO RESIDENTS OF WEST DIDSBURY

Check your loo.

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN

(Thanks to Addicted to 24)

GUY ART

(Thanks to Russell Mc)

WORLD CHEESE UPDATE

Part ....whoops (Thanks to R. Kealey)

WHAT BRITISH WOMEN REALLY WANT

They want a big, ugly vegetable.

Key quote: Growing your own connects you with nature, said a trust spokeswoman.

(Thanks to queensbee)

WHEN SOME LOUD BRAGGART TRIES TO TELL THIS BLOG THAT HE HAS HEARD EVERY SONG EVER RECORDED BY THE GREAT VAN MORRISON

...this blog answers: Oh yeah?

(Thanks to Jim Morin)

TURKEY PROMOTIONS COMPARED

This is a fine idea, as far as it goes. But it cannot compare with the legendary WKRP Thanksgiving Turkey Drop (audio here).

Key Quote: "The turkeys are hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement."

JUST IN TIME FOR THE HOLIDAYS

They're back!

WHAT WOMEN REALLY WANT

They want a big vegetable.

(Via Gizmodo)

NOTE: There are some exceptions.

SPEAKING OF STANDING UP

Here's a fine product for the young guy-in-training.

(Thanks to Stephen Stackwick)

(Yes, we said "Stephen Stackwick")

ATTENTION, COMPASSIONATE (BUT OLDER) MEN

It's time to stand up for hurricane relief.

(Thanks to Jessica R. and the perky NewsNet5 All-Gal Health Team)

FOR THOSE YOUNG PEOPLE WHO CANNOT DECIDE WHETHER TO APPLY TO HARVARD, OR ANGELO STATE

This might tip the scales.

FOR THOSE WHO ENJOY SOBBING HELPLESSLY AT THEIR DESKS

We bring you The Company Cookbook.

(Thanks to Russell Mc)

"PROSELYTIZING GEEKS"

WBAGNFARB.
First album: 1337
First hit song: "You Need A Real ISP, Jenni2038"

Key quote: The depths of the world of geeks remain largely unplumbed.

(Thanks to Kristi Hasty)

MORE ON FLORIDA WILDLIFE

A report from Euphemism Central.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)