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January 27, 2005


(Thanks to Denise Gontard)

UPDATE: So, apparently the link doesn't work any more because of a bandwidth thief, but you can go here and scroll down the left side to "Miserable Ovoid Creature." We are sorry for any inconvenience and/or bandwidth issues we may have had anything to do with, ever.


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I just got a rant about bandwidth theft, which is a terrible crime. I do not have an alibi for the dates in question, but I'm almost certain that it will turn out I was doing a weasel war dance with a nylon thong on my head eating fried chicken at a gym and making fun of a fat woman on a treadmill, who subsequently kicked my ass.

Funny and makes me want one of those pills right now!

I feel so much better about myself now.

Had I known it was you, I would have never made you cry like that in front of all those people..now, can you pass a pill this way?

You have to click over on the left hand pane for the short flash movie about the "ovoid".

Nevermind, I'm stupid. So is Drew.

Just kidding, Drew!

No problem Tam.

You click on any of our broken links and then follow these instructions...worked for me - 4th paragraph.

"So: to get the toons, please visit Astonished Head directly. The cartoons are on the left under the Flash header, very handy.

Denise Gontard=snide dong art

It's not as good as the "Titanic in thirty seconds as done by bunnies" movie.

The Army (or maybe the locals) blocked the actual link, but I've got to say the error message itself sure beats "ERROR 404--SITE NOT FOUND" which is what I usually get.

I'll never have those ten minutes back. But I was planning on pretty much wasting them anyway, so, no biggie!

I didn't hear the "F-Bomb" in the Art Star video.


Pass the happy pills...

May cause:

Testicular flamboyance



*crosses legs*


Reminds me of the commercial on SNL for "Happy Fun Toy".

Funny 'toon.

Vulvar Pyrotechnics WBA (absolutely astonishing) NFARB....or a porn flick.

Leetie, back me up on this....

(Standing in for Leetie)


(also standing in for Leetie)

Hey - who stole my melonballers?
elle - is it just me or is your vulva shooting sparks?


Wasn't it "Happy Fun BALL"???

Vulvar Pyrotechnics = Cover Shy Nuptial, VCR

Definitely a porn flick.

"That Sh*t doesn't work ya'll. I stuck about a hundred of 'em up my butt and I didn't feel any different... except that it felt like I had a hundred little round guys up my butt."
"Well then how would you take them?"
*reads label*
"oral use?"
*sends in ferret*
"And stop doing that damn weasel war dance every time you find one!"

Could someone please explain this bandwidth theft thing?

Who stole what from whom?

Well Sandy, you see this one guy had a really wide watchband, and the other guy snatched it and left him a really skinny one. You'd be p**ed, too.

Or when a maker of wide rubber bands steals rubber from another one, in order to be able to make even wider rubber bands.

Something like that.

The link didn't work for me.

But the benedryl story was interesting/amusing.

I have a true benedryl story.

True Benedryl Story
I had a cough that wouldn't go away for 2 years (pretty much all of junior high) and the stupid Kaiser doctors kept saying it was allergies. (It only went away after several rounds of antibiotics. But that was later.)

Anyway, the doc told my mom to try me on benedryl. So I took some one night. Apparently I was so spaced-out/drugged-out/out-of-it/stoned-looking that the teacher called my mom and said it looked like I was on drugs. My mom then explained what drug I had taken (the day before).

I've never taken benedryl again, but it's nice to know there's something that will put me out in a jiffy if need be.

I do weigh a lot more now than I do then, so I might need to take a little more...I weighed about 60 pounds in junior high...

I don't know why we are stressing out over these minor clebs-C list at the best. Why have we abandoned Cher? Good Grief Dave Blogers. Have you become so jaded watching American Idol and 24 hour marathons to please His Daveness, that you no can no longer obsess on the Diva Cher.
Somewhere Cher is being chased by Union Electricians, craftily disguised as War Dancing Weasels, while we worry over somebody's Woody.
Makes we want to down mass quantities of Toad Smoothie.

Is there a better link to click to? I want to see the Ovoid.

I wouldn't be surprised if it turns out Cher has had a Cane Toad Skin replacement and would be toxic to anyone eating her... but that's the sickest image I've had in a while so I'll get back on the medication.

Important 'cher' information

With babelfish (translator), if you translate 'cher' from german to english, you get 'more cher' and if you translate 'more cher' (again from german to english) you get 'more more cher' and if you translate 'more more cher' you get 'more more more cher' and if you translate 'more more more cher' you get 'more more more more cher' and etc.

It's evil.

Um, thank you for the helpful explanations. I still don't get it though.

Why doesn't the guy whose wide watchband got switched for a skinny one (same guy whose rubbers got stolen) call the cops? They could raid the thief's apt and get the wide watchband and all his rubbers back for him.

The above would be more effective than calling him names on his website, IMO.


Writers Cramp: Now that I have passed hot tea through my nose, I no longer need Bendadryl....

'Benda- dryl' WTF?? Obviously the drugs I HAVE are potent enough...

Today is "Thomas Crapper Day" according to the Blog calendar.

Sorry, I missed your birthday, Boo.
"Happy Late Birthday, Anyhow!"

Thank-you kc,
Let us all sit while they play the "Thomas Crapper Anthem".
Ah one, ah two...Hit it, Marvin.

Thank you, mud and Higgy.

A girl's got to get her queef on for vulvar pyrotechnics, know what I'm sayin'?


That would be the equivalent of a vaginal flame-thrower.

Then of course, we'd have to institute the queefcork™ to turn it off.

oh my!!! Leetie ...

I'm speechless at your comment. :)


Hmm... mebbe with a Vaginal flame-thrower women would be allowed in combat...

Just sayin...

most guys merely need a good high-protein shake, like a Toad Smoothie, a couple of minutes of contemplation and then a kitchen match. Viola(not the instrument), pyrotechnics.

Hint to ladies:

If you want guys to... um... you know, then having your, um, you know... shoot fire is probably not a good idea.

yes, ig, but this is a HOLE (har!) different orifice we're talking about.....



Mike - call it a built in security device... if yer good, ya won't get burned!!! ;)


beep boop boop beep beep bip bip bip bip,
beep boop boop bop bop...

PS: I seriously doubt it is a coincidence that today is also 'Water Conservation Day'

"Hmm... mebbe with a Vaginal flame-thrower women would be allowed in combat..."

I believe that is outlawed by the Geneva Convention. They had this thing about WMDs.

Or maybe I should have said "VMDs",

Headsmashed - right you are, thanks.

Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.

Leetie - thorough what magic did you do that reduced-size "TM"? Never mind the merit badge, that's gotta be worth a diploma!

"Hey, was that a champagne bottle?"

"Nope, that was my wife".

Or maybe WVD?

I tell ya, I think with that, um, equipment, women would be startlingly effective in combat.

I doubt the all-girl hoo-ha flamethower brigade would ever have to fire a shot (at least against men). Just wear distinctive uniforms and all the male soldiers on the other side would probably surrender on sight.

To macho guys, there is shame in being beaten by a woman. To be beaten by a woman firing...you know, from...you know, there...would be...

Yeah, they'd surrender. If only to head off the possibility of being wounded and needing to explain the injury later.

General: Son, I see you were awarded the Purple Heart. Where were you wounded?

Soldier: Down at the Mustang Ranch, sir.

Hmm™ Where™ Did™ You™ Find™ This™ Little™ Gem™,™ Leetie™?™

nope ... nuthin' worked ... I'd get the page, but all the lines of each item were run over the top of each other, and about halfway down the page, nothing more comes up on the left side ... just that gray (?) area ... and the dancing star wouldn't load either ... just said "Loading" and never got more than halfway ...

so ... I'm left to the vissicitudes of my imagination, deriving impressions and suppositions from the commentary ...

and ...

Yeah, Leetie, how'd you do that? and you too, M/PA?

Where did my post go about Dr.Beaver?

I copied the trademark logo from "character map" somewhere in the M$ control panel.

Oh, it's in: programs, accessories, system tools, character map.

I just copied/pasted it from Leetie's post.

Yeah - Leetie. Looks like we've been censored.

It's OK to say "vulvar pyrotechnics", "queefcork™" and "West Vagina" on this blog, but "cocky doctor" and "Dr. Beaver" just cross a line, I guess.

oops - I forgot - It's on the American Idol thread.


There's lots of fun stuff in character map:

§ § ® ¼ Ø Ώ π ∆ ♂

*crossing fingers*

I ¢¾ character map.

ok - tnx 4 the idea ... I've got a trick in mind ... I'll letch u ... OOPS! ... let you know (not no) later if it works ...

OK, here's an experiment ...

If I could show you how to do this to a word, would that be of interest? (Din't appear to work. Try something else.)

How about doing this ? (No, that din't appear to work either.)

How about trying to recognize something that is a patented or trademarked entity, like CokeTM ... nope, that din't work either ...

stupid blog font controlling freako nutball

how about Coke™ ... well, that worked, lets amend our invention a bit ...

How about if we try OSCAR?
nope, din't work ...

stupid blog font controlling freako nutball facist anal retentive overbearing unsupportive nonfeaturing blah-for-nothing exciting to do with words ...

let me get back to you on that

It appears this thread is in dire need of some Vagistat™.


OK - so I tried something else (Safari instead of I'net Explorer, but I hadda go thru a side door on a reverse end-run Statue of Liberty play to manage that) and so I got to see the ovoid dealie and the information (why would anyone want to use that stuff, anyway??? --- oh ---) but Art the Dancing Star still just bounced around "loading" and never got loaded (bad deal, eh?) ... but NBD ...

And I tried some other stuff with the stupid blog font controlling freako nutball facist anal retentive overbearing unsupportive nonfeaturing blah-for-nothing exciting to do with words ... and that din't work either, and then I went back and tried another thing ... I really do not like Safari 'cuz among other stuff it deleted the little Superscript TM from everywhere in the postings ... and it also does not (not knot) work as well IMHO ...

but, I've learned some stuff ... e.g.: Safari also seems to delete all bold and italics as well ...

And please don't suggest earthlink ... I had nothing but trouble from them from the first time I ever put this machine on the 'net ... finally (not finely) I told them to aviate a copulatory act towards a revolving pastry ...

there's only two things I want from earthlink, and both of 'em are nothin'!

whatever ...

however ... that post @ 1:01 a.m. blog clock time was sent thru Safari™ and the bold and italic showed up in the comment area, and came thru just fine, but all the other stuff in all above posts are gone, via Safari™ server ... so ...

I've even learned a bit more about this stupid blog font controlling freako nutball facist anal retentive overbearing unsupportive nonfeaturing blah-for-nothing exciting to do with words ferschlugginer crapola ... so it hasn't all been a waste of my time ... dunno about yours (not you're's, or yaws, or yores)

whatever ...

oh yeah, Sandy B. ---

It was not (not knot) rubbers that got stolen, it was rubber bands ... just FYI ...

butt ewe gnu tat ... write?

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