OUTDOOR LIFE
For some mysterious reason, each month my wife receives an issue of Outdoor Life magazine. My wife never subscribed to Outdoor Life; in fact, she has never hunted or fished.
But still the magazine comes. I have started looking forward to it, because Outdoor Life makes every effort to give the impression that hunting and fishing are exciting and sometimes dangerous activities, as opposed to what they actually are; namely, hobbies that consist largely of sitting around smelling your own b.o. while you wait for something to happen, which it rarely does.
Anyway, I thought I'd share the cover of this month's issue, which has two exciting stories:
SPECIAL REPORT: Inside the Dark World of Antler ThievesDeep in the Amazon for Fish that Eat Deer!
I immediately turned to the story about the deer-eating fish, which was hugely disappointing. There was only one brief and vague reference to deer being eaten by fish, and no pictures of it – just the usual photos featuring a guy holding a dead fish, with neither party looking like a rocket scientist.
I didn't read about the Dark World of antler thieves, because I want to be able to sleep at night
Forget the antler thieves and the deer eating fish, I want to know about the $1 million bass..... I could use a little extra spending money....
Posted by: Pinto | March 24, 2005 at 06:14 AM
"How to track wounded deer: :I actually saw a product in walmart(sucks) that illuminated deer blood for night tracking... kind of a redneck luminol from CSI.
Posted by: Doug` | March 24, 2005 at 06:14 AM
10 Tips for Late Season Turkeys?
ALL the turkeys I know are late season ones. They should be reading this too.
Now, if they're referencing the other ones, how do we know they read? Yet alone subscribe?
Posted by: kibby F5� | March 24, 2005 at 06:15 AM
Dave,
You have to read it. We must know. Are our long-held suspicions correct? Is it the deer eating fish who are stealing our antlers, or is it Carrot Top?
Posted by: Christobol | March 24, 2005 at 06:19 AM
*kicks work filters*
I love the Darwin awards. Gives me hope that not every moron is allowed to pee in humanities gene pool.
Posted by: wolfie | March 24, 2005 at 06:25 AM
Can I see the article on the newest lures please btw? I need the help.
*sighs*
Posted by: wolfie | March 24, 2005 at 06:29 AM
I want to see the photo spread of "spring's hottest new lures." Ooooo baby ...
Posted by: Shannon | March 24, 2005 at 06:35 AM
Dave,
Here is your deer eating fish.
Posted by: Christobol | March 24, 2005 at 06:38 AM
'Outdoor Life' is a better mag than what I get, 'Outdoor Wife.' It only has articles about ratty-haired women that constantly twirl, eat only grains and don't bathe.
Posted by: antiroach | March 24, 2005 at 06:38 AM
Forget about the million dollar bass. I already caught and ate it, before I knew what it was. If I'd known what I was eating, I'd have had a good bottle of wine to go with it.
(Funny, I caught the bass using venison for bait.)
Posted by: Robert | March 24, 2005 at 06:41 AM
Antler thieves are right on par with 'house thieves' and Dave/Judi, if you are reading this, then you should go to my latest informative e-mail in your inbox, as you will find the link I am talking about, or should be I wasn't giving convoluted directions here.
Posted by: Marvin | Paranoid Android | March 24, 2005 at 06:42 AM
Christobol, I hesitate to ask what mortal danger you placed yourself in just to snap that riveting photo.
Dave, thank you for dedicating an entire blog thread to The Source for Hunting and Fishing.
Posted by: MOTW | March 24, 2005 at 06:45 AM
Antler thieves have their own molls who wear fancy feather boas . . .
Posted by: Mahatma Kane Jeeves | March 24, 2005 at 06:45 AM
Antler thieves have their own molls who wear fancy feather boas . . .
Posted by: Mahatma Kane Jeeves | March 24, 2005 at 06:45 AM
R@gaf8*aga@#$#@$!! double posting!
Posted by: Mahatma Kane Jeeves | March 24, 2005 at 06:48 AM
MOTW - suffice it to say that the mortal danger was of a very mortally dangerous type. I had thought the fish would be full from the deer, but I was mistaken, and wound up having to feed it several baby seals. On the plus side, those photos turned out pretty good, too.
Posted by: Christobol | March 24, 2005 at 06:49 AM
Hehe, MKJ- nice 'rack'.
Posted by: tyler | March 24, 2005 at 06:50 AM
MKJ - I'm not sure I agree with her referring to ramparts as "junk"
Posted by: Brainy Jello | March 24, 2005 at 06:51 AM
Although that is a nice rack.
Posted by: RAT-A-TAT-A-TAG | March 24, 2005 at 06:52 AM
Some take the skull too . . .
Posted by: Mahatma Kane Jeeves | March 24, 2005 at 06:53 AM
Some take the skull too . . .
Posted by: Mahatma Kane Jeeves | March 24, 2005 at 06:53 AM
Cristobol,
I was going to request, but then saw you posted it.
Please pub a photo like the shark/helicopter one on your blog. I sent it to a bud who flies blackhawks in Iraq, and it is making the rounds.
Bravo.
Posted by: Doug | March 24, 2005 at 06:54 AM
"deer found dead...almost full skull...little bit of the front nose is gone"
WHAT could they possibly be doing with little bits of deer noses?!
Posted by: Marvin | Paranoid Android | March 24, 2005 at 06:55 AM
Wow-MKJ is rack'n em up! Nice work 'busting' those antler theives.
Posted by: tyler | March 24, 2005 at 06:57 AM
Thoughts upon reading this thread:
1 - You can only sell antlers if your wearing a bra and have lots of cleavage -
2 - Tracking wounded deer - a truly humanitarian sport!
Posted by: Eleanor | March 24, 2005 at 07:00 AM
I think the feather boa lady has a nosebleed or something
Posted by: Mahatma Kane Jeeves | March 24, 2005 at 07:02 AM
Eleanor--I think you mean "deeritarian"
Posted by: GDogg | March 24, 2005 at 07:03 AM
In the latest issue of RS (the subscription I got by telemarketing but haven't paid for), the late Hunter S. Thompson is identified as a "antler thief". While working on an article about why Papa Hemingway swallowed lead shot, he saw a set of elk antlers in Hemingway's lodge and liberated them.
Dave ...don't go into "the dark world of antler theft."
Posted by: philintexas | March 24, 2005 at 07:06 AM
And not to forget the anglers among the outdoorsey types (scroll down)
Posted by: Mahatma Kane Jeeves | March 24, 2005 at 07:08 AM
was that bass made before they had strings or something?
Posted by: Marvin | Paranoid Android | March 24, 2005 at 07:08 AM
Arm the deer. Make hunting more of a challenge
*munches on bambi burger*
Posted by: rikki-tikki-taggie | March 24, 2005 at 07:11 AM
Dave, I thought Antler Thieves opened for the RBR, or was that Antler Fish?
Doug's link
Anyway Dave, don't feel bad, I've started getting an unsolicited subscription to Jewish Week. Talk about your riveting reading!
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | March 24, 2005 at 07:11 AM
I'm glad the cover specifies "Fish That Eat Deer", otherwise if it had just said "Fish Eating Deer" I wouldn't know if it was fish that eat deer or deer that eat fish. It COULD go both ways. It COULD be fish that eat deer, like a school of Piranha and some poor hapless deer who hasn't seen "Jaws" and therefore wouldn't know Roy Scheider from Tom Cruise and goes for a dip in the Amazon river and promptly becomes an hors dourves.
OR.. it could be like those "paintings" of poker playing dogs, except they're paintings of fish eating deer, depicting a bunch of deer sitting around the dinner table dining on a Friday night supper of Halibut (or salmon on the Fridays that fall on a payday).
Posted by: Dave (not Barry.. calm down) | March 24, 2005 at 07:13 AM
How does this bass stack up against the singing one-on-the-board bass?
LOVE THAT THING!
But you can get them for $19.95.
Posted by: kibby F5� | March 24, 2005 at 07:19 AM
This ain't your Momma's Cosmo.
Posted by: punky brewster | March 24, 2005 at 07:22 AM
MKJ - do you think her boobs were "Bonus #3'?
D'Art - I see you are up to your usual standard of cleverness today - *snork* - very funny:)
Posted by: Eleanor | March 24, 2005 at 07:23 AM
Scoop: Black market antler thieves are supplying great demand for the hottest new lures, deer-like 'ant-lures' to catch the elusive amazonian fish- Ginormousgoldfishium Deereatamus(see c-bols exclusive shots).
Posted by: tyler | March 24, 2005 at 07:25 AM
Eleanor: and #4!
;-)
Posted by: Mahatma Kane Jeeves | March 24, 2005 at 07:40 AM
"Click to view supersized image"
Posted by: Mahatma Kane Jeeves | March 24, 2005 at 08:13 AM
ha. outdoor life... haaa. the members of my tribe tend NOT to be hunters. if we need meat, we go to the store.
Posted by: queensbee | March 24, 2005 at 08:53 AM
Super Bass-o-matic ’76 ™
We've got bass here, fast and easy and ready to pour, mmm-mmm! Super Bass-o-Matic '76 comes with ten interchangeable rotors, a nine-month guarantee, and a booklet: 1,001 Ways to Harness Bass.
Super Bass-o-Matic '76 - it's clean, simple, and after five or ten fish, it gets to be quite a rush!
Posted by: Dan Akroyd | March 24, 2005 at 09:57 AM
ha. outdoor life... haaa. the members of my tribe tend NOT to be hunters. if we need meat, we go to the store.
Or we go to a restaurant!
Feel free to insert reservations joke here!)
Posted by: Eleanor | March 24, 2005 at 04:49 PM
I actually read an article once about a doe deer that had a taste for fish. She would catch and eat them. THis was a wild deer, not penned. I think the fish were brook trout.
Come to think of it, if deer are eating our brook trout--that in itself is a reason to kill them. ;-)
- Kent
Posted by: Kent | October 21, 2005 at 09:21 AM