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June 17, 2005


We can no longer stand the sight of Ted's face. Our only comfort is in knowing that Ted will never again be able to get a job. Or a date, with or without a barf bag.

Someone did, of course, send in an unforgettable likeness of Ted as a barf bag. Also burned into our brains are images of Ted as Betty Grable, Peter Pan, Atticus Finch, a fetus, a mermaid, Phil Spector and Jesus. Is there enough beer in the world to make us forget tedchimp, outhouseted, and barrymanilowted? And we don't even want to think about the one of Dave with Ted's hair.

But choosing a winner was tough. There were too many wonderful, awful entries from all of you talented, completely unbalanced people, many of whom got away with creating these masterpieces at work. We congratulate you, and thank everyone for participating.

First runner up: Marvin the Paranoid Android's photo illustration of Ted ready for church

and the

Champion Mullet Manipulator: Atticus, creator of Tedbert


Congratulations! Please send in your snailmail addresses so we can mail you your valuable prizes: ShowerShock Soap and Octodog Frankfurter Converter for Atticus, and some other crap coveted gift guide items for Marvin.


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WTG Atticus

Mullet Maniputor?

Congratulations to Atticus, and my heartfelt condolences to Ted.

I've just submitted a jpeg file entitled "Peter Pan Mullet" (to the blog e-mail)- just want to join in on the Friday fun...

Congratulations Atticus, Marvin!

I hope you enjoy your ShowerShock Soap and Octodog Franfurter Converter, but something doesn't smell right with that gift guide crap goodies, Marvin, so be careful!

wtg Atticus and Marvin!

Kudos Atticus
Mullet manipulator
Your award deserved

Marvin took his shot
Sears Sucker was also hot
Well earned runnerupUp

I think everyone did great, and I also think these picks for first and second are totally sweet. Congrats, guys!

As a consolation prize, could I have Ted?

Congrats Atticus and Marvin. I am very impressed.

Congrats Atticus and Marvin!


Well done Atticus and Marvin. Good times.

Of course, I say we just keep sending the pictures in anyway. I, for one, had too much fun.

I demand a recount. I feel disenfranchised, or maybe that is just gas.


I had fun photoshopping, it kept my mind off of my hamster Duckie for a while, but I just found out that my Uncle Cledus ate him!

Don't know when I'm coming back here, this is hard. Take care everybody!

Congrats to Marv & Atticus!! Actually, congrats to all the posted entries. You guys are hilarious and you make it worthwhile to get up and come to work.

Rockchild, hope to see you back soon, you are like our mascot, our little fledgling bloglitt, ooohhhh kissykissykoo *as I pinch your wittle cheeky...

I am awed, and somewhat frightened, by your abilities to manipulate. My goal in life is to stay on your good sides, and never, EVER let my face be seen on the internet.

(Unless you could "crop" me into bed with, say, David Boreanz...)

Congrats to the weiners!!

Atticuss, being my brother and also being currently out of town with the wife and kids, asked me to post a proxy acceptance speech on his behalf. In said acceptance speech, Atticus would like to congratulate himself for being pretty awesome. Also, he would like to say that MightyThor is his superior in every imaginable way.

Thank you all for your support. Tedbert lives in each of you.

Punkin: David Boreanaz...*drool*

Sweet! Guess that proves what an almost winner I am, right? But since I didn't win, I have no shame in releasing one more Ted related abomination upon the world. My only regret is being asleep during the announcement so I couldn't link to it sooner.
*waits for crap, sans pizza*

Where do I send my donation to Ted's therapy (or is it haircut) fund?

*wildly applauds Marvin's latest creation*


I'd just like to kiss Ted's butt for a minute and congratulate him on being a good sport, for letting us ruin his social life for all time. And Marvin and Atticus for doing it with such taste and decorum.

Faaaabulous. so, are ted's 15 minutes of fame done now, or does that standard not hold in the blogosphere?? and i love tedbert. it should be an action figure.

I would've like to have seen my entry (at least) posted in the blog, since I spent over an hour making it. :-(

*cancels my subscription to whatever newspaper dave barry appears in*

i'm going to try to post them ALL on a web site so everyone can see all the hard work that went into these.... gimme a minute ;) there's just no way we could post them all on the blog (i think there were about 65 or 70 entries).

*waiting for judi to post*

*will wait forever for judi, or for 20 more minutes, whichever comes first*


you can't please all the people all of the time, so just please me, that's what I always say.

of course, you could have declared it a 70 way tie and then had fun shattering the octodog and sending everyone their share...

Marvin, your FlashTed rocks.

This was all just GREAT! I laffed a lot ... VERY clever, you blogsters ... I just wish I had the time to learn more about Photoshop stuff ... my skills so far are pretty limited, and most of those only to make "standard" pix more pleasing ...


[Note sneaky reference to Mac/Apple person there, just to comment on how much easier it is to Photoshop with a Mac, instead of a P(ieceof)C(rap) ...]

omgosh...they were All so good!

Congrats to the winners...Atticus and Marvin/PA
Marvin, the abomination was awesome.


Way to go guys!

And an extra *snork* for Marvin for the flash site! I will have the Monty Python March (yes, I know that isn't what it's called) in my head the rest of the night.

What is the shelf life of websites when you google them? I'm just thinking that for the first part of his millinium, Ted is so screwed!!

And Ted, you're welcome.

OK, I didn't do any photoshop thingy myself --that saw the light of day-- but Ted, you are still screwed.

Wait, slyeyes, isn't that why ten implemented the barf bag in the first place? to get screwed?

the guy has 2 right feet

I thought of one with Mullet Ted holding a mullet (the fish), but I took too long to figure out the image manipulation thing. Damn.

I'm a U of I student, and while I agree that the marching band's uniforms are decidedly ugly, I think the mullet is definitely worse, although it has provided many people with many hours of amusement, which is more than I can say for the marching band.
Ted, do yourself a favor and go to the Wave Length salon in Iowa City. It's in the strip mall right across from the Eastdale Plaza next to a Chinese restaurant. Once the staff have stopped pointing and laughing, they'll be able to fix your hair so people will stop calling you Mullet Man.
A U Of I grad named Ted
Wore something weird on his head,
Girls would point,laugh and gag,
So he gave them barf bags,
But didn't fix the hair on his head.

Thanks, Desert Rose --

But I live in Los Angeles, and will be seeing my hair stylist next week and will share with her the Great Mullet Debate of 2005; and then we will proceed to giving me the same haircut she always gives me.

Go Hawks!


You know, considering how well Ted's taking all the constant, relentless, shameless mocking, I think it's possible that his hairstyle, while decidedly hilarious, is providing a vital public service to all of us here at the blog. I mean, Ted's mullet has provided us with many hours of high-quality entertainment, a great catchphrase, a running joke, an entire photo contest, and even more shameless mocking. It's also allowed me to stretch my creative skills as an artist, because I don't remember the last time I had to come up with a limerick about mullets, barf bags, and the U of I.
On top of all that, he has a funny name that has also been relentlessly mocked because no one can spell it, and to my knowledge he has yet to ream anyone out about it. Besides, if we didn't have Ted, what would we talk about?

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