ATTENTION, jUDI

Presenting: Men of the Internet

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

Comments

[The Walrus Penis]

So that's where I came from!

[Addicted to 24]

Wow I didnt know i would go blind so easily

[MissElleneous]

add 50lbs, a moustache and call him Guiseppe...the hunk of love second from the left, third row could be my ex

[GDogg]

Mingers on Parade.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Ouch! That is cold, Dave. At least you could have given us a warning. I mean, I'd rather look at him, you know?

[MzVette]

So, those are the guys who send me the ASL notes and then tell me they are 25, athletic and will fulfill all my dreams.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Oh, did I forget to say WARNING up there?

Sorry about that.

[Jeff Meyerson]

MzVette: maybe if your dreams are a remake of Revenge of the Nerds.

[Ivory Bill Woodpecker]

Too late, Meyerson. I be blind now, ye scurvy dog! Prepare to be keelhauled! ARRRR!--Red Roger Kidd

[Tracey]

but wait, there' more. Be sure to visit the top of the page, hit Men of the Internet and see more!

And Miss Ell,

He's not, er, well he dresses nicely.

[MissElleneous]

thanks to his mother, Tracey. Need i say more?

[Russell]

8 pages and no Ted Hoopti-Jobber??? What...too much mullet?

[jon]

AAhhhh, my eyes!

[jamester]

And a fine looking we be, too!

[wolfie]

Geeks are hawt.

[Funny Name]

And THAT's why I'm scared of online dating.

P.S. Did anyone else notice that new faces pop up whenever you click on one? There are 8 pages of 'em. Kinda reminds me of that David Hasselhoff-and-his-thong infinity thing. Only much, much uglier.

[judi]

dear dave: they do me NO GOOD when they're only on a web page.

[wolfie]

I can think of a few uses for them still judi.

I've said too much again haven't I?

*slinks off embarassed*

[Trystan Shout]

Did anyone else fiddle with the URL and see all the other stuff?

Here's the poster's "reasoning" for putting up the images:

"A web project which consists of a compilation of found images of the cornerstone of any good teen movie: computer nerds. 'Men of the internet' presents the idea of the computer nerd as a species of human that have had their bodies literally transformed and modified as a result of prolonged computer use. A collection of real life altered physiognomy and biological/technological modification: bigger brains, protruding craniums and enhanced eyesight with enormous glasses."

All I can say is that is the ugliest collection of men I have ever seen. A bellyful of beer and a 2AM closing time wouldn't help make them more attractive. Furthermore, there are not enough paperbags in the WORLD to ensure a good time with any of them!

[VictoriaE77 (Sweatin' Jezebel Straw)]

Sigh. You got me, Jeff.

Why do I always click anything that's on this blog? What's wrong with me?

As for the men of the internet: YOWSA!

[PirateBoy]

This guys ought to all band together (Or "be banned together") and start their own Unix (er...eunichs?) consulting company, as I bet the net worth of any one of them probably exceeds the collective wealth of most of us here (Except Dave, of "He who can afford his own oosik" fame).

I'm also looking at them and saying "That one looks like John (co-worker) but less nerdy". I scare myself, sometimes.

They also aren't scruffy enough to be journalists.

[Somewhere North]

Wow. Every one of them looks like either a physics professor or a stalker. That is one ugly collection.

[Tamara]

Addicted to 24: *snork!!*

[Candy Tutt]

...more Merchant Semen...

[Leetie]

Hey! I spotted Sly's uncle from the Gert Jonnys on page 6!

[Leetie]

oh crap. wrong picture.
here's another one.

[Mike "Mad's Dork" Weasel]

*blink blink* Could the author of that website chosen any brighter background colors?

[pogo]

Pirateboy - We UNIX geeks usually don't get that wealthy but it's a damn good living.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Excellent work, Leetie!

[crossgirl]

i'm thinking they'd be adorable dressed up in bee costumes!

[Somewhere North]

I can just hear the line "Can I come over and work on your RSS agravator?"

[Amy]

How many of these guys has ever gotten laid?

[Christobol]

They've "laid" lots of times.

With girls in Niagara Falls.

You wouldn't know them.

[Suzy Q]

Wow....I think I'll just stay single.

[Rachel]

One of the men on the first page looks kind of like a former boss of mine.

[Kilmeny]

Sorta reminds me of my high school's Dungeons and Dragons club.

[Novanglus]

So this is why the porn sites are visited more than any other sites?

I say,let's form a people's NEW WORLD GOVERNMENT (before all the rich elite do) and put these guys on our Supreme NEW WORLD GOVERNMENT court.....that way all computors virus senders would really get the punishment they deserve,(like working in a restaurant as short order cooks the rest of thier lives) and everyone in the World would get free new software updates.

[Somewhere North]

Is that "lied" or "laid"? Or lied about being la*d? Although I will say we've seen some darned ugly people walking around here in Southern Ontario lately. I just thought it was a side effect of the smog.

[PeeJay]

C-bol: Excellent obscure reference!

[Amy]

Is this what happens when first cousins marry?

[Jerry Lee Lewis]

Absolutly not Amy, when first cousins marry, there is this gene that mutates, and then all your kids have....

[insomniac]

...great balls of fire?

[scatti]

1. Luckily for these guys, we need them.

2. Hey, do we really care if the guys who keep spam out of our lives look like Brad Pitt?

3. Some of these guys may be internet millionaires. Some may be richer than Brad Pitt.

4. See Novaglus' joke.

[Addicted to 24]

Hey guys call me crazy but third row in the middle doesnt that look like dave

[Leetie]

Ahhh! It's him!

[U.O]

Only about 26 of these (approximately) 300 guys do NOT (not knot, or naught) wear glasses ... haven't they ever heard of contacts, to enhance one's image?

(Whew ... they din't have my 8th grade photo in there ... but it woulda fit right in ... not to brag or anything ... very DEFINITELY NOT to brag ...)

[Sallyacious]

Make it stop! Make it stahahaaap!

[Jacki]

Somewhere North wrote: Is that "lied" or "laid"? Or lied about being la*d?

My professor recently wrote:
to lie (to recline)...I lie on the bed.
to lay (to put).....I lay my book on the bed.

That's easy enough. What gets hard is when you look at past tense.

to lie (recline) goes like this:
I lie, you lie, we all lie (on our beds).
Yesterday, I lay, you lay, we all lay (on our beds).
In the past, I have lain, you have lain, and we've all lain.

to lay (put) goes like this:
I lay, you lay, we all lay the book down.
Yesterday, I laid, you laid, we all laid it down.
In the past, I have laid, you have laid, etc.

So, are people grammatically correct when they tell Brutus to "lay down"! Only if they're leaving whatever it is poor Brutus is supposed to lay down--"lay the dish down, Brutus!"

lie-lay-lain
lay-laid-laid
la-de-dah

I say screw it all and just get...wait, darn, that doesn't work either does it...

Just when we need is Mr. Language Person he is out duct taping walrus penises to his patio.

[jt]

AH! AH! AH1! MAKE IT STOP! PLEASE GOD MAKE IT STOP!

[Maureen]

Hey you guys!
Dave, I hope that your power stays on and that nothing else bad happens, although, that is of course just plain silly.
I want to FIRST thank you because no matter what your editor may have told you, your "Dave Barry Slept Here" has CONTINUED to help me ace history papers, including one I wrote last week under the influence of cough syrup about John Locke that made no sense whatsoever, but still got an A+.
SECONDLY I was planning on going to your Appleton, WI PAC appearance, however, my evil, evil boss has scheduled me to work. Maybe I can convince my dad to go...like that'll be real hard...

Also....WTF with the pictures? Who are these people ? WHY are they so ugly? I think they might need some sort of permit, unless they turn out to be fabulously wealthy, then by all means; "talk nerdy to me!"

[louis gehrig]

OK, I admit it. These are my "before" pictures that I sent to Dave. Thanks to everyone here for their warm comments and outpouring of support, you are truly wonderful people. Don't ever change. Thanks to all of the encouragement from friends like you, I have now become the person I always wanted to be.

Hang in there A.N. - There's a lot of football left.
*sounds of Mrs. Gehrig bursting into tears*

[bbescuela]

Is that "Thank to Claire Martin" because it's only worth one "thank?" Or is there a deeper meaning?

[kibby F5™]

D@MN YOU MEYERSON!!!

*wonders what he has to do to keep his photo out of the line-up*

And we're thanking Claire Martin for this!?

BURN HER! BURN HER! kidding

oh, look, a duck!

[ceeg22]

kibby, are you saying that Claire Martin weighs the same as a duck, therefore she must be a ... ?

[queensbee]

the yearbook photos are unfair. somepeople do grow out of their nerd-itude... then again.........where would we turn to get our computers fixed?
geeks r us wbagnfarb

[Tamara]

Don't forget:

to lie (fib) - lie, lied, lied! ;)

Thanks, Jacki; that was fun! :)

[Sondra]

ATTENTION, jUDI!!???!!!

What are you trying to do? Turn judi into a lesbian?

[Flash]

It's uncanny; about half of the students in my computer repair classes look just like these guys. Of course, they are the ones who are getting the best grades (and the best jobs). So be grateful, these are the guys who keep your computers (and the Internet) working.

[Candy Tutt]

My first high school boyfriend looked like one of these guys...after graduation, he moved to Oregon and joined a hippie commune...

[lmd33]

judi:

But they do you FAR LESS BAD when they're only on a web page!

Okay, now that I've picked myself up off the floor, I can 'honestly' say that Page Two, middle row, last two are proof positive that the human race has been mating with aliens.

[drama_queen]

n the biggest geek wd b the one who compiled such a colllection.

[glix]

Y'know, after a while, they all start to look alike. Actually, as soon as you go to the page...

BTW--In reference to "lay" vs. "laid", here's the lesson my junior year English teacher swore she could get fired for:

"Whenever something has been manipulated, you always use the word 'laid'."

[Lori]

so, when does the nude calendar come out?