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January 31, 2005

COUNTDOWN TO 24

We don't know how we're going to get any work done today. We might just start sitting in front ot the TV right now, waiting for 9 p.m. Eastern 8 p.m. Central Time, because we are SO NERVOUS about what is going to happen tonight, with the terrorists in possession of the amazing Nuk-Em-All remote-control device -- NOT sold in stores -- that causes all the nuclear reactors in the United States to melt down and apparently there is NOTHING ANYBODY CAN DO ABOUT IT. Except maybe they could call up the nuclear plants and say, "Hey! Don't let the reactor melt down, OK? Thanks."

No, wait, what are we thinking? That would NEVER work.

So the only hope for humanity, again, is loner rogue agent Jack Bauer, who is not afraid to take action -- who has the guts to shoot first and also shoot later on. We personally would not mind if he accidentally shot Secretary of Defense William Devane's daughter, because she gets on our nerves.

We also believe Terrorist Boy, whose Terrorist Mom wrecked his social life by poisoning his girlfriend, could be a major plot factor now that he has turned against the other terrorists by using a shovel to kill the terrorist hitman who was trying to kill him under orders from his Terrorist Dad. Terrorist Boy is still out there, and as far as we know he still has the shovel.

We are just going to be a wreck today.

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Most significantly, he has the shovel... and HE LEFT THE GUN when he drove off!

I'm telling ya, that shovel is some sort of super shovel! If it's not the TK-5000 that Dave mentioned previously, it might even be some sort of new super secret shovel.

Maybe it's the shovels they're really after. If there's a scene at Wal*Mart this week, I think we're on to something.

Here, Dave, have some chocolate. Works for me.

So, what time does the show air on DBT(Dave Blog Time)?

And did you see all the rappelling out of helicopters last episode? I hope that there is a lot more rappelling from helicopers into dangerous situations, and even some not-so-dangerous ones.

The first time Jack rappells into a meeting, I promise I will never watch another show as long as I live

Rapelling Frogmen wbagnfarb

don't watch '24', I have thrown up on a nuclear power plant, though. No effect (on it).

The Wreck of the Dave Barry Weblog. "As the big bloggers go, he was bigger than most."

I'd like to have the '24' clock on my computer. Then, whenever I get up for a break it would do that three second countdown (sound effects too) before my computer screen went dark.

Look, if it will help any, you can go to Kick Shoe Kooy and check on the pregame hype and be all nervous about what Jersey Janet Jacksen is going to whip out during this year's Super Bowl halftime and what the "shocking" thing is she's going to do. But then, you won't get any work done for the rest of the week, so nevermind.

Golfwidow: Good one.

I recently acquired a secret document outlining the next few hours of 24. Here's what happens:

Jack will be given the power to levitate. He will have to wear a dress but that won't matter because once he figures out how to put on those thong panties, the FCC will allow the show to continue.

He will also get a new handgun. The current gun only holds 5000 rounds of ammo and is only accurate out to 200 yards. The new one has an infinite amount of ammo and it will be able to shoot around corners. It will also have a built in boom box so jack can listen to his Barry Manilow 8-track tapes while sliding down hills on his scantily-clad butt.

"Terrorist Boy" will become Jacks faithful companion and lover. His name will be changed to "The Intelligent Thermos" in honor of the National Lampoon Radio Hour. Also, Jack will be given the super-secret code name of "Nick Danger". Together, they will form the crime fighting duo of "Nick Danger and his faithful sidekick, The Intelligent Thermos".

Alan Alda will become President of the United States. His Chief of Staff, Leo McGarry, will force Josh Lyman, Toby Ziegler and CJ Craig to begin the painstaking process of finding new employment.

Jack, now known as Nick Danger, will be sent into the jungles of the Sahara desert to locate the melt-down remote control device. He will use his 8-track player to record the digital signals sent out by the device. Once the tape is played back at headquarters (assuming they can find another 8-track player), agency management will discover that Nick (the agent formerly known as Jack) has sent in the wrong tape. They all go insane listening to "CopaCabanna" and Nick, along with The Intelligent Thermos, is left to fend for himself in the jungles of the Sahara desert.

Number of enemy agents killed: 1,463
Number of shots fired by Jack: 10

ACK! Another spoiler! I had only gotten through the first 2 episodes on my TiVo, and Jack had just donned the face mask. Jump the Shark much?

Terrorist Boy: *Eating Fried Chicken* 24 hours is way too long to wait for a snack... Blowing up or saving the world be damned
Jack: *cellphone* I'll call you back. I found him. He has fried chicken
Terrorist Boy: Aren't you hungry Jack?
Jack: I can eat when I'm dead
Terrorist Boy: That doesn't make any sense. You mean SLEEP when you're dead.
Jack: The whole world is going to blow up, I need your shovel
Terrorist Boy: Its good fried chicken
Jack: What do you have left?
Terrorist Boy: A breast, three legs and a wing
Jack: How do you find clothes that fit?
Terrorist Boy: You stole that joke from Chandler
Jack: Just give me the shovel
Terrorist Boy: What are you going to do? Bury all the nuclear power plants?
Jack: No, I'm going to hit the script writers over the head with it
Terrorist Boy: Hey, they're giving me an important part this year!
Jack: You're a tragic character, you'll be dead in an episode or two
Terrorist Boy: That predictable huh?
Jack: Lets say I have a better chance of remarrying Julia Roberts than you have of coming back for next season.

I think His Daveness, being the media celebrity he is, has given clues to what happens in this episode of 24. He [HIS DAVENESS], is, I beleive, on of the priviledged few whom are allowed to prescreen each episode.
I believe that Jack, hidding in a large fish, will suprise Terrorist Dad with a large (2+ megajoule) Tiger Snake, while Terrorist Son, will use Unificaton Field Theory to thwart the Terrorist Dad's Henchmen.
Henchmen is not sexist, is it?

For some reason, I have this image of Dave sitting in his living room, on an XL2600 Titaniam Deluxe Recliner with Flushomatic and Coozie Technology©, wearing his King Vitamin outfit complete with plastic sceptre, and saying "We are not amused." to the television.

I have approximately the next 10 hours to learn everything there is to know about 24 and rogue agent Jack Bauer, and I do mean everything, since (as I may have admitted here before) I simply don't know Jack.

C'bol,
I too have similar visions. However, I sometime envision His Daveness resembling the Late Howard Hughes, toenails and all.
Is Dave in LasVegas? Does he have a will? Will that Irving guy writing a biography?

I may or may not have caused a minor stir when I placed a friendly, 24 related question to a friend of mine who deals with real-life...um...content related to the show.

Apparently, none of their staffers watch the show and thought the request was coming from official channels, when in reality it was the result of a very stupid inter-office bet.

They were not amused when they found out that it was in regards to a TV show.

Well. Anon, are you going to let us in on the question?

Can't. :) Only Jack Bauer knows.

At first I thought i'd miss Dave when we went on a year long "vacation" but now he has time to watch and make great comments on my favorite shows. I like that better

I am sitting on the edge of my seat, waiting to see if T.O. can rehab his ankle fast enough to make a guest appearance on tonight's episode. Only two people can bring down someone wielding the SuperShovel of Destruction: T.O. or Jack Bauer.

Maybe Jack and T.O. will fight to the death at the end of the episode. Can T.O. shoot a gun while sliding down a hillside on his butt? Can Jack run a perfect 10-yard post pattern? Will TerrorMom take everyone down with those wicked eyes?

I am sitting on the edge of my seat, waiting to see if T.O. can rehab his ankle fast enough to make a guest appearance on tonight's episode. Only two people can bring down someone wielding the SuperShovel of Destruction: T.O. or Jack Bauer.

Maybe Jack and T.O. will fight to the death at the end of the episode. Can T.O. shoot a gun while sliding down a hillside on his butt? Can Jack run a perfect 10-yard post pattern? Will TerrorMom take everyone down with those wicked eyes?

I am sitting on the edge of my seat, waiting to see if T.O. can rehab his ankle fast enough to make a guest appearance on tonight's episode. Only two people can bring down someone wielding the SuperShovel of Destruction: T.O. or Jack Bauer.

Maybe Jack and T.O. will fight to the death at the end of the episode. Can T.O. shoot a gun while sliding down a hillside on his butt? Can Jack run a perfect 10-yard post pattern? Will TerrorMom take everyone down with those wicked eyes?

First triple-post!

Sorry about that...I blame Bill Gates.

I think, in a startling "TV FIRST", Jack Bauer will shoot FIVE dozen bad guys, kill Sec. Devane with the shovel, waste an ENTIRE 35 minutes taking a bubble bath and then hook up with Terror Boy, much to the chagrin of TerrorParents.

elle, but where does SpongeBob fit in?

And then there's the whole penis thing.

SpongeBob, being compressible, fits in almost anywhere. Currently, SpongeBob in his crafty diguise as SpermicidAl, has hidden himself on Terrorist Mom's body and is awaiting instructions from Jack.

Justin, good point about TerrorMom's eyes. Are those not the creepiest peepers you've ever seen? Scarier than Tammy Faye.

TerrorBoy's girlfriend should have known better than to get near anyone with eyes like that.

MEMO TO EVERYONE WHO IS OVERPOSTING:

You forgot to take your Ritalin today!!!

... much to the chagrin of El.

Ritalin? Who forgot their Ritalin? That sounds like The Riddler from Batman and Robin. Adam West was a little pudgy to be the original Batman, don't you think? Robins are an okay bird, but for my money, I like Eagles better. But not in the Super Bowl. I think the Patriots are going to win. The Revolutionary War was about Patriots, but I don't believe that football was invented yet. I could sure go for a cup of tea right now, by the way.

What was the point again?

Funny justin, very funny - seriously, very funny - now go take your Ritalin!!!

MOTW - Have you no chagrin? :-)

I got chagrin, lots of chagrin. Costco had it on sale by the pallet. Anybody want some chagrin? I'll share!

BTW, this is a bit off the topic. We've started our ADHD son in the Dore Center, using exercise rather than Ritalin to stimulate the cerebellum. If you know anyone who is struggling with ADHD or dyslexia, you might want to give them this website.

and maybe when I do a brain restore, the spelling gene (not jean) will be fixed....

Oh, SteveB, why'd you have to give away the whole plot of the show? Now I know what's going to happen.
I'm so lucky, I have to go to the barn before I get to watch 24. That's 2 hours of charming 30 degree weather, in a smelly barn, pushing wheelbarrows through snow and mud.
Ha! How many of you get to do that?
I also agree with the thing about TerrorMom's eyes. I noticed that she has a lot of eyeliner on. I wonder how much money she spends on eyeliner every month.
Well, that'll give me something to think about at the barn.

I can't believe this thread has gone almost the entire work day without anyone mentioning the vital role of weasels in the upcoming 24 episode. What is this blog coming to? (and when we get there, with the way the blog clock is running, we may have arrived before we've departed, which would be kinda neat)

Hey, come to think of it, why isn't Terrorist Mom wearing a BERKA? If she's such a fundamentalist funhating middle eastern person of unsaid religious persuasion?

Oh, HEY MAN: I think I've figured out why some of the posts I've seen in here, come in twice, and even THREE times! When you clik on "post" it sorta goes into drool mode for awhile, and you're really tempted to hit it again...I had my finger poised right over the enter button, anxiety mounting, before my cooler head side overcame the type A behaviour.

Dave, I'm starting to worry about you, big time.

I don't know anything about 24, but last night on the Simpsons Moe's tavern was changed to The Nag and the Weasel. The weasel's are taking over Fox.

I dunno ... there's a vagrant thought running around in my head ... something about Brad Pitt doing a guest star shot with Jack ... would they call that episode 24/7?

Nah, too easy.

I believe the 24 writers honed their skills under the writers of the Die Hard series of movies. They exhibit the same ability to stay solidly grounded in reality.

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