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September 19, 2005


No doubt you have been asking yourself: "What happens if Rita slams into Miami and causes the walrus penis bone on Dave's patio to become a 150-mile-per-hour airborne missile? Might not somebody get hurt, or -- worse -- become pregnant? (Judi would be SO jealous.)

Not to worry! I have taken the precaution of securing it to the patio, using two pieces of masking tape.



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We are all very impressed at your, um, foresight.

Nothing beats good old masking tape of course!

Aesthetically speaking, the photo has nice balance created by the shoe.

Why not just put the walrus back on top of it? That should hold it down.

Excellent preparedness, Dave. Although you might want to get Mrs. Blog on the phone and tell her to get in line for some more tape.

Shouldn't it be thrown into the pool? Duct taped to the bottom perhaps?

Just a thought - wouldn't it be fun to see one of those on-the-spot-reporters with the Donald-Trump-wannabee hairdo get whacked in the noggin by an airborne oosik?

I think it might even be fun if the oosik was born by a fat guy in a t-shirt.

duct tape!! get duct tape. then get outta dodge.

Ok. That takes care of the Walrus...

But what have Ye done, Dave, to... arrrg... Batten Down YOUR Hatches (okay... okay... I'm sure yours is a Yardarm)?

Funny stuff, Dave. Good idea, Pogo!

Question: Just how does one go about determining whether they might be drunk around your house, Dave?

I mean, I've always abided by the traditional rule that when you start seeing walrus penises taped to the patio floor, it's time to switch to lite beer...

Nice prep, Dave!
It's good to get ready for Rita, but the next one is named Stan. Does "Hurricane Stan" win for the dumbest natural disaster (without the last name Spears-Federline)?

Arrr, ye've secured the penis bone ahhright, but what have ye done about the
Or is it this kind of

What a lovely shoe Dave.

Mrs. Blog is running around Miami/Dade hunting and gathering for the impending storm.

You are taping walrus penises to the pool deck.

Well, at least this time, you aren't on your way to California.

Is it just me, or does that oosik look broken in the middle? Or is supposed to be that way?

Arrrr! Nail it to your mainmast and use it for an anem-... anemom- wind-vane thingy!!!

When you saw Paul McCartney, wish you would have thought to request that he play "I Am the Walrus" and dedicate it to Judi.

Wow Dave. FEMA can learn from you. That is delegation of duties. Mrs. Blog, when she gets back from the supermarket which should be about 2 days after the storm passes, is really gonna kill you.

So now the 101 Uses for Duct Tape book will have to be updated to 102 Uses for Duct Tape..."to secure walrus penis to patio."

Even if it did get loose, the resulting offspring can't be any worse than Preston Festus Cletus Doo-Hickey Spears Federline.

Stay DOWN boy.


This technique would have been helpful had I thought of it during eighth grade when I (and those around me) had to weather Hurricane Puberty.

gfunk~ You would have duct taped yourself (or parts thereof) to the patio?


This technique would have been helpful had I thought of it in eighth grade during Hurricane Puberty.

Not necessarily to the patio, but, like all of us, there were times it needed to be secured.

"Gavin, why don't you come work this problem out on the board?"
"No, that's OK... I'll just stay sitting at my desk, thanks..."

Hey Dave,

Not to armchair quarterback, but I'd have used dick tape.


Never, in my wildest, most feverish dreams did I ever imagine that I would one day see a walrus penis bone taped to a patio.

I'm not sure if I should thank you, or be alarmed.

Argh, Dave be missing his wee girl. She went to school and now no one is home all day to play Barbies with. For entertainment today he blogged all day and taped the oosik to the patio with masking tape. Now it be time for me to finish my laundry and fix me Captain a hot, nutritious dinner with a grog chaser like any good pirate wench.

When she gets home, and you discover she has forgotten the bleach, do you make her go back to the store?

Just wondering.

Are you going to make her cook dinner for you too, Dave? After Mrs. Blog comes back with supplies? Will you tell her you have to stay on the patio and guard the oosik or else you'd be happy to whip up a nice paella for dinner??? :)

*loves Mrs. Blog a plank for Mr. Blog to walk*

BTW Dave you need to pressure wash your bricks.

Didn't Will Smith have to tape his oosik to his patio deck?

Maybe I'm getting my stories confused.

Dave, we appreciate your everyman-ness but your really are allowed to buy nicer shoes.

> BTW Dave you need to pressure wash your bricks.

Hurricane Stan will do that very nicely.

Notice the male/female disaster preparedness theme:

Mrs. Blog: Goes shopping, buys food, battens down hatches.

Dave: Tapes penis to floor.

....but not his own. Just an assumption.

C'mon Dave, masking tape ain't gonna do it. Duct (or as you Floridians call it "duck") tape or nothing, preferably with plastic sheeting over it.

hurrican-i-stan would be a good name for the Gulf Coast...

The time has come, the Walrus said ...


Mr. Walrus: That does not. No more tequila for me; EVER!

Mrs. Walrus: That's what you said last time. HEY!! Where's your penis?!

Mr. Walrus: Taped to a patio in Miami.

Mrs. Walrus: uh-huh. OK, you're off the tequila.

Mr. Walrus: Like I said.

Penis tape? Don't give my Mrs. any ideas!!

It's Bob Dole on the phone, he saw the blog and wants to know where HE can find one of those....

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