IF YOU PLAN TO EAT ANYTHING EVER AGAIN

...you will not want to read this.

(Via Matt Welch, a member of the legendary Corvids)

Comments

[joe]

First!

[Spinning Girl]

Personally, I don't want my uvula "felt up" by a food item. It's right up there with tongue--the food that tastes you back.

[JayBirdMama]

Sheesh....it's 9 o'clock in the morning. When will I learn that if it says.....IF YOU EVER PLAN TO EAT AGAIN---it really means, IF YOU EVER PLAN TO EAT AGAIN....

[queensbee]

not to mention, a really long, digressive, boring article. that wont necessarily keep me from eating. reading, maybe.....

[louis gehrig]

That is the most revolting thing I have ever read.

Cool.

[Mike]

Is the rooster ok?

[Russell]

mmmm..."highly viscous, more resembling mucous".. please sir, can I have some more?

[Trystan Shout]

Ah, Russell, you beat me to the Key Quote!

"Mucous?" In my mouth - and not created by my own body. I don't THINK so!

I think the other Key Word here is "live." Live? LIVE?!

(The Felt Up Uvulas WBAGNFARB)

[Tracey]

Does the article ever make a point?
zzzzzzzz

[MOTW]

Yuck.

[Leetie]

Lighten up, everyone! Look at the other articles. This guy is on a quest to eat the most disgusting "foods" on Earth.

[crossgirl]

they got me on the "live" part. if it's just the tentacles, can they be alive, or are they just squirmy like chopped up snakes? regardless, octupus are intelligent creatures and i hope they have a good lawyer.

[spinner8]

Lawyer #1: Your honor, my clients were dismemebered and eaten alive and they did not have mullets.

Judge (who may or may not have been the "eat anything for a dollar judge mentioned in another post"): Counselor, do you have anything to say in response to this compelling argument.

Lawyer #2: They were octopi, judge.

Judge: Nice use of an irregular, latinate plural, counselor.

Lawyer #2: Thank you, your honor.

Lawyer #1: But, judge, they were cut into bits and eaten alive.

Judge: I don't mean to seem uninteressted, but I've just been paged that a very large number of bratwurst have been eaten by a 99-pound woman. I'll have to take this case under advisement.

[KOW]

Three words: Best. Diet. Ever.

This article is just what we were looking for to replace Atkins. I may never eat again. Anytime I'm tempted, I can just hit that page and immediately change my mind.

[seatazzz]

Talk about droning on and on and on before you get to the point....then it whacks you over the head (one of those hard, nauseating whacks that make you want to call Ralph and Huey on the porcelain phone). My bagel chips are now roiling uncomfortably in my stomach and I feel faint. Thanks Dave!!!

[LabSpecimen]

It says something about me that, immediately upon finishing this article, I'm heading out for sushi.

It says something, already. Something disturbing.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Now this time I know I saw them perform in the 60s: Live Octopus Tentacles. Sure, they opened for Squid Ink.

[crossgirl]

this dish would make for a very interesting competitive food eating contest.

[Tamara]

Guaranteed to make Tamara hungry:
1) Sex
2) Dissections (a la Anatomy class)
3) Reading Polly PI's blog
4) Swimming
5) Discussion of anything slimy and revolting

I, too, ran out to lunch upon finishing the article, Labby.

[WriterDude]

Lab and Tamara: I swear I am not making this up, but I'm also heading out right now for lunch at a local sushi bar. However, I will be steering very clear of anything with tentacles.

So, Lab, you are not alone in being disturbed. I wonder, how many times did you think of that article during lunch? I'll tell you mine if you'll tell me yours.

[LabSpecimen]

Well, I settled for Skyline chili for lunch instead of sushi. I didn't think of the article at all while I ate my plate of spaghetti. Go figure.

[Bumble]

I didn't read the whole article. Can you say long winded? Could one of you more intrepid people briefly summarize what the girl's chick had to do with octopus tentacles?

[crossgirl]

to summarize:the chick was attacked by an octopus who had been hired by the centipede clan. ever since that fateful day when she was found covered in sucker marks and writhing in pain, and the writer had to put her out of her misery with something flamable, while his sister watched on, he has not been able to eat fried chicken but has developed a not-to-be-denied craving for justice against octopi and thus, he dines on writhing octopus tentacles in chickies memory. the octopus are now tring to kill him. and have hired lawyers.

[Bumble]

Right-O then. I think I'm going to go back to bed.

[WriterDude]

Lab: Aw, you chickened out! But let me get this straight -- Skyline chili involves spaghetti? That may take more bravery than sushi, so I'll withdraw my first comment, and instead express my Italian wife's indignation. ;-)

Oh, yeah... thought of the article five times.

[Spagheddios]

For all you ADD heads who can't get through well-written prose or anything that requires reading more than four panels of speech bubbles, then check out LIVE TENTACLES the movie:

http://deependdining.blogspot.com/2005/07/live-tentacles-movie-prince-restaurant.html

Cut and paste above URL to your address window if not linked.

[Mike "Mad's Dork" Weasel]

Only in L.A. Now I know what happened to all those squid that washed up on the beach a few months back...