SOMETIMES YOU HAVE SERIOUS DOUBTS ABOUT A STORY, BUT YOU HAVE TO LINK TO IT ANYWAY JUST BECAUSE OF THE HEADLINE

This is such a time.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and sookeyjane)

Comments

[Tamara]

Awesome. The power of beer.

[Tamara]

Awesome. The power of beer.

[Tamara]

Shoot. I forgot I had given up being First. This is, like, my fourtieth (minus the tie) time, btw. Should I give lessons?

[Doug]

After 60 beers, I'm amazed he even WANTED to leave !

[igloo]

Use number 1,098 for the New and Improved Budweiser Beverage.
I would have probably just wrote my name, address, cell number, zip code, solution to the DiVinci Code and HELP in large letters.

[Mr.Fisher]

I was so caught up in the story, I almost whizzed right by the credits.

Way to Go JEFF!

European!

[sandy beach]

I bet he froze his peepee off.

[TheDonald]

Hey, isn't my new bride a Slovak? Or was that a Sloveen?

[Christobol]

And how did he entertain himself?

Sixty bottles of beer in the car!
Sixty bottles of beer!
Sure tastes nice!
My piss melts the ice
And soon I'll be out of here!

I think this calls for scientific investigation. I volunteer to take only two cases of beer and bury myself in a pile of supermodels and see...

Well, just see.

[etc.]

You're a-peein'?

[Aaaargh]

So the lesson we've learned is: always take your booze with you on vacation.

I wonder if he'll be charged with having an open container of alcohol in the passenger area of his car? I think this provides real evidence that there needs to be a change in that particular law.

[rhealist]

What he failed to mention was that he had actually peed himself free after only 20 beers. The other 40 were for the victory celebration.

[cubie]

wonder if he ever thought of pouring the beer on the snow...the alcohol would have melted the ice...but, then again, it would not have been near as much fun (unless he was drinking that new sissy beer)

[Christobol]

I will use this technique from now on.

*pulling into parking space*

"Oh, dammit, honey! I've pulled in too close to that other car! We're trapped. I'm going to drink all the beer and try to piss our way out!"

"Why don't you just repark?"

"If only life were so simple. Stop worrying!"

"Well, why don't we just get out on the other side, there's plenty of room?"

"Listen! You must remain calm! Do not panic! The situation is well in hand!"

"I'll see you later."

"Send Alex back with a bottle opener, will ya?"

[cubie]

**nearly, not near, a southern accent is a hard thing to overcome** LOL

[Christobol]

/nerd

Alcohol, I believe, has a lower freezing point than ice, and would not help melt it. In fact, the resulting frozen alcohol would be that much harder to get thru. Unless I'm wrong.

/nerd

[jason]

that reminds me of the time I peed my way into an avalanche.

[insomniac]

His liver hurt? How did he know ?

Richard Kral = Lick hard, arr ! (Pirate porno,phrase)

[cubie]

wow! so much useful information, just in case we are ever stuck in an avalanche with 60 bottles of beer!

[julietine]

Hey Lab,

Who's that hunk???...wow..he's super gorgeous!

[kC]

'He shuldn't AUDI been there!'

[sandy beach]

/antinerd

C-bol you are wrong. If alcohol has a lower freezing point than water, pouring beer on it lower the freezing point of the snow, turning it into water + beer.

Unless I'm wrong.

/antinerd

[igloo]

Well, I guess Dave paid his cable bill. He's probably back watching the "Gilligans Island Retrospective" on TV Land.

[LabSpecimen]

It depends on the temperature, right? If it is cold enough to freeze the beer, then the beer will change to a solid, and the temperature of the solid will be lower than that of the snow. But, in the absense of wind and outside air, shouldn't the snow maintain a temp of 0 degrees C? So how would the beer freeze?

Also, Nerd-bol, beer is mostly water, so it will freeze at closer temperature to water than alcohol would.

So, I guess I should volunteer to sacrifice a Mic Amber tonight and see at what temperature beer freezes.

[julietine]

Lab,

WOW..I am in love!...

[igloo]

Well, Julietine, with that red thing growing out of his shoulder, it is no wonder he was able to pee his way out of an avalanche. Christ on a crutch, with enough beer he could melt the polar ice cap. That is if Lab's science is correct.

[LabSpecimen]

Thanks, Julietine, but I'm already married.

Oh, you meant Král. Nevermind.

[Writer's Cramp]

Wife:Why is there a beer truck parked out on the street?
Kral:I sold the snowblower.

[Peri]

Well, good grief people, this isn't news. How on earth do you think I get my car out of the parking lot every morning here in Winterpeg?

[Flash]

Whew, I'll bet his car smelled great when he got done. I wonder if he just left it under the avalanche and called it a total loss.

[Peri]

There's a very good reason why Canada makes the sort of beer that it does.

[rhealist]

Dad! Bob broke your beer!

[Pinto]

Whatever happened to those booze-bearing Saint Bernards rescuing people from avalanches.....

If everybody starts pissing their way out of trouble, they're going to put them out of work....

Did you see Cujo? I say we keep them gainfully employed. Know what I mean?

[igloo]

"It was hard and now my kidneys and liver hurt"
I wasn't going to touch(now Stop that) this, but it's getting late so my question is...
What was he doing inbetween all of the peeing? I mean it's not like the beer doesn't need a little processing before it exits the system.
Lab, you're pretty good at all this science stuff. What's the time lapse between lips and piss? Maybe you can take a stopwatch with you on your evenings experiment.

[LabSpecimen]

I don't know, igloo, but I do know that once you break the seal, you're done for.

[rhealist]

*stuck somewhere under an avalance in Eastern Europe, two men contemplate their dilemma*

MacGyver: You know, if I take this rubber band from under the seat cushion, a piece of tape I found stuck inside the glove compartment, and this pocket lint from my jeans, I can create a portable flame thrower that will literally melt the snow around us.

Bob: Aaaaaahhhhhh! *zip* Way ahead of you, Mac. Looks like we're outta here!

MacGyver: Hey! That was my beer!

[Christobol]

Well fine. If THAT's how you're going to be about it, I'll just PROVE it.

I just took a beer outside (Sam Adams Lager - lagers are brewed at about 34 degrees, which is meaningless but included nevertheless, here's another meaningless fact: alcohol's freezing point is -117 celcius).

Anyways. There's snow outside. I drank the beer.
Nothing melted.

There. Satisfied?

[igloo]

C'bol, we all know you are a writer, so what did you write and in what color.

[LabSpecimen]

How on EARTH could I be satisfied with that experiment? It must be repeated. Repeatedly. And I should get a beer, too!

But do we have to go outside? It's cold out there.

*contemplates changing Cbol's alias in my address book to Nerd-bol and wonders why I don't have a great nickname like that*

[Brad]

OK, I am totally lost. How did he keep the beer cold if he pissed away at all the ice?

[Christobol]

I wrote: "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" a couple hundred times (it was plaid, should I call someone about that? Oh yeah, Fox), then remembered the damned boiler! The boiler!

So I ran around the house with a croquet mallot until I started getting very thirsty, and stopped to drink more beer.

Pretty much a typical Friday 'round here.

[insomniac]

"Geologists today admit they are still puzzled about the enormous yellow glacier that formed in the mountains of Slovakia. The bits of brown glass found embedded in it, just add to the mystery, as well as its eye-watering smell."

*I love how the British say 'glacier' (with three syllables)*

[igloo]

Minnesota...Land of A Thousand Flakes.

[sandy beach]

Excuuuuuse me, C-bol. I got snow outside to experiment with, too.

I poured whiskey in a glass. I added snow. Snow melted. HA!

So there yourself!

Now I hafta pee. What does that prove?

[Christobol]

Oh and igloo, to the question "What was he doing inbetween all of the peeing?" - I reckon it was drinking. And trying to find porn in the glovebox.

I wonder, with that much beer, if he passed out and wet himself? I can just see him berating himself for wasting the pee. How often do you get a chance to do that?

OH THE HUMANITY! I'VE WASTED THE PEE!"

Anyway, how did he keep from freezing? How did he keep it from "crawling back up" in the cold and throwing his aim off so that he was just pissing down his leg?

I guess we'll have to wait for Jack to do it on 24 next week.

[Christobol]

Sandy, I mean this in the most respectful of possible ways:

I think you have girlie snow.

[sandy beach]

*spew*

There's a lotta dead moose up here who would beg to differ, c-bol.

[Writer's Cramp]

Another question begging to be asked... If he had a lighter, couldn't he have utilized all of those beer farts?

Headline
Man lights match in snow cavity, Tatra Mountains destroyed

[Christobol]

I love it when they beg to differ.

Not the moose, exactly.

Or to differ, for that matter.

[sandy beach]

Uh, I said dead moose.

Dead Moose Begging WBAGNFARB

[slyeyes]

He was found drunk after 4 days in the snow.

How long did he wait to start his drinking/peeing excavating?

Why do I get the feeling that the phrase "that's my story and I'm sticking to it" is missing from this story.

[Writer's Cramp]

Reporter: All of these moose are dying and all you can do is drink beer?
Wildlife Rescue Warden: *hic* Piss on 'em *hic*
Reporter: But isn't it your job to save the moose? Aren't you PAID to save the moose? I can't just sit idly by and watch this!
Wildlife Rescue Warden: *hic* Drrrink isshh if you want to help.
Reporter: *furious* Now you want me to drink beer with you! This is the... What are you doing?
Wildlife Rescue Warden: Now dddrinnk up and *stagger* help
Reporter: You want me to piss on the Moose?
Moose: Just give me a warm beer 'eh
Wildlife Rescue Warden: You just keep beggin' to the differ

[sandy beach]

*more spewage*

umm, warm beer...

[kC]

When we were in New Zealand several years ago, we stayed at an old hotel that had been built by the British over 150 years ago. In the basement was a pub, The Red Lyon Inn. One morn I looked out of our window and saw a large red fire truck pull up to the side of the bldg. I thought it was a fire truck because it looked just like one. The driver got off, pulled off the large fire hose that was attached to the side, pulled it over to the sidewalk, and proceeded to open a bronze metal plate. Then he inserted the large brass nozzle into the hole where he proceeded to pump beer at an alarming rate. (like it was a 5-star alarm) Some even fizzled out on the sidewalk.
My husband said that he was glad his brother wasn't there with us because he would be down there licking it up!

[Christobol]

Dear Dave,

Thanks for this fun thread. Next, can you post a story about which you have whimsical doubts?

[Lmd33]

Being half Slovak and knowing my relatives as I do, I can solemnly vouch for the fact that this story is most likely true.

[Uncle Omar - (Geezer/Nerd)]

"I urine (not yearn) to get out of here," he said, wetly.

FYI -
It was not (not knot) the Cee-two/Aitch-five/Oh/Aitch [grain alcohol to those of you who didn't pay attention in Chem class] that melted the snow.

It was the body-temperature urine that did the trick, which would contribute much more melting capability than the five percent (+/-) of alky in the beer.

[If we do the math, that would only be about one liter, or 36 ounces of alcohol ... not nearly enough to melt his way out of a medium-small Nodak (or Winnipeg) snowbank.]

What the whole beverage mixture did accomplish was (by way of combining water/grain/hops/yeast) to block the secretion of Antidiuretic Hormone (ADH), which is a naturally resulting bodily function one experiences when introducing certain chemicals (such as those found in beer, or coffee) into the gastrointestinal tract, for digestive, nourishing or recreational activities.

He drank beer. He peed warm stuff onto the snow. It melted. He drank beer. He peed ... repeat, as needed.

(Sorry to let my nerdness show, but we did a lot of study on this phenomena, as homework for chemistry class in high school.)

Would Your Nerdness is Showing bagnfarb?

[Graz]

I knw how it all started...........guys just can't resist writing their name in the snow...........

"Let's see.....R....I.....C....H....A........(moment of epiphany).....HEY!

[kC]

Jeff,
If it looks like a rose, smells like a rose,-----
well then, it must be a rose! A rose by any other name would be "Bunker" Clark, missed by his only brother and sister-in-law very much. He died Christmas 2004. He previously taught Musicology at the U. of Kansas.

[pogo]

Uncle O - We're not worthy! And if you ever mention organic chemistry again I promise to let my eyes glaze over...

[Christobol]

Jeff - excellent point.

Graz - double HAH!

[Uncle O]

pogo -

More of an anecdote ... there's an explosive concoction that can be made from two relatively common household items ...
A pal and I had "discovered" the idea, and were talking about it in chem one day.
A third buddy said, "Yeah, I tried it ..."
"Does it work?" we blurted, explosively.
"Well, yeah, but it's so unstable that it goes off when it's drying ..."

Which sorta put a damper on further experimentation, but gave me a great line for the blog, all these decades later ... (that's an exact quote, I still remember him saying it, exactly that way ... now, take that line, and run amok!)

[LabSpecimen]

OH THE HUMANITY! I'VE WASTED THE PEE!
*triple snork with a half gainer*

[U.O.]

pogo -

heh - you said organic ... heh

[kC]

The UPS TRUCKS have just pulled up outside with a load of beer for Mr. Barry. Would someone please sign for him? Thank you.

U.P.S.driver

[kC]

I made the only "A" in my chemistry class in college. But I'm not bragging. The boys were always so jealous that they luved to go into the lab before class and 'screw' up my experiments.
All I have to say is a "GREAT BIG P-SS ON THEM!"

[u.o.]

Well, kC, you were wrecking the curve ... they were just jealous ... girls aren't s'posed to be smart, dontcha know ???

(heh ... you said 'screw' ... heh, heh)

[kC]

That's one word I learned from th' Guys!

[kC]

UO,
Who ever heard of 'Near Beer?' It's like, "Are you pregnant or not?" You can't say," Well, almost pregnant!" You either are, or you aren't,-- same for beer! (of course, beer has nothing to do with pregnancy except for 'mood setting.'

[queensbee]

i love it, good one jeff... 100 litres of beer in the trunk, 100 litres of beer, hic..

[Alex D.]

Hahaha! How'd that guy remember he was supposed to piss his way out? I guess the survival instinct is stronger than I thought.

Now if only we could get rid of spam by drinking beer and pissing on it...

[Tex]

Alex D.

In Texas we have 'Spam' throwing contests. The winner gets a one year's supply free!

[Lindy]

Why didn't he eat the snow? He could have gotten rid of snow, peed it out and gotten rid of more AND avoided the painful liver. But I guess that wouldn't have been as much fun. Plus, he might have tried the peeing method first. We all know what not to do with yellow snow.

[I.Q.]

Lindy,

He would have suffered with a 'Frozen Brain Drain!' And then they could have 'planted' him in the Ice Sculpture Park in St. Paul, MN.