DOWN, BOY
Louie Lembo mailed in this fascinating ad from Dog Fancy magazine and asked if we could explain it.
We cannot.
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Louie Lembo mailed in this fascinating ad from Dog Fancy magazine and asked if we could explain it.
We cannot.
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When speaking of Bulldogs, when someone uses the word "Johnson" especially with "unbelievably huge", they are actually referring to a "Smith".
Hope that helps.
Posted by: Christobol | April 20, 2005 at 08:37 AM
WOW!
That'll bring Tamara and Di out from where ever they are hiding.
Posted by: igloo | April 20, 2005 at 08:37 AM
Seems as if Parpart has a Rhino, rather than a Johnson.
Posted by: igloo | April 20, 2005 at 08:40 AM
By the way, for those of you on a budget, you can get a Bulldog with a "totally reasonable johnson" for much less.
Posted by: Christobol | April 20, 2005 at 08:42 AM
"Parpart" has caused an earworm.
"O'er the Parparts we watched ..."
Posted by: golfwidow | April 20, 2005 at 08:44 AM
You can call me Rhino,
You can call me Parpart,
But you need'nt call me Johnson
Posted by: RPJohnson | April 20, 2005 at 08:45 AM
"My name is Raymond J. Johnson Jr. Now, you can call me Ray or you can call me J. or you can call me Sonny or you can call me Juni or you can call me RayJay, or you can call me RJ, or you can call me RJJ or you can call me RJJ Jr., but you doesn't have to call me Johnson!"
Posted by: Reddsuss | April 20, 2005 at 08:48 AM
Dang, I feel better now. I weigh less than the bulldog.. whew.
Posted by: Giddy | April 20, 2005 at 08:52 AM
My dog can kick your dog's butt!
Posted by: Giddy | April 20, 2005 at 08:55 AM
I wouldn't be putting that ranch on my salad.
huh uh. Maybe if it was Italian.
Posted by: Mr.Fishair | April 20, 2005 at 08:56 AM
Louie Lembo?
And 'Accepting all major credit cards FREE VIDEOS & DVDS'? If they're free, why do you need your major credit card?
Me says this whole thing is a hoax. We all know there are no Unbelievably huge Johnsons, only Massive ones.
Posted by: D'Artagnan | April 20, 2005 at 08:56 AM
Reminds me of that damned chichuahua (spelling?@!) who lives down my street. It's got major cajones, and will just stand in the middle of the street, staring down my car. Cantankerous little guy.
Posted by: Giddy | April 20, 2005 at 08:57 AM
Thanks, Reddsuss. Geezer brain lock prevented full recitation the line.
Posted by: igloo | April 20, 2005 at 09:00 AM
Thank goodness for skate brakes, otherwise we'd be looking at a major balance problem there, MKJ.
Posted by: D'Artagnan | April 20, 2005 at 09:05 AM
I see that His Daveness has loaned the Crap Cam® to Parparts. Or perhaps His Daveness hocked the Crap Cam® to pay for the 187% Polyester Outfits he gladly wore for the Disco Theme'd party and Parparts purchased it when His Daveness was unable to get it out of hock.
Posted by: igloo | April 20, 2005 at 09:06 AM
What then is this thing about the rhino?
Posted by: Doug | April 20, 2005 at 09:07 AM
Someone should alert Kekaimalu the Wholphin.
Posted by: Funny Name | April 20, 2005 at 09:08 AM
Is Louie Lembo part of the Louie, Louie of Song Fame?
Posted by: igloo | April 20, 2005 at 09:08 AM
How the heck did that ad make it past my SPAM filter?
Posted by: ErnieG | April 20, 2005 at 09:08 AM
Igloo: Unfortunately, only us geezers get it. I'm glad i'm not alone.
Posted by: Reddsuss | April 20, 2005 at 09:11 AM
If you go to www.vicsbulldogs.com and search for "Incredibly Huge Johnsons", you will see that the Johnson is a bulldog bloodline that apparently produces huge, um, dogs. Also you will see that this website will SHIP you your bulldog worldwide.
BTW, searching for "Incredibly Huge Johnsons" at other, non-bulldog-related websites may not be the best idea when you're at work. [What you do at home is up to you.]
Posted by: sophie | April 20, 2005 at 09:11 AM
i wonder if vic parpart has any idea - or is even capable of understanding - the sheer significance of having now been featured on dave barry's blog.
Posted by: long tall texan | April 20, 2005 at 09:11 AM
If you go to www.vicsbulldogs.com and search for "Unbelievably Huge Johnsons", you will see that the Johnson is a bulldog bloodline that apparently produces huge, um, dogs. Also you will see that this website will SHIP you your bulldog worldwide.
BTW, searching for "Unbelievably Huge Johnsons" at other, non-bulldog-related websites may not be the best idea when you're at work. [What you do at home is up to you.]
Posted by: sophie | April 20, 2005 at 09:13 AM
If you go to www.vicsbulldogs.com and search for "Unbelievably Huge Johnsons", you will see that the Johnson is a bulldog bloodline that apparently produces huge, um, dogs. Also you will see that this website will SHIP you your bulldog worldwide.
BTW and speaking from recent personal experience, searching for "Unbelievably Huge Johnsons" at other, non-bulldog-related websites, even if strictly by accident, may not be the best idea when you're at work.
Posted by: sophie | April 20, 2005 at 09:15 AM
sophie, I can't believe Daddy would let you near the computer like that, let alone search the net for "Unbelievably Huge Johnsons".
Dave, just what exactly is going on in your household?
Posted by: D'Artagnan | April 20, 2005 at 09:16 AM
Very very sorry for the triple post. I work for the state, so naturally I am using Internet Explorer 4.
Posted by: sophie | April 20, 2005 at 09:19 AM
Dave,
Since you were unable to answer the question about the ad, could you answer one of these questions:
1) Why does Dog Fancy exist?
2) Why does Louie Lembo admit to having it?
Posted by: Christobol | April 20, 2005 at 09:19 AM
D'Art - it's worse than we thought. Sophie has had to get a job with the gov't to fund Dave's retirement.
Poor Dave. That just can't pay that well.
Posted by: Christobol | April 20, 2005 at 09:23 AM
You need to go to the website. I had trouble telling the difference between the daughter and the dog.
Posted by: kingw MBE LP | April 20, 2005 at 09:28 AM
Do I have to be the first to mention that Bulldog's Johnson wbagnfarb?
Posted by: Higgy | April 20, 2005 at 09:29 AM
C'bol, D'ART:
I think that is called...
"Sophie's Choice"
Not the Johnson, mind you. Just the Civil Service postion and the surfing.
Posted by: igloo | April 20, 2005 at 09:29 AM
Speaking of fancy dogs
Posted by: Christobol | April 20, 2005 at 09:31 AM
I guess they Fancy dogs with huge Johnsons.
Posted by: elle | April 20, 2005 at 09:48 AM
What's with the cowboy hat? Is he planning on ridin' that thing?
Posted by: Sondra | April 20, 2005 at 09:50 AM
Sean, in both cases it is necessary that they specify "unbelievably huge", lest people get the wrong idea.
Posted by: Christobol | April 20, 2005 at 09:53 AM
what? Someone's riding a huge johnson?
You opened the door Sondra.
Posted by: casey | April 20, 2005 at 09:54 AM
Whew, Christobol! I was worried I might find an incredibly huge Johnson with an incredibly huge johnson by clicking on your link!!
Posted by: Esther | April 20, 2005 at 09:55 AM
Sondra - about the cowboy hat ... after all it is a BULLdog, as opposed to a SHEEPdog. I hope this Vic guy knows the old ranchers adage "Sheep and cattle don't mix"
Posted by: Aunt Nancy | April 20, 2005 at 10:02 AM
Sheep and cattle may not mix, but a thorough reading of Vic's website suggests that bulldogs and pigs DO mix.
Posted by: sophie | April 20, 2005 at 10:06 AM
*emerges from the tax season dungeon*
*brushes dust off ramparts*
Igloo - you rang?
148lb. Johnson's??? Wow!
*waves magic wand in the air and calls for her evil bedazzled twin Tamara*
Posted by: Di | April 20, 2005 at 10:13 AM
*emerges from the tax season dungeon*
*brushes dust off ramparts*
Igloo - you rang?
148lb. Johnson's??? Wow!
*waves magic wand in the air and calls for her evil bedazzled twin Tamara*
Posted by: Di | April 20, 2005 at 10:15 AM
*blushing*
It's been a while since I posted last... excuse my double!
Posted by: Di | April 20, 2005 at 10:18 AM
Welcome back Di!!! I've been expecting to see you for 5 days now!!!!
Glad you made it through!
Posted by: Eleanor | April 20, 2005 at 10:20 AM
*incredibly huge puff of smoke*
Tamara is here!
*rubbing hands together*
Ok, what we got here?! Incredibly huge Johnsons?
I'd like to marry one of John's sons! Ba-da-bing! Thank you! I'm here all afternoon!
Nah, I got nuthin.
Posted by: Tamara | April 20, 2005 at 10:22 AM
*jumps in front of Tamara*
*tries to shove Tamara-rhymes-with-camera back in her genie bottle until further notice, or at least until she's done downloading new material*
*fails miserably*
*decides to adorn her with more sequins on her ramparts hoping that will make the Johnson Bloggers forget all about her being dusty*
Hi'ya El! I'm still busy... the tax deadline has come and gone, but now the audit group is in full force with benefit plan, NFP, and muni audits. I was taking a few minutes to grab some lunch and thought I'd swing by... and there it was... Igloo calling us out from the forest!
Posted by: Di | April 20, 2005 at 10:29 AM
I hope this Vic guy knows the old ranchers adage "Sheep and cattle don't mix"
*nudges Tamara*
I wonder if Aunt Nancy has ever heard the Texan adage of "Where the men are men, and the sheep are scared"?
*ducks to avoid getting paddled*
Posted by: Di | April 20, 2005 at 10:32 AM
Di -
*snork*
Posted by: Eleanor | April 20, 2005 at 10:35 AM
Petey on the Lil' Rascals never revealed his huge johnson.
This world is goig to hell in a handbasket!
Posted by: Alfalpha | April 20, 2005 at 11:37 AM
Still talking about the Unbelievable Huge Johnsons, huh?
Haven't you all just about beat that one to death?
Buh-dum-BUM.
[Sorry. That's all I got.]
Posted by: LadyBug | April 20, 2005 at 11:54 AM
AAAGHHH!! A typo! Look away! LOOK AWAY!!
Ahem...You will read the above comment as follows:
Still talking about the UnbelievablY Huge Johnsons, huh?
Haven't you all just about beat that one to death?
Buh-dum-BUM.
[Yeah. It's not that funny the second time around, either, is it?]
Posted by: LadyBug | April 20, 2005 at 11:57 AM
Atticus: maybe it was cold out
(gross, BTW . . . )
Posted by: MKJ | April 20, 2005 at 12:02 PM
unbelievably huge johnsons?? john holmes, ron jeremy, or brahma bull size??
Posted by: cubie | April 20, 2005 at 12:12 PM
Di - I thought that was South Dakota - "Where men are men, women are scarce, and sheep are nervous."
Posted by: Aunt Nancy | April 20, 2005 at 12:36 PM
bumpersticker:
"I (heart) my huge johnson"
Posted by: DougBo | April 20, 2005 at 12:40 PM
Another Bumpersticker:
"My wife (heart)'s my unbelievably huge Johnson"
Posted by: Sarcasmo | April 20, 2005 at 12:42 PM
and how did they make it do that?
Maybe it's not safe for the daughter in that house either.
Posted by: Jelly | April 20, 2005 at 12:42 PM
all women heart a huge johnson sarcasmo
Posted by: cubie | April 20, 2005 at 12:50 PM
Aunt Nancy - So. Dakota too? I've never been...
*adds So. Dakota to the list of places not to visit*
Out of curiosity, does anyone know what would define "unbelievably huge" in regards to Johnsons? Footlong perhaps? Bigger?
Inquiring minds want to know ;)
Posted by: Curious Di | April 20, 2005 at 12:51 PM
Di, even if we told you, you wouldn't believe it.
Posted by: Marvin | Paranoid Android | April 20, 2005 at 12:54 PM
huge johnsons are wonderful whether natural, man made or drug enhanced (does anyone remember that little rhyme in grade school, "the bigger, the better, the tighter the sweater, the more the boys will like you better"),, let's make up a rhyme like that for the guys big johnsons
Posted by: cubie | April 20, 2005 at 12:54 PM
No baseball fans out there? No reference to another unbelievably huge Johnson: Randy Johnson, "The Big Unit"? ["Do I make you randy, baby?"]
Posted by: cp | April 20, 2005 at 01:06 PM
the bigger the johnson
the bigger the stretch marks
Posted by: Dick Bachman | April 20, 2005 at 01:11 PM
Unbelievably Huge Johnson anagrams to Joy! Been lavish bunghole.
In case anyone wanted to know...
Posted by: Di | April 20, 2005 at 01:15 PM
he was a tiny man with a big johnson
some swedish dude named Johannson
his friends thought he was cool
but the girls thought he was a fool
so he moved back in with his mom in wisconsin.
*cymbal crash*
(crickets chirping)
Posted by: long tall texan | April 20, 2005 at 01:31 PM
Q: What's the best thing to come out of a big johnson?
Posted by: Heh-Heh! | April 20, 2005 at 01:38 PM
A: The wrinkles
Posted by: Heh-Heh! | April 20, 2005 at 01:46 PM
heheh-
I thought it was "the love of a treasured pet".
That or a "woof woof".
Posted by: Random Street Lunatic | April 20, 2005 at 01:54 PM
Twirling motion = "tally whacker dance"
Posted by: DougBo | April 20, 2005 at 02:23 PM
In Texas, it's
"Where the Men are Men
and the Cows are Nervous."
We're a might taller than yer average sheep molester.
Posted by: Sondra | April 20, 2005 at 02:25 PM
I want to write a limerick about a 4-stroke Johnson, but it'd be too filthy for this blog. Sorry, you'll just have to use your imagination. ;-)
Posted by: Alex | April 20, 2005 at 02:26 PM
My imagination's not that good, Alex. Let's hear it.
I'll help you get started:
There once was a bulldog named Louie,
Whose Johnson was notably screwy,
He said with a grin,
While licking his skin,
duh duhdada duhda duh duhda...
Posted by: sandy beach | April 20, 2005 at 03:06 PM
There once was a bulldog named Louie,
Whose Johnson was notably screwy,
He said with a grin,
While licking his skin,
duh duhdada duhda duh duhda...
I'd like to stick it to Baby Huey!
ba-da-dum.
Posted by: Eleanor | April 20, 2005 at 03:21 PM
Nice, El! Ties in with the rubber ducky story from yesterday, too.
Posted by: sandy beach | April 20, 2005 at 03:28 PM
Thanks! check out......
Posted by: Eleanor | April 20, 2005 at 03:50 PM
I am wondering if this is one of those diddly daddly sites. I mean come on "Unbelivably Huge Johnsons" as well as free videos and DVDs. You do the math.
Posted by: BerTruGin | April 20, 2005 at 04:43 PM
Alex, you may be right about that limerick being probably too filthy for this blog, but I definitely would like to know a little more about this "horespower" before purchasing one of the available models. And just how small is "small"? You could just post the limerick on my blog.
What do you think?
Posted by: Doug | April 20, 2005 at 04:45 PM
C-bol -- tnx4 being geezer enuf to remember the great old Johnson-Smith catalog ...
That's quite a set of ... wheels ... on Jordan ...
Sophie (not Dave's daughter) - You work for the state? Where I'm from, many of the the state workers are in a state ... of confusion ... hope it goes better for you ...
From C-bol's site: ... to get an allover clean ... Yup. When I clean my allover, that's what I use ...
Those pix on Sophie's gallery ... what sort of dogs are those? Most of them have trees growing out of various parts of their anatomy ... Not only did they steal Dave's crap-cam, they do a crappy job with it ...
I useta have a poem about a Johnson that I would use when teaching poetry classes ... but I won't bore (?) you with it here ...
Posted by: U.O | April 20, 2005 at 05:40 PM
OK, fine. Here goes, but you've been warned:
There once was a man named Knox
Who went to bed with no socks
One time he got pissed
Because of a miss
While playing with his 4-stroke Johnson
Posted by: Alex | April 20, 2005 at 06:42 PM
Reddsuss, Thanks a lot! I don't think I've ever had a non-musical earworm before!
Posted by: AlanBoss | April 20, 2005 at 07:38 PM
Pardon me if this has already been mentioned, but is anyone else just slightly curious and also scared of what might be on that DVD or video?
Posted by: Angie | April 20, 2005 at 08:48 PM
Alex: HA HA HA HA HA! Bravo, my friend.
Posted by: Doug | April 20, 2005 at 08:55 PM
I've found Dave's cousin Rick on dabloid.com
Go there and see willy warmers, women and hummers, and how a nerd makes a cake. and don't miss a the hot dog on wheels, if dogs are your thing.
Posted by: Joy | April 20, 2005 at 10:43 PM
And we proudly display Dog Fancy Magazine in our animal hospital lobby... no wonder we get all the "interesting" clients.
Posted by: red rocket | April 21, 2005 at 12:47 AM
according to Fred Rogers...
Some dogs are (very) fancy on the outside
Posted by: insomniac | April 21, 2005 at 05:14 AM
a haiku:
a new perspective -
perhaps "johnson" means moustache...
pretty freakin' huge
Posted by: mudstuffin | April 21, 2005 at 05:14 AM
Mudstuffin-
Finally! I was wondering when someone was going to comment on the huge 'stache! Wonder if he's originally from Pittsburgh.
Posted by: lobstersaver | April 21, 2005 at 11:17 AM
One Hundreth!
Posted by: Sondra | April 21, 2005 at 04:24 PM
10FIRST!
Posted by: Marvin | Paranoid Android | April 26, 2005 at 02:28 AM
Excuse me, but our dogs kick butt so sorry that yours don't. My dad has worked hard with these dogs, and that's more than I can say about some of you immature pigs
Posted by: Tori Parpart | May 09, 2005 at 06:15 AM
The man is gay and into dog sex, yeeeeehaaawwww
Posted by: RJ | January 29, 2006 at 09:47 PM
MY FUCKING DAD IS NOT GAY SO FUCK YA'LL. I'D LIKE TO SEE SUM OF YOUR UGLY ASS DOGS AND SEE IF THEY COMPARE ANYTHING TO OURS, WHICH I'M PRETTY FUCKING SURE THEY WONT. QUIT HATIN
Posted by: TORI PARPART | March 22, 2007 at 11:10 AM