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February 18, 2005


Now this is a breakthrough.

(Thanks to Lisa, who asks, "I wonder when it's all over if it plays You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling?)

Update: Judi the Stealth Blogerette informs me that this item was sent in by MANY people. You know who you are.


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Please tell me we didn't give this guy tax payer money to come up with this.

And is the sound amplified from inside the woman? Kind of a drum effect?

“But there is no danger of being electrocuted,” said Dr. Chausovskiy.

Yeah yeah, that's what the lady with the 100,000 volt fur coat said too.

He bop, she bop, we bop...

"Thank you" by Dido.

for you real sexual athletes,it could play an entire album: 'Rubber Soul' by the Beatles (featuring 'Norwegian Wood')

"But there is no danger of being electrocuted.."

You know, when you're talking about a product you want me to put on Mr. Jiggly, that's not exactly what I want to hear....

"I come from the land down under..."

I can't believe I beat Punky to that line.

And now I'm flashing (so to speak) on Jim Morrison singing "Back Door Man."

Free Mr. Jiggly!!!

When I read this post the first thing that came to mind was Hall and Oate's song "Maneater"

Being an electrical person myself, I would like to remind people that this device should be grounded in accordance with local by-laws.

Phone your local city hall to ask where you stick the wire.

Officer: "Sir, you are being arrested for committing a lewd act with a prostitute"

John: "But listen sir, its an artistic performance!"

Officer: "I haven't heard Clarence Carter in forever! Your penis is a musical instrument?"

John: "And I'm paying Little Nicky to play it"

Officer: "I'll have to admit the sound quality is amazing!"

Nicky:"mmmmmmm mmmmmmm hmmmmmm mmmmmmmm"

John: "Hold on, the song is almost over"

Officer: "You know, once the song is over, we're back to the whole prostitution thing..."

John: "Damn"

saying that since its an artistic expression, you're covered by

"saying that since its an artistic expression, you're covered by"

sure, you think this is a random scrap of creativity that I accidentally left at the bottom of my post, but NOOOOOOO... that would be too boring. What I meant to say was "you're covered by... by chili, because just like a hot dog, everything is better with chili on it... like a musical blow job. Sure its discgusting and gets all in Nicky's hair and in the car and such, but it just tastes so darn good. Nicky is a hard working girl and she deserves a snack... so what I meant to say was "covered by chili"... yeah, that's it


Now when I start making love to my woman
I don´t stop until I know she´s sas-ified
And I can always tell when she gets sas-ified
´Cause when she gets sas-fied she start calling my name
She´d say: ´Clarence Carter, Clarence Carter, Clarence Carter
Clarence Carter, ooooh shit, Clarence Carter´
The other night I was strokin´ my woman
And it got so good to her, you know what she told me
Let me tell you what she told me, she said:
´Stroke it Clarence Carter, but don´t stroke so fast
If my stuff ain´t tight enough, you can stick it up my...´ WOO!

I be strokin´ Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
I be strokin´

I wonder if he started to "lose interest" if the condom would start to whisper? Or what would it mean if the music started to skip?

this would also make a great new twist for musical chairs

The next generation of these will have a sensor that knows whether to play "60-Minute Man" or the Eagles' "In a New York Minute"

How does paying royalies work?

Per song, or bonk?

Great. Just when I got used to humming panties, along comes a singing condom. Like sex isn't confusing enough as it is with all those extra people and gadgets and lotions...oh wait. Is that just me?

This device takes on a whole new aspect when you consider that the woman might be pregnant. Do you really want your baby to be born wailing "AAAOOOOWWW! I FEEL GOOD!" (No double entendre intended, but feel free to find one if you like.)

I suggest it also plays "How much is that doggy in the window" for those extra-special times....

*in bed*

"Honey, you're NAKED!"
"Well look at that! So I am!"
*1.7 seconds of foreplay later*
"Stop...did you hear something?"
"Stop! There it is again!"
"Oh, you must mean my singing condom!"
"Check it out, it changes according to our rhythm."
"Very cool! But, I this is the melody honey. It's a slow part.... Honey! It's a slow part!...Ooh wait, why did it stop? That's my favorite part of the song!"

Hmmmm... they're missing "Stroke" by Billy Squier

What about, "Shout"?

"A little bit softer now.
A little bit softer now.
A little bit softer now.

A little bit louder now.
A little bit louder now.
A little bit louder now.




I Wanna Do It With You (THIS IS THE ONE!)
Tryin’ To Get The Feeling Again
I Made It Through The Rain


I actually carry the lyrics to Muskrat Love in my wallet. It's a very long story. A condom that sang Muskrat love would be easier to explain wouldn't it?

Maybe "Foreplay/Long Time" by Boston?

Or "Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick" by Ian Dury...

I wonder what it means when the thing starts playing "Mr. Mom." Could be the new 2-in-one condom/pregnancy test.

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