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February 28, 2005
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They're still mad since I was FIRST!
Posted by: Quiggy | February 28, 2005 at 11:38 AM
Scientists are full of bovine excrement, say cows
Posted by: Dave (not Barry.. calm down) | February 28, 2005 at 11:39 AM
So the meaning behind "You Nazis Cow!" has changed?
Is it less of an insult?
Posted by: Crash | February 28, 2005 at 11:43 AM
...but will they bear arms?
Posted by: Lush Bimbo | February 28, 2005 at 11:44 AM
I'm going to go treat a chicken as an individual right now for lunch. Should be delicious on a salad....
Posted by: Higgy | February 28, 2005 at 11:45 AM
Nothing worse than a cow with a grudge.
Posted by: Reddsuss | February 28, 2005 at 11:51 AM
I really don't care about any animal you can hunt with a brick. Does that make me jaded...too bad cud I like it!!
* keeps an ear out for jingling of nickels *
Posted by: antiroach | February 28, 2005 at 11:52 AM
Gary Larson must be ecstatic over this news.
Posted by: Josh | February 28, 2005 at 11:55 AM
Great cheese comes from happy cows.
Posted by: Jaxx | February 28, 2005 at 11:55 AM
So what's next?..Cows on Xanax???
Posted by: julietine | February 28, 2005 at 12:01 PM
RE: Update
Gary Hart's brother?
Plus, ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!
Posted by: antiroach | February 28, 2005 at 12:09 PM
Farmers! Lock up your heifers!
Why heifers though? I mean, why not go all-out & enjoy hot anal sex with the steers?
Oh my god, I have to go puke now. I just reached a new low: severe self gross-out.
Posted by: Tamara | February 28, 2005 at 12:15 PM
I lived out in the boondocks for ten years and came to the conclusion that if I had to kill my own food, I would live happily on fish and poultry. Chickens and turkeys are really stupid and irritating by the time they are eating-size, and fish, while sentient are simple, cold creatures.
I could not kill and eat anything warm and furry. I eat meat because I buy it in the store in little white foam trays, and if I think about it too long I could probably become a vegetarian.
Posted by: CANDY TUTT | February 28, 2005 at 12:17 PM
— "they worry about the future"
Especially if their pasture is next to a Burger King.
Posted by: Dave (not Barry.. calm down) | February 28, 2005 at 12:17 PM
I can't believe that no one has pointed out the fabulous quote in the third article: "Cows look calm, but really they are gay nymphomaniacs."
I'm not sure whether to laugh outrageously or feel vaguely disturbed.
Posted by: Jeff P. | February 28, 2005 at 12:42 PM
Holy cow!
Posted by: Kathy Pearlman | February 28, 2005 at 12:43 PM
No one else caught the line about cows being gay nymphos in update number 2??? LOL
Posted by: lizagain | February 28, 2005 at 12:44 PM
..cows can become excited by solving intellectual challenges.
Cow 1: "How many gallons of milk does it take to.."
Cow 2: "Moo"
Cow 1: "How did you know?? I didn't even finish my question!"
Posted by: philippe | February 28, 2005 at 12:49 PM
Geez, I leave you guys alone for one day, and this is what I come back to?
Hot anal cow sex/gay nympho cows?
*grabs a chair and gets cozy*
As you were...
Posted by: Di | February 28, 2005 at 12:51 PM
I for one, will no longer visit relatives on the farm. This article is too close to Animal Farm.
Posted by: igloo | February 28, 2005 at 12:52 PM
Cows are Gay Nymphomaniacs? Are my tax dollars paying for this nonsense?
Elizabeth
Posted by: Elizabeth | February 28, 2005 at 12:55 PM
Don't have a cow, man.
Really. Don't.
Posted by: Mahatma Kane Jeeves | February 28, 2005 at 12:56 PM
The study further indicates that cows suffer from low self-esteem and serious body image issues, owing to comparisons to the "unrealistic image" of such media savvy bovines as Elsie, the Borden spokescow.
Many non-celebrity cows take comfort in the persistent rumors of Elsie's "having had a lot of work done" including having as many as four of her six stomachs stapled to maintain her calflike figure.
Elsie herself was not available for comment (her farewell tour is in its 7th year) but her agent dismissed the talk as "Moolicious."
ps: Elizabeth, unless you're 'strailian, your tax dollars are safe.
Posted by: Lairbo | February 28, 2005 at 01:13 PM
a couple of years ago, a man was arrested for having 'relations' with a sheep... that was part of a Christmas display! He was also found to be in posssession of a girlie magazine, in case the combination of blasphemy and zoophilia wasn't erotic enough.
Posted by: insomniac | February 28, 2005 at 01:24 PM
I recently watched the horror movie "The Grudge" with that Buffy chick and the basic plot involves these evil forces that are left when someone dies violently and holds a grudge against the living.....
Now that I know cows can hold a grudge, I'm not going anywhere near a slaughterhouse.... It would be like Amityville Horror times 10....
I mean the little Japanese kid with the sunken eyes screaming at everyone was bad enough. I don't want to see screaming cows...
Just so you'll know.....
Posted by: Pinto | February 28, 2005 at 01:24 PM
Well I bet there's several cows right now who'll be holding a grudge for quite some time against a certain dirty old man. Now if it had been a dirty old woman......
Posted by: HeadSmashed1 | February 28, 2005 at 01:34 PM
So the Far Side is more accurate than I thought!
Posted by: Becca | February 28, 2005 at 01:44 PM
I loved the expression,"they jump up in the air when they have an eureka moment!"
*just like Einstein*
Posted by: kat | February 28, 2005 at 01:57 PM
1) Do cow ghosts hold grudges against those who love a good steak? [This morning when I got up, the bottle of A-1 sauce from my fridge was smashed on the floor with no good explanation.]
2) You can't say Hart's a pervert: "He told police he never had sex with animals while maintaining a relationship with his a girlfriend or his wife"
2a) At least while involved with members of one species, he didn't cheat with members of another. Then again, he could have been cheating on the cow with the horse.
Posted by: AnimalLover | February 28, 2005 at 02:14 PM
"Josh has a birthday, today! Josh has a birthday,today! Josh has a birthday, today, and that's the truth!" This is a first.
Posted by: Ms. Calendar Person | February 28, 2005 at 02:27 PM
Gay cows? I guess they were steered wrong.
Posted by: slyeyes | February 28, 2005 at 02:57 PM
La vache qui rit.
Now we know why she's laughing.
Posted by: etc. | February 28, 2005 at 03:22 PM
Christine Nicol, professor of animal welfare at Britain's Bristol University, said even chickens might have to be treated as individuals with needs and problems.
I say chickens need to be breaded as individuals with white and dark meat.
Posted by: matt neffer | February 28, 2005 at 03:34 PM
End chicken discrimination! Eat light and dark meat on the same plate!
Hmmm...I wonder if we now need to change "smart-ass" to "smart-cow."
Posted by: Alex D. | February 28, 2005 at 04:52 PM
... a perfect English summer's day. Just like humans.
... as in ... rain? (It seems to rain in England a lot, or so I've heard.)
And this human wouldn't do that ... If I ever found myself in England, at any time of the year, I'd have better things to do than sit around looking at the sun ...
As for update #1 ... Oig!
I choose not to offer any comments on the "Cows with guns" item.
Posted by: Uncle Omar | February 28, 2005 at 05:30 PM
Regarding "Cows With Guns":
Did it bother anyone else that the cow who starred in that clip was constantly referred to as male? I'm sorry, but that made it udderly unbelievable for me.
Posted by: neophyte | February 28, 2005 at 07:34 PM
Hey Jeff P. and lizagain: When I sent the second update to the blog, I started the e-mail with "Key Quote:" and then the gay nymphos line...I can't believe they didn't mention that in the item itself! It's so weird that they originally linked to a version of the article that didn't include that line. It was what made me send it in (well before the original "Moo" item posted)...
Posted by: Nate Little | February 28, 2005 at 07:39 PM
"knock-knock"
"who's there"
"impatient cow"
"impatient co--"
"MOOOOOOO!!!"
Posted by: laura | February 28, 2005 at 09:04 PM
A note to everybody who raises cattle:
DO NOT let them read anything by Che Guevera!!!!! (whoever he is)
Posted by: Chris | March 01, 2005 at 06:05 AM
If cows really cared about self-preservation, they'd stop being so delicious.
Posted by: Matt | March 01, 2005 at 06:34 AM
If cows really cared about self-preservation, they'd stop being so delicious.
Posted by: Matt | March 01, 2005 at 06:34 AM
I just finished reading The Human Story by James C. Davis and I'm left with this feeling that all of history has been about one group of people enslaving or massacreing another group. And these people are worried about whether chickens lead fulfulling lives?
Posted by: Just Happy to be Alive | March 01, 2005 at 09:24 AM
With 3 minutes and counting:
Neener!
That will be all.
Posted by: Federal Duck | March 01, 2005 at 01:48 PM
Uh-oh, Spam in every language. And on a COW thread too!
Posted by: Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa | June 14, 2006 at 05:27 PM