ANCIENT CHINESE SECRET

Alert Reader Dan McDonald writes:

If I'm not mistaken, Dave wrote a column back in 1995 about a Daoist philosopher lifting heavy objects, ahem, "with his Packwood."

From the column:

The article states that Chan credited his ability to the "breakthrough insights" he had into Daoist philosophy. He claimed that he had 25 disciples, "and most of them could lift up to 13 kg with their private parts." There is no mention of a workout video.

Well, you know THAT was too good to last. Presenting, the workout video.

Comments

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

I won't click on it and you can't make me . . .

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

I won't click on it and you can't make me . . .

[Iron Dong]

Know the way of the sack. . . .

[cheerypie]

$56.95?!?!?!?!?

some people will pay anything...

[Just]

Umm..hasn't this been blogged before??? IF not, theres 2 of these videos out there, and thats 2 too many IMO.

*shudders*

[lurker]

Is there steroid testing in the world of Iron Crotch?

[SteveB]

Bad. This is just plain bad.

*Steve now goes off into the corner and sits with his legs crossed, whimpering*

[NumNuts]

. . .I dunno -- I'd buy it if I thought that lifting 50 pounds with my wang would stop an attacker. Prolly just stand there in an amazed trance while a) that weight swings menacingly 'tween my legs or b) in shock hearing the ripping sound and watching my bloodied wang twitch on the ground.

[julietine]

Can anybody tell me why all of a sudden I feel this urge to start dating a master of Jiu Jiu Shen Gong???...just asking...

[lurker]

OK, 3 more words that should never be used in the same sentence in any combination:

Bloodied

Wang

Twitch

Even taking into consideration that the Bloodied Twitching Wangs WBAGNFARB

[Christobol]

I'm having trouble figuring out how this might come in handy. I mean, girls, is this a pretty good pickup routine?

"Can I buy you a drink?"
"I don't think so."
"What if I can lift your stool, with you on it, using only Mr. Wiggly. Then I can I buy you a drink?"
"Not only that, but I'll want to do things to you that before now I considered too kinky to even consider!"

[Somewhere North]

Why are guys always trying to increase the size of their willy wonkas beyond what will reasonably fit in certain unmentionable areas?

No, we females are not impressed. Yes, that would hurt. No, we don't like it.

Bigger boobs, on the other hand, hurt noone.

[Christobol]

"Will you stop flinging the couch around with that thing? It's already too big to reasonably fit in certain unmentionable areas as it is."

"Sorry."

[Christobol]

"Okay people, do not panic. We are experiencing a fire. However, we will simply proceed out the emergency exit in an orderly fashion, and everyone will be okay."

"Sir, there's a problem."

"What is it?"

"A woman has become wedged in the emergency exit, due to her ample bosom, and we are all doomed to a crispy end."

"Will people never learn?"

"People might sir. But it won't be us, you know, what with fiery death because of big boobs."

"It was a rhetorical question."

"So? It was a rhetorical answer."

"Was not."

"I hate you, sir."

[Nubby]

. . .I bought it and it doesn't work. 'Course you need a little something to begin with. Just sayin'..

[Somewhere North]

Hmmm... perhaps the bigger boobs issue needs further study.

However, if Willy Wonka is too big to fit in unmentionable areas the only exercise he's getting is going to be flinging the couch around.

At least he fits in the couch.

[Somewhere North]

Ah! After further study (for which we received a large grant) bigger boobs, while a potential fire hazard, could save your life if you are ever at sea. They could be used as life preservers. Of course, the men who try to hang on will die of asphixiation instead of drown, but initially they saved their lives.

So the benefits outweigh the negatives. We will however, take into consideration the fire hazard and in furture issue disclaimers on all boobs surgically enhanced.

[queensbee]

if you fellas had only ONE choice, between big boobies, and enhanced willies, well, what would it be, hunh?

[lurker]

queensbee

give us both & we promise you'll never hear from any of us again.

/old joke. sort of.

[Somewhere North]

Not for men only???

That's very liberal but I still don't want one.

[judi]

somewhere: i'm not sure if you're a guy or a girl, but if you're a girl: speak for yourself.

[Gary]

Penis qigong uses a variety of special exercises, including massage, slapping, pulling and hitting it with a tool.

Hehehehehe. He said "tool".

[wordsure]

I don't understand. Why would I want to iron my crotch?

[casey]

Somewhere, re: your comment about boobs saving lives if lost at sea, I heard very recently (within the past week) something about a boatload of people that really were lost at sea and a lactating mother "fed" the group, keeping them alive until they were rescued.

All I have to say about that is YUUUUKKK

[wordsure]

I don't get it. Why would I want to iron my crotch?

[insomniac]

to get out all the wrinkles?

[Jaxx]

I'm just waiting for some guy named Hairy Peters to pop up as a British proponent of this technique.

[Jaxx]

I'm just waiting for some guy named Harry Peters to pop up as a British proponent of this technique.

[ErnieG]

"Oh great Guru, I seek the Penis Qigong Master. How shall I know him?"

"Look for the track in the sand, my son."

[Claire Pedersen]

I don't see how this Iron Crotch thingy is supposed to help women experiencing a temporary sexual dysfunction. Why are they always talking about guys, guys, guys? *yawn*

[Claire Pedersen]

And I have big boobs too,and I am not afraid to use them! lol