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October 06, 2005

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN

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I think Oprah's couch may need to be steam cleaned.

i would like for you to not share my name with anyone. amsterdam and brazil must start preparing for the natural disaster that will soon hit them. please let someone know. also let them know to be alert and make sure they have a clear mind (that means don't drink or do drugs) , always be prepared and most importantly-pray like there is no tomorrow (literally)

oh well-so much for being anonymous. ha, ha.

This Week on Oprah.
WARNING: Loud Music, Slight Embarassment.

As a result of this news, gas prices are expected to soar..

*sobbing*

Say it isn't sooooo! Poor Katie!!!

*collects self*

Wait. What am I saying.

It's the spawn of Tom! ACK!
RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!!

DANGIT! And still the so-called Department of Homeland Security and FEMA does nothing *shakes head*

I knew it! The minute I saw the news yesterday, I thought, "We're in for several more months of BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETINs!"

Oh, well -- if we have to have celebrity gossip shoved in her faces all the time, it's a good thing we can come here and have a good chuckle over it!

So the little troll is going to reproduce at last. Somewhere, Brooke Shields is smiling an evil little smile.

Oops -- make that shoved in OUR faces. *Blush*

Five minutes to Wopner..Four minutes forty three seconds.

Crash -

Thanks for the wake-up call! *snork*

Good one!

They aren't even married yet..Isn't that kind of risky buisness?

Hey! When I see BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN, I expect to see some trivial information on Twitney!

Hmmm. I wonder if the aliens will refuse to take him with them for impregnating his woman outside of marriage. What are Scientology’s views on knocked up girlfriends?

will this coincide with the opening of the new mission impossible?

Maybe Katie will drown Tom in the bathtub when her post-partum depression "vitamins" don't work.

ladies and gentlemen, let's here it for the future

"L. Ron Cruise" !!!!

We can only hope, Guin.

Wurm, here's your sign of the impending Apocalypse.

However, I much prefer Apocalypso.

I am embarrassed to admit that I'm reading *rummages in book bag; where is that book?* Battlefield Earth. It cost a quarter, okay? And it's really really long which is good if the book is decent. Once I got past the impossibly smug and self-congratulatory *once again rummages for book to see what the hell this thing is called* Introduction by L. Ron Himself, it's a fairly entertaining book.

It pleases me unendingly that as I read a work of the Number One (more appropriately should be number 2) Scientologist, I am serenely loaded with Effexor XR and Xanax.

I saw the movie at W@lm@rt for under $5; might have to get it just to see how nuclear war is portrayed by Scientology.

Wait a second!

Katie is pregnant?

Damn, girl. That is some serious swallowing.

Her parents allowed her to watch Risky Business when she was four?

And here I wouldn't let my 11-year-old son watch horror movies rated R.

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Just ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Elizabeth

Hey Chritobol, as per that article:
My first celebrity crush was Harrison Ford.
You don't see me acting on that.

*shudders*

rita: I read that book and all 10 of the Mission Earth series. They are quite entertaining. After reading these books, I came to the belief that L. Ron made up Scientology as a joke, and that people just glommed onto it as something real. His disdain for religion comes through quite clearly in his writings. So read and enjoy! And tell me what you think. Don't bother wasting $5 on the movie, though. It stinks.

"Your mission, Tom, should you decide to accept it, is to divorce one of the most beautiful women in the world, leaving her with two adopted children, and then impregnate a virgin 16 years younger than you are, thus putting you in the same league as other trophy-wife hunters."

"If you are caught making a fool of yourself, most of America won't notice, but the Church of Scientology will disavow any knowledge of your actions."

"Your career will self-dectruct in 5 years."

destruct

Five years? It'll take that long?

Suzy Q, I want to see how the "earth" looks 1000 years after a nuclear war. Or have I misunderstood the book? The Psychlos (entertaining name for the bad guys, that) destroyed mankind, but what about the uranium in the mountains? Was that natural, or from a nuclear exchange?

Pardon me, please. I have this morbid fascination with post-nuclear life. Such as it is.

Well.


That sucked.

I can't wait for the Today show interview.

Gotta feel sorry for that kid. Wonder what the Scientology position is on toilet training? Maybe we shouldn't know...

rita: Ok, you're trying to test the memory of a geezer here. I read that book years ago. I don't remember about the uranium in the mountains. I would recommend reading the book before seeing the movie, though. As I remember (har!), the movie left a lot of stuff out, which, by the size of the book, was to be expected.

On the subject at hand, i.e., Tom's irascible sperm, just eewwwwww. Some people should just really never procreate.

Tom's Irascible Sperm WBAGNFARB.

Or maybe not.

I think so.

You can't remember, Suzy Q? I bet I'm more of a geezer than you are. I'm lucky that I'm 300 pages into the book and can pretty much remember what happened in the beginning.

Now I get to run to Subway and pick up the SpEd department's lunch, then to Mary's house to let out her dogs. I guess I'll get to my lunch around 1:15. *sigh*

I bet both parents are happy as clams....

http://www.xenu.net

P.B.

insom - well done!

can you imagine the size of the teeth/ears on this kid? yikes!

Thus proving, once again, my contention that it is possible for a child to be born both very very rich and horribly disadvantaged...

Nah ... I got nothin' ...

(Still not at work, power still unavailable at the shop ... another wasted day ... but plenty of time to blog ...)

Apparently people who practise Scientology also believe in "silent birth", where the mother is given no drugs (of course), but she is not allowed to moan or yell, because it might traumatize the baby. My bet is that will be the moment when she snaps and castrates him with her nail scissors (silently).

Spawn of Tom wbagnfa cult.

Tamara, I think thats his next project.

DDi, I think that's his current project.

Re: Artchick's comment:

Tom: Remember Katie, BE QUIET.

Katie: Ha ha ha, you Scientologists are such kidders! Give me that epidural before I kill you and feed your corneas to rats.

Artchick . . . you're making that up, right? Please, please tell me you're making that up.

Because neither Dave nor Judi have posted a productivity enhancer in quite some time, I was forced to search the web and ran out of topics. This thread made me realize I should look up Scientology... to see what the hoopla is all about.

That L.Ron guy is who's behind that silent birth theory! Makes perfect sense... a man decided women should birth 9lb. babies and be silent.

I bet that L. Ron never gave birth to a baby. Silently or otherwise.

p.s. Too bad that the nail-scissor castration didn't take place before the conception of this child.

I hope Kat[i]e Holmes has SEVERE postpartum depression.
And she tries to kill Tom.

Actually that would be an excellent made for TV movie.

My favorite anti-Tom quote:

"Please pass the Prozac."
-Boston Globe (I think)

OMGWTFBBQ!

Direct quote from some actor who is quoted on that religion's website:

"I regained many lost abilities, some of which, I didn't even know I had."

Well if he didn't know he had them, how does he know they were lost to begin with?

*goes back to website because she can't get enough of the BS*

That L. Ron - such a kidder! Silent birth, suuuuuure.

OMGWTFBBQ?

haha I love it.
tomcruiseisnuts.com

Wow. Interesting link, Crash. (Holy sheezus!)

Why does Tom have a bedpan stuck in his mouth?

During transition he said, "remember, 'silent birth'".

Gotcha.

(From Crash's link ...)

Wowser!

So, does the phrase "Jump the Shark" now get changed to "Jump the Couch"?

And, from Mimi Rogers' comment: A new pickup line?

"High there, I'm a piano tuner ... got any instruments that need adjustment?"

Interesting! I tried to go to the Scientology's "official" website, only to be told by my webfilter at work that it belongs to the forbidden group of websites that discuss "cults".

Elizabeth

I read somewhere about the "silent birth" thing. Apparently John Travolta and his wife had a scientology birth. He describes it as being beautiful and peaceful, she describes it as "hardcore" and wishes she had an epidural. That L. Ron Hubbard, I bet he was a bunch of laughs at parties!

I was surprised to learn that premarital sex is OK for scientologists.

I think this thread calls for a quick recap:

Scientology--a cult
Silent child birth--screaming with your mouth closed
Battlefield Earth--not worth 5 bucks
Jump the Couch--slang for "gone freakin' nuts"
Tom Cruise--jump the couch

Yup, that just about sums it up.

OOoooh! Confirmation!
*Please note: If my link does not work, I blame Tamara. :P

nameoflink

Whoops! It worked, but I forgot to name it. Sorry all! I wanted to call it "The Spawning".

*falls on the floor laughing at DDi* :D

*runs away!*

Randon Thunking would be a good name for a band.

And with this Cruise news, I suggest we all get out our old Ritilin bottles, rent a Nicole Kidnman movie, demonstrate against all psychiatrists on the White House Lawn, and lobby for Brooke Shields to replace Gena Davis as President. Oh, and send in that Stud to get the new President Pregnant because Scientology should obviously be followed by our elite dieties in Congress,... nothing else is working for them....ok...I'll jump off my couch now. (I'm not allowed to vote now either because I'm too ignornant acording to an old news diety. So Congress is safe.)

Since we've touched on this subject of "silent birth," can I just say how amazed I am that any baby is EVER successfully born? I've watched my wife deliver four of them, and I gotta tell ya, if I were the one doing the birthing, I sure as heck wouldn't be silent. No, it would be more like Screaming Your Friggin' Head Off Birth if I did it. (And yet, let me say, my pioneer woman of a wife does it with nary a sound...and my son was an ounce shy of 10 pounds! Amazing...)

...you need to take a test to get a driver license, but they'll let anyone procreate. Something's not right, there.

so, is it too late to free katie?

crossgirl ~ Here's another good website:

http://www.freekatie.net/

Crossgirl--

Here is a sort of answer.

I can't even be funny about this. Katie's sooooo wonderful, and he's soooooo evil. Goodbye beautiful flat tummy. C'est la vie, 6 years of watching Dawson's Creek. Adieu, Gap ad campaign.

Hello, creepy Scientologist mommy.

I'm SOOO appalled right now.

First, John Travolta gets Kelly Preston and Scientologizes her. Then, Tom takes Katie away. I'm gonna put Scarlett Johannsen under 24-hour watch. No freaky Scientology actors are gettin' near her.

I'm wearing black today, by the way.

Aw, this news is so sweet.

I wonder who the father is?

Natalie: If you'e talking about your name being shown, the same thing happened to me the first time I ever posted here. I'd never posted anywhere on the whole world wide web and I didn't have a clue.

When my name showed I totally freaked out!
But I'm calm now. Sortof...
oooohhhhmmmmm

So Amsterdam and Brazil are having a natural disaster? Why, are Tom and Katie planning a visit?

El --

I remember when you first posted (and when I did) ... we've all learned a lot since then, have we not?

or ya'll could do like us paranoid blurkers and use a fake email addy.

Hey, just 'cuz I'm paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get me ...

I wonder if we paid Dave ... maybe he'd go back to BM;)

(geez i miss you guys! ... TFB ..(too freakin' busy)

Christobol:Damn, girl. That is some serious swallowing.
At the risk of getting thrown out--

Christobol, if she'd done that in the first place, she wouldn't be in this mess...

/I want that man to end up severely, severely depressed.
//Not Christobol, the other one

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