VERY BAD NEWS
...for lovers of Olympic competition.
(Thanks to sporting fanatic Ted Habte-Gabr, who is devastated, but not too devastated to send two other urgent items.)
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June 30, 2005
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first?
Posted by: davette | June 30, 2005 at 07:14 AM
well, DUH!!!
Posted by: snif | June 30, 2005 at 07:14 AM
Devastated because he hasn't been wearing...tight, protective gear...all these years?
There's a mental image fer y'all. You're welcome.
Posted by: Tamara | June 30, 2005 at 07:17 AM
saggy testicles *snork*
Posted by: Suzy Q | June 30, 2005 at 07:19 AM
My first 1st. Yeah!!
Posted by: davette | June 30, 2005 at 07:20 AM
I would NEVER play beach volleyball topless! Especially with saggy breasts! (Please refer to Newton's law of inertia, aka "Eggs in Pantyhose" phenomenon)
Posted by: katiejane | June 30, 2005 at 07:20 AM
Dave, the first extra is already blogged. But the second extra is a REVOLUTION!!
Posted by: Tamara | June 30, 2005 at 07:21 AM
I play this sport twice a week... think I need to go shopping for some better bras.. HA! Scary.
Posted by: MzVette | June 30, 2005 at 07:21 AM
I was thoroughly enjoying that article until that line about sagging testicles.
Posted by: DM | June 30, 2005 at 07:22 AM
Or reverse that.
Posted by: Tamara | June 30, 2005 at 07:22 AM
Why just the testicles? Can't the penis sag some too. No fair!!
Posted by: PeeJay | June 30, 2005 at 07:28 AM
Does this mean I can blame beach volleyball and not childbearing?
Yea!!!!!!
Posted by: Aunt Nancy | June 30, 2005 at 07:29 AM
Will volleyball stretch other anatomical parts? There are some things that sagging will benefit. Maybe the 2.6" guys should play volleyball.
Posted by: Shredder | June 30, 2005 at 07:31 AM
Having covered women's beach volleyball for years, I once suffered an injury when a bare Brazilian breast was inadvertantly thrust into my cornea in a lockerroom interview mishap. My fiance of the time, made me tell him that story countless times. Ted Hamster-grabber need not waste another moment worrying about this pressing issue. Wait, I assume he was concerned about the sagging breasts ... but there is mention of the sagging scrotum problem as well ... plus the whole Nekkid Zorro thang....
Posted by: Crabby Appleton | June 30, 2005 at 07:34 AM
Echo... echo... echo....
Posted by: �LabSpecimen� | June 30, 2005 at 07:34 AM
Pictures, Dave. We need pictures. How do you know this isn't some made up story? You need verification. Isn't that what journalism is all about?
Posted by: rufus | June 30, 2005 at 07:36 AM
"Timber Mafia" would be a good name for a rock band.
Posted by: Martin | June 30, 2005 at 07:40 AM
"Men should also wear tight pants to stop their testicles sagging too far," he said.
I would much rather ditch my volleyball habit, thanks.
Posted by: M.C. | June 30, 2005 at 07:52 AM
saggy volley-boobs wbagnfarb?
Posted by: queensbee | June 30, 2005 at 07:52 AM
I have learned to make my penis 12 inches long. I now fold it in half.
Posted by: Chaz Stevens | June 30, 2005 at 07:56 AM
Well, I personally wouldn't mind seeing a professional beach volleyball player's physique poured into a tight pair of pants.
Posted by: katiejane | June 30, 2005 at 07:56 AM
Also, Re: the 'urgent' link:
"It is proving tough to deal with these women," Jharkhand forest official B.K. Singh said. "It has almost become a regular practice for them to strip."
What's so tough about watching women take their clothes off?
...Oh, never mind. Somebody will inevitably link to the eBay-mini-skirt-lady in answer to that.
Posted by: M.C. | June 30, 2005 at 08:00 AM
There once was a man from Kent
his d*ck was so long that it bent
so to save trouble
he folded it double
and now instead of coming he went:)
Posted by: PeeJay | June 30, 2005 at 08:01 AM
Peejay: lol!
Posted by: katiejane | June 30, 2005 at 08:05 AM
Re the second, twice-blogged item.
My fellow statesmen, ya gotta be proud. And revolted.
Posted by: Kilmeny, in NH | June 30, 2005 at 08:07 AM
So now we're going to have a new sub-specialty in the field of sports medicine. Treatment of injuries suffered while playing with insufficiently restrained boobs 'n' bags. Such as, fractures and bruises caused by tripping and falling over sagging body parts, or abrasion caused by dragging tender flesh over hot sand!
Posted by: NiftyWitch | June 30, 2005 at 08:11 AM
Do your balls hang low?
Can you swing them to and fro?
Can you tie them in knot?
Can you tie them in a bow?
Can you throw them over your shoulder,
like a continental soldier?
Do your balls hang low?
Posted by: tyler | June 30, 2005 at 08:12 AM
Tyler-LOL. My dad used to sing that, minus the balls part, of course.
Posted by: Kilmeny | June 30, 2005 at 08:17 AM
Nothing forces the women to take them . . .
Posted by: Mahatma Kane Jeeves | June 30, 2005 at 08:24 AM
Psst... Ted, I think you should make a note that without protectively tight speedos, Naked Zorro runs (har!) a similar risk. Not that I am at all implying that Ted is connected to Naked Zorro despite his rather alarming interest in that story.
Posted by: Somewhere North | June 30, 2005 at 08:25 AM
Could professional players get workers comp to cover the surgery?
Posted by: VictoriaE77 | June 30, 2005 at 08:26 AM
"The female breasts, even small ones, were not made for swinging up and down 300 times within a short period of time, as happens in beach volleyball."
as happens in beach volleyball. Thank goodness he clarified.
Posted by: Brainy Jello | June 30, 2005 at 08:40 AM
BJ - I like the '300 times' part of that quote. As if the good doctor has some specific scientific idea from having studied his subjects so closely. He might not be able to tell you what the final score was, but he sure did count the bouncing breasts.
Posted by: M.C. | June 30, 2005 at 08:55 AM
Anyone else eagerly awaiting Beth Crowley's detailed report of her own breast-sagging stats and adventures? Anyone?
*crickets*
Me neither.
Posted by: Targetgirl | June 30, 2005 at 08:57 AM
gratefully echoes targetgirl...please, no more...not here...
Posted by: just sayin' | June 30, 2005 at 09:04 AM
what I'm looking for, are tickets for the trampoline competition at the nude olympics
Posted by: e dulko | June 30, 2005 at 09:13 AM
lol targetgirl. I would like to justify myself as I felt a little guilty for poking fun at Beth. Cock and balls are ridiculous appendages, therefore like chickens and monkeys, inherently funny. Breasts and vaginas are beautiful(imho), and therefore do not lend themselves to ridicule or dry scientific analysis. We should poke fun at a Freudian phallic art installion, but who would make fun of a Georgia O'Keefe painting? Poetry is for the female body parts, and mockery is for the male. Why else would God put em out there for girls to point and snicker at?
*stumbles and falls of soapbox*
thank you
Posted by: tyler | June 30, 2005 at 09:22 AM
*applauds Tyler, helps him off ground near soapbox*
Posted by: Targetgirl | June 30, 2005 at 09:25 AM
You know, I think Dave needs to start paying more attention to what Judi does around here. I mean how many times has he blogged stuff that she has already blogged sometimes only hours before? It'd be like if my Dad decided to feed us kids dinner at ten, when Mom had already done it at six.
Posted by: LastWriter | June 30, 2005 at 09:30 AM
You know, I think Dave needs to start paying more attention to what Judi does around here. I mean how many times has he blogged stuff that she has already blogged sometimes only hours before? It'd be like if my Dad decided to feed us kids dinner at ten, when Mom had already done it at six.
Posted by: LastWriter | June 30, 2005 at 09:32 AM
You know, I think Dave needs to start paying more attention to what Judi does around here. I mean how many times has he blogged stuff that she has already blogged sometimes only hours before? It'd be like if my Dad decided to feed us kids dinner at ten, when Mom had already done it at six.
Posted by: LastWriter | June 30, 2005 at 09:32 AM
Tyler, as a woman, I own a couple breastes and a "hoo-hoo". They thank you for calling them beautiful.
Posted by: casey | June 30, 2005 at 09:33 AM
*dusts self off*
Thank you targetgirl, would you like to play a game of volleyball? Clothing optional of course.
Posted by: tyler | June 30, 2005 at 09:34 AM
Okay, sorry about the multiple posts guys. The comment thing was being weird and not doing anything, when I pressed the post button. I'll be more careful in the future...
What? I will?
Posted by: LastWriter | June 30, 2005 at 09:36 AM
Tyler, Volleyball is actually my sport of choice. And I'm braless today, due to a small skin injury along my braline (ouch). So, I might as well doff it all and leave any errant sagging to the Fates.
*bump*
*set*
*SPIKE*
Posted by: Targetgirl | June 30, 2005 at 09:45 AM
judi,
You left out WTFBBQ?!? ;-)
Posted by: M.C. | June 30, 2005 at 09:46 AM
judi,
MOAT
Posted by: just sayin' | June 30, 2005 at 09:51 AM
LastWriter, why would you complain if you got dinner twice?! I'm not following...
2 of the same post though, now there's no need for that.
Posted by: c8 | June 30, 2005 at 09:58 AM
*spiked ball careens off of forehead*
targetgirl, I seem to be having trouble keeping my eyes on the ball.
Posted by: tyler | June 30, 2005 at 09:59 AM
did the moat, don't know the other one myself ;)
Posted by: judi | June 30, 2005 at 10:04 AM
Jeff - got it. That made me think of ROTFLMBO, where 'B' is debatably 'butt' or 'balls', depending on your anatomy.
Posted by: M.C. | June 30, 2005 at 10:44 AM
Here is another item for Beth Crowley's Big Book of Vagina Facts:
Beavers can hold their breath for 45 minutes.
Posted by: tyler | June 30, 2005 at 10:45 AM
You also fogot:
CWI -- Cold Weather Indicator
Posted by: ted | June 30, 2005 at 10:45 AM
I can't believe this hasn't been said, but
Sagging TesticlesWBAGNFA(aging)RB.....
*thinking of Rolling Stones*
Posted by: Eleanor | June 30, 2005 at 11:32 AM
talking about UNIQUE acronyms, not random ted-related ones.
Posted by: judi | June 30, 2005 at 11:38 AM
Hot day at the beach
Bump! Set! Kill! Short shorts, bronze skin
How 'bout those sand-bags?
Posted by: Brainy Jello | June 30, 2005 at 11:58 AM
judi,
I was unaware that His Daveness had surging juggernaut problems. Is there anything the blog can do? Maybe gather up donations or have a 10k for the Surging Juggernaut Cure? Does he need a transplant? Is it Booger related?
What ever it is, tell His Daveness the he need not be shy. The Blog is here to give him comfort and support. And woe betide any person who mocks him and his affliction!
Posted by: igloo | June 30, 2005 at 12:13 PM
Dr. Khoury(watching slow-mo tape of braless beach volleyball): 239 jiggles... 240 jiggles... 241 jiggles...
Frau Khoury: Georg, do you want sauerbraten for dinner?
Dr. Khoury: Scheiss! I lost count! Oh, well, (rewinds tape) 1 jiggle... 2 jiggles...
Posted by: insomniac | June 30, 2005 at 12:31 PM
HmmmMmm. Exactly how many posts are needed to make a MOAT, as in what's the minimum?
Posted by: M.C. | June 30, 2005 at 12:39 PM
"M-I-C. K-E-Y. M-O-U-S-E."
Posted by: Trystan Shout | June 30, 2005 at 01:15 PM
M.C. - avg moat is 2500 posts
Posted by: Mad "about Weasel" Scientist | June 30, 2005 at 02:40 PM
Sagging TesticlesWBAGNFA(aging)RB.....
*thinking of Rolling Stones*
Excellent (if yucky) point, El.
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | June 30, 2005 at 03:10 PM