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February 17, 2005


Take a seat on the Purist Hatbox.

Key Quote: VIP attendees including Betsey Johnson and Carmen Electra were overheard exclaiming in delight.

Related Development: Hard times in Sequoyah County.


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Were they screaming because they suddenly found out the hard way that it was actually a bidet?

Wow, I want a job as a toilet model, too!

Carmen Electra strikes me as the type that would $h1t into a hatbox and then squeal with delight.

I'm willing to bet that she'd then carry the hatbox around with her so she could show it off to all of her friends, like Dennis Rodman.

See, it's times like that when you wish you could airdrop in a couple dozen chili-eating contestants to go in and really put those toilets thru their paces.

You'd still get patrons squeeling, it just might not be with delight.

As for Sequoyah County, I think it would be hilarious if they installed one of those old "loop towel" thingies like you still see at truck stops. You know, where this dirty white cloth comes out the front and is fed back up the back, and you're supposed to believe it gets changed or washed occasionally?

Put one of those in the bathroom stalls, and then put in a hidden camera. Broadcast it as Reality Wiping.

Personally, that's when I'd sacrifice a sock.

Off topic -

Heard on the radio this morning on the way to work:
Cher is coming here in the Spring on her "Farewell, Can't say Good-bye, Tour". Opening act: The Village People.

Bet you're all green with envy.

“Our sponsorship allows us to align ourselves even more closely with the fashion industry (by catching their poop?) and an audience with a keen interest in creating spectacular design statements"

are we so jaded that celebrities taking a dump is "creating a spectacular design statement"?


Can you get me a tickets???

*goes on singing YMCA**

*plugs wall wart power supply into light fixture over sink*

*relaxes with magazine*

*courtesy flushes*

*regrets in the darkness installing only 15 amp breakers*


I wonder what type of toilet paper they use in the Purist Hatbox? Tulle or maybe chiffon?

Do electric toilets scare anyone else? I mean, one short circuit and you're taking a ride on the Sizzlin' Sally?

And for those of us who have occassional issues with hitting the center of the target? Do we get 'lit up' if we pee on the wrong wire?

*wonders if the ground effect lighting was a bit much*


WC - no doubt you'd get "lit up".

It gets reported as a "squeal of delight", though.

Could it be that there were squeals of delight because of a little electric shock?

and of course, purist hatbox is a great nfarb ... i would like to know how the stupid thing works, or is it just a round version of our old familar friend.

and -- exactly what are they scraping as a result of the teepee shortage... [sorry]

*checks stall again*
still locked
*puts ear to the door*
mumbled chanting
*checks watch, crosses legs*
what is taking so long!
*hears something*
sounds of fabric tearing, violent struggle
*door slowly opens...*
It's Christobol! And he's got a large knife in his hand
"What the hell were you doing in there!"
"Oh, sorry... sacrificing a sock"
"Take this knife, you'll need it"

So, if I understand you correctly, Tamara, you're saying it's wrong that, when I visit my friends who have babies, and their is someone in the bathroom, I go ahead and dump in their hamper?

Because, I think that's silly. It's full of yuck anyway.

Tamara- I was thinking it looks just like a hamper too.
Warning: Not intended for households with small children.

Can you imagine?
Mom: Sally! Why did you put the clothes in the toliet.
Sally: I thought it was the laundry hamper.
*mom takes out contract on toliet designer*


Miss Manners says it is never okay to dump in a friend's hamper.

If you are visiting American friends who have babies, they will surely have plenty of disposable diapers on-hand. Just tape 6 or 7 of them together till your fanny feels adequately covered, and by the time you have your contraption McGyver'd just the way you like it, whomever was in the restroom will have come out--mainly to see what all the fuss is about.

Anyway, this is a much better solution than defiling the hamper, as it provides the added benefit of scaring away those fawning bloglettes your wife is growing wary of.

"a quiet .2-horsepower electric pump..."
Personally, I don't believe a .2hp is all we can get out of that electric motor. Perhaps going to 230V motor we can increase the power. Although, I think a nice 454ci, 4-bolt main, chevy with dual 1000 cfm Holly carburators on a polished high-rise intake, and Isky low duration, high lift cam,...hey look, something shiney...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Ok, just to make sure I'm up to speed, Tamara.

Now it's not sexy to walk around naked with six or seven disposable diapers taped to my ass?

I really need to get some tv. Has "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" covered this?

Speaking of TV, why hasn't Dave posted on Idol yet? I actually saw some of it in a hotel last night. Is it just me, or is the theme of this season: Watching People Cry As Their Dreams Are Flushed Down An Uncool and Untrendy Toilet?

Tamara, taping six or seven babies to Christobols fanny is going to do a lot more than scare the bloglettes.

The Sequoyah county article was by Terry Groover.

Wasn't former U. of Miami football player Najeh(sp?,but misspelling his name will be the least of my problems if he reads this blog, or has someone read it to him) Davenport, now with the Packers, once arrested for 'defiling' someone's hamper?

Christobool ... why sacrifice a sock? Use your underwear ... it's probably already ruined from the skid marks already incurred from that toot you let slip that then caused you to panic and run in search of a bathroom in the first place ... so, just pull 'em off ... wad 'em up ... take care of business and flush. Then run ... because wadded up undies don't usually flush all that well and you'll be looking at an overflowing dirty toilet in no time ...

Doug, it can't be Paris Hilton's birthday today. Paris Hilton does not have birthdays. This is one reason she can expect to have that perfect light brown porcelain look on her face for at least the next twenty years.

'That perfect light brown porcelain look' WBAG promotional bullet item for a fashion toilet catalog. God knows, if Betsey Johnson and Carmen Electra endorse something, I'm there and all over it in a heartbeat.

WC: No, I meant he could tape his American friends to his tush. Sorry I wasn't more clear.

Igloo, I can't help but think of the "It's a Hemi" dudes sitting on top of the souped-up john. They might finally beat that Dodge Ram. Shweeeet....

“We have a major problem,” said Tabor.
Now there is an understatement!
This tragedy in Arkansas, vividly illustrates how interconnected the world is. China and Arkansas have toilet paper issues and Australia has a toilet paper resolution.
There is where the UN should step in to help wipe out these shortages.

*spitting coffee on screen WC*

That would not be sexy, just Jacksonian.

Gosh Punky, you make a guy wish he wore underwear.

It sounds so practical, now.

turning perceptions of what the American toilet should be upside down..

Just don't turn the toilets upside down, for pity's sake!

missing ingredient for restroom frequented by Carmen Electra: Lysol

Words in the Sequoyah article that just SCREAM poopies:

scraping, dip, pull out, tight, shortfall, egg, strapped, forced, cut.

Carmen Electra=erect male narc

Tamara - Six or seven Americans or American Idols strapped to the old bohonkus?

"The competition ends for you tonight"
"But, I want it so bad... I'll do anything Simon!"
"We are out of toilet paper"
"You want to strap me to your ass?"
"Hopefully you're a better diaper than you are a singer"
"But you already have six contestants strapped to your ass"
"I could use seven"

Words in this thread that just SCREAM poopies:

Purist, Electra, Hard, County, Paris, Hilton, Paris Hilton, hamper, wad.

WC! WC! WC! I can't breathe, I am laughing so hard (and struggling to remain unheard)!

"Hey! Anybody seen Carmen. She's due on stage in fifteen."
"She told me she needed to potty."
"Chris on a crutch man. Did you tell her to stand before flushing?"
"No, why?"
"Ever since we installed that 440 Hemi to replace the puny .2hp electric pump, we've lost some people."
"Damn, we shoulda posted a sign or something."
"Good idea. But let's wait until after the Cher 'On Ad Infinitum' tour passes through next week. We may get lucky!"

*overheard from one of the human diaper idol contestants strapped to Simon's ass*

"I'm feeling you, Simon."

I'm feeling you, Simon = Gee, fly, I'm ominous! = I, souflee gym minion.

Simple, really.

Naughty, naughty. You people should be thoroughly ashamed of yourselves. Carmen Electra is a major hot babe. Derision does not become Electra.

But is it "low flow"?

igloo = loogi *snort*

Naughty, naughty. You people should be thoroughly ashamed of yourselves. Carmen Electra is a major hot babe. Derision does not become Electra.

Posted by: The Rev Arthur Weasel-Boinker on February 17, 2005 01:05 PM

Are you really Dennis Rodman? And if so, what color is your hair today??? :)

Naughty, naughty. You people should be thoroughly ashamed of yourselves. Carmen Electra is a major hot babe. Derision does not become Electra.

Posted by: The Rev Arthur Weasel-Boinker on February 17, 2005 01:05 PM

Are you really Dennis Rodman? And if so, what color is your hair today??? :)

Goodness me, I'm a cow milady.

Punky - that sounds like the voice of experience talking... Flushed many panties lately??

I have nothing....

**sits and waits patiently for brain delivery**

Akgirl. While you're waiting, would you mind trying out one of those new electric toilets for the blog. Tell us- is there room for the customary, um,, Sports Magazines? Yes that was it.

Betsey Johnson and Carmen Electra were overheard exclaiming in delight. Were they in there together?? If so, it might not have been the toilet causing their delight.

Betsey Johnson and Carmen Electra were overheard exclaiming in delight. Were they in there together?? If so, it might not have been the toilet causing their delight.

Who the Foxtrot is Betsey Johnson and why does she have an extra 'e' in her name?

I'm being set up, here, but...

Rev. Arthur -Derision does not become Electra

but mourning does !

punky brewster, you sound way to familiar with that little trick, and to think I blamed that incident on Homer...

**little lightbulb over head -- now there is a job for me.... toilet tester. Picks up phone to call home...........
Akgirl-- mom i am going to become a toilet tester
Mom -- but dear we paid for a semester at that community college
Akgirl -- sorry mom I know you had high hopes, but just think, it's better than being a human simon diaper.

Betsey Johnson is a designer of women's clothes and is therefore entitled to have an extra "e" in her name!

and no darn it my brain still hasn't arrived.....

**testing first toilet -- looks around, quite comfy
Crap, my first day on the job and they forget to stock this loo with roo poo toilet paper...
Screams out "Can someone pass me my cane toad skin purse, I think I have an extra pair of panties in there."

"All of our reserves have been depleted and spent.

Hmmm...sounds familiar. You sure this isn't a disguised article about the FEDERAL government?

*throws his apron over toilet stall to akgirl*


Oh, I've flushed panties ... but not for THAT reason ... I was hiding evidence.

p.s. how's married life, sweetie?

Betsey Johnson is a WEIRD designer of women's clothes, so I'm not sure her endorsement is a positive thing.

Anyway, at 1.6 gallons of water, I do think that qualifies it as a low-flow toilet.

I thought you were going help me finish?

**akgirl licks the toad skin purse and forgets she was out of roopoo tp.

*python emerges from toilet and bites akgirl in arse*

*moe runs like hell*

I thought python' spit....

oh yah right that was that other kind of snake

... impactful ...?

Pretty weird usage, there ...

"Impactful and now e's ready ..."

"I doubt it ... looks like e's only pact about half-full ..."

(Did anyone notice the colors available of the hamper toilet?

Thunder (tm) Grey seems especially appropriate ...)

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