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January 20, 2005

EXCLUSIVE TRUMP EXCLUSIVE WEDDING EXCLUSIVE

At great personal risk, we have obtained a photo of the wedding dress that will be worn by Mrs. Donald Trump when she engages in exclusive nuptials with Mr. Donald Trump. The dress cost $18 billion, and upon its completion, to ensure that it remains exclusive, the dressmaker was killed with a hatchet.

The dress will be available later next week on eBay.

tent.jpg

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No

Nary a possibility of camel toe sightings at this wedding.

The blog seems to be having trouble figuring out what to do with all his newfound spare time.

um, guys...

i'm a little worried about dave. he seems to have a small-ish obsession with this whole Trump Wedding. maybe The Donald has him locked in a high tower and is forcing him to blog all of these true-to-life items so that all the world will be focused on him and his wedding!

we must save dave!

What a letdown.. I thought it was only one cup of the wedding bra!

The choice of dress is still tent-ative.

OE - well, I suppose we ought to give the guy some time to find his "sea legs" - he's only a few weeks into his "retirement". (Dave - I hope you're enjoying it and thanks again for keeping the blog going). I'm not going to start worrying about Dave until he starts blogging about his collection of "Precious Memories" figurines...

correction Dave....

The dress WITH THE BRIDE will be available later next week on eBay.

The hatchet was a nice touch, Dave. I bet killing the designer of your over-priced, one-of-a-kind frock will be all the rage by next Oscar season!

More Trump!
More Trump!
More Trump!
(wanna keep his Daveness in the game)

ooh D'Art ... that was baaaaad.

jam - don't get me wrong!!! i am TOTALLY digging the extra blogging! i couldn't be happier (unless we got extra blogging AND the column back). i just wanted to make sure that dave wasn't an unwilling part of some sinister plan of The Donald's.

"sea legs"=ageless

That thing is yooge.

*meanwhile, in Trump's basement (which turns out to be the condo of whoever lives below him at Trump Towers)*

"Okay, now blog this and say it's my cake!"
"Okay. Say, I'm not unwittingly part of some sinister plan of yours, am I?"
"Of course not!"
"Will you people get out of my living room?"

I dont see anything blue... where is the "something blue.."??? She's got the something old already - the groom.

Ooh! I just thought up a new Reality TV show for Trump! He can evict people from the buildings he owns, based on who has the least attractive camel-toe in a 70s era Shazam costume.

New Trump phrase: You're Homeless

You're Homeless!

Bwaaaaaahahaha! That caught me completely off-guard. Hilarious.

We all need to kick in money to get the bride-to-be an eye exam!

Lynn, that's what the prenup is for.

I think you mean aye exam. Because if she is incapable of enough aye's, she will get the bye's.

Commentary on a previous Trump wife:

One day during her affair with Donald Trump, Marla Maples declared that, because their relationship was "build on trust," she would not need a prenuptial agreement if they ever got married.

"And she's right," Johnny Carson declared. "If you can't trust the married man you've been running around with, who can you trust?"

Well at least she will have learned the money she will eventually get in the divorce settlement...she has been with the megalomeniac for over 6 yrs!

julietine--i had to stare at your comment for awhile. I bet you meant "earned" not "learned."

Yup, she puts up with a lot, I'm sure. But I don't feel all that sorry for her. He's so busy he probably isn't around all that much.

Yes I meant EARNED..SORRY!!!!

Cbol - that's not EVEN fair! you have GOT to start warning us when there's something that funny on the way.

... now my screen's covered in Coke.

i can just picture The Donald doing his weird little flick-of-the-wrist "You're Homeless!"

heh heh heh

*wipes away tears*

stay tuned for next week's final episode of "Your Homeless!" as mr. trump tells mrs. trump........"Your Homeless!"

igloo -

alas, Camel toes aren't Gender-specific! I think, with a dress like that, we should worry that The Donald will feel compelled to provide the obligatory 'toe!


And on the whole wife front.. I really don't think that would be too shabby of a job! You must think, even with a pre-nup, that the ex-wife would get a nice chunk of change. Add to that the fact that he is never home, meaning you can pretty much live your life as it was before being married. The only drawbacks I can see are, of course, The Hair, and the fact that most of the free-world will call you a Money-Grabbing-Whore... but just think of the SHOES you could buy!

To me, that would make it livable.

Money Grubbing Whore wbagnfarb

Question for Dave: Was the dressmaker deheaded, or becapitated?

It would be an important finishing touch, I certainly realize the virtue of preventing a glut of $18 billion gems like this in the bridal circuit.

*shudder* becapitated or deheaded ... With a HATCHET ?!?!? Surely theres a more humane way... say, a rusty Guillotine maybe?

Jan 20, 2005 (SAO PAULO, Brazil) — A woman in northeastern Brazil has given birth to what one doctor called a "giant baby," a boy weighing **16.7 pounds.**

Francisca Ramos dos Santos, 38, gave birth to the healthy boy (named Ademilton) on Tuesday at a hospital in Salvador, 900 miles northeast of Sao Paulo. He was the largest baby born at the Albert Sabin Maternity Hospital in its 12-year history, the hospital said.

"Obviously the baby was born by Caesarean section," hospital director Rita Leal said. "Both mother and baby are doing just fine."

The sixteen pound child was wrapped tightly in swaddling clothes for there was no room beside the baby SPONGEBOB in the Manger. The child, christened "Ademilton," required 2.5 cubic yards of cloth and was seen as a boon to the local laundry economy. The child's name, which means **A DEMO LINT**, was projected as a finalist on the sort-of hit TV show Ademilton Idol.

What happens when you eat the whole camelpenishegg by yourself at the Exclusive TRUMP (TM) wedding of THIS century:

Jan 20, 2005 (SAO PAULO, Brazil) — A woman in northeastern Brazil has given birth to what one doctor called a "giant baby," a boy weighing **16.7 pounds.**

Francisca Ramos dos Santos, 38, gave birth to the healthy boy (named Ademilton) on Tuesday at a hospital in Salvador, 900 miles northeast of Sao Paulo. He was the largest baby born at the Albert Sabin Maternity Hospital in its 12-year history, the hospital said.

"Obviously the baby was born by Caesarean section," hospital director Rita Leal said. "Both mother and baby are doing just fine."

The sixteen pound child was wrapped tightly in swaddling clothes for there was no room beside the baby SPONGEBOB in the Manger. The child, christened "Ademilton," required 2.5 cubic yards of cloth and was seen as a boon to the local laundry economy. The child's name, which means **A DEMO LINT**, was projected as a finalist on the sort-of hit TV show Ademilton Idol.

good, Brian, but not twice as good.

You're Homeless! and here is a lovely parting gift.

"Tell her what she's won, Johnny!

(Johnny) "An all-expense paid expense account. A 13-bathroom efficeincy apartment in Sri Lanka. A A bar stool. A toad's stool. And an Airbus A380 for your "married person's personal entertainment system." (batteries not included)

that reminds me of an old SNL starring christina ricci as a starving person on an episode of
"WHO WANTS TO EAT!?!"

Donald Trump and Melania (bride-to-be) were being interviewed on TV by some reporter and the suject of his hair was brought up by the reporter:

REPORTER: So Melania, what does he look like when he wakes up in the morning???
MELANIA (without a moment's hesitation)
Very Handsome!!

ba-da-dum!!!

And that's why he's marrying her!

Elanor,

You are right...she's no dummy!

Do not disparage THE DONALD's comb-over. For that it is not. The afore- (not four) mentioned is, in fact an historic, and expensive codpiece.

(without a moment's hesitation)
Very Handsome!!

Dear THE DONALD,

Please try the "Canned cheese product! Goes great with canned frog!"

Directions:

-Insert cheese/whiz tip in frog's stuffing portal.

-Fill to cavity's capacity with aerosol cheese

-Insert frog's original can (not the steel can) into chicken and proceed to stuff sheep/camel feast as needed

-Shake well before using and shake convulsively thereafter

The Future Mrs. Former Donald Trump was on the View as a guest hostess awhile back. Of course, the other gals asked her about his hair, and she said that she sometimes cuts it for him. She does that when he's too busy to go to the barber.

That might explain a lot.

Long-time friend and Mrs. Trumpp-to-be beauty consultant, Viktor Yushchenko today said Pozdravlyayu! Congratulations! "Pozdravlyayu!" or "Congratulations!" as you gringos call it.

In an unrelated story, Sven Clemens, pitcher for the Rusky Titans, was heard to say to his agent, "Chem ty seychas zanimaeshsya? Vy ochen' krasivy. Mne by khotelos uznat o tebe pobolshe..."

("You are very beautiful. I would like to do more about you. What are you busy doing?")

Guin,

DO you thing the ramparts are real???....

And Jeff,

I would not pay $10 for that hideousness in a flea market!...it is horrible...not that I am envious or anything

WTF?

Julietine: regarding realness of ramparts--NO!

Ok Sandy..just checking...I did not think so but you never know...mine look just like her and they are real!

he,he

Well, yeah, so do mine. But we are very unusual. Hers are definitely fake.

The only difference Sandy is that mine are about 2 feet down from my chest..but who's checking?..not that I am envious or anything..

mine do to julietine and sandy and mine are real - Melania's not so much!!!!

Jeff thanks for the photo of the dress - I've been reading a lot about it -
Quite a bit of fabric there.....

Scene: Bar in St. Louis' Landing, Saturday night several years ago. A group of 3 men, 3 women.

Buxom waitress in low cut tight see through blouse passes out drinks...and bending low to pick up empties.

After the waitress leaves:

Gal 1: They're fake.

Guy 1: Who cares?

this is a test post - I had this loaded in another window and I posted something and it wouldn't load - testin, 1,,2,3

this is a test post - I had this loaded in another window and I posted something and it wouldn't load - testin, 1,,2,3

sly - I have heard that same comment from so many men -
what is there to say?????

nada

p.s. here's the post - sorry for the double above-

*hangs head in shame and leaves the room*

So, does anyone else besides me not understand why there is a picture of a tent at the beginning of the thread? Is that the joke? That because Trump bought the horrible dress that is ghastly huge, it is being akindled to a tent? Ha.Ha.? You know, just wonderin.

And on a side note: Who buys a tent with windows? Seriously! It's a tent!

Obviously the dress was designed by Monsieur Omar Le Tentmaker.

Ah, yes ... my fourth cousin, the tentmaker ... Cousin Tenty, we called him ...

r.e. the dress -- or whatever it is ... and who's reputedly going to wear it ...

throughout all the hoopla on the blog (I have NOT been watching anywhere else ... 'cuz I'm like Guy 1 -- who cares?) the earwig that keeps derailing my train of thought is that oldie but goodie from Chorus Line ...

Dance, ten.
Looks, three.

wattup all ma homies in da hood? trUMp sTyLe YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

YOUR FIRED!!!!

man its deader than 2pac in ere.... waddihooo

with all the blog runup to the wedding de Trump, reality is going to be sooooooo disappointing....

*curses Uncle O* b/c will be hearing this in my brain ALL DAY!

"Dance, 10, Looks, 3, is like, to die. Left the theatre and called the doctor for my appointment to buy..."

OK, this is totally unrelated, but I've been trying to catch up on my lurking, and for the first time ever my work's Bad Word Detector denied me access to the COMMENTS section of a post! (It was the ADVICE FOR MEN post, if you're now curious.) I've been denied for the post links before, but never the comments section! I was informed that access was denied due to a Banned Phrase being detected.

I am now horribly curious and will have to check when I'm at home.

Interestingly enough, there was no problem whatsoever seeing the comments to the Camel Toe post, or to the Camel Toe website itself!

Guin -
Well, I also thought of this other one (no time to figure out how to link it ...), but the tune isn't as catchy ...

PLASTIC

Now a little bitty termite, he come knockin',
Knockin' at my front door,
He walked right in, sat right down
Started nibblin' on the kitchen floor
He chewed on the walls and the ceilings and the halls --
Lord knows he tried --
But he kept a-gettin' thinner
And he never got no dinner
And finally he sat up and cried...

He said, "It's plastic, good Lord, it's plastic!
I know it ain't no wood
And it can't do me no good,
Because it's plastic -- and you can't eat plastic,
Everything's gonna be plastic by and by!"


Then one afternoon in the month of June
I went down to the beach.
There were cuties and beauties in little bathin' suities
And all of them within my reach.
Then a 38-24-36 miss just happened to be passin' my way.
I said, "Please don't think I'm nervy, but you look so very curvy
Please tell me how you got that way!"
She said, "It's plastic -- it's only plastic,
It's pretty as can be, but you know that it ain't me,
Because they're plastic, oh yes they're plastic,
Everything's gonna be plastic by and by."

U.O - Isn't that the work of Uncle Shelby Silverstein, writer of childrens' books and bawdy ballads, among them "A Boy Named Sue", and then and then the somewhat objectionable "Father of a Boy Named Sue"?

Real or fake won't matter. That dress appears to have excellent built-in support.

Ivoirienne, I think it was because the words "Roo Roo" and "cuttlefish" appeared several times, sometimes in the same post. Terribly offensive.

That dress looks like it came from the "Gone with the Wind" collection.

ugh. department of redundancy department.

While Dave sleeps, things happen:

Wyoming May Honor The Jackalope

Jan 20, 2005 6:52 am US/Pacific
CHEYENNE, Wyo. (AP) The meadowlark, bison and horned toad are all official symbols of Wyoming. The jackalope, most elusive of the state’s critters, may soon join the list.

The Wyoming House voted 45-12 Wednesday to declare the part-antelope, part-jackrabbit as the state’s official mythical creature. The legislation now goes to the state Senate.

The bill’s sponsor, Rep. Dave Edwards, hopes his measure as a boon to retail sales of stuffed jackalopes.

“It’s *highly possible it will certainly* boost the tourism industry, which has a lot of gift shops and sells all kinds of different jackalopes,” he said.

Taxidermist Doug Herrick is credited with creating the first jackalope in 1939 by screwing antelope horns to a mounted jackrabbit. It’s been a staple of Wyoming postcards and gift shops ever since.

Stan Mullinnix, owner of a jewelry store that sells jackalope statuettes, applauded the vote. He likened the jackalope to the famed Pennsylvania prognosticating groundhog.

“Punxsutawney Phil is something that united not only a community but an entire state behind an absolutely wonderful mythological creature, and I think our own native jackalope is a creature of equal standing,” he said.


(© 2005 The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed unless Dave wills it, so there!)

Effects of Booze on Your Brain


HEALTH NEWS — A new study takes yet another look at the effects of booze on your brain. A study of over 12,000 elderly people found those who drank moderately had better cognitive junction.
Just because there is an association between moderate drinking and improved memory function doesn't prove a cause and effect relationship.

January 21, 2005

Squid ink pasta
by Jill Dupleix
Te$+1cles to tickle your tastebuds

Tomorrow marks the 71st birthday of the debonair GRAHAM KERR, who now devotes himself to the world of nutrition (www.grahamkerr.com). I suspect that in 1969 the “galloping gourmet” was watched mainly by an audience of men and children, the women all being too busy in the kitchen. If this is true, it would have spared a few blushes on the day of his famous faux pas, when he said on air that “a squid, as you know, has ten testicles”.

SQUID INK PASTA
Serves 4

Prep: 10 min
Cook: 30 min

-1kg small fresh squid, cleaned
-8g (2 sachets) black squid ink
-3tbsp olive oil
-1 onion, finely chopped
-2 garlic cloves, finely sliced
-1 fresh red chilli, finely sliced
-100ml dry white wine
-200g tinned chopped tomatoes
-Sea salt and pepper
-400g linguine
-2 tbsp flat-leaf parsley, finely chopped

Is the Donald going to model that dress on e-Bay his hairy self? *shivers*

sandy beach - that was a great Johnny Carson quote. Thanks!

Semi-related story: when I was growing up, we rarely got to see our grandparents who lived in Florida. For their 50th anniversary, all the families decided to do something special and have a reunion of sorts. It had been about ten years since my sister and I had seen Oma and Opa. When we finally tumbled out of the car after a two day drive, Oma and the other cousins who had already arrived was coming out on the lawn to greet us, Oma's arms out for a big hug. She always reminded me of Edith Bunker, in a friendly way. She could say off-the-wall things and not realize it. I must also point out that large-bossoms were a Rasmussen family trait and my sister and I were both 'blessed.' My sister and I were in mid-early teens. Oma was just about to hug us all when she stopped short, "Oh my! Oh, MY! Just look at their OUCHES! Look at that!"
My sister and I turned every shade of red and couldn't wait to go hide under some palm leaf until dark.

Wasn't there also a like scene in 'Sixteen Candles'?

Not that I've ever watched that movie.

If it is a movie. I wouldn't know. I've never seen it.

That recipe only has 100ml (about 1/3 cup) of dry white wine in it, because that's all that was left before they wrestled the bottle out of Graham Kerr's hands. The man was a real wine-o expert back in the day.

My oldest daughter, aged 9 years, came in from school one after noon, beaming from ear, to ear. She said, "I've got a secret! Guess what?" I told her that I had not idea what her 'secret' was. She said, "I'm PREGNANT!" I had to keep my cool because we had not had our 'mother-daughter' talk at that point. I asked her 'why' she thought that she was pregnant. She said that whenever her mother cat's milk bottles started to swell, she had kittens shortly after. She then pulled back her blouse and showed me her slightly budding 'nipples,' otherwise, she was as flat as a pancake. She said,"See! My 'milk bottles' are swelling, too, so I must be pregnant!"

hoo-hoo-haw-haw! Priceless, kat, that's just too precious!

pogo -
Yup.
And if I'da had time this a.m. before rushing off to work, so I coulda linked, that woulda showed up ...

That was the other earwig that was running through my brain, disrupting what passes for cognitive activity on moi ownself's part ...

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