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March 24, 2005

OUTDOOR LIFE

For some mysterious reason, each month my wife receives an issue of Outdoor Life magazine. My wife never subscribed to Outdoor Life; in fact, she has never hunted or fished.

But still the magazine comes. I have started looking forward to it, because Outdoor Life makes every effort to give the impression that hunting and fishing are exciting and sometimes dangerous activities, as opposed to what they actually are; namely, hobbies that consist largely of sitting around smelling your own b.o. while you wait for something to happen, which it rarely does.

Anyway, I thought I'd share the cover of this month's issue, which has two exciting stories:

SPECIAL REPORT: Inside the Dark World of Antler Thieves

Deep in the Amazon for Fish that Eat Deer!

I immediately turned to the story about the deer-eating fish, which was hugely disappointing. There was only one brief and vague reference to deer being eaten by fish, and no pictures of it – just the usual photos featuring a guy holding a dead fish, with neither party looking like a rocket scientist.

I didn't read about the Dark World of antler thieves, because I want to be able to sleep at night


OutdoorLifeCover.jpg

March 23, 2005

NEWS THAT MAKES YOU GO "DUH!"

As if This Blog didn't know.

(Thanks to Brian Bell)

JUST WHAT WE NEED

A new, improved robot snake.

(Via Gizmodo)

THREE QUESTIONS FOR MEN WHO SPIT THEIR GUM WADS INTO URINALS

1. Why do you do this?

2. Are you aware that it's really disgusting?

3. Could you please stop?

Thank you.

BURNING EDITORIAL ISSUE OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Where do YOU stand on urchin decisions?

DAVID SPADE UPDATE

And you thought he didn't have one

Related News Item: This is one determined guy.

Meanwhile, in Canada: A town refuses to pay $20,000 to restore Frank the Baggage Handler's, um, baggage.

CREEPING FACISM CREEPS FORWARD

Now they want to take away Drum Drum's right to perform the Manus Dance and The Fishing Mime.

AND THEY ALL HAVE FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSES

They're here.

March 22, 2005

JUST A NORMAL MUSIC FAN

... No matter what The Blog says.

A friend of mine was explaining to me his convoluted TV/vcr gyrations for watching 24, and thought I'd be put off by the weirdness of it.... so I explained what I do to make sure I catch all the bands I like on late-night tv. (Everybody does this, right?)

you have to be on channel 6 at the end of the 11:00 news. leno's lineup runs
first. then you switch immediately to letterman so you can see what musical
group he's having on. depending on tiredness level, you can then either
watch one of them or set a tape BUT if you set a tape, first you have to go
to rockontv.com to see who's on craig ferguson and conan and see if there's
someone better you have to wait to set a tape for. (you might also check for
jimmy kimmel and carson daly if you're bothering to go to rockontv.) if you
don't go to bed, you watch the end of leno (again, channel 6 goes first) to
see who's coming on on conan, then quickly switch to craig ferguson to find
out who's on there...and watch craig's monologue. then you can set a tape
and go to bed, if there's someone good on one of them.

if there's someone good on both leno AND letterman, you watch letterman
because they always start first and you can get almost through the song
before you have to go watch leno; usually i'll have a tape ready (or
running) and a tv on in the other room so i can hear when the commercial
ends. leno starts later but goes directly to the conan lineup, whereas
letterman is usually in commercials for the last five minutes of the show.

if there's someone good on both craig ferguson AND conan, you have to stay
up, that's all there is to it.

every night.

j

ATTENTION, AOL USERS WHO HAVE BEEN WORRYING THAT YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG AND THEREFORE WERE BANNED FROM COMMENTING

Do not be concerned. The Great and Powerful Nava has spoken: An AOL IP address was added to the block list on March 11th. They've removed it and that should take care of the problem.

ALL HAIL NAVA!

DID YOU EVER WONDER WHY IT IS SO VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU SIGN YOUR CREDIT CARD SALES SLIP IN THE PRESENCE OF THE CASHIER?

Wonder no more.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

SOON TO BE A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE

The Albanian Toilet Gang

ATTENTION, INSANE YOUNG MALES

You NEED this.

(Via, needless to say, Gizmodo)

March 21, 2005

LIVE 24 UPDATE

OK, apparently somebody detonated an EMP, and now Jack needs to get something to CTU for decoding ASAP. I have no idea what this means, but the president is in danger. Also I think Audrey still has feelings for Paul.

Update: Jack is interrogating Terror Mom, and he has been in the room with her for nearly 30 seconds now without shooting her in the thigh. Jack is getting SOFT.

Update: I don't remember who first pointed this out, but whoever it was is correct: Terror Mom sounds exactly like Carol Channing.

Update: There has been increased chatter. That's what terrorists do: They chatter.

Update: Jack is about to be in "extreme and immediate danger." THERE'S a novel plot concept.

Update: Terror Mom Channing and Terror Boy just reunited. I think she has the hots for him.

Update: Chloe just offered to handle Edgar's overflow.

Update: Somebody just actually emitted the following line of dialogue: "They're going in."

Update: Sure enough, Jack is now in danger, and it can only be described as extreme and immediate.

Update: I'm beginning to think that Jack is going to go through this whole episode without shooting a single person.

Update: I was trying to figure out the plot thread involving the soldier, but now the fake soldier shot him, so I guess I can stop worrying about it.

Update: For a secretary of defense, William Devane spends an awful lot of time just standing around in hallways.

Update: Audrey is crying. Audrey is always crying.

Update: "We can't afford to have a sloppy tail."

Update: Chloe just switched to infrared and there's only one person in the car. I hate it when people take too long to switch to infrared.

Update: Why do car commercials always call a sale a "sales event?"

Update: Chloe just asked Edgar to get her the CalTrans Interface. They are kinky, those two.

Update: I think Marwan just had Carol Channing shot!

"HELLO, TECHNICAL SUPPORT? I CAN'T STOP MY BODY FROM TRANSMITTING COPACABANA"

This is scary.

(Thanks to Ted Habte-Gabr)

WHEN PEOPLE TRY TO TELL THIS BLOG THAT AMERICANS LACK REVERENCE FOR CLASSIC ART

This blog replies: "Oh (BURRRPPPP) yeah?

(Thanks to Brenda)

JUST SAY NO TO SCIENCE

You have to draw the line somewhere.

(Thanks to G. Swan)

THERE'S A THIN LINE BETWEEN LOVE AND ...

Whatever this is.

(Thanks to Barry FS from the message board)

FROG UPDATE

Dear Mr Barry,

I have just become aware of the link via your blog to our story a couple of weeks ago which referred to 'frog day'. Thank you! You have done our web stats for the month a big favour (or favor to translate into American).


It's fantastic for our little newspaper site to receive such worldwide attention.


If you're interested in another story on the frog theme (and we do write about other things here, honest!), then this link may be of interest.


We have an update on the saga of Croakie appearing in our newspaper this week. He's still alive, just.


Thanks very much and keep up the good work.


Simon Bull
Digital news producer
News Shopper

BANANA BTO

Caution: We know there is no better combination than bananas and badgers, but if you click this link, please be aware you will never ever ever get this song out of your head.

(Thanks to Jeremy Martin, who notes: This item most likely contains the only time you will ever hear the word "bananular" used as a song lyric.)

EBAY ITEM OF THE DAY SO FAR

This item gives new meaning to the term "chips and dip."

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

SPEAKING OF BANANAS

Banana abuse is on the rise.

(Thanks to Gregory Anderson)

FASCISM UPDATE

Now they're taking away our right to flash our bananas.

(Thanks to Steve Bacon and many others)

FIRST, DEAD GIANT SQUID WASH ASHORE

And now this.

Key Vessel Name: The squid boat Doo An.

ATTENTION, PEOPLE PLANNING TO USE THE GOULBURN MULWAREE COUNCIL'S HETHERINGTON STREET DEPOT TOILETS (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE)

Watch out.

March 20, 2005

CULTURE UPDATE

Spring Break Shark Attack is on tonight, and, tragically, I'm going to miss it. If you watch, please feel free to post plot details in the comments section below. I'm dying to find out the answers to such burning questions as:

1. Will there be lots of gratuitous shots of attractive babes in skimpy bikinis?

2. Or will some of them be wearing skimpy one-piece suits?

3. Will an actor actually deliver the following line: "Don't be the boy who cried shark"?

TRAVEL ADVISORY

Today I am in (Why not?) Rochester, N.Y. One of the major attractions here -- I am not making this up -- is Wegmans, which is a supermarket. One of the first things I was told when I got here is that when Cher came to Rochester, she visited Wegmans. Apparently this is true.

March 18, 2005

ONE PROBLEM WITH APARTMENT LIVING

The neighbors.

BAAAAAAD

It's time we cracked down on these varmints who steal rams being used in university studies on homosexuality in sheep, not that there is anything wrong with that.

Update: It has come to my attention that judi already blogged this item. I would apologize, but it is not my fault. We're having problems with our RSS aggregator thing.

SCIENCE UPDATE

So that's why they call it Juicy Fruit.

(Thanks to Jake Ezell and Albert Franquiz)

"WHAT WERE THEY THINKING" PHOTO OF THE DAY

(Thanks to Axel Estable)

FASCISM UPDATE

Now they're taking away our right to shaking our behinds and going on, breaking it down.

(Thanks to julietine)

MANSQUITO UPDATE

According to this review, the following lines of dialogue are spoken:

"Hey, Mansquito!"

"He's more mosquito than man now."

ATTENTION, PLANT LOVERS LOOKING FOR SYMBIOSIS

How would you like to be the bearer of this unit?

(Via Gizmodo)

HEADLINE OF THE DAY SO FAR

This blog formally calls on Congress to take action.

UH-OH

They're back.

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Now they're using collapsing toilets.

HOLY SMOKE!

What's that smell?

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

FORGET STEROIDS IN BASEBALL

Congress needs to look into this.

BAD NEWS FOR AUSTRALIA'S SICK FROGS

Your hospital is closing.

March 17, 2005

WOMEN

Sometimes, it's not obvious that we're all that politically savvy, you know?

(Caution: nakedidity within)

(All links thanks to freelance fred)

TMI HEADLINE OF THE DAY

(Thanks to Neil Rivard)

SIGH

Do we never tire of new opportunities for such juvenile humor?

Apparently not.

(Thanks to Bryce Donovan, who adds, I vote for "The Cockpit.")

THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ST. PATRICK'S DAY

And the stealth bloggerette would never suggest that it does. That you can be sure of.

(Thanks to tavesawyer)

EBAY EGO ITEM OF THE DAY SO FAR

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

Update: Claire also sends this item, which could be even more exciting than a date with Prom Boy.

PLEASE MAKE A NOTE OF IT

(Thanks to Ted Habte-Gabr)

IF YOU HAD THIS THING, WHAT COMMANDS WOULD YOU GIVE TO YOUR HOUSE?

I would start with: "STOP REQUIRING COSTLY REPAIRS."

(Via the ever-wondrous Gizmodo)

LOCALE OF THE DAY

We are not swimming here.

Update: We're also staying out of the Yarra.

Key Quote: 100 eels were found dead.

WHY WE LOVE THE INTERNET ON ST. PADDY'S DAY

The LepreCam!

A SAD DAY FOR AMERICA

Kwame's show has been canceled.

 
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