A NEWER, LOWER LOW

Really. A lower low than we can even imagine. A low so low that if you click this link, you'll be truly, deeply sorry.

You think we're kidding but we're not.

Please note that this story is from Canada.

(Thanks to Scott Cook)

Comments

[Deontologist]

How loaded do you have to be for even that to register "drunk"?

[Joshkr]

I thought you were kidding. But you weren't!

[insomniac]

coprophagism strikes again!

[Joshkr]

Deon...not sure. Wanna find out? You're buying.

[Deontologist]

Well, now that I think of it, loaded enough to not object to, well, yea.

Oh, and I'll not be joining you in thanking Scott Cook.

[Eric3]

He's appearing in the court in Bradford? That's my hometown. If I wasn't at college I'd attend the proceedings, just to see if something else interesting were to happen.

[Joshkr]

Eric is in college...so far they've taught him to NOT go to that hearing. And who says the Canadian/US/wherever Education System is failing!

(just kidding ya, Eric)

[opiesgirl]

OMG! Maybe he thought he was on Fear Factor. Nah even they wouldn't do somthing that nasty.

[Mike "Mad's Dork" Weasel]

Urinated, defecated, and vomited? Wow, the trifecta of bodily waste.

OK, you were right. I'm truly, deeply sorry.

[insomniac]

Canadian drunks should take heed
Though they've puked, and they've shat and they've peed
"'Food' is ignored if it's
From the wrong orifice
Your blood alcohol we'll still read!"

[Brad]

An allegedly drunk driver...

Ya think??

[Ted]

I thought this was for sure a Floridan.

[jamester]

There has just gotta be more he could be charged with. Pages of charges...

[Higgy]

jamester - I'd like to see the charge "Causing wilful mischief by making thousands of Dave Barry bloglits hurl at his actions."

Well, ok, maybe hundreds....

Either way - that man will never again kiss a woman...

[slyeyes]

Ya gotta wonder if he kisses his mother with that mouth.

*goes away feeling a little ill*

[D'Artagnan]

Oh, sh*t!

Are you sh*tting me?

[Ol' Chumbucket]

You're right. I'm deeply, deeply sorry I read ANY of that.

[Raindroplady]

I think they should have also made him clean out the police car!!Since he is so fond of his own waste!

[jamester]

For Sale on eBay: One slightly used police cruiser...best offer.

[Barrister Guy]

Maybe this fellow was remembering THIS Canadian news story from 1999:

"High school students burst into gales of laughter when testimony revealed that a Stettler man had eaten his underwear while under arrest, in the vain hope that it would absorb alcohol before he took a breathalyzer test.

The defendant, an 18-year-old man named Daniel, was collared by a constable when he fled from his vehicle after being pulled over for erratic highway driving.

The constable testified that Daniel ripped the crotch out of his shorts and stuffed the fabric in his mouth while sitting in the back of the patrol car.

The Breathalyzer registered 0.08% blood alcohol, the legal limit, and prosecutors were unable to convict Daniel of driving under the influence.

Guffawing 11th and 12th grade law students, unable to maintain their composure, were escorted from the courtroom by their instructor. To seal Daniel's humiliation, his photograph appeared in the local newspaper the next day."

[Kilmeny]

Giving new meaning to the term "sh*t-faced".

[Psycho_Joe]

This is mighty terrible.
I can't believe it.
You would HAVE to practice to be able to stuff feces in your own mouth without vomiting.
ESPECIALLY when drunk.
This man was a professional.
That is truly terrible.

[Prairie Dog]

Hmm, I'm betting he's not exactly finicky, and if he was, he's got no room for arguement now.

[Psycho_Joe]

oooo and a simulpost

booger

"Here's to inflating the numbers."-ME

[Psycho_Joe]

and another thing.

What kind of freak eats feces anyways?

Does he do this as a bar trick?
Mebbe go in the bathroom and find a nice floater?
Bring it back to the bar and eat the beer nuts again?

I mean seriously, he HAS to have done this more than once.

GAWD.

I almost vomited a little in my mouth typing this.

UGG.

8>

[Joshkr]

*gives Kilmeny the Post I Should Have Thought Of But Didn't Award Of The Day So Far*

[Papua Mike]

Somewhere in a Bar in Bradford...

Guy 1 - What's the stupidist thing you have done while drunk?

Guy 2 - I ate my own p**p

Guy 1 - You win.

Guy 2 - Whooo Hoo - Still Champ!

Guy 1 - Check please!

[Former Criminal Defense Attorney]

Why didn't they charge him with vandalism of the police car???

Even this FCDA would NOT represent this guy - EEEWWWWWWW!

[Psycho_Joe]

And i'll bet this guy STILL had more fun than me that day.

At least if i ate my OWN shiz, i would know why it smelled like roses.

As for my boss, i eat his shiz cause he tells me i have to.

Man my life is pathetic.
No wonder i don't have a date.

MAybe if i hit my boss with a sledgehammer enough times, the cops'll think i'm insane.

If i have to deal with my crappy life and crappy job much longer tho...
They won't have to guess.
I'll be INSANE.

But, i sense i've gone too far...

8>

[lollyk]

joshkr, i second the award to kilmeny. tooo funny!!

[lollyk]

pj, cheer up!! at least your not (not knot) that low life. who could possible do something like that? yuuukkk!

[Psycho_Joe]

OK, the shiz faced comment was the best, but i try really hard.

GO KILLMANY!
yea.

[Alex]

Ack! I need to flee to...here, um...nevermind. Crazy Canadians.

[lurker]

Do you suppose he had a sh*t eating grin in his mug shot?

/here all week or at least until Fark goes back up

[Christobol]

And as a bonus, in Canada, they only clean the breathalyzer every thirty or so days, when they remember.

[Psycho_Joe]

Low just got lower.

'Nuff said.

8>

Thank you.

[AlanBoss]

My mouth doesn't usually taste like that until I wake up the next morning.

[AlanBoss]

My mouth doesn't usually taste like that until I wake up the next morning.

[AlanBoss]

My mouth doesn't usually taste like that until I wake up the next morning.

[AlanBoss]

Whoa! My first double post.

I wish it had been funnier.

[AlanBoss]

That post is now multiplying by itself.

[Terri]

All I want to know is this; Who the hell's feces was it? Hopefully it was his own feces (as if that makes the story any more tolerable) But seriously, has he been carring feces around just in case?

Waiting, God forbid, hoping that one day the police will pull him over and he can put this saved feces to good use. Did he think, "This feces just might come in handy some day?"

Or did he just feces himself right there on the spot?

Oh well. We'll probably never know for sure. At least if we're lucky.

[Doug]

It didn't work.

[queensbee]

bleah. gives new meaning to calling someone an a**h***

[Cootera]

Ugh... too early in the morning for Divine tales. Can someone say 'pick that scab'?

[Jeff Meyerson]

All I want to know is this; Who the hell's feces was it? Hopefully it was his own feces (as if that makes the story any more tolerable) But seriously, has he been carring feces around just in case?

No Terri, he stole it at gunpoint from a little old lady in San Diego.

[golfwidow]

For years, when someone has consumed something that they claimed "tastes like $hit", I have replied, "Really? Whose?"

Now I'm going to have to be careful. If I say that to the wrong person (or the right person, as the case may be), he'll answer, "Mine, of course."

The only consolation I have is that, drunk as I've been at some points in my life, I ain't never been that drunk.

[Grant]

Maybe he was just trying to sober up by drinking Luwak brand coffee.

[JJ]

Gawd. Gawd. Good Gawd. Argh.

It says I'll be sorry - why in the name of all that's good and holy did I have to click on that? Why?

And damn I feel sorry for that poor cop. I hope that wasn't his take-home car.

I'll go shower now.

[Targetgirl]

*hork*

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

I won't read it and you can't make me.

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

I won't read it and you can't make me.

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

(for once the double post is apropos)

[neal]

he was quoted at the police station as saying
"mmmm poooo"