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March 29, 2005
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WHERE'S MY GUN????????????
Posted by: Guin | March 29, 2005 at 08:44 AM
Ouch!
Will someone please dial 911
Posted by: igloo | March 29, 2005 at 08:45 AM
We need to start using this against those terrorist bastards.
Posted by: Cheesewiz | March 29, 2005 at 08:51 AM
That's it - I'm off to listen to the bananaphone song again - it's either that or I have to remove my brain with a spoon....
Posted by: Higgy | March 29, 2005 at 08:51 AM
Key Quote: I have worked hard and I hope you have all found I am improving.
If this is improving, boy, am I glad I missed the early stuff.
Posted by: Aaaargh | March 29, 2005 at 08:52 AM
I was gonna say -- before today's posts -- that I've got more important things [NOTE: I did not say better] to do than sit around waiting for new posts on the blog ...
After this one, I may hafta reconsider, and actually do some chores ...
OUWITCH!!! That hurts!
Posted by: u.o | March 29, 2005 at 08:53 AM
We should be using this against those terrorist bastards.
Posted by: Cheesewiz | March 29, 2005 at 08:54 AM
This reminds me of college when someone gave me a copy of Yoko Ono's Plastic Ono band's album "Season in Glass" or something like that.....
It was as bad as this if not worse. I later gave it to someone else, who gave it to someone else, etc. I ended up getting it back as a gift two more times.... I don't know who finally ended up keeping it or burning it in effigy....
Suddenly, that "She Bangs" guy seems promising....
Posted by: Pinto | March 29, 2005 at 08:55 AM
O!M!G!
The update is even worse!
I hate to flaunt my CDL for driving the Geezer Bus, but can someone please bring back Tiny Tim? He, at least, was more or less on key ...
(does that make Wing a don key?)
Posted by: U.O | March 29, 2005 at 08:57 AM
Oh, Wing....not Wings.
Completely different. And it's not a good thing.
Posted by: slyeyes | March 29, 2005 at 08:58 AM
Tiny Tim meets Lorena Bobbitt
Posted by: Cheesewiz | March 29, 2005 at 08:59 AM
Wing Does Abba = So, Be A Windbag.
Why Wing doesn't do any Bee Gees songs is beyond me. It would probably sound too unremarkable.
Posted by: D'Artagnan | March 29, 2005 at 09:06 AM
"I do performances in Rest Homes and Hospitals..."
Is she part of some Kiwi Euthanasia program?
Posted by: igloo | March 29, 2005 at 09:07 AM
D'Art' --
I'm not a big fan of the Bee Gees, tho I enjoy some of their stuff on occasion ... but I'd listen to theirs 30 hours a day and nine days a week before I'd survive the torture of this crapola ...
Posted by: U.O | March 29, 2005 at 09:09 AM
No Manilow or Cher? What up with that.
Still, you gotta admit, she's one sexy woman.
Posted by: Christobol | March 29, 2005 at 09:13 AM
i wonder how many deaths at nursing homes she is responsible for. Crikey. and the recording engineers, what rest home are they in?
Posted by: queensbee | March 29, 2005 at 09:19 AM
Wow, my computer screen just cracked!
Posted by: antiroach | March 29, 2005 at 09:24 AM
I just emailed the American Idol producers, begging them to raise the age limit. We gotta get this gal an audition.
Posted by: LadyBug | March 29, 2005 at 09:24 AM
Her bio sorta reminds me of the old pilot joke, when they talk about someone "flying Chinese" ...
One Wing Low.
Posted by: U.O | March 29, 2005 at 09:27 AM
Sorry, I know this is a "family oriented website" but I just have to say - OMFG!
"Hi, I am Wing! I immigrated to New Zealand with my family about ten years ago from Hong Kong. I have been learning singing in New Zealand and I do performances in Rest Homes and Hospitals and occasionally promotional concerts as I go along.
This explains the sudden rise in the death rate at rest homes and hospitals in New Zealand.
Posted by: SteveB | March 29, 2005 at 09:32 AM
I feel the need to go home and put a cold cinderblock on my forehead.
Posted by: golfwidow | March 29, 2005 at 09:37 AM
Wing was on southpark last week. classic!
Posted by: the d | March 29, 2005 at 09:41 AM
g'widow --
TY!TY!TY!
L!O!L! L!A!L!
Posted by: U.O | March 29, 2005 at 09:42 AM
Wing needs a prayer ....
something like : please, oh please, give me some talent.
Posted by: insomniac | March 29, 2005 at 09:43 AM
i'm in love with wing. the best part of "dancing queen": wing sings "yooooooou can dance/youoooooo can...(?)..." she turns "you" into a three-syllable, five-note mess. sure sign of the apocolypse. brilliant.
Posted by: bookfraud | March 29, 2005 at 09:49 AM
bookfraud, it's 'acopolypse'. A-CO-po-lypse.
Geez.
Posted by: D'Artagnan | March 29, 2005 at 10:04 AM
A new lead singer for the Rock Bottom Remainders!
Posted by: William F. Cook | March 29, 2005 at 10:06 AM
I also find her rendition of 'Fernando' to be very special. it really seemed like there was something in the air...
Posted by: heideronymous | March 29, 2005 at 10:11 AM
Did you notice in the About section that she has done this with the help of a GOVERNMENT GRANT?!?!?
Posted by: William F. Cook | March 29, 2005 at 10:11 AM
...like helium!
Posted by: heideronymous | March 29, 2005 at 10:12 AM
OWWWWW!!! MY EARS!!!!!!!!! Somebody please crush my skull to stop that awful noise!
Posted by: Jeff P. | March 29, 2005 at 10:15 AM
*fetching gun*
BOOM
There - I feel much better.
Posted by: JimW | March 29, 2005 at 10:16 AM
on 'i wanna hold your hand'...there's one note that's so far off, it's not even in the vicinity of the right note... ya wonder who picks the clips, don't you? i mean, could there be worse clips than that one?
Posted by: judi | March 29, 2005 at 10:30 AM
The South Park episode was funny. I figured that they were doing a parody of Wing's voice. I checked her website and found out that it was actually her voice on South Park, which made the episode *HILARIOUS*. I don't think she realizes she sounds like a litter of kittens going down a garbage disposal.
Posted by: Rocket | March 29, 2005 at 10:37 AM
Don't bother practicing your singing, just wing it.
Posted by: tyler | March 29, 2005 at 10:46 AM
Okay people...really... put some kind of warning if you're going to link to winners of Chinese Idol... this triggered flashbacks to Yoko or as I like to call her, "John's Madness"
Posted by: philintexas | March 29, 2005 at 10:48 AM
Uh, D'Art? A-p-o-c-a-l-y-p-s-e
Apocalypse
Great or total devastation; doom: the apocalypse of nuclear war, e.g.: Wing's rendition of ABBA foreshadows the coming Apocalypse.
Posted by: Guin | March 29, 2005 at 10:59 AM
Guin, k-i-d-d-i-n-g.
Posted by: D'Artagnan | March 29, 2005 at 11:01 AM
Darn it is such a shame that I don't have speakers for my computer.
*does happy dance*
Posted by: opiesgirl | March 29, 2005 at 11:01 AM
*slinks into corner, mortified...*
Posted by: Guin | March 29, 2005 at 11:05 AM
Guin - I think D'Artagnan was making some sort of political statement - right, D'Art??????
And D;Art - good anagram!
Posted by: Eleanor | March 29, 2005 at 11:05 AM
My Miniature Schnauzer is now worm free!
Posted by: brillo | March 29, 2005 at 11:15 AM
Mama Mia!
There she goes again!
uh uh
Sounding like a choking hen!
Posted by: kibby F5™ | March 29, 2005 at 11:18 AM
Hey! On the bright side - she could be the next Cher!
Just wait till she starts her Farewell Tour.
Posted by: kibby F5™ | March 29, 2005 at 11:22 AM
Laugh all you want - her recordings are now in use at several major airports. They do an incredible job of scaring the seagulls away!
Posted by: brillo | March 29, 2005 at 11:26 AM
Maybe if Wing and William Hung had a baby, it would sing in key? Or maybe the baby would grow up to kill his/her parents.
I really don't see a down side with that scenario.
Posted by: Witchiecoo | March 29, 2005 at 11:26 AM
Witchiecoo,
Should William Hung marry Ms. Wing, and then kill her by strangulation I imagine the guilty verdict would be announced in the headlines something like this...
William Hung Wing!
*igloo heads to reserved seat on Geezer bus*
Posted by: igloo | March 29, 2005 at 11:37 AM
Dave, you are a brave or foolish man. It would be prohibitively expensive and difficult to fly most of the way around the world to shoot Wing.
Florida, on the other hand, suddenly seems nearby.
*Wanders out into the hallway to see if any of the psychiatrists offer lobotomy...*
Posted by: jamester | March 29, 2005 at 11:39 AM
The funny thing is I was actually listening to ABBA Gold when I checked out the blog and clicked on our girl, Wing's link. She's special all on her own ... but juxtaposed against the real deal really elevates her specialness to a whole new level ... that's "short bus" special.
Posted by: punky brewster | March 29, 2005 at 11:49 AM
You can tell igloo's reserved seat on the geezer bus: the gold-plated, velvet-covered throne with his name engraved on a plaque ...
.*. wicked grin .*.
Posted by: MOTW | March 29, 2005 at 11:57 AM
DANG! A self inflicted earwig!
*gets out earwig medicine kit*
*opens instructions*
1. Remove rubber protection from the tip of the applicator.
2. Position applicator at opening to ear.
3. Poke ear drum repeatedly with sharp end of applicator.
4. Continue poking until earwig stops.
5. Repeat steps 2 thru 4 on other side.
For added use, the applicator can now double as an ice pick - first wipe off blood.
Posted by: kibby F5™ | March 29, 2005 at 12:01 PM
Yikes.
It was worse than I imagined it could possibly be.
Posted by: Susan | March 29, 2005 at 12:10 PM
You know, Susan, the imagination can be a daaaannngerous thing.
Best not fool with it...
Posted by: kibby F5™ | March 29, 2005 at 12:14 PM
Don't miss. S.O.S. There's the additional element of a blues piano riff, which when juxtaposed with Wing's delivery creates, uh...an aneurism.
Posted by: everyswandwich | March 29, 2005 at 12:16 PM
I am soooo sad the link to "Let it Be" didn't work. I was really looking forward to hearing her rendition of that one!
Posted by: sodem mclit | March 29, 2005 at 12:18 PM
I thought at first it was Michael Jackson...
Then imagine my shock to find out it was a real person...
Wonder if she could do 'In A Gadda Da Vida...'
*waves hat to flag down Geezer Bus*
Posted by: Candy Tutt | March 29, 2005 at 12:25 PM
*random thoughts: American Idol... Wings... no Wing!... *
Please standby for appropriate pun...
crunch, crunch
PING!
Wing over America
Hey! *flagging down the Geezer Bus*
Wait for me!
Posted by: Witchiecoo | March 29, 2005 at 12:35 PM
Dave, I know I'm a geezer but before I shoot myself in the head as instructed, I have to ask two things:
1. Who the f#*k is Wing?
2. Why you do this to me, Dimmy?
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | March 29, 2005 at 12:39 PM
... featuring the hit:
Band on the run
... and I think we all know why!
Posted by: Witchiecoo | March 29, 2005 at 12:46 PM
phantom of the Opera used to be a favorite of mine -
Thanks Dave -
It's ruined for me now!
Posted by: Eleanor | March 29, 2005 at 12:47 PM
I feel kind of sad for this lady. I think she really thinks she sings well. Or do you think she's in on the joke?
Posted by: Janette | March 29, 2005 at 12:48 PM
For all you victims of Wing, try this: Maim That Tune.
It will get the earwig out of your head.
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | March 29, 2005 at 12:51 PM
Geezer Bus is here ... driver not impaired (much) ... Welcome aboard !!!
(Jeff M. -- GREAT SITE! Not enuf selection tho ... so I can always go to my itunes and after the 17+ hours I've got on there, I should be rid of undesirable earwigs ... tnx tho, it's a neat-o place)
Posted by: U.O | March 29, 2005 at 01:22 PM
Ah....
Thank you, Jeff. That is better.
I wonder if the Kiwis know what they were in for when they let Ms. Wingnut in. And have they reappraised their immigration policies since? That sound is pure torture.
Posted by: shaay | March 29, 2005 at 01:23 PM
Her rendition of the Beatles I wanna hold your hand is probably the worst song I've ever heard. Much worse than her horrible ABBA songs.
Posted by: Sheepboy | March 29, 2005 at 01:27 PM
I don't know why everyone is complaining. Just take two sharpened pencils, jam one in each ear and rorate, and that awful sound will stop.
Posted by: don | March 29, 2005 at 01:30 PM
Clearly, she was a Chinese opera star somewhere...if you've missed out on that "art" form, you are one lucky b#$%!@#!
Of course, now you've heard Wing...so maybe not.
Posted by: Rascalmom | March 29, 2005 at 01:38 PM
It tellibre! It blake grass! It hult my eals!
Posted by: Matt | March 29, 2005 at 01:40 PM
I think I've been sterilized. *Pulls pin on grenade - inserts grenade in mouth*
Posted by: SlickRick | March 29, 2005 at 01:58 PM
I feel kind of sad for this lady. I think she really thinks she sings well. Or do you think she's in on the joke?
So do I, Janette - and I think she believes she's doing something worthwhile by visiting nursing homes, etc -
But that doesn't mean she doesn't sound awful - but maybe she's happy!
Posted by: Eleanor | March 29, 2005 at 02:00 PM
Congratulations Ms. Wing! You have been selected to perform at the Annual "Concert for the Deaf" along with Cher, Barry Manilow, and the Numa Numa Guy.
Posted by: elle | March 29, 2005 at 02:06 PM
And I thought the Ten Tenors (Aussies) rendition of Dancing Queen was way out there. What's with that part of the world?
Posted by: a Tenor | March 29, 2005 at 02:18 PM
I just sent the link to Wing's music around my office and I can hear the responses echoing through the building.
Oh the humanity!
Posted by: Su Elliott | March 29, 2005 at 02:27 PM
kiwi euthanasia program
[wiping tears & trying to breathe]
Igloo!
Is it me, or does her "musical accompaniment" sound suspiciously like a kareoke track? And how can one hit notes so wrong and save the recording--nay, post the recording online?!?!
[waves at elle]
Posted by: Deontologist | March 29, 2005 at 02:29 PM
Okay, who cloned Yoko?
Posted by: Lmd33 | March 29, 2005 at 02:37 PM
Somebody take that terminally wounded animal out back and shoot her please!!
Posted by: Lmd33 | March 29, 2005 at 02:43 PM
I think she sounds great! Y
Posted by: Marlee Matlin | March 29, 2005 at 02:52 PM
I think she sounds great!
Posted by: Marlee Matlin | March 29, 2005 at 02:52 PM
I dunno Debbie -- it says "You cannot open this application because it may be damaged or incomplete."
for both of them, HDN and Downtown ...
Is that for real, or merely my computer acting as a critical reviewer?
Posted by: U.O | March 29, 2005 at 02:58 PM
I'll take that dare, Debbie.
*Aaaaaiiiiihhhhggrrrr*
OK. I gotta say, Mrs. Miller is rhythmically retarded (quite literally, folks, so no persecution from the handicapped seats).
But Wing is fundementally incapable of grasping the concept of pitch. So Wing is worse, hands down.
This challenge makes me wonder if a "musical smackdown" event wouldn't have the same sort of sick appeal that fear factor does.
Posted by: Deontologist | March 29, 2005 at 03:02 PM
U.O.: Your computer may be smarter than you realize...
They just worked fine for me, though.
(The files are in RealPlayer format. That could be your problem....or your saving grace.)
Posted by: Debbie | March 29, 2005 at 03:04 PM
I agree Deon, but Mrs Miller at least helped to pull up that awful shuddery feeling I got after listening to Wing - you know the feeling, like when someone drags a fingernail down a blackboard.
That, and I'm now up for dentures having ground my teeh to powder after the first verse of Dancing Queen. And a new set of headphones having destroyed the last set while thrashing around the floor at work like someone who had been freshly tasered....
Posted by: ¿wysiwyg? (MBE-LP) | March 29, 2005 at 03:09 PM
Still, I agree that she means well and is genuinely trying to be helpful.
Perhaps we should recommend her CDs to Dr Kevorkian as a public service?
Posted by: ¿wysiwyg? (MBE-LP) | March 29, 2005 at 03:15 PM
That's REAL terrible.
If that's improvement, at her age, well...
It's time to SHOOT her.
Now is the time.
Right now.
It's right now.
Posted by: Psycho_Joe | March 29, 2005 at 03:22 PM
My netbrower crashes at the attempt to play it. Do you think it's become self-aware.
Posted by: uris | March 29, 2005 at 03:55 PM
U.O. what your browser means to say is that YOU may be damaged by listening to this. I personally am in physical pain. It's gonna be a hard day's night here, I can tell you that much.
Posted by: notmuch | March 29, 2005 at 04:08 PM
Uris, your netbrowers has a strong self-defense mechanism. I wish I had the same.
And Wys? I agree that Mrs. Miller was soothing compared to Wing...but that isn't enough to recommend it.
Posted by: Deontologist | March 29, 2005 at 04:09 PM
Debbie 'n' all ...
All I can say about the "rejection" of such stuff by my computer is that ...
It's A MAC!!!
Macs RULE!
Sorry ... end of rant ...
Posted by: U.O | March 29, 2005 at 04:30 PM
Deon, I agree, I wouldn't recommend Mrs Miller - unless you had first listened to Wing. ;0P
Posted by: ¿wysiwyg? (MBE-LP) | March 29, 2005 at 04:37 PM
Jamester -- one lobotomy, sunnyside up....
I'm picturing Clint Eastwood, with Revolver, squinting, while voicing,.."Make my Day"... to Ms. Wing-nut......
Actually, a Lobotomy sounds like a really good idea right now, someone do it before I take a State job again.....
Posted by: EB | March 29, 2005 at 05:08 PM
E.B. --I thought if you got a lobotomy the state recruited you. Be careful!
Posted by: everysanwich | March 29, 2005 at 05:20 PM
No. They can't be serious. That is the most hideous thing I've ever heard.
Judi's right - that one note was way off. Very painful. I had no gun, so I just dealt with it by falling off the bed, and then quickly turning it off. That was the ultimate torture.
Posted by: Sam G. | March 29, 2005 at 06:01 PM
What did the Beatles ever do to deserve this?!
Posted by: sodem mclit | March 29, 2005 at 06:02 PM
Has anyone noticed that Wing singing Dancing Queen sounds remarkably like Adam Sandler?
Posted by: notmuch | March 29, 2005 at 06:35 PM
OH GOD!!!! MY EARS!!!!!!!!
DAVE: YOU REALLY SHOU.... (sorry) really should have included a warning that one should not listen to this through ear phones.
Posted by: AlanBoss | March 29, 2005 at 07:53 PM
Don't cry for me, Wing of New Zealand!
The truth is, I never stomached you!
All through my blog days,
My sad resistance.
Your music pains me!
Not merely in this instance!
I know you love karaoke - but you abuse its power,
So now I am writhing, for one hour. Yes I am writhing!
Posted by: HKHKH | March 29, 2005 at 08:41 PM
EEEEEEEeeeeeeewwwwwwww...............!
Posted by: kepc | March 29, 2005 at 10:21 PM
Oh, no. I see a duet with William Hung in her future. Then a mass suicide involving a "common sense" cult.
Posted by: Alex | March 29, 2005 at 10:40 PM
I live in Dallas and one of the radio DJ's (talk show, not a music artist) actually called her while on the air and talked to her and she is very serious about it. Now he even plays clips of her songs in his commercial bumpers. Funny shtuff.
Posted by: Sheepboy | March 30, 2005 at 02:58 PM
Being from New Zealand, I have known about the *magic* of Wing for some time. She is a Absolute National Treasure. She Makes those "unforgettable" American Idols like William Hung look like Babies in Diapers. My favourite is "Memories" - the cats theme!! Who needs fingers running down a blackboard!
Posted by: Dazzle | March 30, 2005 at 03:11 PM