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February 25, 2005


The people fight back.

(Thanks to a bunch of people who apparently spend all night searching for this stuff.)

Update: This article, sent in by Derek Breid, illustrates the growing need.

Update: Would PETA think this sends a message that it's OK to harm animals?

(Thanks to Drew Harchick)


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Well, I guess they can't tell us not to play with our food anymore.


I cannot believe I was NOT the only one who sent this!....

AUTHOR: HisBillness
EMAIL: billjeff@hotmail.com
DATE: 02/25/2005 12:03:29 PM
AUTHOR: HisBillness
EMAIL: billjeff@hotmail.com
DATE: 02/25/2005 12:03:29 PM

I guess from now on I will just have to guess at what the article is about instead of reading it and then type random words based on what is posted here if I want to keep on antifirsting the likes of HisBillness.

The fruity-flavored Trolli Road Kill Gummi Candy - in shapes of partly flattened snakes, chickens and squirrels - fosters cruelty toward animals, according to the New Jersey Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.

"It's bad enough that these poor creatures are in New Jersey," a spokesman for the NJSPCA did not add, "And now this!"

Honestly, though, given the mayhem and havoc snakes, squirrels and chickens wreak daily (at least on this blog) they're just asking for it.

ps: Mmmmm, tire treads . . .

And, ahem, I did read the article before posting. And the only wisecrack I came up with was the one in this post.

(Jumps up and down, celebrating his "first." Trips. Falls on a squirrel, crushing the poor thing.)

What the hay? That part in parenthesis was supposed to have posted already. I'm roadkill.

I like that candy shaped like a bitten seeing-eye-dog better.

Oh, that campus power outage is a wrenching read. I'd like to hold the movie rights to that one.

What do you expect from the K-Who Chickenhawks?

Oh, that campus power outage is a wrenching read, although it's not clear just how many wrenches might be involved. I'd like to hold the movie rights to that one.

And say, is it just me or is it taking a loooong time for a message to post today? Has a squirrel perhaps gotten into the innards of the DB Blog comment machine?

The NJSPCA thinks this is promoting harm to animals. Maybe New Jersey needs to check the age of their drivers a little more closely.

Ehren Starks, Overland Park junior, was taking a test that had to be cut short when power inside the Spencer Museum of Art went off.

“I had not adequately prepared so I thank God. It was the best thing that could have possibly happened today,” he said.

Was it REALLY squirrels?

C'bol, thanks for making my morning...LMBO over here. :)

Thanks for that one, Bis; if you combined the blackout with road-kill squirrels (which wbagnfarb) you'd have a classic.

Hey, Cbol, how about a parody of the article where it instead encourages kids to eat roadkill?

Does anyone happen to know the religious faith of the suicide squirrel?
Are all squirrels of the same faith? Or should we be concerned that all squirrels might become terrorists as well?

Yeah, Bis!!

Lab, that's a crazy idea.

Kraft draws ire for road kill candy


TRENTON, N.J. -- Animal rights activists are disgusted by a new candy from Kraft Foods Inc. that's shaped like critters run over by cars - complete with tire treads.

The fruity-flavored Trolli Road Kill Gummi Candy - in shapes of partly flattened snakes, chickens and squirrels - tastes nothing like actual dead animals, according to the New Jersey Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.

"It sends the wrong message to children, that dead animals on the side of the road taste fruity and don't squirt entrails on your shirt," said society spokesman Matthew Stanton.

The society is hosting a "suck my roadkill" rally to get the candy pulled from the market, Stanton said. "Even if it doesn't work, we'll have fun," he added.

After receiving a complaint from the NJSPCA Wednesday, Kraft officials added an animated advertisement to Trolli's Web site that featured children dancing on dead animals as they bit the heads off of babies. No other decisions on changes have been made, said Kraft spokesman Larry Baumann.

"If you look across the Gummi category we certainly have many products that are offbeat, and that's what we were doing in this case," Baumann said. "We didn't mean to offend anyone, other than the idiot animal rights groups."

Send that woman who makes the ceramic thingy's to the Univ. of PA - she'll have enough material to last for a lifetime!

And let's give a big hooray to the person who thanked God for an electrical outage over a whole university just so she could have more time to prepare for her test!

They also make gummi rats.

Quote from the article:

"It sends the wrong message to children, that it's OK to harm animals"

News Flash ! Repeat slowly and with emphasis... They a-r-e a-l-r-e-a-d-y DEAD ! DEAD ! DEAD !
I can just see children getting in their parents car and purposely running over the neighbors cat and then.....EATING THE NEIGHBORS DEAD CAT.

Please...get a life.

thefly: no one said the squirrel is deceased.

I thought it was bad enough in my neighborhood that they gnaw birdfeeders down to little nubs, but in Kansas they are starting fires in electrical distribution transformers causing aural rehab testees to walk up a flight of stairs!

And no, The Pyromaniacal Squirrels would not BAGNFARB.


JU, you and thefly are talking about the same thing: the Kansas Fried Squirrel from the first update.

*calling the guys in the band and telling them to change the name right now!*

yes, same thing. Felonious Rodents.


And who knows? The culprit may not have been acting alone. This could have been a proof-of-concept operation, or beta attack, if you will, for a new rodentia terrorist cell, or even network.

How did the squirrel know precisely where a small fire would do such targeted infrastructure damage with such wide area results? That probably wasn't posted on the bulletin board in the quad.

And where did the squirrel get matches?? Kansas may be facing a new underground network to supply pyrotechnics to radical squirrel organizations.

And what if it's not limited to squirrels?

I'm just saying...



Could be a like a al-Quida terrorist squirrel network.

Further Blackout PreventionSomeone Pretending to be a Kansan Staff WriterIn an effort to prevent future squirrel related blackouts, Gina Penzig, spokeswoman for Westar Energy, has announced that the company is now releasing maps of their power grid, complete with crucial junctures and flammable points marked with arrows and pointed sticks, respectively."We're encouraging the community to become active in blackout prevention, and decided that encouraging the university students to form Antisquirrel Vigilante Gangs would be a good way to help prevent this particular problem," she said. "We're also recruiting other squirrels to the task, giving a free pack of matches to any squirrel willing to make sure that no squirrel ignites the flammable parts of the grid."Some critics have pointed out that many unmarked parts are flammable, particularly since the entire grid is supported by power lines made of firecrackers. However, all such critics have since mysteriously dissappeared.If you want to get class credit for being in an Antisquirrel Vigilante Gang, you can register for AVG-102 in the Violence Against Cute Fuzzy Animals department.

Does anyone here know a kid that doesn't first bite the head off a gummi bear before eating it? Maybe slowly, painfully remove its limbs while they're at it? Put them in naughty positions (ok, maybe that's just me)?

So is selling gummi bears teaching kids it's ok to bite the head off a bear????


If I were Kraft, I would change the name to I-95's Greatest Hits

Presonally, I think "Arsonist Squirrels" would bagnfarb ... but then, that's just me ...

Rosa: bummer.

Chris: ROTFL at "It sends the wrong message to children, that dead animals on the side of the road taste fruity and don't squirt entrails on your shirt,"

Wonderful imagery!

Oh, and Rosa's link.

Y'all --

I've got a suggestion for candy for the NJSPCA ... but don't know a link for it ...


(I tried Willy Wonka, et cetera on Google, but there's 275,000 sites, and not really one for just the candy company ...)

Excellent parody, C-bol.

Sigh...the world is just getting waaaaay too "PC" for me. Why is it that while probably about 99.5% of society would see "roadkill candy" and just laugh at it, nevertheless a tiny little band of fringe lunatics who think it is oooooh soooo "insensitive" and sends the "wrong message" blah blah-blah blah, can get their way on this? Why do these pansy companies so often bend for them?

Corn -

Because of the weenies in the boardroom! Gotta be PC!

Kurt Vonnegut's Harrison Bergeron prolly offers one of the most effective views of where we're headed with all this sort of caca la baca ...

I dunno if you're into KV, or semi-SciFi stuff, but you might like it ... it's been around for more than 40 years, and the first time I read it was very long ago ... I thot it was powerful stuff then, and still do ... but then I'm weird ...

Interesting story, U.O. I hadn't seen that one. It's funny how, in the effort to make everyone equal, Vonnegut's society has appointed Handicappers to downgrade everyone to the lowest common denominator, rather than Enhancers, so as to make everyone equal on a higher level.

I see the "PC" thing having a bad effect on humor. I mean, even something like Speedy Gonzalez cartoons don't escape, because they cast hispanics in a bad light. (We can thank Ted Turner for taking that one off the air.) Hellooooooo -- I'm Swedish and I think that the Muppet Chef was hilarious! I guess instead, I'm supposed to issue a protest statement that says "In an effort to preserve our heritage, we feel it is imperative to inform the Jim Henson Company that we do NOT say 'Hurdy Hurdy Bork bork bork'! Well, maybe sometimes...but not THAT much..." :-)

On that (approximate) note, I dunno if you saw a post I did awhile back, r.e. the Scandanavian accents and such in the movie Fargo.

Us who live in the general area were amused, outraged, roaring with laughter, insulted ... well, the emotional responses were quite varied ...

My own reaction was that I felt the Coen brothers had often skated quite near the edge, but never quite fell off ... of everything I saw in the film, nothing quite reached the point where my "suspension of disbelief" was wrecked. Even the accordian player poster in the kid's bedroom was, I felt, possible ... depending upon various factors in the family life ...

Awhile after it came out, a radio call-in show (in Fargo, where else?) had a comment from a gentleman from the Fargo/Brainerd area.

He was polite and well spoken, but objected to the "characterizations" ... particularly the accents affected, and some of the apparent ethnic behavior patterns in the story. He finished his comments and hung up.

The problem I had with his offering was that he sounded exactly like the Swedes/Finns/Norskes in the movie!!!

I'm sorry, but it was a scream!

I spent most of my life living near and among Norwegians and Finns, and a few Swedes, and as an ethnic group they are wonderful people ... salt of the earth, and all that.

The problem with any humor is that it tends to be based in ridicule or criticism or some other potentially hurtful principle ...

What makes it tolerable (possibly) is being able to laugh with someone, and not at them (and their foibles).

The present-day attitude of Political Correctness does not allow any laughing ... at anyone, or any thing ...

That's our problem ... not enuf people have a sense of humor ...

Jeezly ... I din't mean for this to be a treatise ... just a conversation ... but you know what I'm like ...


Hah... I didn't even know Minnesotans had accents before I moved away to college. Then again, I'm not from the north, and have often been told that I don't really have an accent. But it surfaces occasionally, and I can't help but notice it when I visit my parents...

Fargo was definitely plausible, and anyone who says people don't really speak quite like that is mistaken. The movie that (purposely) goes overboard on the accents is Drop Dead Gorgeous.

People, we have to plan NOW.
Easter is only four weeks away and YOU KNOW what that means!!
Thousands of kids will get chocolate rabbits in their Easter baskets...and the carnage will begin! Their smooth little brown ears will be cruelly bitten off, followed by their cute little heads, then the remainder of their tiny disfigured bodies will be consumed by laughing, maniacal little barbarians.
PROTEST this unfeeling portrayal of rabbits as merely something to EAT! Notify Hershey, M+M/Mars, Russel Stover, See's Candy that their portrayal of defenseless bunnies as FOOD is cruel and inhumane and we will NOT tolerate it any more!
*wipes chocolate off keyboard*
Every year I fear for our pet rabbit, who may be mistaken for a chocolate treat by one of the neighborhood cretins, uh, children. I have nightmares of finding her near her burrow with her little gray and white ears gnawed off.
Oh, the humanity!!

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