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June 20, 2005



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Alternate title for the article:

"When Happy Meal Toys Go Bad"

That was the prize, duh!

Worst method to pick up a girl ever!

Better alternative title:

"Key chain enters the food chain"

Before, we scorned Wendy's and their employees who are ill-equipt to understand, "cheeseburger, ketchup only."
Now, the woman is looked at like a criminal and McDonald's the victim.
Hard to believe that one day we will refer to this time as the good old days.

Penny Needham later told police that it was, in fact, her keychain that she found in the burger when she thought she had lost her keys. In related news, she found a missing sock in her McFlurry.

"You want fries with that?"
"Yea, no wait... make it an order of fingers"
"Chicken fingers?"
"Why, do you have to ask?"

I once pooped a hammer.

The doctors think they snuck it in my egg mcmuffin that morning, but after digestion, I couldn't get the police to check it for prints.

If only I could find a missing organ in my fast food...then I'd be set for life.

My hopes are still high, of course...I eat enough of it.

The Wendy's finger in the chili lady has made me vow that even if I bit into a used tire, a flying squid, a human head or a marsupial of any kind in my fast food, I would simply ask for a refill and wash it down rather than risk further defamation of my already dodgy reputation.

The story might have blown right by the news editor but this one crucial detail:

"Penny Needham told police the key chain bore a depiction of two people engaged in a sex act."

I wouldn't be surprised if it was her key chain, Brad (i.e. If you think a key chain depicting a sex act is cool, you're probably also lackwit enough to stuff it in a hamburger and chip a tooth on it).

Chipped tooth = hospital visit? Ooookay.

And actually, I heard it was originally a keychain shaped like a heart, to say "Have a great day, beloved customer!" But she whittled it down with her teeth into something nastay. Ingrate!

Hey, my husband has that keychain. Or did. I better go check.

i'm just laughing. oh puleeeez. were the keys still attached?

mcdonald's sexy keychain wbagnfarb

Forget the flashlight -- help me find my keys and we'll drive out of here...

"Employees asked if she wanted her money back or another cheeseburger"

Yeah, gimme another cheeseburger, with mustard, lettuce, and...wait. You know what? Just surprise me.

loaded with minerals 'chunky' style

Oh man, that item's alternate headine SO should have been, "Burger and chips". Your UK readers would have loved it.

At least there wasn't a finger in the keychain in the burger.

*McDonald's VP of Marketing reads the morning paper*

*hits the intercom to his secretary* Mrs. Whiggins, could you get me a copy of that memo about the new Adult Happy Meals?

Copy cat! Copy cat!. Notice it was drive through.

I actually work at a McDonald's (one somewhere in Texas), so this story surprised me.

If a customer complained to me about a keychain in their double cheeseburger, this probably would happen:

*walks over to grill*
Me: "Umm, guys, *opens sandwich* they wanted extra pickle, not extra keychain"
*manager gets in my face*
Manager: "Did you CHARGE them for the keychain?"
Me: "How could I? We don't even have a button for it!"
Manager: "Yes we do!"
Me: "Where?"
Manager: "Just charge them next time!"
Me: "They didn't even WANT the stupid keychain!!!!!"
Manager: 'Just ask them for $1.41 for the keychain"
Me: "We don't even SELL those!!!!!!!!!!"

To think, THEY are the managers, and THEY don't even know what we sell!

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