NOTE TO INVESTORS

Now is the time to buy hedgehogs

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

Comments

[casey]

"Mammals on Roads is currently the only survey able to monitor hedgehog numbers on a national scale."

Funny, "Mammals on Roads" is also thought of as good eatin in South Carolina

[Aunt Nancy]

Mammals on Roads WBAGNFARB

[insomniac]

no hedgehogs! what ever shall we play croquet with?

[M.C.]

Dave, you screwed up your haiku by one extra syllable.

Note to investors:
It's now time to buy hedgehogs;
(Thanks to Claire Martin)

You're welcome.

[nowhere man]

"In England as a whole, hedgehog numbers along roads have dropped by over 20% since 2001, the Mammals on Roads survey has found."

It's the gas prices. They're staying home this summer.

[katiejane]

"Anybody using roads around the UK is asked to take note of how many hedgehogs they see - dead or alive - on stretches of single carriageway roads, on journeys of 20 miles or more."

Damn, I saw 34 hedgehogs just yesterday, but I was on a 19-mile, double carriageway road. Oh, well.

[casey]

Ode to my Garden sung to the tune of Bluer than Blue, that funky little ditty by your friend and mine: Barry Manilow

After you go
I can catch upon my eating
after you go
I'll have a lot more time for nesting
and when you're gone
it looks like things are going to be a lot less tidy
My nest will be full of twigs you know
I really should be glad
but I'm bluer than blue
sadder than sad
you're the only garden this lonely hedgehog has ever had
life without is going to be
bluer than blue

[MOTW]

Mammals Trust UK - also known as MTUK - Dr. (Paul) Bright.

PA page: "Dr. Bright! Calling Dr. Bright!"
Nurse: "I think Dr. Dim is covering for him tonight."

[MOTW]

Mammals Trust UK - also known as MTUK - Dr. (Paul) Bright.

PA page: "Dr. Bright! Calling Dr. Bright!"
Nurse: "I think Dr. Dim is covering for him tonight."

[Dave (not Barry)]

The photo caption says "Hedgehogs do not like tidy gardens"

Hedgehogs have something in common with my wife.

[PollyPI]

In England as a whole, hedgehog numbers along roads have dropped by over 20%..."It is of great concern to see that the decline in hedgehog numbers is continuing,"

This could be a good example of natural selection at work.

All the dumb hedgehogs walk on the roads and get smooshed, whereas the smart ones avoid the road and live to reproduce...giving birth to more smart hedgehogs.

Just a first step to world domination.

[Aaargh]

Woo hoo! Time to break open my piggy bank! I've been saving for just such a time as this!

Um, where do you go to buy hedgehogs?

[golfwidow]

Blame Lindesfarne.

[reneviht]

"Don't be too tidy in your garden," she told BBC News. "Leave some rough areas and leave a few bushes and hedges, and twigs on the ground."So, I gather from this that a substantial majority in Britian is rooting through their gardens, picking out twigs? I understand the importance of taking out weeds and stuff, but that, I think, is too much.

[Cynthia]

insome,

"what ever shall we play croquet with?"

Armadillo?

they might last a little longer too;)

[Bangi_Sizzles]

OW i luv u...OW OW i luv u....mmmmMMMMM OWWW

[2 hedgehogs necking]

p.s Polly-LOL

[Federal Duck]

We had this same problem in my hometown. We thought it was due to pesticides or greenhouse gasses or the prolification of pop music. But it turned out it was just because crazy uncle Hubert was hiding behind bushes, jumping out and yelling, "Wicky!" at the hedgehogs.

"It startled us at first," said a spokeshog, "but eventually we just got sick of it and moved to a better neighborhood."

[pogo]

*finds use for recycled porcupine joke*

Q. How do hedgehogs make love?
A. Very carefully!

[Renee]

They are disappearing in England, but ironically are showing up in America as front door boot brushes...

[Bangi_Sizzles]

OW i luv u...OW OW i luv u....mmmmMMMMM OWWW

[2 hedgehogs necking]

p.s Polly-LOL

[Moe]

"'However we hope the public will react positively to this unfortunate news by choosing to assist us by taking part in this year's survey.' This year's survey begins on Friday and will run to the end of September. Anybody using roads around the UK is asked to take note of how many hedgehogs they see - dead or alive - on stretches of single carriageway roads, on journeys of 20 miles or more."

Hmmm. Although this sounds terribly scientific to me, could the problem possibly be that what is, in point of fact, sharply declining is the number of people interested in tracking and reporting their hedgehog sightings?

Child: But we WAHNT to track and report our hedgehog sightings, Mummy!

[bangi]

oops

[Spiny Norman]

Hedgehogs disappearing? Dinsdale has escaped again?

[Zaphod]

Dimsdale!

[silver]

In addition to being a cat in a former life, I think maybe I was a hedgehog too. Tidy gardens! Bah!

[Suzanne R]

Do you think there's as big a market for hedgehogs as for squirrel tails?

[VictoriaE77]

Suzanne ~ You've solved it! The hedgehogs are being sold on the black market! I'll bet they get at least 20 cents each for them.

[Eleanor]

♪

[Eleanor]

♫

[VictoriaE77]

Eleanor ~ What are the words to this song you're playing us?

[Eleanor's apprentice]

♫ ♫ ♫

[me]

Sounds like,
rollin', rollin', rollin' raw hide..
to me

[Eleanor]

I was just showing my friend's 12 year old how to make musical notes, since he was teaching me how to make a smiley face in Word, and i couldn't :(

Let me show you something fun, I said - and proceeded to make musical notes and knocked his socks off!!!!

Me - competitive with a 12 year old??? Nah! *snork*

[3.5 year-old]

ELEanore,

kan u tel ME howw 2 make musikul notez 2?

[3 year-old]

ellanore,

kan u tel me howw 2 doo thoze 2?

[Martinishark]

Can the hedgehog market experience a dead-cat-bounce?

[Sonic]

1.
You can bugger the bear, if you do it with care,
in the winter, when he is asleep in his lair,
Though I would not advise it in spring or in fall--
but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

2.
If you're feeling quite coarse, you can bugger the horse,
or the palfrey, the jennet, the stallion (with force),
You can bugger the donkey, the mare, or the mule,
Though to bugger the pony is needlessly cruel.

3.
You can bugger the ox (if you stand on a box)
And vulpologists say you can bugger the fox,
You can bugger the shrew, though it's awfully small--
but the hedgehog cvan never be buggered at all.

4.
Herptologists gasp you can bugger the asp,
Entymologists claim you can bugger the wasp.
If an insects your thing, man, then just have a ball--
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

5.
And the elephant too, that you meet in the zoo,
Can be buggered if you are sure just what to do,
You will need a large mattress upon which to fall--
but the hedgehog cvan never be buggered at all.

6.
You can bugger the bees if your down on your knees,
You can bugger the termites with terminal ease
you can bugger the beetle, the ladybug (bird!) too,
there's no end to the buggering that you can do.

7.
You can bugger the cat if it isn't to fat
You can bugger the rabbit you draw from your hat
You can bugger the shark that you've chased in your yawl--
but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

8.
You can bugger the ermine, and all other vermine,
like rats, mice, and roaches, if your not discernin'.
You can bugger the dog, it will come when you call--
but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

9.
Although Mr. Tiggy is not very big, he
Avoids with great ease those who fancy his arse.
He just curls in a ball, shows his prickles and all--
And the would-be seducer leaves himin the grass

10.
If you're that kind of fool, and you have a long tool,
Do it with a giraffe, if you stand on a stool,
Catch a yeti, who lives in the snows of Nepal--
but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

11.
For the hedgehog escapes the posterior rapes
Performed upon others of different shapes
Those who run, swim, or slither, they get it withal--
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

12.
It is said, if you try, you can bugger the fly,
Or the swallow as it skims so skilfully by,
Use a noose or a net, or lime (if you've the gall)--
but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all

13.
You can bugger the cow (I will not tell you how),
Or the boar, or the piglet, the shoat or the sow,
You can bugger the ass as it stands in the stall--
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

14.
You can order or shoo 'im, or run a knife through 'im
The one thing you cannot do is stick it to 'im.
If you try to seduce 'im, you'll end in a fix,
His prickles defend him against rampant pricks.

15.
You can bugger the ram, you can bugger the lamb,
You can bugger the ewe, though the wether's a sham,
You can bugger the tiger (it may caterwaul)
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

16.
You can bugger the seal, you can bugger the eel,
You can bugger the crab, though they say it can't feel,
You can bugger the bat as the night casts its pall,
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

17.
You can bugger the snake (hold it down with a rake),
Though to bugger the quetzal may be a mistake.
You can bugger the billy, the nanny the kid,
But to bugger the hedeghog just cannot be did.

18.
You can bugger the slug, though it messes the rug,
You can bugger the different species of bug,
Or do it with a snail, if you slow to a crawl,
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

19.
At the end of the day, when you've had your rough way
With all of those creatures, you'll just have to say
"That damned Erinaceous has been my downfall--"
For the hedgehog can never be buggered at all!