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January 22, 2005


This exclusive blog has obtained this exclusive photo of the happy couple moments after the Big Moment. Mr. Donald Trump is the one on the left. Or possibly the right.


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The Donald has never looked better!


DAVE!!! PLEASE WARN US -- WE ARE EATING DINNER! Not to mention, about to be buried by the GREAT BLIZZARD OF 2005, according to the Weather Crisis Bureau.

*wipes face with napkin*

I agree Guin... that needs a warning.. having said that, the Donald's hair has never looked better!

Aw, that's sweet.

Mom!?! Dad!?!


You are hilarious!..and I did not even contribute to this one!...

*peeks at Blog*

*runs away screaming*

*goes off in a huff*


How can people be so ugly
How can people be so cruel

And I'm not talking about the link - hmmph!

My eyes! My eyes!

Jeff -

Yoo dirty raaaht ...

Jeff, we're scared enough without you making us think about the AntiChrist... ummm I mean that nice man whose initials are BM.... nah, I really mean the AntiChrist

Dave, I adore you and all your work. I'm trying to learn to write like you. I'd be honored if you read my latest blog post and left a comment. Here's the link:


Thanks in advance.

Trump to stylist
* I's looking for a new do. Something more natural.*
*Sure I just picked this up at a yard sale.*

I always said, "It takes two to 'Tango!"
"A match truly 'made' in Heaven."
The Lord has a marvelous sense of humor.
Why do you think that he created a 'Donald Trump' for humanity?
* Everything was looking so grim and depressing since the beginning of the Bush dynasty.*
I think that he decided that a good solution to counter-act the antics of the A-C, needed an Anti-Anti-C. (or a good purgative, like Castor Oil)

Ewww...I can't even imagine what their kids would look like.

Like they always say, as soon as a woman gets married, she lets herself go.

Is Donald AC/DC? I think he would go great in N.O. at the 'My-Oh-My' Club as a 'female impersonator.' I can just visualize him in a dress and wig sounding for all of the world like a classic 'bitch' when he says "You're Fired!"
I'm sure he has latent talents that he hasn't even thought about.

Off thread a bit, but related generally to all threads, I just ran across this , and thought it "interesting" ... especially the headline, all you boggers, and the closing 'graph ... AS IF!

Exclusive Trump Nuptial Photo = Chia Mop Toupee Tux Nut: I'll RSVP =
A Tux Vomits Torn Lichee Pulp Up.

O-tay, Duckwheat ...

except forgetting to erase my crib notes, it worked, and the commentary of the prior attempt still applies, all you boggers ...

(sorry about the mixup ... I'm still learning ... if I live that long ...)

*goes over to D'Art, hands him congratulatory batch of hallucinogens and retreats to her corner*

Mmmm, hallucinogens...

For 3 of the blog's faves:

It's not pretty
No,not pretty
To see Barry,or Donald, or Cher!
It's a pity
If you look anywhere they're there.

First, there's Barry
(Not Dave Barry)
But the Barry they call Manilow.
He's in Vegas,
Singing songs he didn't write long ago!

Then, there's Donald
He's not that old.
Though his bride still likes 'Sesame Street'
If you're 'fired'
You'd better kiss his ass, tout suite!

Who's that plastic girl in the corner there?
Is that geriatric 'girl' Cher?
Such a plastic face,
Such a plastic bod,
Is that plastic hair?

I feel witty,
Oh so witty
And I've reached now the end of my song!
If you're like me,
You won't want to stick around, so long!

Nine o'clock and all's well (and running)

9:11 PST and ...


maybe baby

well that's just bizarre.. maybe D & J just put out the notice to mess with our collective heads

... um ...

Kat? ...

... um ...

well, we're still here ...

messed up ...

but still here ...

(cue: Twilight Zone theme, under)

... a journey not only of sight, and sound, but of mind ... to a place where everything ... and nothing ... is sacred ... where the mind's eye is king, and the king is a figment of your imagination ... here in ... The Twilight Zone ...

Consider my head officially messed with


Wow. Dave. This is another historic post. This blog has lowered the Bar of Tactfulness again.

Congratulations to you, man.

stupid and ugly people posting their pic on the web. oh duh..... time to read the sunday paper. the one without a dave barry column. sigh.

That was a really frightening picture...although Hassel the Hoff was more frightening.

Uh — has the blog clock been fixed?



Why won't you return my call?!

insomniac...liked the song.

and IF the clock had been fixed, for us in the CST, that would mean it would be off by one one hour, instead of 2...so,


'I'm channeling in Abraham Lincoln right now! Yes, I think that he is coming in. It's becoming clearer and clearer! What are you saying, sir? You want me to tell them to quit spreading falsehoods about you? You are saying that, "No, you never slept with a man? Somebody is spreading vicious rumors about you. I will tell the combined HEAD on this blog, sir. We have never gossiped about you here (not hear). I'm afraid it won't do much good because we can't control the other media!"
We still get Dave's column here (not hear) in Kerrville. Weird, isn't it? I've got to go now, Rod is calling me. Bye-bye!

Well, I'm really glad we made that sacrifice, and suffered the anxiety and stress, and now the blog is fixed ... musta taken all of about 12 seconds ... the way people posted all thru the nite ...


Morning kat, morning El, morning 'lota, morning y'all ...

wake up, u.o. - clock is NOT fixed !

Time of posting this: 8:23a.m. PST

p.s. Good morning!

Okay. What exactly is supposed to be "fixed" about the blog clock? The minutes part is always right, and since we're not all in the same time zone, it's not going to be "right" for everyone anyway, so... ?? What's is supposed to look like?


What's it supposed to look like. I can type, I swear!

Well, whut I'm sayin' is that it do not (not knot) appear that they did anything, 'cuz there were enuf of some of us watching thru the nite, and checking and posting and ... you know it's really great how we all did that without any coordination or planning or anything ... sorta reminds me of how life useta be ... small townish, friends picking up the labor SLAP!

TNX ... I needed that ...

it was gettin' sorta like an old vinyl getting stuck in a groove, ya know ... ? and it just wouldn't quit ...

No, I dunno what the deal was ...

good mornin' ... or did I mention that already ???

karlota - the blog clock is supposed to be set to Eastern standard time, which, since it's 9:21a.m. here on the west coast, would be 12;21p.m. - you're right that the minutes are correct but the hour, by east coast time is not - it's one hour off - hope that helps:)

u.o. - you're right, they didn't fix anything or shut it down!!!

Dave's exclusive picture explains the headline in today's Advertiser (Australia):
Private wedding trumped by pubic interest
Go to World News - third item down.
Check it out before they correct it!

BTW, I tried several times to post the direct link to the article, but the blog rejects it due to "questionable content"...

Eleanor--Thanks. It all makes so much sense now.

Oh, who am I kidding? I'm watching old ladies with accordions on tv. Nothing makes sense. I should've paid the darned cable bill on time.

'lota -

I'm sorry, but ... FOOCL ... @ the mental image of you watching old ladies with accordians on TV ... hahahahahahahahahaha!

Please! I'm not laffing @ the misfortune you describe, but rather at the en tableau vignette of our society -- particularly up there in the northland -- that the imagery paints in my mind's eye ...

We're quite a bunch up there, just a little bit south of the Great White North, ain't we ... ?

So, are done watching football for the year -- and not because of the accordian thing -- or will you be keeping up with the Pennsylvania Bowl Sweepstakes ?


1) :P

2) I'll be watching football until the bitter end.

3) I have 12 channels at present. My choices are politics, gospel, gospel, politics, gospel, politics, elevator music, gospel, the shopping channel, politics, gospel, or the cancer telethon which features acts like old ladies with accordions.


You crack me up.


P.S. I believe I wet myself.

Karlota: Chaz, did you really wet yourself?

Chaz: I dunno. Depends.

*ducks the sacks of nickels and runs for the bomb shelter*

admit it, people, you don't need the blog to tell time, you need to need it to substitute for an actual social life!
*blog clock, we don't need no steenking blog clock!*

Oh Boy!

These last posts have given me the wakeup call I needed ... too lazy yet this a.m. to do coffee, and now I'm okay ...

'lota - foocl AGAIN, @ your menu listing ... wowser!
tnx4 that

'niac - glad you brought that old line back, we haven't seen it for awhile -- even in moi ownself's posts ... we need that, to keep us honest, and sane ... (?)

chaz - nice counterpoint -

y'all have me acting like the duck that flies upside down ... you know ... quacking up ...

check the man tits.

Well, it appears as though I am about to be kidnapped. Some of my friends think it is a good idea to go sledding. I, personally, gave that up about ten years ago*, but they tell me I have no choice. So, if you never see me again, you can speculate on what may have happened.

*That may have been after after the broken-butt incident. I kinda went flying off and embankment and and landed butt-first in the street. No cars, luckily, although I have been hit by one of those on a separate occasion (I've been told I flipped over the hood and landed head-first on the street, but I don't really remember).

I suppose that tells you a lot about me.

Maybe I should stay home...

is this really you?

Anonymous said...

Keep up the good work.

--DB bloglit

commenting on my blog? thanks so much!

The Official Dave Blog Correct Time can be found on Official Nuptual Photo: It's clearly visible on Mrs. The Donald's plutonium watch.

Insomniac - (Doubt you're still around) If the blog clock was fixed then we could say, "Watches! We don't got no watches. We don't need no steeeenking watches!

About the only reason to fix the clock is so one blogger can tell how long ago another posted. But the clock seems to be steady on Atlantic Time now (one hour faster than Eastern) We can deal with it that way.

I think it's funny that this blog rejects many of my posts on the first try due to the questionable content of my GeoCities website.

pogo-I tried using the laptop instead of my watch, it kept falling of my arm.
I like Atlantic Time though, is it used because Dave or judi got tired of Miami and moved to San Juan ?

*nothing makes a lame joke lamer than a typo*
make that ...'off my arm'

'niac -
Some people think I spend so much time on the computer stuff that it will become part of my arm, so don't worry about it too much ... besides which, someone (mighta been pogo) asked me if "F" was my middle initial ... mebbe that's where your's went ...

'lota -
hope things are going well with your sliding and sledding ... you left about the time I hadda sign off 'cuz the housekeepers chased me out so they could clean the room and get home to watch football ... by the time I got back, and talked with my granddaughter on the phone, you were gone ...

(goes back to check the score on the Pennsylvania Bowl)

I'm really glad we made that sacrifice, and suffered the anxiety and stress, and now the blog is fixed. musta taken all of about 12 seconds ... the way people posted all thru the nite!

... and ... sh*t ... besides everything else, Johnny Carson died ...

WTF is going on?

Somebody is taking old posts, copying them, and reposting them with new names, which link to odd sites or addresses ...

I've seen this with two of my former posts ... anyone else?

St. judi? Any ideas?

(this is my own dupe of my post on the "music" thread)

I thought the camera adds 10 pounds, not 60.....

I have returned. Swallow before reading, UO.

I did not think it was possible to sit upon one's own head. I have defied physics.

See, when I was a child, I had one of those nice rectangular plastic sleds. My friend has metal saucers. Did I say metal saucers? I meant bowls of death.

Sledding? You mean acrobatics. I spent more time flying through the air and then skating down the hill on my head.

I'm sure it was entertaining for the spectators, though.

'lota -
tnx4 the warning ... sure glad I finished that barbecued pork sandwich before I read your narrative ...

I too had one of those metal saucers of death, in another lifetime, in another century, in another millenium ...

yup, they're kinda slippery, esp. if you try to do the daredevil stunts ... like riding downhill standing up ... which we all did at least once ...

I really enjoyed your imagery ... or at least my imagination of how you looked ... sorry, not laughing AT you, but WITH you, one may only hope ... also hope you had fun ... and not too many aches and pains on the morrow ...

which we all did at least once

Right. And after that first time, you couldn't stand up for a while afterwards!

M/PA - Yup, but it din't always sink in as a lesson, on the first time of survival ...

(Any thots on those ghost/echo posts I mentioned ... another trick of spammers ... or ???)

Was Dave ever on the Tonight show with Johnny Carson???

I'd like to think so ... or p'haps with Jay or another guest host ... but I don't wanna bet a nickel on it ... can't say I remember a specific event ...

u.o.: re duplicate posts; my guess would either be (1) fellow bloglits messin' with your head or (b) hallucinogenics.

I vote hallucinogenics!

About 10 years ago, we moved from a small town in So. Illinois to a St. Louis suburb. The first winter, my youngest, who was about 11, called me one snowy day at work. She was all excited because some new friends had invited her to go sledding at Suicide Hill.

She could not understand why her mom was being so mean as to forbid her from sledding on a metal saucer of death at a place called Suicide Hill.

I later found out it has that name due to the trees and fence at the bottom.

Hmmm... There was a fence and trees at the bottom of the hill I was on today, but I never seemed to make it that far. This was largely due to the fact that you don't get very far on your head.

well, they were kinda weird links, when I checked the sender ... but I s'pose anything's possible ...

Any specific flavor of hallucinogens? I don't like coconut, or tuna, but most other tastes I could handle ... 'lota? what's your recommendation/prescription?

sly' - I think my cousins lived near that Suicide Hill ... seems as if I recall them talking of it ... tho there coulda been more than one ... even in the limited venue of St. Louis suburbs ...

Peyote cactus. No, I don't know that off hand. I had to look it up. I'm no druggie!

I think Dave was on the Lettermen Show. I'm pretty certain he used a Barbie to light some panties on fire. Or maybe it was a toaster to light some Pop-Tarts on fire.

Either way, I'm pretty certain he lit something on fire.

'lota -

I knew (of) Peyote from whenst I were a little kid ... well, about 9-10 or so ... from reading certain adventure/man's magazines like True and Argosy (hadn't discovered Playboy yet ... tho I read Mad from issue #1 ...) and it was such a new concept to the rural kid from a Nodak farm that I hadda look up how to pronounce Peyote and hallucinogen ... Tim Leary din't come along fer another several years, but I heard of LSD before he got to be news ...

No, here I thot you'd have some new exotic (and especially, non-harmful) concoction ... most of those current street thrills scare me too much ... not that I ever tried anything more nasty than the occasional beer ... or eleven ... oh, and Volga Boatmen ...

I think I remember the fire thing ... maybe ...

Trivia time: I remember who wrote the Tonight Show theme for Johnny ... do you?

Sorry to disappoint, UO, but as I don't do drugs I really have no clue. More people should be like me.

Paul Anka.

Very good, sly ...

new thread ... check it out ... I expect this new one will grow considerably ... too many of us out here with too many memories, for it to not do so ...

Paul Anka wrote it and the song was a revision of a revision of a song. He had a contract with Carson to write the song and both Carson's and Anka's names are on the song as it is listed with BMI.

I Googled it and found it rather quickly.

Johnny's Theme

This is one of the most interesting sites I have ever seen http://cfnmdogging.ifrance.com/

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