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March 01, 2005

IT IS NEVER TOO SOON

...to learn what it takes to be a man.

(Thanks to Shelley Acoca)

Comments

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First

Yes! I've NEVER been first.

I need one of these, by the way. Not for potty training my son, but so that that sink stops looking so tempting.

Liam, who isn't serious.

Wish I'd had that for my boys. But why the heck name the thing? Well, I suppose that's because the 'thing' used is often named ('Johnson', 'Willy' ...)

Awwwww...

Does that mean we will now see mothers in the mall toting around a Peter Potty in their strollers (as they are often used as a shopping carts while the poor child walks along side) because the public bathrooms don't accommodate a small urinal, and the boy was never taught to pee sitting down? Cuz that will surely build the boys self-confidence!

Whatever happened to taking them outside? Of course, this only works if you don't have neighbors in a close vicinity.

Helloooo?! How short do you have to be? My son peed standing up not too far into potty training. What about a step stool? I couldn't have a urinal in my kids' bathroom. Just too yucky.

Seriously, who thought this one up? Because I know some of these young Moms'll buy 'em up. Wish I'd thought of it..

Sorry this wasn't funny. :o) But I had to pipe in on this one.

SteenerNeener made me ChuckleWuckle.

Key quote: "retrain them to stand, which requires balance and can make a little fellow uncomfortable"

So true...why, just yesterday, in the public restroom...

"How's it going?"
"Not so good! My little fellow is uncomfortable!"
"Easy there pal, you're spraying everywhere!"
*fall, smack head on urinal, wake up two hours later in large bowl of macaroni in Guam*
"Not again."

Great idea! The Peter Pottie for toilet training and the real toilet can still be used for training on "How to Vomit After a Night of Heavy Drinking"

i am surprised that it took this long to develop. men are so lazy. guess that's why a woman had to. now stand back, i gotta go...

i am surprised that it took this long to develop. men are so lazy. guess that's why a woman had to. now stand back, i gotta go...

They should just teach them to hold it in until they're taller . . .

There's no mention of where to put the penny.

If you put two next to each other, will the toddlers have awkward three-word conversations about trains and Barney?

Cbol - TOO FUNNY!

Also included is a urinal cake made from Playdough.

That's just soo cute!...I feel like getting one and I do not have kids, nor a winkie!

Spooner and L.B., LOL!!!

MOTW said: Wish I'd had that for my boys. But why the heck name the thing? Well, I suppose that's because the 'thing' used is often named ('Johnson', 'Willy' ...)


This is just plain wrong, in so far as the other nickname for my first name is "Will" or "Willy" and my last name is "Johnson". You couldn't, perhaps, have thrown in "Rod" or "Dick", just so I didn't think this was personal?

Liam, who was tempted to name his son Holden.

"Liam, who was tempted to name his son Holden."

But instead settled on "Ginormous"

What? It's a family name. Aunt Ginormous was so pleased.

Any guy that has ever taken their toddler into a public restroom knows that the first fascinating thing the child sees is the urinal on the wall. I remember when I first had to take my oldest girl into the men's restroom with me at the mall because 1)we were alone, 2)she really had to go, 3)she was only about 3 at the time, and 4)I could get arrested for going into the ladies room with her.

So, we're just cruising past the urinals and toward the stall when, lo and behold, the child is sucked toward the urinals like there is some sort of urinary vortex at work. Hands outstretched, she is wide-eyed and smiling at the prospect of playing in this fun little sink that is strategically placed at her level. I make a "full-on" outstretched dive tackle toward her, barely grabbing the back of her shirt as I land in a questionable puddle of either public restroom pee-pee water or liquified ecoli bacteria. in either case, it was gross and made worse by the fact that the child, hampered from reaching her goal, immediately burst into a temper tantrum and plops herself into the puddle with me to have a good crying fit.

From then on, I picked her up before we entered the restroom and hung her up with the coat hook on the back of the stall door. I know, I know... that's how the concept of hover peeing gets started in their young minds but at least I didn't have to worry about her washing her hands in the urinal anymore.

Cubie - You're not supposed to whiz outside if you have nearby neighbors? Maybe that's why...

WC - you sound like a good dad. Your story almost makes me feel bad for taking my daughters into the men's room and pushing them into the urinals. Just to win a $2 bet.

Almost.

Yeah, but you taught them the value of winning a $2 bet.

$2

My daughter in Minnesota called last night relaying a message from a friend who took her 2 year old son to the doctor for a routine visit and booster shot. When the doc pulled down the wee laddie's diaper, the doc let a a 'Howl!' The 2 year old had taken a red marking pen and 'painted' his little 'peter' bright red. He told the doc and his mom, "I did it ALL by myself!"

...and their aiming skills are just not
there yet,...

When, exactly, are they supposed to acquire aiming skills?

Just asking.

It's not supposed to be red?

Uh oh . . .

Zoodle,
I've been told aiming skills never get acquired.It's like horse shoes.

I want my two dollars.....

==> the paper boy in "Better off Dead"

goes back to the corner and continues to blurk

..deflector devices..? Really? Potties are clearly far more advanced than regular toilets. If you have a man living in your house, you really should have a deflector device equipped toilet. But then I suppose they would just feel challenged to pee over them.

What I want is a good home solution for taking that morning piss when you've got morning wood too. No, the sink doesn't count and my landlord wouldn't want me to install a urinal.

The only thing I can think of is a clamp-on hose; but that does not sound comfortable.

notme,

LOL!!!

Kat,

I just loved the 2 yr old story!..funny!

notme - Exactly! What do you do with it? Ice it down? Do a handstand next to the toilet?

Clamp-on anythingis out of the question, expecially since I read the story about the guy who permanently damaged his by tying a string to it. I guess you could mount the Peter Potty on your countertop, but the little collection trap doesn't look like its big enough.

At least I live in the South and its ok to take it outside and shoot squirrels out of the trees with it. Just try not to shoot yourself in the eye.

Notme,

hand-stand

morning wood....

wasn't that a cat stevens song?

I think the fact that two guys simul-posted hand-stand indicates that this is not an unusual problem nor an unusual solution.

I think it was Jethro Tull

BTW,

Morning Wood WBAGNFARB

Jethro Tull???..are they still alive???...

misleading headline of the day so far ...

Japan, U.S. withheld findings on Bikini test health problems

The Japanese and U.S. governments withheld medical findings that the reproductive functions of some Japanese fishermen showed abnormalities after their exposure to a hydrogen bomb test March 1, 1954, at Bikini Atoll, according to declassified U.S. documents.

from the www.japantimes.co.jp/

Why are toilets so inadequate for male urinary needs? We need a device that covers the entire potential spray area for all penile states. The device would also have to eliminate splashback and not let you down when the stream peters out.

When I used to sail regularly, we kept a Lemon-Lime Gatorade bottle stowd away for use when going over the side was not an option. It worked well for its purpose. There was never an spilling or splashing. Handstands and other acrobatics were eliminated as well.

There were downsides to that method as well though. For instance, avoiding contact with the opening was not easy even though Gatorade bottles have large mouths.

Are there any urinary engineers on the blog willing to take a swing at solving this pressing problem?

I always wanted to be a urinary engineer, but I heard they don't make much, and wouldn't have wanted to have to reach in and dig out so I could say I had two pennies to rub together.

Not that there's anything wrong with being a urinary engineer.

Full-time catheder-implant would solve most? of the above mentioned complaints.

I hate the "c" word too, but you asked!

Catheder has a "t" not a "d" doesn't it. Hmm. Should have previewed, repeated, and then posted. Dammit!

Anyway you spell it still makes me cringe...

We need a device that covers the entire potential spray area for all penile states.

Just for our edification, notme, which exactly are the penile states? Are we talking New England, the South, the Midwest?

Depending on the answer, we may actually be in for a heck of a gargantuan device.

Penislyvania definetly. Lotta square miles?

All of the men who live in my house sit down to pee, and they make "it" aim into the potty. All of the women make actual contact to the potty when they sit there to do their business. My dad, who recently moved in with us, refuses to follow the "sit to pee" rule. It is his job to clean the potty. When he complies, I will return to potty cleaning duty.

Penile States? It's obvious isn't it? Florida, California and Oklahoma (boy-not-yet-a-man version). Also Lake Michigan.

Think about it.

I think NASA solved this problem some time ago and I think that it doesn't involve the "C" word. I mean, those guys drank a lot of Tang so you know they had to go all of the time. Who said the space program doesn't have practical benefits?

Penile States WBAGNFARB

Jessica R--there are no men in your house.

Finally, Booger!

Penile States? It's obvious isn't it? Florida, California and Oklahoma (boy-not-yet-a-man version). Also Lake Michigan.

Think about it.

I think NASA solved this problem some time ago and I think that it doesn't involve the "C" word. I mean, those guys drank a lot of Tang so you know they had to go all of the time. Who said the space program doesn't have practical benefits?

Penile States WBAGNFARB

Jessica R--there are no men in your house.

Finally, Booger!

D'Artagnan:

Shall we define the states in terms of the acrobatics they require?

Standing
-- normal

Leaning forward slightly
--Boy do I gotta go
--OR Left that Sears catalog out again

Leaning way forward over the bowl
--I shoulda gone before going to bed
--OR That's a ad for IPEX!

Leaning forward, one hand on the tank
--Remind me not to drink a Big Gulp before bed
--OR Forget IPEX, I've got a Maxim on the sink

Leaning forward, both hands on the tank
--Two Big Gulps. Bad idea!
--OR That magazine came in a brown paper bag

Both hands on tank, feet braced against the back wall
--Back teeth are floating
--OR Who replaced my multivitamin with Viagra?

Handstand
--I shoulda gone before leaving work (two days ago)
--OR Who replaced my breakfast with Viagra?

Powerhungry- What about "Peter Potty and the Penile States"

notme,

Say that ten times fast.

P.S. wait until there is nobody around or they might get the wrong idea.

That's one small stream for a man . . .
One giant whiz for mankind.

kat you've just gotta share that on brat's e-Fiction website. I'll post it on this thread when I get to work tomorrow.

Morning wood - Wasn't that discussed a while back? Anybody remember the poop tubes (mountain climbing equipment)?

Morning Wood, by Rodney Carrington

Still no mention of the plastic urinal pennies, either.

I also had problems aiming into the bowl. But then, my parents hired somebody who could keep moving the bowl according to my stream. Quite an innovative solution ;-)

OK, I am way LTTG on this one, but have any of you male type persons with penises noticed the urinals have been slowly but surely moving down the wall in whatever "room of rest" you've been in? I used to walk into a place and the urinal would go from about eye level and gracefully take its porcelain self all the way down to the floor, with a drain below floor level.

Now I see urinals that have their tops at about knee-level, and they stop at least several inches above the floor, and I cannot think of any person who has their urinary equipment located at these levels, except for children that are actually in the process of being potty trained.

Is this a conspiracy to replace the low-flush toilets with bathroom apparatus that is completely useless by beings that actually live on this planet, or am I just not good at aiming?

*creaks back in on walker*

Dammit, Doug, when you were just a twinkle in yer Mom & Dad's eye I was playing those video game thingy's in real live arcades, not sitting on my damn couch and playing those stupid "F-box" things - I have more coordination due to my high scores at "Space Invaders", "Tempest" and "Asteroids" than you will ever find with your "Virtuoso Reality" video games that you find now.

Of course, my Carpal tunnel syndrome and poor eyesight from exposing myself to the cathode rays and non-ergonomically designed joysticks that these overpowered arcade machines have nothing to do with the fact that I can't pee in a straight line for more than .2 seconds.

*creaks back out and puts post-it-note on fridge to buy WD-40 to reduce the creaking sound of his walker*

Doesn't West Vagina border onto one of the Penile States?

kat
brat's eFiction page

kat
brat's eFiction page

"beat the whale" -- is that like "spank the monkey?"

"We need a device that covers the entire potential spray area for all penile states."

It's been invented already. It's called the "back porch."

(And why hasn't there been a Harry Potty Whizzer joke?)

A standing ovulation.

Hi guys,
My mom invented the Peter Potty and I just thought I'd drop a note in for the skeptics...the thing is not "yucky" but extremely clean. The whole point of it is to save moms from having to wipe up pee splatter from their well-meaning but poorly-aiming little guys. Most toddlers are not tall enough to go in the toilet while standing and even on a step stool it still requires aiming. The Peter Potty is designed so that a child simply stands in front of it and goes...they can't miss! It's ingenius! And really, there's nothing yucky about it. My girlfriend is testing it with her son and she is in LOVE with it. No more mess. And since it is flushable, the water mixes with the urine in the drawer so it keeps it very clean.

It also holds up to 6 flushes.

So if you're skeptical out there and have a little boy...try it. You can always send it back if you really do hate it. It's not advisable, however, to cast judgements before even checking it out!
(okay, i'm a little overprotective. Geez! It is my mother's brainchild...wouldn't you be?)

http://homesexual.info x

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