ONE OF THOSE THINGS YOU JUST DON'T THINK MUCH ABOUT UNTIL, ONE DAY, IT TURNS OUT SCIENTISTS HAVE BEEN STUDYING IT

Sperm competition.

(Thanks to David, so he says, Zinger)

Comments

[Federal Duck]

I was in the Sperm Smackdown cage match when I was conceived. Mamma didn't raise no weaklings.

[Federal Duck]

And he rounds second, going for home!

[Federal Duck]

Score? All this competition talk has got me worked up.

[VictoriaE77]

I like the little cell phone tag at the end of the article.

They're counting mens sperm and then telling people about it. Pervs.

[Eleanor]

Sperm outrunning other sperm? WBAGNF a Reality Show!!!

[Joshkr]

68,592,476...68,592,477...

*sound of a paper bag being popped*

Damn you, Dr. Wiggleschnitzel!

1...2...3...

[Kilmeny]

Honestly, guys have to make a contest out of EVERYTHING.

[slyeyes]

. . . when faced with the possibility that their sperm will have to outrun those of other men in a woman’s reproductive tract.

Another gig for Dave Johnson, other than the Derby.

"AND THEY'RE OFF! Shooting down the vagina, round the bend into the fallopian tubeS. Geyer's Peak is wriggling ahead, no wait, he gets squeezed out by Montezuma's Revenge and they're into the uterus, neck and neck. . and it's gonna be a photo finish...and...and...Who's Your Daddy is in there! CONCEPTIOOOOOOOOON!!!

[Joshkr]

"However, Simmons is not suggesting that humans regularly indulge in multiple matings. 'We need to step away from that in 2005.'"

Damn you, Dr. Simmons!

1...2...3...

[VictoriaE77]

sly - I shut my door. I don't know how soundproof this office is, but I'm laughing anyway.

[Somewhere North]

I love the "further studies are needed" line. And this is just gonna hand all kinds of excuses to men.

"But honey, I have to watch orgies and then m*sturbate. It's for the greater scientific good!"

[Brainy Jello]

"...says Jon Evans [...], who studies sperm competition in guppy fish."

If I had a dime for everyone I know that does that...

[Somewhere North]

Wouldn't you love to be the grad student working on that study.

"Arnold, you are in charge of choosing the porn to be looked at by the subjects. We are looking for high quality single and group heteros*xual porn in both print and digital format"

"Well, only if it is for a study..."

[Mad Scientist]

49 vs 52% I don't think I'm going to believe this study. smoking and lifestyle are vague factors to control for. as for the cell phone thing well I think cell phones only change sperm count if they are set to "vibrate"

[queensbee]

sly, um, you nailed it. ahem.

[slyeyes]

Ed. Note: Details of conception may have actually been altered as to make the ^^above "race" a little longer.

(and ladies' we've never really objected to the race lasting a little longer, have we?)

:)

[SchadeBoy]

Sly - up until you made the "editor's note" above, I was about to correct your biological description of the path the alleged "sperm" take to get to the "conception zone".

Which would have been really weird, considering that you are allegedly a woman and I am allegedly a guy. And guys usually don't care about stuff like that.

Needless to say, I'm glad you chimed in there before I made a complete fool of myself. Unless that already happened, in which case, never mind.

[Mike "Mad's Dork" Weasel]

It must be tough getting the sperm to wear those teeny vests with the #23987894 on them.

[Reluctant Floridian]

Being as how sperm are male and all, the above mentioned path is possible if they don't stop and ask for directions.

[Somewhere North]

Schade Boy - you are allegedly a male? Not sure? There are support groups for guys like that. NTTAWWT

[M.C.]

Mmmm. Competition is apparently better than the alternative.

[Christobol]

"Oh honey, how could you?"

"No, it's not what you think!"

"Oh?"

"It's a sperm race."

"Well that makes it all better."

[Eleanor]

sly - the longer the race, the better the prize, right?! :)

also sly - ROFL at your race calling!!!

[insomniac]

the difference in the sperm counts can be explained by the large number of sperm in the vicinity of the egg that are high-fiving each other ,pouring beer on each other, and snapping each other's tails in the case they've seen girl-on-girl porn.

[igloo]

Competitive sperm
The gun fires, the race is on
Chris Berman at Ten

[snif]

"Men who view pornographic images of two men and a woman produce better-quality sperm than men viewing pornographic images of just women..."

Isn't that kinda gay?

[M.C.]

snif - I would have figured it would be one man and two or more women. Forget competition. Bring on the spoils of victory!

[Eleanor]

You've got that right, insom!!!

[Psycho Joe]

Judi, i hope i'm not the first guy to say this.
That was really sick.
I almost don't like science anymore.

booger.

[Federal Duck]

Does this bring to mind the Family Guy episode where Stewie, in an effort to prevent Peter and Lois from conceiving another child, which would be competition for his plans of world domination, invented a shrinking spaceship and entered Peter's reproductive area through his mouth, and met his arch nemesis who was a hotshot fighter pilot himself, and they fought tooth and nail until realizing that, hey, maybe we're not so different after all, and that if we just all put aside our differences and worked together we might be able to join forces in subjugating all of mankind, whereby Stewie decided at the last minute to let Peter and Lois get it on, and in the nailbiting cliffhanger Stewie played some lame song and made Peter cry and then escaped through a tear duct, but Peter and Lois changed their minds about having another child and Peter ended up jerkin' his gherkin in the bathroom, and everybody though Stewie's new future brother was toilet chow, but there turned out to be hope when Stewie saw the magic twinkle in his eye and everything turned out well, except that Brian the dog still aint getting any hot doggie lovin', but it's ok because he's got to work through his alcohol and cocaine habits before trying to settle down and we're still not sure what's to become of the crazy monkey in Chris' closet?

Oh, it's just me then?

[gspunksizzle]

Forget the grad student who has to look for porn.

Who gets the guppies off?

[Psycho Joe]

Fed, that is one of the greatest episodes ever.

ALmost like the one about jews.

That show is messed up.

[Psycho Joe]

"He used to be a good monkey. Then one day, he became BAD"
`Monkey scowls and points~

[Jewish Princess]

ALmost like the one about jews.

Psycho Joe - what was that one about?????

[Jeff Meyerson]

Isn't that kinda gay?

snif, you forgot to add NTTAWWT.

[snif]

You're right Jeff...my apologies...I assumed it was understood...

hides head in shame...

[Candy Tutt]

Pondering the relationship of low sperm count in men who use cell phones...what, they shove the Cingular wireless into their Speedos, cutting off Mr. Happy's circulation??

Or they just leave the phone in their "pocket" all day with the ringer set on 'Vibrate' and after a four-hour board meeting they're stuck to the chair??
Possibilities are endless...*snork*

[U.O]

Exec to secretary:

All right, I've got this board meeting. I want you to call my cell phone every 58 seconds ... and I'll call yours with my other phone, every 12 minutes, but you'll have to let it ring ... er ... vibrate ...

[alanboss]

I'm at a loss for any kind of comment on this one.
But I am reminded of the old joke whose puchline begins... "GO BACK! GO BACK!..." (a sudden moment of uncharacteristic good taste prevents me from finishing the line.)

[VictoriaE77]

alanboss ~ Now we're all curious...

[insomniac]

Lots of men with one gal make us squirm
And we crank up production of sperm
If we can't dance or sing
Got no looks, got no bling
Sheer numbers will help us, they affirm!

[U.O]

alanboss --

I, too, am curious, but not so yellow as to be afraid to ask ...

(That punchline start doesn't remind me of a joke, so ... sharing time, please? Email OK, if you're too shy for this site ... I'd be willing to wager that I'll LOL! LAL!)

[alanboss]

Curious bloglits,

I can't believe that none of you know this joke. It was quite popular among seventh grade boys, in the day. If memory serves (not likely) it was even dramatized in Woody Allen's "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex* *but were afraid to ask." (Back when he was funny.)

Let's see if I can tell this without getting myself "permanently blocked" from the blog. (The disclaimer down there is scary! And I was pushing it the other night with my "Dr. DeCunto" post.Which I still swear I did not make up!)

Here goes....
So all the sperms were dedcated to working out and becoming strong, each one wanting to be the winner in the big competiton. Suddenly, one Friday evening, the alarm sounds, sirens blaring, bells ringing. The sperms take off, swimming fast and furiously toward their goal. As a number of the sperms turn around a bend, they see the lead sperms swimming back in the opposite direction. The lead sperm yells, "GO BACK! GO BACK! IT'S ONLY A BL*W J*B!!!!!!"

High comedy when you are a seventh grade boy.