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September 15, 2005

BRITNEY UPDATE

So the baby is officially named Preston Michael Spears Philip Arthur George Federline IV Junior, and based on an exclusive postnatal photograph obtained exclusively by this exclusive blog, it looks like the li'l scamp is going to be a real handful.

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Now that's what I call hard hitting investigative reporting at its finest.

What a little snoogums..

I've never seen a C-Section done from the inside before.

"I'm gonna be a hot mom!"...Let the disfunction begin..

Dave, now the the kid is born, will you PLEASE stop posting about Britney, please? With sugar on top?

What happened to London? I feel cheated.

I guess she qualifies as a MILF now.

what's a milf? something like a twit? hasbeen???

No more bare midriffs? The shame.

Great exclusive photo, Dave. But actually, I think that one is a bit flattering. Are you sure it didn't come from her PR dept?

That poor child. It's a good thing Brit has lots of money...I hear therapy is expensive....

Say Dave....now that Britney has had her baby, could you move on to a topic that's way more important??? Like Jennifer Garner's baby?

*note sarcasm*

Oh, goody, the spawn of Satan has arrived.

Kilmeny, he arrived a long time ago--you DID mean Karl Rove, dincha?

Hmm, Karl Rove vs. child of talentless, piggy bimbo and her hideous leach husband. Oooh, that's a tough one...

dysfunction and malfunction, too.

Wow, I was always sure that when the anti-Christ came into the earth, he would arrive through, or at least change planes in, the Frankfurt airport.

Anyone notice the kid's initials? This headline writer did.

http://tv.zap2it.com/tveditorial/tve_main/1,1002,271|97521|1|,00.html

Poor kid. As if it weren't bad enough to be born to those two.

*zips in*

I've been told that Frankfurt is one of the world's ugliest cities and is to be avoided at all costs.
/end trivia

*zips out*

(Sorry, I'm a little unclear on how to do hyperlinks here!)

Dave,

I know you can't say one way or another, but this name sounds suspiciously like the monarch's name from last year's Herald Hunt. Please don't use this as part of this year's Hunt. I don't want to hurl.

Was she paying homage to all the men she slept with the week before she met her two-timing hubby?

That's sweet.

Renee -
< a href=”http://www.WhateverYoureLinkingTo.com” > PUT DISPLAY TEXT HERE< /a >

Like this?

Best headline ever

Yay, it worked! Thanks, MOTW.

She's going to be a hot mom. That's such wonderful news. Didn't we all want hot moms when we were little? The kind that run around in less clothing than socially acceptable in front of small children and teenage boys.

Did anyone notice she's decided to give up her singing (insert joke here) career to be a mom? And you call this bad news? It's only bad for little PMS.

And incidentally, Francis Cobain, who is the unfortunate offspring of Courtney Love, was quoted in time magazine as saying she wishes her mom would be more "classy starlet" and less rocker chick and she doesn't like it when her mom doesn't brush her hair. This is probably Francis' teenage rebellious stage.

Wonder how poor little PMS is going to rebel when he turns 13? He'll probably end up being a mathematician with thick glasses, a pipe and pullovers. Not much left for teenage angst when you're the product of those parents.

lets all hope and pray that since pregnancy doesn't agree with britney, she won't OOPS and do it again.

Punky - HA! Either "paying homage" or just trying to make sure she got the father's name in there somewhere...

C-bol - *snork*

Now all her old boyfriends can play "Guess Who!"

cbol ... excellent. And waaaay funnier than what I said.

You rock the fiddle ... or something like that.

"What the hell are you doing in here? Why is the cat tied up? Who put all this jam in the VCR? Where are your clothes?"

"I'm rocking the fiddle."

"Oh. Carry on."

Somewhere North -- also, remember that the unfortunate Courtney Love offspring's actual name is "Frances Bean." That alone would be enough to cause rebellion, without having a coked-out, punk-rock whack job for a mother.

You know, I kind of got the impression from the article that she had the c-section because she was 'uncomfortable' and tired of being pregnant. Which strikes me as kind of, you know, wrong.

with apologies to the Rolling Stones, and everyone else on the planet:

What a drag it is giving birth
Life is different today,
I heard whiny Britney say
Mother needs something to eat to swell her gut
And though she needn’t eat
That fried chicken smells so neat
She goes running for the shelter of a mother’s little helper
And it helps her on her way, gets her through her ditzy day

Things are different today,
I heard whiny Britney say
Finding an unmarried husband’s just a drag
So she weds a redneck bum who’s a cheap, two-timing scum
And goes running to the press corps because that is what they’re there for
And she’s always on TV, although we don’t want to see

David please, no more of these
Stories that bore, she’s such a whore
What a drag it is giving birth

Times are different today
I heard whiny Britney say
People don’t appreciate that you get tired
You see, rest is hard to get, have another cigarette
So go running for the shelter of a mother’s little helper
Never mind the nicotine, passing your placental screen

David please, no more of these
Stories that bore, she’s such a whore
What a drag it is giving birth

Birthing’s much too hard today,
I heard whiny Britney say
You need cops to take you to your birthing suite
Hired nannies raise your child, its no wonder he runs wild
And you’ll need therapy’s shelter its a mother’s little helper,
Listen to the words they say, that’s the celebrity way

*applauds wildly for Aunt Nancy*

Aunt Nancy - *Snork*!

So, I wonder what they're going to call him?

-----BREAKING NEWS-----

It has just been reported that Britney Spears child has run away. Hospital admin is positive that the child was not kidnapped as their is video footage of the baby walking out the front door on its own. Detective Lance Boger said they believe the child took one look at his parents and said no thanks. Detective Boger is quoted as saying can you blame him. This is believed to be the youngest child to ever runaway.

a href=”http://www.cnn.com” > TEST< /a

Ok I cant link

here, try some of these, < & >

The happy trio 15 years down the road

Mommy

Daddy

Junior

Aunt Nancy- that is awesome!

and Addicted,

The Daddy looks like he should have a balloon over his head that says, "She gave me water".

Nothing like a good c-section to make you want your kid to have some royal-sounding name instead of a very sensible name like "Moon Zappa"

Does this mean our rock stars no longer smoke dope, but just shop?

I, for one, am glad to hear she SUFFERED like the rest of us mommies. I can't wait to here what she says when she starts having hot flashes.

"I'm going to be an incinerated old lady!!!"

AND does she realized that 7 layers of her much adored muscles have been cut through? Has she called Madonna yet?

A.N. -- BRILLIANT! *snorking like mad*

A nation's nightmare ends.

(And Novanglus, just a reminder that her full name is Moon Unit Zappa.)

I still can't believe that Frank named his daughter Moon Unit.

It's so obviously a boys name.

Congrats to me!

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