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September 01, 2005

HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR HUMVEE NOW?

Gas_2

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

Update: I see Christobol already posted this on his blog. Didn't mean to poach, C-man.

Comments

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unleaded= $ARM
plus= $arm+leg
premium= $firstborn child

*clings tightly to her bus transit pass, feels sorry for the rest of you*

Diesel: BBQ

Sheehan Protests Marine Presence In New Orleans. Clinton, "I did not have sex with Katrina or that woman."

I may be 6'6 and 300lbs but I wouldnt trade my 30mpg KIA Rio for 1,000 HumVees.

lizadskin:
LOL!
OMG!
WTF?

note to lizardskin: your lame-o clinton joke is soooo, yesterday. get w the program. Dubya is in charge, and just look how well things are going.

Paging Dick Cheney: We need a corporation interested in a no-bid contract to restore gulf coast infastructure.

It was pointed out today that after every disaster on about day 3, people are asking, "Where's the help?" The answer is "It's on the way" but with the area in chaos it is difficult to get it there and to know exactly where it's needed.

Until it happens the responders and equipment have to be staged outside the immediate area so they don't become victims themselves, and then they have to wade their way into the mess.

At least we have much more warning now than we did 50 years ago.

The government should send a bunch of armed sociology professors from around the country to New Orleans and restore civilized order?

LOL lizardskin: I'm not sure about your reading comprehension, so I won't bother asking you to spell Halliburton.
Unfortunately, I think our marines and (oops) most of Louisiana's nat. guard are otherwise occupied restoring civil order elsewhere.
Sigh, sorry not funny.

lizardskin:

First, don't use other people's email addresses (you use daveberry@daveberry.com).

Second, try to stay on topic. You sophmoric perspective is appropriate here, but try and whine about your personal boogymen in a way that shows that you are trying to relate it to the subject at hand. Unless you have been trying. Oh dear.

Third: grammar and syntax is not something that happens to other people. You end your achingly witty sentance with a question mark, but the sentance structure does not support it.

Fourth: composition is key here. Why would they be armed? Your joke [sic] is that professors talk about stuff but don't have to do it. Also, "... to restore civilized order" would have flowed better.

No, don't thank me; just trying to help.

Cheers

yeah, I know my spelling is bad. Thanks for the thought though.

Teddy kennedy, "drinks are on me...I'm singin' in the rain, singin' in the rain."

Might I recommend www.gasbuddy.com?

a hiaku

the blog is cranky
biting, self mutilating
please, no politics

another

silliness halted
alright, who peed in the pool?
who? some dipshit mole

Lizardskin - ignore them. The rules of the blog are generally as follows:

1. Try to work in either a picture of Judi with the walrus p*nis or a mention of it.
2. Sophmeric humour only please. We do not like soapboxes, preaching tirades or lectures. We mock them incessantly.
3. Extra points for putting a booger in the message and somehow applying it to the subject at hand
4. Try to remember, at least for the first 2 posts, what the subject at hand is.
5. Please wear your clothes at all times while on the blog and keep your arms and legs inside the .... wait, wrong rule, hold on... it's here somewhere
5. (Revised) Yes. Here it is. Only 4 F*cks per post or you get a talking to.
6. Always put the seat down when you leave and wipe it off if you're a hover pee-er (doesn't strictly apply here but a good rule to follow in general)

That is all. Continue please...

Meanwhile, I have taken up the passtime of laughing at the poor SUV owners who are gassing up and hurling used chewing gum that I've peeled off the seats of the bus since I have left my car parked for the duration of this madness.

Currently I'm stuck to the seat of the bus by whatever substance was left behind by the last passenger so if you see me, please help.

*zips in*

*sees tension and testiness*

*has anxiety attack*

Dave, the sign is funny enough to see twice! :)

*zips out to look for safe harbor*

I thught we got 5 f*cks per post (or is that fu*ks - I can never remember)

and can't we say penis out loud?

oh yeah - and is "Richard C Haven" somebody's real name? I need to know whether or not I can make fun of it...

Looks like it, TCK. But CAR is sometimes blocked.

It's simply beautiful to see some of my favorite internet lingo used in such a poetic way. My thanks goes out to whoever created this wonderful image. Hopefully it shall prevent me from weeping too bitterly.

No, no, no, TCK. Only in the UK can you say it 5 times. If you say it 5 times here you get castrated and drawn and quartered. It's a step up from the original talking to, but we have to maintain our standards.

You can say p*nis aloud, and as loud as you wish, however if you work for a rather protective big brotherish type organization that has issues with employees squandering work hours, then you just may get a visit from the IT police whom will take your computer and beat you with it. THEN they'll draw and quarter you.

apologies to
mudstuffin, in a haiku.
tyler is sorry

huh huh Eleanor. You said "testiness". huh huh

like "gonadness" huh huh huh huh

And feel free to make fun of Richard C Haven. Ol' Dicky has a great sense of humour.

mudstuffin honored
to be part of peace process
but prefers fart jokes

Subject: gas prices
gouging cost getting henious
cheaper from anus

whoa! rhyming in a hiaku! double points!

"the blog is cranky
biting, self mutilating
please, no politics"

quoted for emphasis

Dave,

I'm always glad to see something posted here that I managed to post. Gives me delusions of competency.

Besides, if it shows up here, chances are more than 9 people will see it!

oh, well, I wouldn't want to be responsible for lowering the standards of a hallowed institution such as this one - well, OK, maybe I would, but not at the risk of castration

also, we have an IT guy, but he's not your typical tech nazi (more of a deputy dawg, really) - he understands that sometimes you have to say walrus penis without the distraction of a mid-word "*" - it really detracts from the impact of just saying it out loud, ya know?

oh yeah, and pursuant to rule #3:

I just went and gassed my car up, and had a booger of a time finding a station with gas under $2.90 (eventually settled for $2.89)

I used to be Richard C. Crennaschlovski. When Russia fell I shortened my name by 16 letters. I always wanted to be just Richard Crenna, but it shounded too much like Henna. Now I'm stuck here with Barry. What is that short for?

I drive a Ford Expletive. They don't bother reporting mpg, because the display can't handle fractions.

Luckily, I live out in the middle of nowhere, with many nearby cows. I'm thinking of just letting them crap directly into the tank.

I think I'm a hover pee'er. Either that or my My doomaflathcher has hung down into the water.

now if I were to say aloud a word like "Cr*nnaschl*vski", deputy dawg would swoop in fer sure

Richard I got your doomaflatcher right ear. Not right ear. Right ear.

Sorry Ricky boy, I still don't see how you got 'Haven' from 'Crennaschlovski'. And what was your first name? Not too many Richards in Mother Russia.

I do see however how Judi flicking boogers and using a walrus p*nis as a siphon to fill up her suv would result in a triple word bonus for working in all the rules I made up earlier. C'mon TCK - we're on a roll...

Woah! Richard, it sure sounds like you Haven C. Dick! When Russia fell, I guess only your name got shorter. By the way, guys here stand up to pee, and be sure you piss all over the seat before you hit the hole, thats the Amercan way!

mudstuffin -
that was pretty "ballsy" of you!

No, I don't know what I'm doing - it was a lame attempt to be funny.....:(

I'm proud of Christobol!

Clearly when his Daveness calls you "C-man" with familiarity like a peer . . . well, I just know you'll be treated with the respect you deserve by your family tonight.

Richard C Haven anagrams to:

Harvard chic? Ne!!

that is all, resume your testiness

Too depressed to watch news, too depressed to drive past a gas station that, by the way, went up to 3.39
this morning. Going to restore my spirit and read old Peanuts cartoons.

When contacting me on this blog please use my office number. I can talk dirty there. I had to change my name over this.

Somewhere North: I think you should be docked 1/2 a point, because that was more like freshman humor, which may be better in some circumstances, but is noncomliant with Rule #2, just the same

besides, although i would pay good money (that's U.S. currency, not Canadian) to actually see Judi syphoning gas through a walrus penis, I doubt that she could actually do it while flicking boogers - I've seen that penis, and it would most certainly be a two hand job..

I am so tempted to just go out and buy a Hybrid tonight and go further into debt.

Look into public transportation. I been riding bus for months now when I figured out I was spending $30/week on gas. Bus pass=$28/month. Takes longer but no driving in traffic stress and the random freaks on the bus are often hilarious.

Look into working at home like I do. Of course you'll become a complete slob, like I have. But at least job transportation costs are zero.

Nasty news from New Orleans. The buses transporting people out of the Super Dome are now traveling with armed guards? At least there haven't been any suicide bombers yet.

And it's raining there too.....

i dont own a car. never have. use public transit, and mooch off my friends when i need to go somewhere not on a bus route.... i like the company of my friends as well. i've missed a few parties and whatnot because i couldnt get there... but the places to park cars in downtown albany where i work are a longer walk to the office than the bus is from my house. so what is the sense of that? i grew up in NYC, where having a car is as relevant as having an extra nose. and a lot less stupider looking. unless you like a lotta boogers.

*enters blog and looks up*

*sees the conversation is waaaay over her head*

*gets embarrassed, backs out*

It's that 9/10 that gets you every time.

*bumps into Aunt Nancy wilst sneaking out*

Whew! Thot it was just me.

#%&*
whilst

Um, cyn, that is supposed to be spelled "#%*&"

*sigh*

What is education coming to these days?

;)

LOVE public transit - LOVE the grease stains on the windows - LOVE the people on their cell phones telling me all their bizness - LOVE the fact that in LA, I must walk a mile down hill to get to a bus and LOVE the fact that at the end of the day I have to walk a mile and a half back - (ok, seems like it, but not), LOVE the looks from people in cars, trying to figure out how a normal looking person would even ride the bus in the first place and lastly, LOVE the fact that fully 90 percent of the cars I see are so full of ONE person - especially the Hummers with the little blonde chicks -
END OF RANT ~~~

cyn: as discussed above, it is permissible to say penis out loud here - you don't have to say #%&* instead

#%&* back at you, TCK! :)

the hummers have little blonde chicks? where do you live? all the hummers around here have big manly men, with jeff gordon wrap-around sunglasses, and gun racks across the windows

TCK ... TTTTHHHHBBBT!

Deon ... aaaaahhhhhhh;)

dialtone2u, i second that rant.
(zat willbotsgirl ... where u been? ... long time no post:)

btw, just to clarify, that was NOT me posting up there^^ as "sly".

*****

We had our United Way Campaign Kick-off today. I think this is going to be the case with many of the UW campaigns around the country....they are having a drawing and some lucky contributor in St. Louis will "win" an SUV. As the price of gas crept over the $3.00/gal mark, we were filling out our entry cards. We agreed that if we "win" the SUV, we will sell it and buy a tank of gas with the proceeds; and donate the remainder to the the UW earmarked for the Gulf Coast. However, we figure that the price of gas and what someone will pay for an SUV will be somewhat equal.

Why do humor blogs start out funny and end up stopped up toilets like the Superdome? This one was destroyed by hurricane Latrina.

Speaking of humoring me, I noticed when you cry you are just feeling sorry for yourself.

Is that walrus pen*s really petrified? Or is it the pen*le bone from a walrus pen*s? I'd ask more questions, but my asterisk key is now BOOGERed.

Gas around here has jumped 80 cents in the last two days, on top of the steady price climbing it was doing for the past couple weeks. And we have to drive to NJ this weekend for a wedding . . . . :-{

This may sound weird, but...

In times like these I lament the loss of America's passenger rail systems. There is no public transit out here, and the railroads that do run only run freight. In my little town, which was originally built by a railroad company, passenger service stopped in the 1950's, and the rail company tore out the tracks in 1982, so we don't have railroad anything anymore. I think that's kind of sad. But maybe that's just me.

I shouldn't say we don't have railroad anything. Our old railroad beds were converted into rail trails, so there is that. It's a great place for a peaceful walk.

Aunt Nancy- Want to hear something weird? In my small town we no longer have bus service, Greyhound doesn't stop here any more, but Amtrack still stops a couple of times a week. I can go to Arizona easier than I can go to the next town in south Georgia!

CAR!

... you can return to your sophmoric humo(u)r.

Thank you.

Gas at three bucks a gallon? My nose bleeds for you. In Britain we pay $7 a gallon and on continental Europe it is even more. You are all still in automotive heaven.

But our economy is based on 1/3 of what we're paying now. It's not just the shock and pain of paying that at the gas pumps, it's how this will affect our economy. In the '70's the gas crises off a recession.

Y'all still have the cheapest gas in any of the first world countries. Our gas here in Toronto is up to $1.25 CDN per litre, which is about $4 US a gallon.

Makes it even more ridiculous, eh?

Granted, there aren't as many Humvees in Canada because we don't really have a military. ;)

East Coast canada reporting...

Two or three dollars? *spews spleen laughing* Converting to US dollars and gallons, we're paying more than $5 dollars a gallon right now--and I live in the only province in Canada that regulates it's prices (meaning our prices are usually LOWER than elsewhere). They're now predicting our gas price is going to soon double what it was a week ago.

I live on an island. There is no public transit, and more, since all goods are shipped (trucked) to the island the price of everything is higher here. Since gas was already very high, I've been getting my food and heating on credit. I am out credit; the bank won't give me more. And now the price of everything is going to double.

You can imagine how relaxed I'm feeling.

Funny, but I don't think my book sales are going to save my ass :P

In short, I love it when powerful people screw with us all for sport--and I'm not talking about nature.

Remember, if you can spare a dime, slip it to the Red Cross. I may be homeless soon, but those poor people are hungry and homeless and desperate now. Yes, the world sucks, and it keeps sucking, and that's why it's up to us to blow. Blow hard, people, blow hard.

yes I agree.

This is the Home Based Internet Business Blog...is it not?

my 94 geo metro still gets around 50 mpg.

The gas prices are getting out of hand. I found a website that will show you the cheapest gas in you area. www.mapgasprices.com

While people where complaining about the New Orleans Looters nobody seem to say anything about Exxon looting the public with totally un-necessary gas price gouging. THE BIG OIL CORPS don't give a rats patootie about the public...the government doesn't care either. All we get is lip service. All governments have had three things in common since the dawn of governments....suppress the value producers, fleece the population, and kill off anyone who is expendable. As noted in the New Orleans debacle. Everyone was, is and will remain expendable.Irrispective of what anyone hears on TV. These people got screwed, their going to continue to get screwed and later this year they will get screwed some more. Now it's Texas's turn. Now the grubby theives at Exxon are just rubbing their crusty little hands together and laughing in glee at the prospect of yet another 100 BILLION PROFIT.
So posting a website where someone can save a stinking nickel on a gallon of gas is so nieve...it's off the charts. They got us by the balls...period. And there aint a damn thing anybody's gonna do about it. And those stupid "let's all get together and not by gas on Sunday" internet email campaings ain't gonna do squat. WHY? Because H L Menkin was right..."never underestimate the stupidity of the American people." Maybe we should change the Pledge to "One nation, under the influence with liberty and justice for sale." At least that would be a glimmer of National Self Honesty.
Want REAL change? lets get rid of the Republicans AND the Democrats...period.Lets get an Independent in that hot seat. Lets stop electing self serving idiot preppies to high office. Lets REALLY get together and REALLY make some sacrafices and REALLY make some changes. Yea...right...Face it folks...where all goin to hell in a handbasket, and where all too screwed up to make any difference now.

One more thing...somewhere.... out there...is a real leader. Not some nimrod from New England or some Cheerleader from the South. Somewhere out there is a real leader. One whose got the Kahunas to do what has to be done, to tell the goddamn truth for once....just once! Someone who has the guts, the savvey and the chutzpa to let go of any notion of greed, self benefit and ego inflation. Someone who really believes what the good ol' USA stands for. And as far as I can see...it's no one on TV yet.

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