Dave Barry's Blog

SAVVY TRAVELER UPDATE

When we Miami residents visit foreign nations such as Ireland, we make it a point to sample the local cuisine.

WE ARE BEGINNING TO WONDER

Is this news source also known as "Ananova South"? (NTTAWWT.)

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

TRAVEL UPDATE

We have moved to Ireland, which according to our guide book is an entirely different country. So far we have found the people to be polite, but reserved.

ANOTHER FINE NAME FOR A ROCK BAND

Trotsky's Icepick.

(Thanks to Michael Winograd)

PRODUCTIVITY ENHANCER

Go on, get some work done.

No, really, go ahead.

(Thanks to wolfie)

SENSELESS TRAGEDY NARROWLY AVERTED

But the force field of hype has not been penetrated.

(Thanks to John Durkin)

PROUDER STILL TO BE AN AMERICAN

Sort of.

(Thanks to Bill Jeffreys)

NEWSFLASH

Or not.

(Thanks to Russell Mc)

WHEN GUYS ARE BORED

Get out fast.

(Thanks to Paul Roub)

NO-DOUBT-ABOUT-IT HEADLINE OF THE DAY

(Thanks to Theresa Hogue)

UPDATE

England is safe, with the three of us on guard.

CRICKET UPDATE

Here are your cricket highlights from today's London Telegraph (these highlights are from different stories, not that it matters):

Harbhajan Singh, Surrey's Indian Test off-spinner, is expected to be reported to Lord's for verbally abusing Gloucestershire's Mark Hardings after a confident appeal of a catch by Scott Newman at silly point was rejected by umpire Allan Jones.

Andrew Hall hooked the first four balls for four, missed the fifth, left the sixth -- a no-ball -- and planted the seventh into deep square leg's hands.

But Tom Bresnan, whose third-seamer duties proved to be a crucial difference between the sides, played with an admirably straight bat as Dawson intermingled playing and missing with some thumping boundaries.

This has been your cricket update. Please bear in mind that "The Thumping Boundaries" would be a good name for a rock band.

PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN

Where we can wear frozen vegetables if we want to, darn it!

(Thanks to Debbi Groeler; yes, she sent it first)

ATTENTION, POLITICIANS WHO ARE LOOKING FOR WAYS TO INTEREST THE AVERAGE VOTER IN THE LEGISLATIVE PROCESS

Here you go.

(Thanks to queensbee)

UPDATE: There is video footage here, though not, unfortunately, of lawmakers.

A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

To avoid global confusion and possible civil unrest, we hereby announce this announcement.

(Heartfelt thanks to MOTW)

ATTENTION, FLORIDA DRIVERS

Be careful out there!

(Thanks to Allison Metz)

GOOD NEWS FOR GOOD-DEED-DOERS

It may go unpunished after all.

(Thanks to hayleen)

HUMANS VS. SNAKES

Finally, a win for us.

GUYS VS. WOMEN: TOURISM PHILOSOPHIES

There is an underlying tension between the genders in our approaches to sightseeing. The women want to see everything – look at every museum display, read every explanation. They move at roughly the speed of highway construction. Whereas Ridley and I believe that the important thing is to cover ground. "Never come to a full stop before any display below the rank of Crown Jewel," that is our motto. If we were in charge of the sightseeing schedule here, it would look like this:

Tower of London: 10 minutes

British Museum: 10 minutes

Wales: 15 minutes

If you're wondering which gender has prevailed in this struggle, I'm guessing you're not a married guy.

LONDON UPDATE

Ridley and I visited the Peter Pan statue in Kensington Gardens, and it really brought out the twit boy in us.

THE BRITS ARE SO RESERVED

RIDLEY EXPERIENCES BRITISH CULTURE

LONDON UPDATE

Last night we went to see the musical production of "Mary Poppins," which is quite different from the movie, and astonishingly good. If this show gets to New York, it will be huge, one of those shows that run forever.

The theater had been closed the night before because of the bombings, but last night the house was full. We stood for a minute of silence in honor of the bombing victims, and then the show, as shows must, went on.

The show goes on everywhere here: The underground is running again, and people are resuming their lives. I remain awed by how calmly Londoners have handled the terrorist attack. I believe that one reason for this is that the British TV news people have displayed less excitability and hysteria than American TV news people displayed in response to the Michael Jackson verdict. That's not an exaggeration: That's really how it appears.

DO YOU SUPPOSE SHE HAS AN EBAY HANDLE?

hey dave!!!!! you're sooo awesome!! im a really HUGE fan of yours!! i think
you're sooo talented!!!!!!!!!!! i LOVE tennis and i think you're soooo great
at it!!

i was wondering if you can send me an autograph. i would be soooo
grateful!!! and it would mean alot to me!!

if you can, send it to:
Keiko (edited)
Wayne, NJ 07470

thanks a bunch!!!!!!!!!!! good luck with your career!!
-Keiko

YOU KNOW HOW THEY SAY NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED?

Turns out it's true.

(Thanks to Dick Smith)

NOT A TRAGEDY, WE GUESS

When seals act like sheep.

(Thanks to Mollenkamp)

TRAGEDY: WHEN SHEEP ACT LIKE ...

Sheep.

(Thanks to all you blogsheep)

MUSEUM UPDATE

Quote from Michelle (frowning at museum map): "We have to go through Europe to get to the second floor."

Quote from Storey Pearson, age 6, looking at giant statue of the Crucifixion: "There's Jesus on the cross!" (pause) "That really hurt."

UPDATE FROM THE BLOG: THE GIANT MERINGUE

In the cafe of the Victoria and Albert Museum, Ridley bought the largest
single free-range meringue I have ever seen. God help us if this thing ever
gets loose.

AND IN OTHER GOOD NEWS

Somebody in Australia found a rare green thigh frog. Here's a photo.

MEANWHILE IN TANZANIA

...the authorities are taking action.

HURRICANE DENNIS

I've been checking with people back in South Florida to see if Hurricane Dennis is going to whack my house, and the consensus of the experts seems to be: No, it will not, unless it does, in which case, yes. So I'm feeling really calm over here in London.

G'NIGHT FROM LONDON

We went for a walk tonight, and the streets are pretty deserted. Lots of places are closed, though not, I am pleased to report, the pubs.

It's been a disorienting couple of days. Londoners went to bed last night jubilant over winning the 2012 Olympic games. This morning they found themselves in a nightmare. The Olympic celebration is indefinitely on hold. Tonight London is a somber, saddened city.

But not a beaten city.

Not even close.

I plan to resume vacationing, and leave the reporting to the real journalists. It's probably best for this blog to go back to doing what it does best. Whatever that is.

LONDON SIGN

MORE FROM LONDON

First, thanks to everybody for the good wishes you've sent to us and the Pearsons. We feel very lucky. We've got three little girls in our group, and we've been riding the underground constantly. By chance we happened to decide not to go out this morning.

Here in central London, where we're staying, things are calm. The Brits are carrying on, as Brits do. Many shops are understaffed or closed because employees couldn't get to work. Crowds are smaller than normal. But there's not the slightest sense of panic.

It's a terrible thing, but this is a great city, inhabited by strong and resilient people. Londoners got through the Blitz, and they will get through this. As an American among them today, I can't help but feel proud that these are our allies.

LONDON

There were some explosions in the London undergound this morning. As of now there aren't many details, although as you would expect, terrorism is suspected. Ridley and I and our families are OK.

ONE OF THOSE ITEMS SENT IN BY EVERYBODY IN THE WORLD SO WE HAVE TO BLOG IT SO EVERYONE WILL STOP SENDING IT IN

Here it is.

MORE DANGER LURKING

Protect your drainpipes.

(Thanks to DavCat)

ATTENTION, PEOPLE WHO ARE ALIVE

Danger lurks.

(Thanks to Kendall Avery and Cin)

UPDATE: Danger!

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

LET FREEDOM RING

But watch those ramparts.

(Thanks to Justin Barber)

HELP FOR THE MULLETED

Here you go.

(Thanks to Bette Salwak)

UPDATE

From the Blog:
We went to the Changing of the Guard at Buckinghamptonshire Palace. It was
extremely impressive. Guards in formal attire marched around in precise
formations for what felt like four hours. While this was going on,
terrorists took over the palace, and the guards never so much as blinked.
That's how disciplined they are.

DON'T SHOOT

And we thought this was bad.

(Thanks to April Krueger)

I'M HERE FOR THE EXAM

Psych!!

(Thanks to Catherine)

SPACE: THE FINAL FRONTIER

And one more reason to sue.

(Thanks to Andy the tropichunt.com guy)

MYSTERIOUS ENGLAND

MORE FROM ENGLAND

"They are very strict."

BLOG ADVISORY

"Ridley and I have returned to England on a fact-finding mission, and we have found that England is more mysterious than ever."

PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN

Where at least we know we're free.

(Thanks to Cin)

UH-OH

The Blog is in trouble now.

(Thanks to Wile E.)