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September 18, 2005


Don't forget: Tomorrow is International Talk Like a Pirate Day, the day on which the whole world joins together to talk like a pirate for a very positive and important reason that at the moment slips my mind. If you need to brush up on your pirate talk, you can go here and run your mouse over the pirate critter's pants to generate a random pirate phrase, thanks to the wonder of the Pants Based Random Pirate Phrase Generator (PBRPPG), which was invented in 1704 by Bluebeard. Or possibly Blackbeard. It was definitely some guy with a beard.

Also don't forget that tomorrow at 8 a.m. I'll be appearing on Big 105.9 with Paul Castronovo and Young Ron to raise money for Katrina victims by auctioning off good stuff, including a very nice Gibson electric guitar. If you can, please tune in and bid, me hearty. Arrrr.


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Do I have to talk all goofy like that?

Can't I just go out and download a song I didn't pay for or maybe record something off cable and sell it on eBay? Please?

Well then let's all sing along with the PIRATE Songs HIGH BARBAREE!

Ladies, need a reason to get in the pirate spirit? Here you go.

Arrrr. Rotten link isn't showing my picture. Somebody'll walk the plank for this.

Let's try this again me hearties.

Well, scupper me shivers ... I got nothin' ... mebbe later in the day (grandsom's b-day party sorta tired me out ...)

Arrr. I see ol' Dave's uncluding th' guitar from th' auction. I'm thinkin he's tryin' to make off with it himself, th' scurvy dog!

Black Roger Flint (aka qetzal)
Hard and sharp, like the rock flint, but also easily chipped, and sparky. Arrr!

For those who prefer to spend Talk Like a Pirate Day at the movies, some recommended pirate-related titles (not including *sigh* Johnny Depp) include:

- The Crimson Pirate (1952) Burt Lancaster. Lighthearted, over the top, tons of swordplay.

- Davy Crocket and the River Pirates (1956) for those who can't decide if they want 50's Americana or pirates.

- 'A' Gai Waak (1983) - I am not making this up, it's a Jackie Chan period piece.

- Deadwood Dick (1940) - I think this one's about judi's whale artifact.

Those last two suggested movie titles are, well, suggestive. Arrrrrr.

this has nothing to do with talking like a pirate, but I thought some would enjoy this.

lets try this again...

some pirate hiaku:

shiver me timbers
p diddy uses bath gel
and smells like a wench

the film "Project A"
by Jackie Chan doesn't suck
though it comes damn close

mental note: never
use the hook to pick your nose
or to wipe your arse

And please don't forget that Monday (TLAPD) is also the highest of the holy days for those of us who practice Flying Spaghetti Monster-ism. One of the basic tenets of this "religion" calls for all those who practice FSM-ism to dress in full pirate clothing. What better day than tomorrow to 'just say Arrrrgh'?

What? You read Dave's Blog instead of working (OK, we all do that...) and you *don't* know about FSM? Please visit the website of the First Member: http://www.venganza.org/

May you all be touched by a noodly appendage.

Prince Wahoo

Bobby Henderson, the One True Prophet of Flying Spaghettic Monsterism, has been invited t'be guest of honor at the Pirate Guys' own Talk Like A Pirate Day party in Albany, Oregon on the 19th. As he lives just down the road, we have high hopes of combining two great causes in one great parrrrrrty!


That be all.

Has anyone else seen the Backyardigans "Pirate Treasure" episode? You people have that song stuck in my head now.

(If your life is not dominated by 2-4 year-olds, never mind)

Lou, no I haven't but have you seen the "Treasure Chest" episode of Boobahs? Must-See TV!

Yo Ho ( A Pirates life for me) The Pirates of The Caribbean

Yo ho, yo ho a pirates life for me
we pillage, we plunder, we rifle and loot
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.
we kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.
Yo ho yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
we extort, we pilfage, we filch and sack.
Drink up me 'earties yo ho
Maraude and embezzle and even hijack
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.
Yo ho, yo ho a pirate's life for me.
We kindle and char and flame and ignite
Drink up me 'earties yo ho.
We burn up the city, we're really afright
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho!
We're rascals, scoundrels, villans and naves
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.
We're devils and blacksheep and really bad eggs
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho!
Yo ho, yo ho a pirates life for me
We're beggars and blighters and ne'er do well cats
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho
I think we're loved by our mommies and dads.
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho!

That be all. Yarr.

The Last Saskatchewan Pirate

I used to be a farmer, and I made a living fine,
I had a little stretch of land along the city line
But time went by and though I tried, the money wasn't there
And bankers came and took my land and told me "fair is fair"
I looked for every kind of job, the answer always no
"Hire you now?" they'd always laugh, "we just let twenty go!"
The government, the promised me a measly little sum
But I've got too much pride to end up just another bum.
Then I thought, who gives a damn if all the jobs are gone?
I'm gonna be a PIRATE on the river Saskatchewan!!!

Cause it's a heave-ho, hi-ho, comin' down the plains
Stealin' wheat and barley and all the other grains
It's a ho-hey, hi-hey farmers bar yer doors
When ya see the Jolly Roger on Regina's mighty shores

Well, you'd think the local farmers would know that I'm at large
But just the other day I found an unprotected barge
I snuck up right behind them and they were none the wiser,
I rammed their ship and sank it and I stole their fertilizer!
A bridge outside of Moosejaw spans a mighty river
Farmers cross in so much fear their stomachs are a'quiver
Cause they know that TRACTOR JACK is hiding in the bay
I'll jump the bridge and knock them cold and sail off with their hay!

Cause it's a heave-ho, hi-ho, comin' down the plains
Stealin' wheat and barley and all the other grains
It's a ho-hey, hi-hey farmers bar yer doors
When ya see the Jolly Roger on Regina's mighty shores

Well, Mountie Bob he chased me, he was always at my throat
He'd follow on the shoreline cause he didn't own a boat
But cutbacks were a'coming and the Mountie lost his job
And now he's sailing with us, and we call him Salty Bob!
A swingin' sword, a skull and bones and pleasant company
I never pay my income tax and screw the GST (SCREW IT!!)
Prince Albert down to Saskatoon, the terror of the seas
If you wanna reach the co-op, boy, you gotta get by me!

Cause it's a heave-ho, hi-ho, comin' down the plains
Stealin' wheat and barley and all the other grains
It's a ho-hey, hi-hey farmers bar yer doors
When ya see the Jolly Roger on Regina's mighty shores

(*spoken* Arrrr! Ya salty dog!)

(*spoken* Arrrr! Ya salty gopher!)

(*spoken* Arr.. ya.. salty bale of hay!)

Well, Pirate life's appealing but you just don't find it here,
I've heard that in Alberta there's a band of buccaneers
They roam the Athabaska from Smith to Fort McKay
And you're gonna loose your stetson if you have to pass their way!
Well, winter is a'comin' and a chill is in the breeze
My Pirate days are over once the river starts to freeze
I'll be back in springtime but now I have to go
I hear there's lots of plundering down in New Mexico!

Cause it's a heave-ho, hi-ho, comin' down the plains
Stealin' wheat and barley and all the other grains
It's a ho-hey, hi-hey farmers bar yer doors
When ya see the Jolly Roger on Regina's mighty shores

Cause it's a heave-ho, hi-ho, comin' down the plains
Stealin' wheat and barley and all the other grains
It's a ho-hey, hi-hey farmers bar yer doors
When ya see the Jolly Roger on Regina's mighty shores

When ya see the Jolly Roger on Regina's mighty shores...

(And no, it's not pronounced Re-JEE-na, ever. It's pronounced Re-GYE-na.)

Did any of the rest of you get an e-mail from "BARRISTER. MUSA .A. MUSTAFA" calling you by your blog screen name and telling you you had the same last name as one of his clients who lost family members over here and asking you to pose as their next of kin to secure the release of their financial assets? It said he was attempting to track his client's last name on the internet to find his relatives, so either this is generalized spam, or his client's name is Bumble. Weird. Btw, ahoy, matey! Shiver my timbers! Keel-haul the spammers!

Dave Barry is on the radio at this very moment!

"Yes, I am a pirate/200 years too late/The cannons don't thunder/There's nothing to plunder/I'm an over-40 victim of fate/Arriving too late/Arriving too late"---"A Pirate Looks At Forty", Jimmy Buffett


I wish they would let him speak some.. Arghhhhh!

Bumble, I didn't hear from Barrister, but Eler John Wool is hitting on me - see for yourself:

Dear Eleanor ,

With good faith i have come to you about this Legitimate Business of mine, but i must first introduce myself to you.

I am Elder John Wool. The manager Credit and Account Department of Apex Global Trust and Finance Security Company"AGTFSC" Lome Togo.

I am writing in a respect of unclaimed deposit belonging to a foreigner, Late Mr. Arthur Smith of America, with account #AGTFSC/1001/44986-00/tg. Who perished on the plan crash of 31st of october,1999 with egyptian airline 990 with other passengers aboard. Since the demise of Smith, I personally have watched with kin interest to see any next of kin or beneficiary to this deposit but no one has come up for the claim of usd$14.5m(fourteen million, five hundred thousand united states dollars)has being in our security vault for a very long time. On this note, i decided to seek for your noble assistance to help me come for the release and transfer of this fund into any of your nominated bank account abroad, In the sense to make you the beneficiary to this unclaimed deposit. As no one both friends and relatives has come up as the next of kin to this deposit and our banking ethnics here does not allow such deposit to stay more than six years, because after six years the money will be confiscated into the nations treasury as an unclaimed deposit.

In view of this, I got your contact in my country's trade journal after which i was convinced to contact you and introduce this business with you as a foreigner. The request of the foreigner as a next of kin in this business is occassioned by the fact that, the customer was a foreigner and a togolaise can not stand as the next of kin to a foreigner. I have agreed to share this money with you in the mutual understanding of 65%/35%. You keep 35% while i keep 65%, How about that? Thereafter i will visit your country for mutual sharing between both of us. Bear in mind also that i would like to invest my own part of the share in your country. As i am almost due for retirement. For us to proceed towards this transaction, you have to send an application text to the security company as the next of kin to their deceased customer.

I will send to you a text of application which you shall re-type and send to the finance house, Upon your response to this mail. I will not fail to bring to your notice that this business is hitch free and that you should not entertain any fear as the whole required arrangment has been perfected for the successfull claim and transfer of this fund.

Don't forget to keep this transaction a top confidential untill we achieve our goal.
Thank you and God bless you.
Waiting for your positive response.

Best Regards,
Elder John Wool.

Reply Also To, Alt: john_wool12

Hey (_I_) ... I'll be in Regina on Friday ... wave as we drive past ... (family funeral type event) ... just sayin' ...

El ... so sorry about your Uncle Arthur Smith and his untimely demise in the plane crash ...

El! He told you to keep it confidential! :-) Here's mine:



Dear Bumble

I am BARRISTER. Musa .A.Mustafa , a solicitor at law.I am the personal attorney to ENGR.P.O.Bumble, a national of your country, who is a Contractor and have spent most of his life in my country (Togo) Here in after shall be referred to as my client. On the 21st of April 2000, my client, his wife and their only son were involved in a car accident along bagida express road.All occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost their lives. Since then I have made several enquiries to your embassy to locate any of my clients extended relatives,this has also proved unsuccessful.

After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to track his last name over the Internet, to locate any Member of his family hence I contacted you.I have contacted you to assist in repatriating the assets and Capital valued at US$25.5million left behind by my client before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable by the management of the Finance/security company, where these huge deposits were lodged declared as Family treasures of Gold Jewelry and personal precious effects. The said finance/security company, has issued me a notice to provide the next of Kin or have the Consignment confiscated within the next twenty Official working days.

Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over 2 years now, I seek the consent to present you as the Next of kin to the deceased since you have the same last names, so that this Consignment ould be released to you as wished. Therefore, on receipt of your positive response, we shall then discuss the sharing ratio and modalities for transfer. I have all necessary information and legal documents needed to back you up for claim. All I require from you is your honest cooperation to enable us see this transaction through.I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. Awaiting to hear you. Best


BARRISTER. Musa .A.Mustafa

I think Mustafa and Wool are related. Who knew there were men out there who wanted to give us money El?

we're observin the holiday here in my office in albany ny. i'm wearing cheap earrings for the occaision. they were a buck an ear. [i stole the joke, too]. ARRRRG

queensbee~ Stolen jokes are the funniest kind, unless you're Dave. :-)

I'm listening Dave on the radio via Sarcasmo's link; thanks, Sarcasmo!

Hey, now that I know the PoTC song the end makes more sense..."three rotten eggs.." Which is good because for some reason that is my favorite part of the movie. Just something about the way Johnny looks in that sceen that is just scrumptous.


and I gotta go to work ... just when it's getting interesting ...

Carry on, good people ... but don't hold your breath on the money from Togo ...

Avast and keelhaul the yardarm and yo ho and so forth. Yaarrr!

Arrrrr!!! Keep the spam down below in the galley where it belongs!

Ahoy, me bloggers!

Pirate Name generator #1
Pirate Name generator #2

Lower the mainsail 'n' swab th' decks - let's get everything ship shape fer TLAP Day!

Giant Javier Bellamy (a.k.a. mudstuffin) - Pirate haiku ?

Doris~ I be either "Bertha the Surly" or "Snifflin' Jasmine Kidd." I think I'll stick with Bumble Wench. :-) I really wish I didn't have to leave for school; I'm dying to see where this day on the blog is going to go. *sigh* Guess I'll find out at 3:30. Savvy?

Aye, after a flagon o' rum, me spelling goes right down the crapper. But the most delicate of the o'the muses is not the sole domain of ye land lubbers.

Yo ho ho and a little cup of sake, and all that.

*SQUAWK* Wind in your sails... I mean... ARRRRGH

Tis an 'appy Talk Like A Pirate day indeed. Brings a tear to me eye to 'ear all my fellow pirate talkers share their best ARRRRR's.

Just 'member, a pirate shouldn't be judged by the shine of his hook or the size of his booty. It's the size of his sword that really matters. ARRRR, avast ye swashbuckling buckle washers. Heave to and prepare to be boarded.

ARRR Bumble Wench, twas me pleasure to be helpin' the bloglits out.

Bumble and El - My deepest sympathies on the untimely demise of your long-lost Togoan relatives.

~Pirate Antonia the Well-Tanned~

judi smith - Ham-Hands Bernice
Dave Barry - Eye-Gougin' Patrick Slasher
(Keep yer Patricks stowed away today, men)

Ay, ay , ay, misspelling me own name -
the shame, the shame
I give myself 10 lashes!!

ARRRR!!!! Avast! This be the Mrs Swooshman from the black ship Seatazzz....me booty's in bad need of a shine! Ahoy all ye scurvy bloglits!! Arrrr.

Avast! Once agi’n, I do me yearly postin’….

Ahoy cap’n, thar be a steerin’ wheel in yer tousers!

Aye matey, it be drivin’ me nuts….

Oh, and boogARRRRR.

Well, I'm either Swashbuckler James the Brown, or Yellow Bill Straw ...

ARRRRRRR ... too many choices ...

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