YET ANOTHER REASON WHY THIS BLOG SUPPORTS AN INTERNATIONAL BAN ON CHICKENS

(Thanks to many people)

Here is a troubling update. (Thanks to Claire Martin)

Another Update: Coincidence? Don't make this blog laugh.

Comments

[teachmiami]

First! Nuke powered chickens! wbagnfarb

[Esther]

The little red hen

[philintexas]

retreat strategy? Chickens? Trust me, there was a French genius somewhere in that plan...

[teachmiami]

I meant chicken powered landmines WBAGNFARB.

[Blog Syndicate]

LOL...I just wonder if this post was to encite an RSS Riot in the comments.

[teachmiami]

Good one Phil!

[SteveB]

"Toxic Newt and the Chicken-powered Nuclear Landmines" would be a most excellent name for a rock band.

[slyeyes]

Is "April 5" the metric version of "April 1"? (Not to mention the article is a year old)

[Leetie]

Cluck 'em!

[Peri]

I think that's exactly what Dave was trying to do. Unless he hasn't been reading his own blog again and has no idea what he just did. I'll bet he does know and is just being ornery.

I'm not sure that leaving behind nuclear mutated chickens would have been a great plan. They may have decided that the real enemy was the army who left them in a bomb to suffocate or starve.

[D'Artagnan]

Daaaaave, I asked you not to put the link in the thread title and you forgoooot, waaaaaaaahhhh....

*pets RSS regulator*

"It's OK, it's OK, hon, maybe he'll remember next time."

[end of mockery]

[Somewhere North]

Methinks the designers were enjoying a few too many extra curricular activities (ie: pot) when they dreamed this up. This was the sixties after all.

[Somewhere North]

Meanwhile, I am having visions of the Bold Chicken Of Defense. The hero of America.

Cluck!

[elle]

That's nothing compared to the alleged Iraqi Poodle-powered WMD's.

[igloo]

Now we know where Colonel Sanders got his rank.

[AcuZod]

How big was the blast from the bomb, regular or extra-crispy?

[lurker]

Tho perhaps the chickens would have more luck getting this Missle Defense Shield thingy to work?

[Christobol]

"We need better insulation to keep our nukes from freezing."
"What about a solar panel hooked to a windmill on a dam?"
"That's stupid."
"Okay, how about we line it with live chickens."
"Now you're talking!"

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

I'm sorry but that is just absurd. I love it!

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

I'm sorry but that is just absurd. I love it!

[Steve]

Dave/Judi,

I read your blog by RSS Aggregator (Bloglines), and if you put the link in the title, I can't....

Oh, nevermind.

[Dave]

Steve: That's the spirit.

[queensbee]

bwahhaa. i love chicken. so delish.

[Christobol]

Don't look now, but it appears all Steve's base are starting to belong to Dave.

Way to go, Steve!

[Christobol]

Re: Claire's update.

I wonder if that line works with supermodels. Dave, next time you're hanging out waiting to appear on Letterman or something, try out the "You're too young to die!" line and jump on somebody.

Note: It doesn't have to be a chicken. You could try it on a turkey.

[Eleanor]

Is this a joke? Like the MIT student's paper?

I really don't understand this at all - maybe a limerick (not an anagram) or two would help -

Calling all limerick writers, calling all limerick writers, report here immediately!

[Candy Tutt]

How do we know Mike (the chicken) was a male?

He survived for an extended period with next to no brain.
He choked to death trying to eat something too big to swallow.
He died in a motel.

[Christobol]

Here ya go, Eleanor:

If you fancy a nuclear chicken
Prepare to do some beak lickin'
Lest they are to fry
When too young to die
You'll pucker like Uegine Safken

[iamamn]

How do we know Mike (the chicken) was a male?

He was able to survive under trying circumstances.
He was not a finicky eater.
He knew where the Hot Chicks were!

[elle]

RE: Disturbing update:

"He was a popular attraction until he choked to death on a corn kernel in an Arizona motel"

Not many can lay claim to such a glorious exit.

[bangi]

The sky is falling! the sky is falling!!!!

[Tamara]

Now we know where Colonel Sanders got his rank.
Posted by: igloo on April 15, 2005 10:11 AM

Love it!

[bangi]

seconds Christobol's
'way ta go!'

[casey]

Way to go Steve! Jeez, some of us have been around here for years (it seems) and have never been acknowledged by his Daveness. Maybe I should complain more. Wait a minute, I just did....

[NotReallyRobertDuvall]

Ahh.........the smell of dead chickens in the morning. Smells like..........victory!

[elle the limerickly challenged]

There once was a headless c*ck
That gurgled when it tried to talk
He should have been dead
after they lopped of his head
But he kept living on, to everyone's shock

[NotAFanOfClaire]

Claire.....what do you do, sit around all day surfing the stooopid news sites, peppering Dave with junk.

Gee....wish I'd thought of that.

[claire's attorney]

was that a slanderous remark, punk?

[Cin]

And nobody has posted any comments about choking the chicken? Jeez, people! You're letting me down!

[slyeyes]

Do they do a lot of drugs in Western Colorado?

[bangi]

sly : isnt colorado whr u guys have the air force base

[Peri]

He tried to revive it by swinging it around by the legs? I'm going to try that the next time someone needs the Heimlich or CPR. I wish that guy's wife had taken some video.

[Eleanor]

Bravo Christobol!
Bravo elle!

and thanks!

*thinks every thread should have an audience*
*proud to fulfill that role*

[long tall texan]

*wonders why eleanor thinks so much*

*wonders why thoughts are expressed with asterisks*

*wonders if I spelled "asterisk" correctly*

*wonders why therapist is taking so long to call back*

[Conspiracy Theorist]

Dieing in a motel in Arizona on a kernal of corn... isn't that how Elvis died?

[�LabSpecimen�]

. o O (Wonders what LTT was thinking)

[Eleanor]

*wonders if she should get restraing order against long tall texan*

*decides to *think* about it for a while*

[�LabSpecimen�]

Elvis died??? *gasp*

[Christobol]

Peri - I had that same thought. I don't remember that part in the CPR class I took (just because I had a thing for the dummy).

"This guy's choking! Help me pray for him!"
"Shouldn't we try to save him?"
"Are you kidding? He's gotta weigh 400 pounds! I'm not throwing my back!"

[antiroach]

The Paris Hilton Hatred Line starts to the left.

[Christobol]

Hey baby, would you do something for me?

Anything.

Eat this chicken sandwich, really slowly.

I'm outta here.

[sj]

re the paris hilton commercial.

i thought the goal of advertising was to make people want the product, not puke.

this is especially bad when the product if food.

[justat hought]

So Claire's Attorney is a jd. Why would she be represented by a Juvenile Delinquent?

Although I thought,at the time, that Jerry Lewis was hilarious in the The Juvenile Delinquent

[Jeff Meyerson]

Call me when Paris eats one of these.

I want to see her puke instead of her making me puke.

[bangi]

Jeff...imagine

Caller : I wonder why she's not picking up the phone yet...

Callee: I'm coming, i'm coming!

[Sam G.]

We dissected a chicken the other day in Ag. class. We watched the teacher kill it. It kept twitching and stuff after he broke its neck. One girl thought it was still alive and was almost crying as he was cutting it open. He thought that she'd feel better if he cut it's throat, so she knew it was dead, but that didn't go over too well. When he did that, the thing went nuts and started flapping and kicking, and there was blood all over the walls, and people, and counters.
It looked like a CSI crime scene.
Very interesting class.

[Steve]

Heh...Only took me a total of 5 posts in my entire life on this blog to enrage everyone, get tons of email, and even get a personal acknoledgement from Dave Barry himself right here in the comments. All that's left is to get an actual email from Dave.

[Sam G.]

Hmmm...I'd rather not get acknoledged(sp?) at all, while also not annoying the heck out of everyone.

Rereading my last post, I think it was a bit graphic.

[MKJ]

Claire's atty: libelous, actually . . .

[stephen king]

sam, call me.

[Sam G.]

After screwing my head back on, I realized that there is a "w" in acknowledged.

[fab4fan]

Hmmm...reviving a chicken doesn't seem too weird to me. I resuscitated a finch that smacked into the sliding glass door in the sunroom.

[Smithie00]

I remember from high school having arguments over which bird was more stupid, a chicken who runs around after it's been decapitated, or a turkey, which will turn its beak to the sky during the rain and drown.

[Candy Tutt]

Should I repeat my chicken slaughtering story??

[Eleanor]

Paris Hilton does Carl's -

Jessica Simpson does buffalo wings pizza from somewhere -

It's the Year Of The Bimbo!

Oh, and Britney's pregnant! Maybe she'll start shillling for Gerber's!

[elle]

This is not the first time we have seen Paris Hilton eat.....err........."chicken"......on TV. Or at least on VHS.

[horndog]

elle, do tell.

[igloo]

Paris Hilton gives a whole new meaning to choke your chicken!

[Sarcasmo]

First update = Headless Chicken

Second update = Brainless Chick

[D'Artagnan]

Jessica Simpson has the approximate IQ of a buffalo wing, so her endorsement is entirely appropriate.

[Sarcasmo]

Bangi, I think you posted that last comment to the wrong string, but thanks for the visual

[Flash]

I know chickens aren't beautiful, but that one Paris is carrying around has to be the ugliest chicken in the world

[Nate]

Anyone who has watched Mythbusters on the Discovery Channel knows how powerful of a wapon a chicken can be.

Firing a chicken out of an air cannon and through a bunch of glass is what I call great TV.

[Flash]

Bangi,
I know I have asked this before (usually just after you have dropped off to go to bed), but what time is it there?

[DougBo]

Who gives a cluck.

[DougBo]

Geeeesh!
Don't get that thing wet.

[Flash]

MKJ,
Ever see the photos of the pets and their look alike owners? I think we have a match with Paris here.

[DougBo]

Burger King- Subservient Chicken
Carls,jr.- Subservient Paris

he-he.

[Richard Bachman]

Clair: I need your attorney
Sam G: Do you understand what the term "intellectual property" means?

[Col.Harlan Sanders, deceased]

Q: Why are chickens so ugly?
A: You'd be ugly to if you had your pecker sticking out from the middle of your face.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Oh, and Britney's pregnant! Maybe she'll start shillling for Gerber's!

Good one, El.

Wow, Mahatma, that is one ugly dog. And the lemur isn't pretty either. Actually, it looks a little like this guy.

But so does Paris without her makeup, I'm guessing.

[Madness]

oh. my. god.

-hangs head- -shakes it from side to side- -tries SO hard to to laugh out loud- -fails miserably- *hours later* -wipes the tears away-

[Madness]

re: previous post: i was laughing so hard, i couldn't even form a proper sentence. -tries so hard NOT to laugh etc...-

-still laughing-

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

Thanks, Mike, I need this.

[U.O]

Key Quote (Troubling update): University of Utah scientists examined the chicken and theorized Mike had enough of a brain stem left to live headless.

Sorta jostled my thot processes into wondering how closely related a chicken is to a pig (male chauvinist type). After all, most of some guys' brain power seems to be quite a bit lower on the brain stem ... so if you lopped them off at the C5 vertebra, what they consider as "most important" would still live on ...

Update #2: I don't think so, Tim. There's only two things I wanna know about Paris Hilton, and both of 'em are nothin'!

Sam G. - Graphic, but funny ... just don't let Mel Brooks get hold of it, he has a tendency to overdo things a bit.

[AlanBoss]

Did anyone see the recent issue of "Martha Stewart's Living" where she is holding a disturbingly well groomed chicken?

I'm embarassed that I even saw it.

[Poop Dogg]

This Steve sounds a little phoney...

[Poop Dogg]

This Steve sounds a little phnoey...

[slyeyes]

You are embarassed you read it, AlanBoss?

That's a good thing.

[Matt]

Would The Mouth-to-Beak Resusitators be a good name for a rock band?

[AlanBoss]

Slyeyes,

Oh God No! Let's make this clear! I didn't read it. I just saw it!

[Rascalmom]

Is Paris holding the chicken to be used in the sandwich? Oh wait...no, that might be some kind of imitation dog, I guess. Perhaps Chihuahua Sandwich would be a good new name for a band....

[Mare]

The thing I find most disturbing about the whole Mike the Headless Chicken thing is that he died in a motel.
As for Fuita this kinda says it all. The beauty shop on the corners' motto is "We curl up and dye for you." Give you any hints about why Mike's such a big deal!

[Giddy]

OKAY, thank you ALL.. I hate Paris Hilton, and never found her attractive.

..my current boyfriend has once told me, "You're hotter than Paris Hilton," and I thought, "Ew." (I think I said it out loud, as well)

I think I should be cautious about a guy whose perfect girl's anemically thin, bleached to the Hilt, and wears more makeup than a clown.

Just a thought.

[Sondra]

ONE HUNDRETH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Brainy Jello]

Giddy - I'm with you. She's repulsive. Mrs. Jello also agrees.