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January 27, 2005


Did we miss American Idol again? Is that show on every night?? Is it true that Simon and Paula had a fight? We need details!

For the record, we're confident that in a real fight, Paula would kick Simon's ass.


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What is this American Idol. I thought it was His Daveness

I missed it, as I was having a biopsy done on part of my finger.

I think I got the better deal.

Yes Dave it is true...Simon was being an ass as always and Paula got mad and told him to shut up several times...


There was a large purple psychic who forecast that she was going to Hollywood, and then on to the top ten, despite the fact that she sounded like a goat undergoing a castration.

Afterwards, she said, "Well I saw the number 10 in my vision. My assigned seat number was 10, maybe that was it."

This is high comedy you're missing Dave!

I think with all of Dave's musical experience in The Rock Bottom Remainders, he should appear on Idol as a guest judge. Plus, he possesses an outstanding upper register.

I'd also like to see Dave as a guest judge - because then I might watch the show...

Plus you know Paula would be all over him....

AND we might get to see Dave kick Simon's lily-white butt all over the place! We could sell tickets to that one!

OOOOOOOH! Dave as a guest judge!! I would dust off the ole' remote control for that!! Do it, Dave!

I'm waiting for them to combine American Idol with "24" to get a real ratings bonanza. It's unclear how this could be accomplished. Maybe they could use really loud special effects, and make the contestants go 24 hours without going to the bathroom.

I watched it while my two month old was having a particularly bad episode of colic. I finally decided that the crying was more pleasing than 97% of the contestants singing so I gave up. I did catch the psychic who predicted she would be in the top ten.... key quote from Kenny Loggins, "Well, that's the first time we've seen two careers ended at once".

I give up. This thread just can't compete with processed squid fudge and weasel whiz.

American Idol.. ahh... American TV at its all time worst... Or is Nashville Star worser? Is that even possible? Is 'worser' even a word??

Eh, who cares.

Isn't the Statue of Liberty the American Idol?..

Five***** for the Geezer flashback to Jeff M

Dave, here is what you missed:

Simon and Randy announced the birth of their love child, who will be hosting a new reality show - My Parents Suck Out Loud on MTV.

Paula decided to secretly enter the competition this year as "Candy Delila", and was eliminated in the first round.

Chrissy was going to throw a surprise party for Jack, but her breasts got in the way.

Gilligan put too much sap in the professor's glue mixture, and the escape boat fell apart just as it seemed they would escape the island. On the plus side, both Marianne and Ginger got very wet and decided to have a slow motion pillow fight.

Jack was just able to prevent SecDef Devane from eating a very unhealthy extra value meal, but not before his girlfriend was eaten by hornets.

Pretty average episode, really.

I think Dave should get his own reality competition show ala The Apprentice, American Idol and Fear Factor. Definitely something involving drinking beer, writing haiku and talking like a pirate. And the winner gets beer. And the losers get to sit around drinking beer, watching the remaining contestants struggle to get win beer and making derogatory remarks about them. It's a win-win situation.

Oh, and judi and Thanks to Claire Martin can be the sidekick judges, but they also have to engage in Christobol's aforementioned wet t-shirt pillow fights during the opening and closing credits.

Oh, and judi and Thanks to Claire Martin can be the sidekick judges, but they also have to engage in Christobol's aforementioned wet t-shirt pillow fights during the opening and closing credits.

Oh, and judi and Thanks to Claire Martin can be the sidekick judges, but they also have to engage in Christobol's aforementioned wet t-shirt pillow fights during the opening and closing credits.

Happy belated birthday to Boo!!!!!

It disturbs me that, if the three judges had actually to compete against each other in American Idol, Paula Abdul would win.

Were that to happen, I think I would have no choice but to poke out my eardrums with a grapefruit spoon.

Bah! the shrill bagpipes!
What? It's American Idol?
Oh, then never mind.

Who will now be named
the American Idol?
Who gives a rat's ass?

mudstuffin blew it
he is not good at counting
too many syllables

mudstuffin! For Shame!
haiku's aren't haiku's like that.
heh! you said 'blew it'

I second the Belatedness Boo!

Hope it was a Happy one!

(Time for another FT, yet???)

I bought ya a twelver of some really good imported beer. You know , I should go dig out a label from the trash and see what kind it was again. You might want to try it, it was pretty good. ;)

paula bitch slapped simon and then he started crying. it was terribly upsetting. then the 10ft tall accountant from India stepped in and calculated simon's chances of being run over by a bus sometime next week. everyone clapped.

psssst group. Anybody wanna nudge Dave a little bit. I think he passed out from too much Toad Smoothie. His eyes just rolled up about two hours ago and all he does is snore.
Judi away at the Cocoanut something or other rehearsing for her debut on American Idol, so we are without supervision...WhoooHooo...Toga Party.

I'll bring the weasels, y'all bring the beer.

Fuzzy berry beer??

this calls for something special, like Champale

No, we can't have a Toga Party! That's something Dave & Judi would want us to do! We have to think of something truly mischievious to do while they are "away"... Let's see... What would Dave not want us to do? Ah-HA! I've got it! We should start Taking Things Seriously! And let's not call it a "party"; let's call it a "formal gathering of hoity-toity know-it-alls who take offense at anything given the slightest provocation."
We are going to be in soooo much trouble when Dave wakes up from his cane toad smoothie-induced snooze and tries to sprint away in a straight line but can't because the whole room is wrapped-up in official red tape and technically he isn't even allowed to open his eyes without first filling out the appropriate paperwork! BWAHAHAHAAA!
Or (and this might be easier), let's go ahead with the toga party, but only bring Adkins-Approved weasel-p*ss-flavored alcoholic beverages that contain red 40. Then we'd really get it! Boy oh boy!

I can't find the link.

Dave, make it work. Without the link ... well, American Idol seems so meaningless.

bad episode of colic:

Saw it while I was in London at the Theatre in the Round ... (something)

Just love this freedom from Adult Supervision...Hey C'bol, we said a Toga Party not a Tent Party.

have another beer
whenever simon rolls eyes
(but not the herbed kind)

There is one worse show on TV. It's a medical show on Fox called "House." So incredibly bad and predictable, yet we cannot look away.

A quirky, crippled, yet of course brilliant doctor who so haphazardly cures illnesses during the last 10 minutes of every episode, after, guess what, trying everything else.

Wal-Mart is actually having a sale on Adkins Weasel Whiz. Save 39% if you bring in two cups of your own urine (with the option of filling them on-site) AND you get a free snow cone! I'll go pick some up along with Paula Abdul and "the Snake Lady" (making sure to avoid any possible parades on the way back) and it'll be the best damn shin-dig this side of (insert name of something with more than 1 side)!

"House" on the one hand,
And on the other "Sponge Bob"...
Leave it to TiVo.

Jeff, absolutely! I love medical shows too. And if brains are going to explode, I'm there.

On the topic of bad shows (though this one only makes the viewer's brain explode)... I recently caught a show on one of the "music video channels" called "Date My Mom." One loser-guy (not that there's anything wrong with being a loser, of course not, it's perfectly natural) goes on dates with three moms, then, based solely on those dates, chooses whose daughter he wants to go out with. What's bad about it, aside from the entire premise, is that the producers do not allow any form of extemporaneous speech on that program. Which, actually, makes it so bad that it is almost good. Watch it with someone you hate, and you will begin to find them attractive.

*note to self - exploding brains on Friday and Kelli Williams * mmmmm

Tamara!! Date my Mom is a really cool show. I usually catch it while at the gym doing a half hour of elliptical stepper. I love at the end how the guy always has to take a dig at the runners up. Like, "our date was really fun, but your daughter sounds too much of a slut for me". Don't they tell the guys to fake a little bit of class?

I can provide the Weasel-Whiz free, but I can't guarantee it's Atkins-friendly given my macaroni-and-cheese-intensive diet.

Okay, I must 'fess up to this:

I saw Paula Abdul in concert when I was about 9 years old and my shoulder pads (children of the 80's, you know what I mean) were actually bigger than my head.

I think my parents are STILL bitter at me for making them take me to the show, but probably not as bitter as they are about my sister's Raffi concert.

I pretty much forget everything that happened on American Idol last night, other than the purple woman and Paula saying, "Shut up!" a lot. I was excited because Mythbusters was up next on Discovery, and they made hover machines out of vacuum cleaner engines. Also, Adam got bit by one of the vacuum cleaners. That episode and the chicken gun episode were my favorites. Good TV.

Jeff Meyerson-

That Medical Investigation show that they are advertising for Friday - the X-Files had the same episode, called, appropriately enough, "Ice." Sounds like a 'Hollywood is out of ideas' show to me.

elle- I'm jealous. I couldn't even get my parents to take me to the MOVIES in the 80's.

That's how I missed The Breakfast Club. (Calm down, I've seen it- saw it around 2000 or 2001, but I've seen it...)

I think it lost something in the interval. Everyone else my age is like, "It's great! It's great!" and I'm all, "So what?" Probably because I'm not in high school anymore.

I loved Paula Abdul...back in The Day...

Jeff The Isolated exploding brains in the arctic was an X-files episode a long long time ago. Don't watch Medical Investigations under ANY circumstances!!!

This is just to see if I can POST to these threads...sure have enjoyed reading the hilarious responses in here, from the various oddballs who hang out in this blog. I'm a little intimidated to enter in my own comments unless I can cough up something really funny, to compete. Like American Idol, however, I will try, whether I can sing comedy or NOT.

I get this feeling that aside from expanding the pool of those eligible to 28 year olds, it seems like they have scripted these tiffs, or the appearance of tiffs on the set....The psychic was terrible as was the one whom they confronted as having no talent and just doing it to get on TV.... I thought it was uncool for KL, as Randy kept calling Kenny Loggins, to say to the large woman that moved on to Hollywood as having an "image problem". I also sense there is a deliberate search for the next William Hung otherwise half of these cats -- or dogs, Randy -- wouldn't make it this far. There is the American Idol reject show also, lest we forget.

Has Randy taken on a more take-charge role, or is that my imaginatiion? He does make some pretty out there color choices for his shirts.

The remote was out of armsreach so I also watched The Simple Life. Now that is terrible TV. like any of those situations are "reality" moments. Even terribly scripted. And terrible at that also.

I, too, would vote for Dave as a guest judge.


Dave, your driving your Ford pickup on cruise control too often.


Who are you calling "oddball"?!? :)

Come on Roggie, that's a boy (or girl, how am I to know?) Don't be scared.....we are all nice, friendly bloggers....

Paula and Simon fought then kissed and made up. Some stupid man tried to say that he was 28 years old when he was really 44. Speaking of old how about that Kenny Loggins his old and starving.
my favorite part was when this guy sang I'm so excited and I just can't hide it like he had just under gone a labotomy. Any more excited me and we will have to up his valium.
Dave should totally be a judge he would rock.

Roggie, I know you can at least cough up a hair ball.

I haven't seen this episode - but I will soon, thanks to TiVo.

Ya just gotta love that invention. I put it right up there with sliced bread, power steering and "personal wipes" - don't you?!

"Date My Mom" sounds like "Elimidate" which is the absolute Pits. "Elimidate" is what the bartenders, aerobics trainers, and cocktail waitresses of America do while waiting to hear from 'Fear Factor'.
*apologies to any bloggers, actually in these occupations*

I thought the guy singing Thriller sounded just like Michael.

And I thought the worst part about House was at the very end when she tells the cocky doctor that she got another call from the CDC (ummm, hello, who calls the CDC for a second opinion?), and she just smiles and rolls her eyes. Like a woman who is that controlling and stressed about her son's health would be thinking, "Well, he almost killed my son by not even running tests for the toxin he was treating him for, and when I tried to confront him on it he told me I'm killing my son, and I just found out he faked a call from the CDC, but that's OK because my son is miraculously alive".

Lizzy: what is a "cocky doctor"? Is that just a crude word for "urologist"?

Yes, Debbie. Guess what the crude word for OB/GYN is!!

I can take a guess, but it might be misconstrued as a term for a veterinarian.

Up until a few years ago, there was a gynecologist here in Northern VA named Harry C. Beaver. I swear it's true, I saw it in the phone book. He's a retired beaver doctor now.

Leetie - so THAT'S where that slang term came from.

Any doctor from West Vagina would -- by definition -- most likely be an OB/GYN.

re: AI ... has anyone got a mirror?

So I can look at moi ownself to see if I give a rat's ass ...

besides which, who needs to watch this abomination when the blog gives a much more entertaining synopsis ... not this cowboy ...

Roggie: Have fun here, but watch out for nickels ...

Gee whillikers, guys and gals, what a nice reception, given I didn't say SQUAT in the way of anything brilliant in my first post. I was in here reading and guffawing earlier today, when I was sposed to be WORKING, and thought to myself: ya gotta come back and write in something about 2 am, when insomnia is driving the creative juices at full tilt...so I'm drinking coffee cup after cup and watching all the crappiest tv shows tonight, so I can join in with y'all. Back later, you kings of comedy, you maidens of mirth.

roggie - whut time zone u in? just curious ... it's only 9:27 p.m. on Thursday nite here in LA-LA LAnd ... but the blog clock has it @ 1:27 a.m. from the EST or Atlantic or whatever it means ...

Not bad on doing squat, too ... have fun ... (yah, crappy with a capital "C", and that rhymes with "P" and that stands for pool ...

oh: speakin' of POOL, that's where I just WAS...its ten pm here in Palm Springs, California...water at 87 F. so despite air temp. a lot lower, I was happy to float there and look up at the stars...then: all the coffee I've been drinking, took its toll....and THAT rhymes with: hee hee...so I'm back inside, 'nother cupajoe in hand, eyeballs ready to pop outta ma haid! Lets see what it means in a few hours!

That purple psychic wasn't singing "Can't Help Falling In Love With You," exactly. In the interest of accuracy in the media, I feel obligated to report that she actually announced that she was going to sing (and then did sing) "Can't Help Fallin' in Love Wit' Chew."

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