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June 24, 2005


"Twenty minutes in line TO BUY WATER."

"It's not supposed to be fun for us. It's supposed to be fun for the kids."

"If you kids want to go on Splash Mountain, you're going to have to stop looking at everything."


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..and it's fun for the executives who pocket the admission $$$

Now if they could only charge you to breathe, then the mortgage industry could profit too and the entire US economy could get going again.

When's the last time an adult went to an amusement park to have fun? That's right: when they were 12.

When do amusement parks stop being fun? When YOU start buying the tickets.

Come parents and uncles and aunts by the score
When you're stuck in one place for an hour or more
And your kids have run off while you're holding their place
Soon again your face will need shavin'
You'd pray for some rain 'cause the water'd be free!
'Cause the line ,it ain't a-movin'!

Come all you mommies who name kids the same
After some singer of their grandparent's day
He took it himself from a Welsh poet of note
But Dylan Thomas wouldn't be here, I'm bettin'
He be in some pub getting sloshed to the gills!
'Cause the line, it ain't a-movin'!

Come all you consumers, now let it be said
Your admission pays for upkeep of Walt Disney's head!
It goes to make movies your kids won't ignore
But at least there there'll be air-conditioning!
You look back to 'A Small World' with a touch of regret!
But the line still ain't a-movin'!

oh my goodness.
You buy water?
I can pee for free.
And urine is loaded with essential nutrients.
I just grossed myself out.

~ducks the flying brick~

Dave, no one ever goes to Disney World to find logic.

now that i think about it:
Logic can be found almost nowhere in the USA.
That's why i love it here.

I can't imagine what life must be like for my younger brother. He actually works there, has for 15 years or so... I would have been up in the Castle getting ready to fly on Tinkerbell's wire with an Uzi long before that.

I'm not a particularly happy person.
Working at the happiest place in the world would drive me nuts within the first week.
And i'm pretty crazy to begin with.

Nobody turns to Disney for logic? What happened to the days of Donald Duck in Mathemagic Land?

I love that Mathemagic land movie. Maybe it is the joy of discovering the wonder of mathematics, or maybe it is that I did not have to come up with a lesson plan for the time that it was playing. Either way, I have fond memories.

Also, about "Palt Pisney Porld", at least it is open! Remember the fate of the Griswold family on their infamous trip to Wally World? Ah National Lampoon, how you make us laugh.

Cher le Dave Barrie:

Et vous considere faire votre blogue en Francais? Trop de nous Americaines parle la mal Francais. Si nous faissons des rires en la Francais mal, c'est bon, n'est pas?

Thats why they invented alcohol and antidepressants. Ahhhhhh! Everything is beautiful, just go kick mickey in the nuts, son.


My whole FAMILY loved that mathematics movie. And now one brother is an engineer, one is a physics teacher, and one got his degree in math (but he works at Intel). Subliminal? I ain't sayin', but my kids'll be watching it too!

If amusement parks were cities, the suicide rates would be astronomical.

The sad thing is, I have caught myself saying something very similar to "If you kids want to go on Splash Mtn., etc. ..." - Thank God the kids are older and the Monorail goes to the Disneyland Hotel - the bar there has EXCELLENT drinks - altho what they charge for them had better keep Walt's cryogenic vault functional for the next millennium.

Wait, was this ordered by a judge or something? Why would you have to go to Palt Pisney for more than a day?

Is Dave in a reality show? What channel?

Hey, I love conversation snippets! Give us more! More! More! More!

(Excuse me while I burp. That happens when I get excited.)

What Paul said

(it's from Babelfish, so it must be right)

Expensive Dave Barrie: And considere to make you your French blogist? Too many us Americaines speak it badly French. If we faissons laughter in the French badly, it is good, is not?

Hey Dave,

Can you get us a crapcam picture of you being groped by Tigger? That would be classic.

also overheard at the left coast dizzyland today:

"Asian tourists...love it or leave it."

I once took my family to Pisneyland after taking, I thought, an anti-inflamatory for a bad shoulder. Turned out, it was a muscle relaxer. Made for an interesting day.

alanboss - betcha didn't care a whole lot even if you were stuck on "It's a Small World" for a century or two... ;)

here kid, go ahead by yourself. we'll meet you in the bar. no, i guess not. i'd have waited until the 'class trip', then let some other parent be bothered.

when i was in college trips to Disworld were rumored to be relationship breakers.
they were right...by the end of the first day i was ready to mangle the sonofabee.
(n i'm fairly confident he felt the same about me.)

Dave, trust me on this. The best way to see Palt Pisney Porld (other than NOT AT ALL) is to go between the end of January and mid-March. We were there the first week of March this year and there were NO LINES! Really.

End of Public Service Announcement


My mom's a math teacher. She's the one who showed me that video at an early age and often. My brother, too.

I'm majoring in mechanical engineering, and my brother likes crunching numbers (planning to be an accountant).

Subliminal? You bet.

If aliens landed at Palt Pisney Porld, they would think that the fun part was standing in line, and the price you pay is the ride afterwards. The longer the line, the worse the torture at the end. This is why I am never leaving Iowa. Well, except maybe to go to South Dakota.

*goes outside, hitches horses to plow, heads for the fields*

Do they have pay toilets, so you can stand in line and pay for the water both ways?

Alex, Kalyani et al. (whose Al, don't know any blogger named Al?) I had no idea that 'Donald Duck in Mathemagic Land' was so powerful a recruitment tool for the Dark Si- umm. mathematics! Must make a note of it.

*zips in*

What math movie???

*waits for answer*

It is a cartoon that was shown on Walt Disney's show in 1959 (thanks, im*b) that was later put on tape. Research also said it's sometimes shown on Disney Channel. Oh, and same source said it was 'Mathmagic' land though I think it sounds better with the extra syllable.

Speaking of magical things, magical mistakes actually, this all reminded me of an ad for the mighty and magical kingdom that appeared in a hall of shame many years ago. If I remember right, the headline was: "You're never too old to outgrow the magic."

My once and only time @ Pisneyland was when I was a freshman in college, with my folks and other relatives ... our total expenses (aside from gate admission) came to 25¢ I spent @ a shooting gallery, to show off for the cousins ... we just "observed" and saw the "free" stuff ... then we went to Knott's ... this was back in the days when there was nothing between the two spots ... you could actually see Knotts from the Pisneyworld parking lot ...

When I got back out in this part of the world (?) for work, boyoboyoby had things changed ... no interest in going there, tho I've driven my truck past the gate MANY times ...

and, my oldest granddaughter is very well-traveled ... she's been to PL and several times to PPP ... got a dad who doesn't mind standing in line, apparently ... (he's a great guy ... sorta like Dave a little, only geekier ... and I mean that in a good way ... about him ... don't know how geeky Dave is, but I suspect -- not really ...

TMI, but the only basis I have for commenting on this thread ...

I used to work at Disney. I learned that on an average summer day, they took in over $13M in gross revenue and nearly 2 tons of change.

July 3!

If my newest grandson is born on that day (as was my sister-in-law; and my cousin was born on July 4; and my granddaughter on July 5) I'll hafta convince my son to name him "Dave Barry, Too" ...

Stand by for updates. Film at 11 -- if anything happens ...

Yeah, scat ...

I dismember hearing about Vegas when younger ... those lucky (?) few we knew who went there talked of all the excitement ... (???) ... and in later years, I guess I'd've been interested in catching many of the shows of some of the greats and near-greats ... but those days are gone ...

Vegas is still dusty, tho ... when the wind blows ... but you hafta hunt for the "shacks" ...

I grew up in Florida and back then when you were a senior in high school they had a thing called Grad Night where they opened up Disney World for the whole night until about 5:00 A.M. You had to dress in your formal wear from the prom. It was a surreal experience and must have been hell for the workers-not only were they forced to work all night, but they were also regularly puked on by drunk guys in tuxes. I never imagined that Donald Duck knew so many four letter words!

"Ducks The Flying Brick", "Groped By Tigger", and "Drunk Guys In Tuxes" all WBGNFRB. (WBGNFRB=plural of WBAGNFARB.)

I've been to both Palt Pisney Porld and Pisneypand, and there are two tricks: one, immediately regress yourself back to age 12 the second you step inside any of the parks (it's the only way to survive with sanity intact, especially if the boats stop on "It's A Small World"); and two, amuse yourself while waiting in line after line by seeing if you can get one of the Audioanimatronic Hyper-Happy Employee Units to malfunction and stop being perky for at least a millisecond.

(Actually, we have a theory that all Pisney park employees were frozen into suspended animation in a Secret Underground Bunker in 1955 and have been being thawed out as needed ever since. It certainly would explain a lot.)

It was thanks to Grad Night that my family got a free trip to Epcot when I was little. Back then, my dad was teaching school and waa the senior class sponsor one year, he had to go over to Epcot for some meeting relating to Grad Night, we came along and all got into the park for free. Free is about what Epcot is worth in my mind. I've been there 3 times, never paid for admission, the other two times were when they were letting school groups in free for the "educational" value (read: to fleece them for souvineers and food) and being homeschoolers at the time, it was basically free family trip to Epcot. I have no desire to go back.

Pisney, we went to when I was 4, I figure that once in my life is enough, at least not unless it's free like Epcot was.

I know it is fashionable to talk about the lines and the Disney World culture, but my wife and I took our four boys there in June in 2003 and had a great time. And if Dave is not using Flash Pass, then he must just like waiting in line.

I have a friend who lives in Florida, near Tampa. She says I'm the only friend who doesn't asked to go to Disney when I come for a visit.

I grew up 5 miles from Disneyland - or as Dad called it Dismal land - and have gone at least once a year every year since it opened. I too have a 5 year old daughter now and despite the lines, the crowds, the lack of enthusiasm from some employees and the cost it is still one of the most amusing things to do. Just go with a realization of what you will encounter, prep mentally for it and look for the bizarre and the unique and roll with it. My favorite experience is going on Goth Day - usually around the end of August - very surreal. In the end it's all about attitude.

Donald in Mathemagic Land!!!

I realize I'm a tad behind the power curve here (as usual), but I LOVED that movie. Actually own a copy of it - but probably shouldn't admit THAT!

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