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April 27, 2005

MEDICAL NEWS MAKING NEWS

Here's a new low in doctor-patient relationships.

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Think big !! Act locally.

Justifiable bombicide, if you ask me. However, the article does not let the dear reader know what was the complaint. Too big? Too small? Two headed?

Blow up and penis should NEVER be used in the same state much less the same headline.

Yowza!

Did anybody read the article about the blood sucking leech that was stuck in a woman's nostril? It's one of the stories at the bottom of the page. Makes you think twice before getting a drink out of a river. Yuck!

The doctor should have just used local anesthesia, so the patient could have been awake the whole time and monitored the progress of the procedure until everything was, you know, to his liking. Kinda like getting a haircut.

Dang it, I'm so smart. Excuse me while I go apply to medical school.

Umm D'Art,

consdiering the previous comment on "blow up" and "penis" would you really want to be watching while someone slices and dices your little buddy?

I'm betting that cosmetic surgeons are not in the practice of opening packages they receive from patients.

"Hello I'd like to make a complaint!"
"Sorry, closed for lunch."
"Nevermind that. I'd like to make a complaint about this here penis enlargement that you performed on my crotch not half an hour ago."
"What eh, what seems to be the problem?"
"I'll tell you what's the problem, you've given me a vagina, that's what's the problem!"
"Oh dear. I must have mixed you up with the gender corrective surgery at 11:45. Shame, I'll bet those cousins don't end up marrying now. Tell ya what, I'll give you a free bowl of soup."
"What kind?"
"We've got lipo-chowder today."
"Is it fresh?"
"I've had three obese women in just this morning."
"Alright."

Would any jury of this guy's peers (ie other guys) convict him of a crime?!

Hell, no!

If you mess up MY Johnson, doc, check your back. Constantly.

The question that begs an answer is why does a 24-year old guy need penis enlargement surgery? Was he freakishly small? Inquiring minds want to know!

C'Bol, lipo-chowder? Lipo-chowder??

*HOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRKKKKKK*

Jack Bauer would shoot him in the thigh, if the "penis Op" went wrong. Then he would try to act surly.

C'Bol, lipo-chowder? Lipo-chowder??

*HOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRKKKKKK*

New questions have been added to the doctor's pre-surgical patient questionaire:

37. If something goes wrong with your breast/lip/penis enlargement surgery, your likely response will be to:

A. Shrug it off and go have a latte/beer/tea/mineral water.
B. Re-animate Johnny Cochran and sue your ass off.
C. Appear on Oprah/Maury/Survivor and bitch a lot.
D. Wire the doctor's Lexus with enough C4 to put him in orbit around Venus.

yes, well...I was deeply concerned about this whole article....Did you see it? They spelled jewelry wrong !!!!

Blake R. Steidler ==>
Breasted killer
Dr. sell a beer kit

p.s. anyone looking forward to seeing Star Wars...who is also a gamer...go to mms://www.upallnightgaming.com/video/SW_ep3_trailer_captioned.wmv

you have to type it all just like that :)
I know it's off topic ...but I am too shy to join in the whole p3n1s discussion

alisaren --

I can't play the Star Wars game because my computer is at home. I am reading/answering blog stuff on my cellphone.

Why? 'Cause I'm one of the idiots in costume who is standing in line for weeks to be one of the first to see the new SW movie. (I just hope it doesn't suck like some of the others.)

well, I guess that's ok ...as long as you aren't dressed like Jar Jar....that deserves a bomb in a jewelry box ...
:)

alisaren --

I can't play the Star Wars game because my computer is at home. I am reading/answering blog stuff on my cellphone.

Why? 'Cause I'm one of the idiots in costume who is standing in line for weeks to be one of the first to see the new SW movie. (I just hope it doesn't suck like some of the others.)

This article just had to be posted the day I'm enjoying sausage links from the breakfast buffet didn't it?

Just cause I feel like being awesome, here's alisaren's link.

This article just had to be posted the day I'm enjoying sausage links from the breakfast buffet didn't it?

Marvin, thanks for making my post split! Was it as good for you as it was for Fishair the other day?

Memo to cosmetic surgeons:

If you think that a lawsuit ain't nice
Remember "Plan B" 's an explosive device.
Be careful in extremis
When retouching a penis
(It's not 'measure once, cut twice'!)

Marvin-
you ARE awesome . thanks !!

ps. weehoooo for douglas adams...may he rest in peace :D

alisaren --

I can't play the Star Wars game because my computer is at home. I am reading/answering blog stuff on my cellphone.

Why? 'Cause I'm one of the idiots in costume who is standing in line for weeks to be one of the first to see the new SW movie. (I just hope it doesn't suck like some of the others.)

ummmm...ok ....Trystan ...I hear you ...and I understand ....you can relax now
:D

alisaren --

I can't play the Star Wars game because my computer is at home. I am reading/answering blog stuff on my cellphone.

Why? 'Cause I'm one of the idiots in costume who is standing in line for weeks to be one of the first to see the new SW movie. (I just hope it doesn't suck like some of the others.)

alisaren --

I can't play the Star Wars game because my computer is at home. I am reading/answering blog stuff on my cellphone.

Why? 'Cause I'm one of the idiots in costume who is standing in line for weeks to be one of the first to see the new SW movie. (I just hope it doesn't suck like some of the others.)

Trystan... why are you standing in line? I got my tickets yesterday for the 12:01 am show with a five minute wait. I will be in the theater about 5 hours before the movie to get a good seat Why call yourself a die hard fan and then say some of the other movies sucked? It's like a Shakespearian play. Watch Act 1 of Hamlet by its self and it sucks. Watch it with the other 5 Acts and it all comes together, and is a glorious wonderful play. And to hope that Episode III "doesn't suck". Well, to quote the big guy... I find your (not you're) lack of faith disturbing. (as i put my hand up in a choking fashion).

Sorry... got a little carried away. The movies don't suck. The "fans" have just lost the innocence they had when they were young, seeing the original trilogy for the first time.

And all this on a blog about a penis enhancement... WAY OFF TOPIC!

Trystan... why are you standing in line? I got my tickets yesterday for the 12:01 am show with a five minute wait. I will be in the theater about 5 hours before the movie to get a good seat Why call yourself a die hard fan and then say some of the other movies sucked? It's like a Shakespearian play. Watch Act 1 of Hamlet by its self and it sucks. Watch it with the other 5 Acts and it all comes together, and is a glorious wonderful play. And to hope that Episode III "doesn't suck". Well, to quote the big guy... I find your (not you're) lack of faith disturbing. (as i put my hand up in a choking fashion).

Sorry... got a little carried away. The movies don't suck. The "fans" have just lost the innocence they had when they were young, seeing the original trilogy for the first time.

And all this on a blog about a penis enhancement... WAY OFF TOPIC!

So important, i guess i had to say it twice. Sorry about that.

Trystan - take your Ritalin - you seem to be a little hyped up today! :)

And Trystan, tell me you're not really standing in line waiting for SW! But if you are, do you know you're in line at the wrong theater???

Just askin' :)

Okay - Trystan, Darth Curt and star wars girl - how does one post a link to a picture since I have the ultimate picture for you relating directly to episode 3.

Maybe I should ask Jason of the RSS....

Christobol: Beautiful plumage, innit?

Trystan, are you using the re-dial function?

Somewhere North - This will probably be lost in the blog archieves... but what the hay! And i also appologize to any Jason's out there...

NO SPOILERS! NO SPOILERS!!!

My guess is that the man in question wanted to have one of those 36 hour erections that they advertise on TV. When it didn't happen for him, it was time to take action.

Has anyone else even seen the first two pre-quels? The acting sucks! It's nothing compared to the original trilogy. They went for looks, not talent. Damned shame.

OnT: They should've grown the penis on his arm, no questions there about results.

Oh Giddy... you've made my point exarctly. Have you seen Episode IV? Mark Hamill is a terrible actor. Carrie Fisher jumps back and forth from British accent to US accent. Then in VI she's so high on drugs that nothing phases her. These movies have never been about acting... just as the old Saturday Afternoon serials were never about acting. When you first watched the original Trilogy, you probably didn't care one iota about acting or dialog or anything. They were just damn good movies despite the acting.

It's the over all story that counts... and the story rocks.

Yeah but, Darth: Mark Hamill's cute, and that's all that mattered to me back then. Now when I rewatch the old ones it's Harrison Ford I'm drooling over.

It's the costumes and the tight pilot-style uniforms that counts!.. and the tight uniforms rock!!

What, exactly, does a story on "penile enlargement" have to do with a website named FemaleFirst? It just doesn ... OOOhhhhh ... nevermind ...

Did anyone (else) notice the absence of the camel toe on the photo on the right?

alisaren --

I can't play the Star Wars game because my computer is at home. I am reading/answering blog stuff on my cellphone.

Why? 'Cause I'm one of the idiots in costume who is standing in line for weeks to be one of the first to see the new SW movie. (I just hope it doesn't suck like some of the others.)

Eleanor (& all) --

Believe me: I only sent my post once! I mean the bloody thing showed up again hours later!

No, I am NOT standing in line. Please. Actually, you picked up on the "joke" I was going for: all those idiots standing in line in LA at the wrong theatre. Talk about Darwin Award candidates.

And Darth Curt, whew! Lighten up. This is a *humor* blog. I was just poking fun. (Although if you are honest to yourself and not just a blind Lucas lemming you will admit the quality of the SW films has varied. The previews for "Sith" look awesome, however.

Yeah, sure, Trys ... we believe you ... you only touched it once ... suuuuurrrrre you did ...

U.O.

You and I are on the same wavelength on this one. I came in here to say the same thing.

Just to participate in the Star Wars conversation...

I loved the first one. (Yes, I still insist on calling "Episode 4" the first one. Probably saw it 30 times during it''s original run. Of course, it was the only movie that played at the local monoplex for over a year. Never really warmed to any of the others. I still see them once, anyway.

[[returning to Geezer Bus]]

[[ coming back off the Geezer Bus]]

Back then, I related to Luke. Many years later, I took my son to see the re-release and all I could think was "Damn! That Luke is a whiney brat!"

[[back on the bus]]

[[ on a roll, now]]

Worked with Mark Hamill a couple of years ago. One day he invited me to have lunch in his trailer with him. "I've got 'The Simpsons' on video!"he said. So there I was some twenty years later, eating lunch and watching old Simpsons episodes with Luke Skywalker. Only in Hollywood!

We now return you to the regularly scheduled bombs and penises.

Wowser, AB -

Exactly the same thing happened to me a few years ago ... except it wasn't Mark Hamill -- it was a guy named Larry whose sister I dated once ... and he wasn't in Star Wars -- he was an F-4 Phantom pilot ... and it wasn't lunch -- it was breakfast (grease is not a good pre-flight meal, if you're gonna be pulling more than four Gees) ... and we didn't watch Simpsons episodes -- we hooked up with a tanker and then flew as targets in a complicated air defense drill ... and it wasn't in Hollywood -- it was in Nodak ...

but other than that ... it was exactly the same!

(and I din't hafta use any USAF barf bags ... tho I thot about it after some of his aerobatics ...)

(Sorry, not funny. Good to hear from you ... how's it going?)

Wowser, AB -

Exactly the same thing happened to me a few years ago ... except it wasn't Mark Hamill -- it was a guy named Larry whose sister I dated once ... and he wasn't in Star Wars -- he was an F-4 Phantom pilot ... and it wasn't lunch -- it was breakfast (grease is not a good pre-flight meal, if you're gonna be pulling more than four Gees) ... and we didn't watch Simpsons episodes -- we hooked up with a tanker and then flew as targets in a complicated air defense drill ... and it wasn't in Hollywood -- it was in Nodak ...

but other than that ... it was exactly the same!

(and I din't hafta use any USAF barf bags ... tho I thot about it after some of his aerobatics ...)

(Sorry, not funny. Good to hear from you ... how's it going?)

Oh Gawd!

I'm tired ... time to go to bed ... especially after I hadda listen to that old story ... again ... twice ...

Oh, well sure. I mean Phantom fighters and flying targets and all. But you really haven't done much until you have had bad set food in a Star Waggons two-banger while watching cartoons with a C list actor. And we were damned glad to have it!

You're right. Time for bed.

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