Dave Barry's Blog

HEADLINE OF THE DAY SO FAR

(Thanks to a lot of perverted weirdos alert bloglits)

WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL

Hallelujah, the terrorists haven't won.

(Thanks to Doug Boeringer)

NOTE TO INVESTORS

Now is the time to buy hedgehogs

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

ATTENTION, PEOPLE IN B.C. WATERS

Get out now.

RECYCLING IS GOOD

But can you have too much of a good thing?

(Thanks to Johnny Tall Socks)

VERY BAD NEWS

...for lovers of Olympic competition.

(Thanks to sporting fanatic Ted Habte-Gabr, who is devastated, but not too devastated to send two other urgent items.)

MAN OF THE PEOPLE

A politician, in a horrendous mistake, expresses his actual opinion.

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

ATTENTION, PERVS

Sometimes you get what you deserve(s).

(Sorry)

(Thanks to everyone in the world, so don't tell us it's not funny.)

ANOTHER HEADLINE OF THE DAY

(Thanks to William Cook)

THE BLOG DOES NOT ENDORSE COMMERCIAL PRODUCTS

So, as much as we'd like to, we are not blogging these.

(Thanks to Tabitha Sanborn)

ANYONE FOR MEXICAN FOOD?

Not us.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

DUH HEADLINE OF THE DAY

(Thanks to Mollenkamp)

ATTENTION, CERTAIN MEN

Help is at hand. So to speak.

(Thanks to Annie Where-but-here)

BASEBALL IS GREAT

But we are beginning to love tennis.

(Thanks to Michelle Kaufman, sportswriter and friend)

ATTENTION CERTAIN MEN, AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE

We have good news.

TAXI! TAXI!

No, wait, never mind.

MAD SCIENTISTS UPDATE

This time, they have gone too far.

WHY DOES THIS ITEM MAKE US THINK OF TOM CRUISE?

Clarification: I'm not saying that I can explain why it does. I'm just saying that it does.

AT LAST: A PRACTICAL USE FOR LEGISLATORS

A fine idea from Malaysia.

PROFILE IN COURAGE

Paula A. finds a cause..

A PRETTY GOOD NAME FOR A ROCK BAND

Eerie Boffins and the Zombie Dogs

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and RussellMc)

PRODUCTIVITY TIME

OK, this is old. But it's still old.

WHY WE NEED GUYS

Because they are always having good ideas.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

AH, THE FRENCH

...they know what a female needs.

(Thanks to Debi)

WWJD

(Thanks to Katyna Smith)

EBAY ITEM THAT YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY NOT CLICK ON WHILE EATING OF THE DAY SO FAR

("Thanks" to Claire Martin)

MEANWHILE DOWN UNDER

The struggle for justice continues.

(Thanks to Ted Habte-Gabr, who sends in a lot of items involving naked men, not that there is anything wrong with that)

ATTENTION, RESIDENTS OF THE EAST COAST

Run.

(Also thanks to DavCat14)

THOSE HEARTLESS TERRORIST BASTARDS

Now they're mailing hamsters.

Key Person Quoted: Wendy Barry of the British Hamster Association

Photo (of the hamster, not Wendy Barry) here.

(Thanks to DavCat14)

VACATION DESTINATION

Downwind.

(Thanks to Mollenkamp)

BREAKING NEWS HEADLINE OF THE DAY SO FAR

(Thanks to Thomas McNulty)

WAIT A MINUTE...

Does anybody else see a resemblance between...

Naked Zorro...

and the Vulgar British Crazy Frog?

No? OK, neither do we.

DON'T YOU HATE IT WHEN THIS HAPPENS?

You're attending a meeting for parliamentarians and their counterparts, and you have to go to the bathroom, and then suddenly you're like "Ohmyghod! Where's my GUN??"

PARENT OF THE YEAR SO FAR

If Lourdes exceeds the ten grand in any given month, we imagine she'll just have to mow lawns.

ATTENTION, PORNO CROSS-STITCHERS

We don't want your kind in Upper Hutt.

(Thanks to Ross Marks)

LIKE A MOBIUS STRIP

The kitten has two faces.... a story sent in by Wes Kenney and a woman named Cat...originally written by Dan Traylor, designer of the Dave Barry for President seething juggernaut bumper sticker... in a contest on the message board...which was the result of Dave's column... which doesn't actually have two faces, so we're not sure where we're going with this... but it seemed like a good idea at the time...like so many things do.

ACTUAL STATEMENTS OVERHEARD TODAY AT THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH

"Twenty minutes in line TO BUY WATER."

"It's not supposed to be fun for us. It's supposed to be fun for the kids."

"If you kids want to go on Splash Mountain, you're going to have to stop looking at everything."

UPDATE FROM THE MAGICAL KINGDOM OF MAGIC

Evidently, starting about four years ago, 93 percent of all parents of male babies in America decided to name those babies "Dylan." And now there's not a damn thing we can do about it.

YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST

There will be dog-vs-owner fights over this.

THERE'S SOMETHING VAGUELY TROUBLING ABOUT THIS ITEM

But inexplicably, we are too distracted to figure it out.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

REASON WE WISH THE INTERNET HAD BEEN INVENTED IN THE 60's

Number 48.

(Thanks to Drew Harchick)

TENNESSEE HEADLINE OF THE DAY

(Thanks to Drew Harchick)

UPON REFLECTION

What makes everyone so sure it's Naked Zorro? Hmmmmmm?

NAKED ZORRO UPDATE

It is only a matter of time before Naked Zorro has his own reality show.

(Thanks to Ted Tiki-Gabr, who has displayed an inordinate interest in this story, not that we are suggesting anything)

CREEPING FACISM

Now they're trampling on our precious Human Right to sell frog spawn on the Internet. In the Tiki Tiki Tiki Tiki Tiki Room.

UPDATE FROM ORLANDO

In the Tiki Room
In the Tiki Room
In the Tiki Tiki Tiki Tiki Tiki Room
In the Tiki Room
In the Tiki Room
In the Tiki Tiki Tiki Tiki Tiki Tiki Room

This has been your update from Orlando.

HELP

I am blogging this by phone from inside the Small World ride. The boats have stopped. Repeating: THE BOATS HAVE STOPPED.

(Update question: If this post is edited, will it then accept comments?)

MULLETPHOTOS

Thanks to all who submitted them; there are a bunch of 'em up here (scroll all the way down and click on little Ted).

THOSE %*(&^ CARE BEARS

It's all their fault!

(Thanks to George Spiggott)

YUM

(Thanks to Lairbo)