Dave Barry's Blog: SOON TO BE A MADE-FOR-CBS MOVIE

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July 21, 2005

SOON TO BE A MADE-FOR-CBS MOVIE

Gerbils

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

Posted by Dave on July 21, 2005 at 01:09 PM | Permalink

Comments

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Faust. First. Freud?

Posted by: Psycho Joe | July 21, 2005 at 01:13 PM

Pregnant Gerbils WBAGNFA (female)RB

Posted by: Eleanor | July 21, 2005 at 01:13 PM

Claire strikes again!!!

Posted by: julietine | July 21, 2005 at 01:13 PM

Any chance the place belonged to Richard Gere?

Posted by: qetzal | July 21, 2005 at 01:14 PM

Whoever is responsible for this should hook up with the crazy lady here in Indiana who filled a house she was supposed to be house-sitting with cats. Live and dead. Everywhere. Hundreds.

Posted by: Bumble | July 21, 2005 at 01:14 PM

They should introduce that house to the house where the cat lady lives.

Posted by: Balanchine | July 21, 2005 at 01:14 PM

rats! I bet they're running in circles on a suspended wheel wondering what to do!

Posted by: ucokimbo | July 21, 2005 at 01:16 PM

Firstly. She had 500 gerbils.
Why do you prosecute the owners of that house?
People FEED gerbils to their snakes.
Wanna prosecute somebody? Prosecute that guy.
He's prolly killed more gerbils and rats than those folks in the article HAVE IN THEIR HOUSE!
But i sense i've gone too far.

Posted by: Psycho Joe | July 21, 2005 at 01:21 PM

I wouldn't want to see her duct tape bill.

Posted by: xmnr | July 21, 2005 at 01:30 PM

I thought i was the only person who had a duct tape bill....

Posted by: Psycho Joe | July 21, 2005 at 01:32 PM

This happened in Portsmouth, Hampshire, which gave me a scare cause I live in Portsmouth, NEW Hampshire. This is exactly why we left England and made a NEW England and a NEW Hampshire - too many frikkin gerbils.

(Check the Bill of Rights, I believe one of the paragraphs deals with "The Right to Live Free Of Vermin, Such as gerbils, rats and King George")

Posted by: Punkin Poo | July 21, 2005 at 01:34 PM

The animals have been signed over to the RSPCA to be cared for at one of the charity's centres. They are asking for donations of food and bedding.

If I were a talking gerbil my demands would probably a little more complicated.

Posted by: M.C. | July 21, 2005 at 01:36 PM

Hmmm. It took four posts before the obligatory Richard Gere "joke." What took so long?

Of course, people who *believe* the Richard Gere story also believe the Rod Stewart (or Elton John, David Bowie, Marc Almond, Mick Jagger, Andy Warhol, Jeff Beck et al) swallowing gallons of semen story, girls getting impregnated by sperm in swimming pools, and that Little Mikey of LIFE cereal fame died from eating Pop Rocks and soda. (SOURCE: www.snopes.com)

Posted by: Trystan Shout | July 21, 2005 at 01:59 PM

felching?

Posted by: sct72 | July 21, 2005 at 02:06 PM

Trystan-

But Santa is still real......right?

*lip quivers*

Posted by: elle | July 21, 2005 at 02:08 PM

Bumble, gmta... whaddya say we blow this pop stand?

Posted by: Balanchine | July 21, 2005 at 02:22 PM

I read that as New Hampshire too Pumpkin since my boyfriend currently lives there. I sent him an e-mail with that article saying, "So, that is what you guys do in your spare time" haha... ooops

Posted by: MzVette | July 21, 2005 at 02:24 PM

Trystan - thank you for saying so eloquently what i was going to say to qetzal in a snarky way!

The Richard Gere/gerbil story is NOT true.

Posted by: Eleanor | July 21, 2005 at 02:29 PM

Booger.

Posted by: Psycho Joe | July 21, 2005 at 02:35 PM

I know it's not true. I didn't realize we could only say true stuff on the blog now. No one told me about the rule change!

(Sorry, Richard. All in good fun, right?)

M.C. - real drinks, or deferred drinks?

Posted by: qetzal | July 21, 2005 at 02:57 PM

I reject your reality and substitute my own.
I'm quoting someone, but i forgot who...
Must be drunk...

Posted by: Psycho Joe | July 21, 2005 at 03:16 PM

Last???
Please no...

Posted by: Psycho Joe | July 21, 2005 at 03:16 PM

pj...quote: adam savage?

Posted by: js | July 21, 2005 at 03:24 PM

Psycho Joe: You are quoting Adam Savage, Mythbuster.

I trust his royalty check is in the mail.

Posted by: marlodianne | July 21, 2005 at 03:27 PM

And how many people thought of Dave every time they saw the trebuchet hurl the car in that Mythbusters episode? Aside, of course, from thinking: That is so cool!

Posted by: marlodianne | July 21, 2005 at 03:32 PM

Neener. beatcha to it:)

Posted by: js | July 21, 2005 at 03:32 PM

Dave is joshing, because he is a professional at it, but if you want to know about the real tv movies showing on CBS next year, how about Vampire Bats? That, of course, is in the great tradition of Locusts - a no-brainer really, because how can you go wrong with a movie about mutant killer bats (also AGNFARB)?

But the article will up this year's already miserable hurricane season one (make that two) better, with Category 7: The End of the World. And no, Christobol did NOT make that one up. (At least I don't think he did.)

And there is Martha Behind Bars, which has Cybill Shepherd as Martha strip-searched.

Can't wait!

Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | July 21, 2005 at 03:43 PM

Balanchine- I'm with you. :-)

Posted by: Bumble | July 21, 2005 at 03:50 PM

js: only because I am on a bad dialup modem :P

Posted by: marlodianne | July 21, 2005 at 03:50 PM

qetzal! I was being playful - not as in gerbil playful, but as in DB playful! And what there is no room for on this blog is being sensitive -
*little girl voice* Do you still like me?

Posted by: Eleanor | July 21, 2005 at 03:50 PM

ewwwwwww. and i thought the woman up here in upstate ny with over 200 cats and dogs, and their droppings all over her tiny house was bad. ick. animal cruelty even towards little rodents is dizguzzzting. how do people even live like that? they seem more like tribbles ....

Posted by: queensbee | July 21, 2005 at 03:52 PM

Yeah, it's gross what people do. The cat story mentioned above- I was totally appalled when I read it in the paper. Not only had she filled her own house with cats, but this other house she was house-sitting. The Humane Society came in and took out all the live cats, but in the end I think they had to put them all down because they were sick from being in that environment so long. So sad. Of course, one of my co-workers just had to pass me the paper with that story in it over lunch... *sigh*

Posted by: Bumble | July 21, 2005 at 03:57 PM

[playful yet sincere voice] I was too, El! [/playful yet sincere voice]

[babytalk voice] Of course I still wike youuuuu! [/babytalk voice]

(Still trying to get the hang of these obscure html codes.)

Posted by: qetzal | July 21, 2005 at 04:04 PM

WHEW!!!

All is well in qetzal/El land....

Posted by: Eleanor | July 21, 2005 at 04:09 PM

Elle --

Of *course* Santa is real.

But don[t just take MY word for it. Read the poem that begins "Yes, Virginia..."

Posted by: Trystan Shout | July 21, 2005 at 04:15 PM