ZOO TOUR REPORT

This morning this blog toured Miami Metro Zoo, which has an amazing array of wild animals, some of them nearly as wild and scary as the standard South Florida cockroach (average weight 380 pounds). The tour was led by Mr. Ron Magill, who once gave this blog, as a gift, a walrus penis roughly the length of a canoe paddle (really).

We learned many fascinating facts about animals. Did you know, for example, that the best way for a human to communicate with a rhinoceros is via carrot phone?

 

Comments

[Higgy]

Wow - the crapcam really sucks on the new blog!

[lobstersaver]

Why is Dave trying to fight that gray blob with a mini light sabor?

[insomniac]

not a banana phone?

what do you do with a walrus penis paddle?

Stroke....stroke...stroke..

[Lobstersaver]

Also, good thing we now have trackback; I must have missed the original somewhere, but it cleared everything up!

[working guy]

Is the picture blurred to protect Dave or the rhino?

[bugs bunny]

i always heard that carrots are good FOR the eyes.

i never heard that carrots are good IN the eyes.

[flamingogirl]

That's Dave? Are you sure? How can you tell with the black bar over his eyes?

[Amy]

Is that your horn or are you just glad to see me?

[Leetie]

click on the picture for a better view

[TCK]

a walrus penis paddle?

I've been trying to figure out a good anniversary gift for my wife....but I'm not sure that's the direction I want to go

[Amy]

I said "parrot" dammit!

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

Does Magill call himself Lil (or does everyone know him as Nancy)?

["John Galt"]

Sorry. Can't hear you. I have a carrot in my ear.

[TCK]

so did the picture just come into focus? or is my medication wearing off?

[seatazzz]

*SNORK* Walrus Penis Paddle anagrams to Ed News Lip Slurp!

[Lt. Woman (AIH)]

I think the Crap Cam (TM Thingy) must have been dropped by the movers. Either that or the operator has had one too many refreshing beverages.

Useless factoid picked up from last zoo visit locally - the zoo was hoping one of their female rhinos was pregnant (you can't tell until they're about 6 months along, and the pregnancy lasts for over a year...), and they were giving out rhino baby facts. average birth weight is 140lbs. I don't remember a thing after that. I think I may have passed out.

[seatazzz]

Kind of.

[Amy]

Gee, and my mother always told me that potatoes grow in your ears.

[Lt. Woman (AIH)]

It came into focus while I was composing my post!!
Nice shirt, Dave.

[seatazzz]

Also A Dad Swell Prune Pip.

[spinner8]

Actually, on my browser, this new picture looks very fine (if you ignore the fact that it's (not its) a picture of a Pulitzer-prize-winning guy listening to a carrot in a Rhino's mouth) compared to prior crapcam offerings. Did the crapcam get upgraded or has it been doing its (not it's) best with all those giant people holding guns (or, perhaps, paddles) when really it was a rhinocam all along?

[LabSpecimen]

Pretty neat, Leets. I like the image as a link to the original thing. Nice feature of the new digs.

[Mr.Fisher]

Walrus Penis Paddle the III WBAGNFA Duke.

[seatazzz]

I clicked on the picture and almost fell off my chair---extreme closeup! Nice feature though. Here is more you can do with carrots.

[seatazzz]

The Purple Carrots (albeit AGNFARB) look scary.

[spinner8]

Good link, seatazzz. I especially like the mail link entitled "Ask Mr. Carrot a Question."

[M.C.]

I think the Fabulous ThunderTechs told Dave they'd improve the quality of his camera... if only he would then pose however they told him to for the first test pic.

Also, where do you stick the carrot when it's the rhino's turn to talk?

[crossgirl]

what begs to be asked is, why did mr. magill have a walrus penis? perhaps more importantly, why would you part with such a thing?! that goes for mr. magill AND the walrus.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

QUICK! THAT THING IS SUCKING DAVE'S BRAINS OUT THROUGH THE CARROT!!!

[Mr.Fisher]

About the current topic, I no longer carrot seems silly.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Wait, Dave was led around the zoo by Geraldo? Just making sure...

(Dave, be careful...he's more dangerous than a Brain-Sucking Rhino...)

[Addicted to 24]

It's all fun and games until your ear gets bitten off by a Rhino and we have to send in the resulting article into the blog but that would be blog worthy.

[Sondra]

Rhino Breath WBAGNFARB

[just askin']

geraldo's advice ... "you just have to be yourself being yourself ..."

did everyone here go to the same school of journalism? *snork*

[Maud]

So, if he likes you, he sticks his carrot in your ear. And if he doesn't like you....it's his horn? Does it still go in your ear?

[Christobol]

Wow, that's a great photo. I think I would have run the one with the hippo though.

[Eleanor]

Leetie - thanks for the "click on the pic" tip - way cool!

[adult dating]

I could hear that carrot going up your ear umm yuck

[queensbee]

dave, i think this photo would be a great back cover pic for your next book: "Are you finding it hard to hear, or do you have a carrot in your ear."
pick a topic that goes with that title.

[Higgy]

I still think that shirt qualifies as "Blue"....

[Christobol]

"...And another difference between a rhino bred in captivity and one you might encounter in the wild is that you almost never would survive sticking one end of a carrot in your ear and the other in the rhino's mouth in the wild. Questions?"

"Yes. Can I do that here?"

"Go ahead."

[Dan Marino]

Color of shirt, Aqua.

[Mr.Fisher]

"Lemme hear ya say Hey!"

"Hey ey ay ey"

"A little bit louder now"

"A little bit Louder now"

"A little bit LOUDER now"

[tropichunt.com guy™]

My apologies...this just came to mind...

Do You Hear What I Hear?

Said the Geraldo to the Blue Shirt Dave
Do you see what I see?
Try the big carrot, Blue Shirt Dave
Do you see what I see?

It's Dave, it's Dave
Holding a carrot
To his ear hoping I won't bite
To his ear hoping I won't bite

Said Grey Rhino to the Blue Shirt Dave
Do you hear what I hear?
Behind these damn bars, Blue Shirt Dave
Do you hear what I hear?

A tongue, a tongue
Somewhere near my ear
That's as big and wet as can be
That's as big and wet as can be

Said the Blue Shirt Dave to the Grey Rhino
Do you know what I know?
I have an oosik, Grey Rhino
Do you know what I know?

Its horn, its horn
Doesn't feel that cold
But it looks big and really old
But it looks big and really old

Said Blue Shirt Dave to blogits ev'rywhere
Listen to what I say!
Please don't use carrots near your ears
Listen to what I say!

The pain, the pain
Where it took a bite
Makes my oosik hurt during night
Makes my oosik hurt during night

[Mike "Mad's Dork" Weasel]

Dave's new Injun name: "Speaks With Rhinos (via Carrot)"

[William Clarke]

Dave, you got an oosik? That's awesome! They are considered very ornate, and are fairly expensive. Rep. Don Young (R-Alaska) has two hanging in his DC office. He once got in trouble for waving it at a woman during a congressional hearing. I swear I am not making this up.