CSI GREELEY

A big break in the Case of the Stolen Gnomes.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

Comments

[Drew]

"Police believe sometime between midnight Friday and 7 a.m. Saturday someone dumped a load of hot gnomes."

Load of Hot Gnomes WBAGNFARB

[Amy]

I'd definitely nab Wonka for some serious questioning.

[U.O]

Well, yeah, if the load I wanted to dump was hot ... or gnomes ... or hot gnomes ... I'd wanna be pretty careful when I did so ...

[Maud]

This is the work of a serious gnomophiliac. Liberating half a dozen gnomes is a prank; over 80 is obsession.

[Chianca At Large]

Hopefully the cops will bring the gnome owners to the evidence area under the pretense of identifying their missing gnomes, and then give them all wedgies, just for owning that many gnomes.

I think I saw that on NYPD Blue once.

[VictoriaE77]

Thank goodness the police are devoting so much time to catching the gnome thieves!

I've been having trouble sleeping...

[KJP]

I understand inquiries are centering around Internet travel agencies.

[gfunksizzle]

One of those women had THIRTY GNOMES?! Does that leave room for grass?

[Not giving it here]

Upon their return, several owners of the ceramic oddities noted
"There's no place like gnome."

[Sarcasmo]

Gfunk, you beat me to it. Seriously THIRTY freakin' gnomes, and notice they didn't say ALL THIRTY of her gnomes, which tells me this lady had more than thirty gnomes, and no husband, and probably at least a dozen cats, and . . . ok, i'll stop now.

[Funny Name]

Gfunk, don't worry: I'm sure someone with 30 (or more) gnomes has PLENTY of grass. If you catch my drift.

[Amy]

Please blow some of that drift my way.

[queensbee]

must be that gnome in the travelocity ads. he gets around.

[FCDA]

A gnome line-up!!! How often does something that good come along???

[crossgirl]

don't they all pretty much look alike? how do they know the gnomes are going to the right gnome home?

[Aunt Nancy]

...feeling comfortably gnumb...

[Bumble]

OK, let's pretend for a moment that we agree with GLF; having gnomes in your garden is being cruel to them. How is it any better to be broken in a dumpster or tied up in a bag? People are nuts.

[Federal Duck]

"If we find someone stole all those gnomes, the cost of the theft could mean the person is charged with a felony," Greeley police spokesman Sgt. Joe Tymkowych

I know it's just speculation at this point, but he sounds excited at the prospect. Go for the glory, Sgt. Joe Tymkowych!!
Don't let these vicious, terrorist, godless Commie puppy-kicking, candy-stealing Gnome theives get away with the "slap on the wrist" that are often given to other organized crime syndicates. Make sure they fry the bastards!
I stay up nights worrying about the potential for anyone capable of Felony Gnome Theivery being able to get a decent job in this country. When they catch these heinous villains, their criminal record will haunt them forever! Muahahaha.

BTW, Joe Tymkowych and the Felonious Gnome Theives wbagnfarb.

[insomniac]

From the GLF...

Oh, please give a gnome
A more sutiable home
Or we'll sneak up and take it away!
Though we may seem absurd
Or some four-letter word
It's what we do best, night and day!

For gnomes, gnomes we are strange
Where your lawn ornaments we will change
If pink flamingos you crave
That's o.k , just behave
'Cause lawn jockeys fill us with rage!!

[Aunt Nancy]

Insom - ROTFL - again!

[jamie the star wars nerdgirl]

i love CSI almost as much as star wars and harry potter. God bless spiketv for two hours of CSI every night.

[mudstuffin]

"someone dumped a load of hot gnomes"

Sigh...How many times have I seen a party just die when someone uttered these words...

[confucius]

Maybe the person who bought the Harry Potter box can buy Wilbur and they can travel together.

[Jared]

It's great to see that my hometown is finally gaining a reputation! Also, I do want to point out that the police have this much time on their hands because NOTHING HAPPENS HERE, EVER.

[Jared]

It's great to see that my hometown is finally gaining a reputation! Also, I do want to point out that the police have this much time on their hands because NOTHING HAPPENS HERE, EVER.

[Jared]

It's great to see that my hometown is finally gaining a reputation! Also, I do want to point out that the police have this much time on their hands because NOTHING HAPPENS HERE, EVER.

[Jared]

It's great to see that my hometown is finally gaining a reputation! Also, I do want to point out that the police have this much time on their hands because NOTHING HAPPENS HERE, EVER.

[Jared]

It's great to see that my hometown is finally gaining a reputation! Also, I do want to point out that the police have this much time on their hands because NOTHING HAPPENS HERE, EVER.

[spinner8]

Nothing ever happens--except, perhaps, the odd multi-multi-multi-post now and then.

Free the gnomes. Save the flamingos. Why doesn't someone "liberate" my dandelions?

[golfwidow]

Theme song: See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Greeley

[*Snork*]

Jared--First time posting here, I take it?
Note: The blog post button is both heinously efficient AND deviously slow.

[ErnieG]

They seem to have a sense of humor about it:

"GNOME GNUMBER

If you are a gnome-theft victim, call 350-9600"

[Mike "Mad's Dork" Weasel]

Hey, when I played the Sims, I used to build a buttload of those puppies. Then when a neighbor comes over, decides he doesn't like your gnome and kicks it, hijinks ensue!

[Poop Dogg]

Funny. I din't know Tom Cruise was missing.

[Stupendous Man]

Greeley, Colorado, named for Horace Greeley and once one of the many places where "the buffalo roam(ed)." Surely someone can apply their sense of doggerel to come up with a rhyme featuring "...give me a home...", "...buffalo roam..." and a reference to a hot or stolen gnome.

[alanboss]

Inmate #1: So, what are you in for?
Inmate #2: Felony gnome theft.

[Toby]

Here in Greeley, the gnome story eclipsed a story about how the police were understaffed. Good thing they've got their priorities straight...

[Gnorm the Gnome]

I will not rest until my brothers are free.
Long live the revolution.

[sheep tricks]

They caught the gnome theif! It came about one night at a local Bingo gathering for the senoir citzens. A little old woman, no taller than a gnome herself, started bragging about the mass theft to the old man next to her. Just so happens that man was Sgt. Joe Tymkowych who had just recently retired from the force. He had a hard time dealing with the gnome theft, and never caught the perp. Kind of sent him into a downward, depressing spiral. So he retired with what was left of his pride. So he played it cool, listening to the old woman bragging about it, as he did that he put his cell phone on speaker, and had 911 listening in on it, and the little old lady was non the wiser. So after bingo, right when she walked outside. She was then surrounded by armed men, who then peppered sprayed her for resisting arrest. The little old woman still had some fight left in her. So they had to use the stun gun on her. And finally all 26 cops managed to bring her to the ground, after stunning her 34 times. Which is normal police protocal. Which they didn't know then, but the stun gun, acted against her pace maker, forcing her into a heart attack. So shortly after she was rushed to the hospital. After some emergency medical care, she was restrained to a hospital bed. Where later that night she somehow managed to slip out of the cuffs, and made it to the roof top without being noticed. Where her accomplice, had a hang glider waiting for her. And that's the last time anyone's seen of her. She's still a fugitive on the run. True story.