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January 19, 2005

DID YOU WATCH AMERICAN IDOL LAST NIGHT?

Neither did we! We would never waste our time watching that crap. We much prefer reading Proust. But that one contestant? The large blond woman who was a really really really bad singer, even by American Idol standards, and heard voices in her head?

Whoa.

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"Sideways sloppy joe"?

Yecch.

Inspired, but yecch.

Thanx for the ear-wig, Leetie. I'll be humming that all afternoon. At least, I don't have any meetings.

*has heart attack*

This thread has begun to resemble a drunken girls nite out. We all started off nice and charming, a few giggles here and there while discussing current events, and a few hours later we end up laughing hysterically while our drunken comrade sings about taint and camel toe. Happens every time I go out with my girlfriends. I feel right at home.

LOL..what a funny song...I love the English language...we do not have words for Camel Toe or for Taint...

TOEMENCLATURE
from the Camel-Toe Report

Deer Hoof
Golden Arches
Tutty
Moose Knuckle
Cats Paw
Mule Nose
Yo Yo Smuggler
Mumbler (Aussie)
Beef Curtains
Meat Drapes
Piss Curtains
Snake & Eggs (men's)
Dinner Roll
Crotch Waffle
Piss Fenders
Mudflaps
Good Old Crack
Gunt
Melvin
Dove Breast
Brakepads
Vertical Smile
Fatlips
Vedgie
Slurpy
Vacuum Vulva
Pastrami Flaps
Hot Tamaki Walk
Tuna Taco
Buffalo Gums
Rooster Jaws
Wagon Ruts
Beaver Teeth
Mumble Pants (Sweden)
Ninja Boot
Whisker Biscuits
Vertical Bacon Sandwich
Marcia (Aussie)
Skin Canoe
Fatty
Mossy Jaw
The Big W
Chia Hole
Lip Jeans
Beetle Hood
Hungry Minge
Sausage Wallet
Moose Paw
Front Bottom
Velvet Love Pocket
Welly Top
Hefty Cleft
Frum
Pancake Fold
Tongue Roll
Bologna Flap-Over
Furrogi (Poland)
Fortune Nookie (China)
Bearded Taco
Fur Burger
Calamari Cockring
Displabia
Slot Pocket
Bluntfrunt
Fishamjig
Pole Magnet
Pocket Pie
Clamarama
Map of Tassie - as in a
map of Tasmania.
Mutton Clump

I thought we were gonna get in trouble for being so naughty, this being such a family oriented blog and all. I thought some of this stuff might fall under the "obscene, vulgar, pornographic, profane, indecent or otherwise objectionable" material listed in the disclaimer, but now, I see this is an education blog, we are contributing to the education of Julietine! Jeez, I'm so relieved, I think I'll give myself a couple hearty blows to the back.

'Taint my intention to offend. Taco Cat awaits.

*bans self from blog for the rest of the evening*

Dave,
I had nothing to do with any of this, honest!

*Points at Leetie!* *Point-point-point!*

Man, Leetie is on a (dinner/tongue) roll today.

Good thing (bearded) Taco Cat awaits.

Jeff and random - thanks for the explanation - Jeff my query was posted before your expanation - I hope that's not starting again!

And as for Leetie, I ask, do you have too much time on your hands (or your cameltoe) today!!!
tsk, tsk, tsk...

*was gone for an hour and came back and read it all - too funny*

*glad she read it before it's deleted by the "disclaimer" police*

12:28 p.m. Caller from the 400 block of Second Street advised that the dog in the house with the trampoline was in a cage and had not been taken out of it in two years and the water it had was probably frozen. Caller stated he thought the dog should be checked on.

From today's Chadron (Nebraska) Record

Not to change the subject or anything.

Hey Dave,
I like the stories do you have any more they are hilarious. I have a boyfriend named Beau Galster and he just loves those stories. he also has a 2-inch pecker and I think he is going to make love to me tonight I think its a little big for me but I can handle it.
Bye Dave

Look! Look! Leetie is gursting!

And the first bit of the Camel song reminds me of a Derek and Clive skit:

"Oh little flo,
I love you so,
Especially in your niiiightie.
When the moonlight flits.
across your tits,
By Jeaysus Christ Almighty!"

Yeah. GDogg. It's too far up for me to scroll with only one day's rations in my pack, but I'm pretty sure he said, "Hey, y'all, let's discuss cameltoes all day long!

And, you know, what could we do? I can't think for myself, Dave!

*scrolling back up to see what thread was originally about*

We could really use a good SlowLayne Limmerick right about now.

{{{{SHOUTS!!!}}}}

SLOWLAYNE!! COME BACK!!

*grumble*
I try to get some work done today and the whole blog goes to hell!

For lmao at Leetie, Tamara, Christobol, etc. I'm pretty sure I'm going to hell also.... well, placing an ad for "camel pedicure" services in the local paper isn't going to help my case either.

Services Provided

Unique Personal Service Provider Seeks To Make Your Camel Pedicure Dreams Come True
Camel toes are our specialty!
Call WC at 1-800-GOT-TOES

This blog is so educational that I just finished reading an article of an interview to some gossip reporter and he was asked the following question:

"Would you rather choke on Tara Reid's pancake nipple or go nose-bombing in Joe Franklin's taint?"

And the whole thing MADE SENSE thanks to the blog..Before today I had no idea what Taint was..now thanks to Leetie I know...I am so proud of you guys and of myself...

Tain't nothing like the real thing baby....Butt it's close!

And here I was thinking cameltoes were just a kind of pantyhose...and a kind of shoes...

...go figure!

One of the things I like so much about our language is its adaptability, the quality of changing to fit new usages and standards ... this makes it lively and entertaining, for just noting the changes is entertainment enough.
(That, and watching the blog spiral downward into a cesspool of innuendo and giggling adolescents who have found out they can cause a stir by saying "penis" or "vagina" ...)

The particular example that caught my eye in this edition is the usage of the word taint.

When I was a lad - in another century, in another millennium - our vernacular provided a slightly different connotation.

To be specific: Only females have/had a "t'ain't" ...
"Where a guy 'tis, a gal t'ain't "... if the implication is effectively stated, the snowbank should be evident.

*saves thread to hard drive, expecting entire thread to be deleted by Knight Ridder.*

Uncle Omar,

Where I is a "tain't" is the patch if skin on a woman that basically holds the whole thing together, if you get me. You know, "Tain't the P***y and it tain't the a**."

hey Dave

hey Dave, I have a lil phanto and me and gabe fettig are going to hump

30 points 30 points oh yea 30 points dropped them down like michael jordan let it rain i was on fire that game ROD i know i know im gonna be starting varsity next year micheal who>? im good

Hey Dave, JAKE IS SO GAY AND HE HAS A ELEPHANT TRUNKER FOR A WIENER

Hey Dave, My name is gabe fettig and i have a problem. When i go pee it hurts my lil phanto. J KL;

It's funny to read all this things and understand nearly nothing. Generally My English is not so bad but the word from the songs od Bob and Tom are amazing. I cannot find them in my dictionaries. I wish I hadn't know my Engish perfectly ...

American idol rocks!!!!!!!!I really do enjoy watching all those gay peeps who think they sing good enough for american i dol but they cant sing for crap.when it comes down to the final contestants that sing well then it is exciting to vote and stuff too.

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