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January 21, 2005


Responsible parents simply will not allow it.

(Thanks to many alert and responsible readers, including julietine)


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First Tinky-Winky, now Spongbob! We need to focus less on Iran and that whole nuclear thing and address these homosexual cartoons immediately!

Not that there's anything wrong with that...

First Tinky-Winky, now Spongbob! We need to focus less on Iran and that whole nuclear thing and address these homosexual cartoons immediately!

Not that there's anything wrong with that...

That double post was Spongebob's fault...

I love the disclaimer at the bottom of the QuickVote results window. In a nutshell, it says, "These results are meaningless, really. Thanks for playing."

Of course there's that whole penis thing.

Lab, can you provide a link to the whole penis thing poll, thanks.

"We see the video as an insidious means by which the organisation is manipulating and potentially brainwashing kids," Paul Batura, a spokesman for Focus on the Family, told the New York Times.

Yeah, my little 1 1/2 year old nephew was dancing around to the video, took his soother out of his mouth and said:

"Auntie: I feel this video is encouraging me to become a homosexual and feel it infringes on my rights to sex free programming for children."

Remarkable really since he just learned to talk.

Yes, Lab. I, too, would be very interested in that whole penis poll thing.


with you Dave

On Thursday, January 20, 2005, history was made in the city of Washington, D.C. President W. George “W.” Bush II and his wife, Laura W. inaugurated the back seat of a 2006 Cadillac DTS. But the president said he was feeling the history of the moment -- and Laura Bush reportedly was taking notes Thursday. Former columnist and Pulitzer-prize snubee Dave Barry was heard grumbling to himself about how he is still driving the same 1992 Nissan Roadfinder that has served his transportation needs irregularly since the armadillo mishap in ’98.

Several powerful democrats did not hide their displeasure as the W.’s passed by during a parade that was recorded by radar at .04 miles per hour. According to a powerful Senate democrat, “This was one of the longest parades in terms of time, ever!” The W.’s passed the clump of assembled democrats like you would pass a kidney stone. Surrounding their Cadillac were thirteen black SUVs – all based on the original General Motors Suburban Subdivision. Each was equipped with cool red and blue lights and one was obviously borrowed as I clearly saw the name of a Funeral Home whose motto is: “Serving you once, serving you right” etched in the rear window.

The “piece de resistance” was the use of the siren and programmable horn in the W.’s Cadillac. During one stretch of the parade, the W.’s were confronted (to the side, actually) with a disaffected clog of anarchists. They had smuggled in bullhorns to guarantee their right to free speech. The W.’s met this group of outspoken “patriots-in-their-own-right” with a small bit of southern culture. According to White House files, Secret Service agent Daniel W. (of course) Wigginbottom activated the programmable horn at 13:06 hours. This resulted in a short chorus of:

“I wish I was in the land of cotton,
Old times there are not forgotten”

The W.’s went on to attend ten Inaugural Balls and one festive Euchre Tournament at a nearby Catholic Church by mistake. The First Couple returned to the living quarters of the White House before 10:00 P.M.

Not wanting President W.’s Inaugural to overshadow his next wedding, THE DONALD sought to highlight this particular wedding in time with explosives. "We were producing a world-class Grucci show replete with music and synchronization that would have taken place at an appropriate time during the reception," said Felix J. Grucci Jr., a former Congressman and a senior executive of the fireworks concern.

"Of course this is disappointing," Mr. Grucci said in a telephone interview shortly after the Town Council voted 5 to 0 to block the Mar-a-Lago fireworks display. "It would have been very exciting to do the Inauguration of President W. and the wedding of THE DONALD in a single week," Mr. Grucci said. "It is not often that you can be part of 2 such high-profile events."

In the meantime, the man who “outed” the telemarketers stews at home. “Yesterday I earned a free I-pod, a free dinner at Red Lobster, one at Olive Garden and a $100 gift certificate while I was “surfing” the worldwide web. Some of these companies,” Dave said “are really stupid. They can program an advertisement to pop up on MY computer and block my view of what I was looking at and they can show me a picture of the actress they don’t know. And all I have to do is tell them if the actress is A), B), or C). My mailbox is going to be FULL. Anyway, there is a paper football that I have to “fwing” through a goalpost before it goes away.”

these people need to find something else to do. those who, uh, protest soooo much about personal and intimate things... ah...mayhap they should look in a mirror. so what if spongebob is gay anyhow - not that there's anything wrong with that...

My 4-year-old has started using "product" in his hair and gesturing a lot with his hands.

Could it be the insidious influence of Spongebob?

And what about that "butch" little girl squirrel, Sandy? (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)

Man operates on himself

A Mexican man has stunned doctors by successfully performing surgery on himself.

Pedro Lopez, 39, drained fluid from his lungs that was making his breathing difficult, reports Clarin newspaper.

Specialists said he performed the operation almost perfectly and said it was a miracle.

Alfonso Torres Aguilar, director of San Cristobal de Las Casas Hospital, said: "We do this kind of surgery draining liquid in small quantities.

"But this man introduced a needle on himself through his belly bottom and drained three litres of liquid! Without anesthesia!

"He did it as if he was a trained surgeon."

Mr Lopez stayed in hospital for just one day after his surgery and is already back at home in the Majomut community in the town of Chenalho.

Spongebob is is just the latest in a long string of characters foisted upon an unsuspecting public. Bugs Bunny. Indeterminate Gender. Wears male or female clothing when the mood strikes s/him. No wonder the "baby boomer" generaton is so screwed up.
Woody Woodpecker! Has the penis thing in the name, but seems to have more cross-species interest than is normal. That is if you live outside of Arkansas.

Thanks Judi...I did send it yesterday... :-)

Hey, I kinda like Sandy. Don't tell me she's gay too?

Alarming news from the land of preschoolers! My niece refused to share her paste with the little boy next to her because she wanted her friend Amanda to have it! And my nephew just the other day wanted a blue and red striped football instead of the green and red one! A very short trip away from becoming an interior designer and saying things like 'Dahling. That is soooo yesterday...'

I love the last line of that article. I think a lot of problems could be solved by increasing people's medications.

I say we start with the entire government for a start!

I think a lot of problems could be solved if we defined "medications" better. And that is why Canada is trying to legalize pot. Then we will all be too high to be having these conversations.

Hey, you know what? I have a wacky idea. Let cartoon characters do what they do best.... just be entertaining pictures flickering on the screen.

Don't push agendas with them, LEFT OR RIGHT. If the message had been one of religion, the left would be freaking out right now. As it is, we have the right freaking out.

Just make cartoon characters to entertain, and leave it at that.

Dear Dr. Dobson,

*this is not funny*

I am a white male Southern conservative Christian who grew up with the tenants of fundamentalism, love of God and love of Country. There's a lot that could be discussed philosophically here but waging a campaign against the promotion of tolerance makes no sense.

Uhhh...question for the science person. Aren't sponges asexual? Can't a sponge be both Bob and Barb at the same time?

Isn't TheDonald© marrying a sponge? Or was that a previous marriage.

Uhu? Whad-he say?
*scratching head*

Has anyone noticed that the more we promote tolerance, the less tolerant we become?

While Focus on the Family is exercising their right to be intolerant, I will be exercising my right to think they are all a bunch of twits.

From accessexcellence.org:

Sponges- phylum Porifera, are sometimes considered an evolutionary dead end since no other animal groups are derived from them. Biologists are still divided on whether the sponge is a true multicellular organism or a colony of cells. Interestingly, if the individual cells of a living sponge are separated and then mixed together again, the cells will reassemble into the original organized shape.

Bowing to pressure, the school sytem decided to present both liberal and conservative views by including "Heater has Two Mommies, One of Which is a Goat" as well as the director's cut of "The Passion of the Christ: Bigger, Badder, With More Blood to Save you from Imminent Damnation".

Sponge Reproduction - Received from Jeff and Sue in New Jersey.

Q: Do sponges reproduce by eggs, budding, or both?

A: Sponges reproduce both sexually (with gametes, or egg and sperm) and asexually (without gametes). Sponges are hermaphrodites which means that they are both male and female - they can produce both egg and sperm. The eggs or sperm are released at difference times to enable cross-fertilization with other sponges. After eggs are fertilized, the larva floats about before it settles to the ocean bottom where it will grow into an adult sponge. Sponges also reproduce asexually by the formation of buds or gemmules.

Answered by Adrienne Mason, in consultation with Dr. Andy Spencer.

For the record: Evolutionary Dead End wbagnfarb, or a nickname for my sister-in-law.

Key Quote
Mr Rodgers said the groups may have confused his foundation with an unrelated organisation with a similar name that supports gay youth.

Was I the only one who found that statement amusing?

Of course, before his death Mr. Rodgers DID leave the closet....

I am a big-time supporter of Focus on the Family. However, I think this one stepped over the line, just like Jerry Fallwell "outing" Tinky-Winky. Spongebob is not promoting ANYTHING - he is entertaining because he is colourful, speaks in a funny voice, and goes on wacky adventures that appeal to the imagination of a 2-year-old. The show is even sometimes witty to the point of being funny to adults:

Spongebob (to third character): We're just hanging out.

Patrick (looking woefully at his gut hanging over his pants): Oh, sorry.

Lay off, already.

oooh, check out the gemmules on that one!

*scratches head, trying to remember when teaching tolerance became a bad thing*


Squidward is a homosexual.

More at 11...

I prefer my munchkin not watch Sponge Bob, Teletubbies, or, the latest atrocity, Boo-Bah, because the latter two are MIND-NUMBING, and the former, I just didn't think was actually for preschoolers?! However, in protest of this latest Crusade, every night at my home will now be Spongebob Night. And clothing optional.

Shades of McCarthy witchhunts. Seeing a gay agenda everywhere is just ridiculous. You either are or you aren't. No one can convince you to be gay because you watched Spongebob when you were a kid. Man these people P*ss me off (with a capital P). Do they have a website? Let's go on a road trip!

I know I'm being childish & intolerant.

I don't care.

** Sticks out tongue **

On a recent re-run of an episode of "The Family Guy," they actually pixalated out a character's bare behind because of FCC concerns....

Now they're saying SpongeBob is some kind of yellow gay crusading Pied Piper leading our children to join the other team.

Did we time warp back to the 50s or something? I feel like I'm suddenly trapped in "Pleasantville"... I fully expect to wake up and find everything is black and white and rock and roll has been outlawed... We'll all be listening to Lawrence Welk....

In other words, stop the world... I"m ready to get off now.

(and by "get off" I mean in the literal sense of exiting the planet, not some sort of Spongebob induced sexual gratification....)

Dear Dr. Dobson:

Please focus on your own damned family.

That is all.

And now, back to gay porn.

I wish Nickelodeon would bring back "Angry Beavers". Now that was just good clean fun.

Patrick isnt gay. in the Spongebob movie -- which i saw with my neice and neph -- patrick is clearly trying to pick up the princess, and he says... hey did you see my underpants? princess: no. Patrick: ya wanna?

spongebob is just sweet and gentle. maybe even stupid. rEV. DOBSON: HE'S A CARTOON!!!!
I'm glad that rev dobson and his friends are admitting to being intolerant, closed minded and moronic. But - this is america. We can tolerate them. for now.

and C'bol... another example of great writing.

Jeff, I can't believe you would say that. Of COURSE it bothers them; God has ordained them to save YOUR SOUL! Can't you see how that must weigh on their (not they're or there) shoulders? Imagine having to wake up in your four poster mahogany king-size orthopedic bed EVERY MORNING knowing that the fate of humanity rests in YOUR HANDS!

I weep for them, you cynical bastard.

OF course, those people are not the types to ever say, "not that there's anything wrong with that" at the end of a sentence.

Thanks for the Biology lesson, Lab Specimen.
Will there be a test later?

Yes, igloo, there will. Didn't you read the syllabus?


I saw those guys in one episode of Michael Moore's TV Nation..they are crazy!...

Sure, Dobson is a twit, but that Spongebob is ANNOYING.


Howard Stern has them on his show pretty often. They are amazingly offensive. The worst part is that they've raised their kids to be the same way.

Anyone see the movie 'The Fifth Element'? There's a line that Leeloo has along the lines of 'what's the use of saving life if all you do is destroy it'.

Sometimes I feel like that.

Big Spongebob fan here so maybe Dobson is on to something. But I never knew a yellow sponge was our icon. A pink starfish maybe. Seriously, we would never be seen wearing those shoes in public! Besides, I always though he was just an icon for stoners. Not that I would know. I知 having enough trouble working in world domination between gym, brunch and a facial. My homosexual agenda is getting pretty full.

"Didn't you read the syllabus?" Read the syllabus? Hell, between work and this blog I barely have time to keep up with my David Hassellhoff obsession!
Will the test count towards the final grade?

Why on earth would there be a test if it didn't count towards the final grade?

Well, when I was growing up in Arkansas, we were subjects of a Flouride test. Never knew (not gnu)and we didn't get a final grade. Then during my formative years in Tennessee, I participated in a nuclear test, and I didn't get no final grade. I did get a nice glow though and a fourth arm, but I keep that hidden.


You owe me a new keyboard for the "pink starfish" comment.

How's VBBF? Hopefully not an ex-VBBF?

Hey! Leave God out of this. I'm pretty sure he doesn't even watch SpongeBob.

Hey Slowlane,

A little help for your quota problem - everyone you meet when you go to the gym, to get a facial, or eat brunch is already gay!

You're preaching to the choir! Wait, maybe that's the wrong metaphor. You're showing Spongebob cartoons to the members of WHAM!


1. With certain sponges, if you put it in a blender, you can then:
A) Put it back in the water and it will reform to its original shape
B) Make a nice shake
C) Worry that your children will be gay

2. Sponges reproduce:
A) In the supermarket
B) Like rabbits
C) With the help of a specialist
D) And we should put a stop to it and their entire homosexual agenda!

3. Some sponges eat:
A) Until they puke
B) In front of the television while watching "Will and Grace"
C) Small sea creatures

4. Sponges are dangerous because:
A) Dr. Dobson said so
B) They conspicuously display their homosexuality, for which they will burn in Sponge Hell for all eternity, and if you aren't careful, you could end up there too!
C) They are experts with all edged weapons
D) All the above

When you are finished, please make sure your name is at the top of your paper, and pass it to the front of your row.

Disgusting! I've been washing dishes with a hermaphrodite! Shouldn't there be a warning lable?

Well, Pogo, I would think that would be something you found out before you married her / him. The important thing is that the two of you share the dish-washing chore. Just relax and have fun with him / her, and I'm sure your marriage will last at least until the divorce is final.

Ha! Good one, pogo!

*secretly things everyone else needs just as much daily affirmation as she does...*

Hi Tamara! It's good to see you on the blog. Good luck with the test, although I'm sure a woman as smart as yourself will do just fine!

*feels all smug with his affirmation-giving self*


1990 Convert Bert from Sesame Street
1994 Convert Ernie too
1996 Work on Oscar (upate: failed experiment)
1999 Bugs Bunny - Gay or Not?
2000 Convince producers to make Tinky Wink gay - work in purse and high heels to children's show for future generationns
2005 New Mascot: SpongeBob Squarepants (lack of pants, asexual sponge notwithstanding)
2006 Convert George Bush and Dobson


I think that gay rights activists should get right on this!

They need to use Spongebob to promote homosexuality as a way of stemming the world's exponential population growth.

i'm with rachel on this one.

i am a big supporter of FOF and i think that Dobson's work in promoting family values is something that we could use A LOT more of in this country.

contrary to what seems to be a popular opinion on this blog (four poster mahogany bed), he's not your typical televangelist, bling-bling kind of a preacher-man. just 'cause he believes in something that you don't, that doesn't make him a bad person. remember that whole tolerance thing?

that being said, i do NOT think that spongebob is gay ... just happy (not that there is anything wrong with that). i watch spongebob - and i laugh. a lot.

"Did you finish your test?"
"Erm... Can I have a new one?"
"What happened to your old one?"
"I was nervous about failing, so I decided to pray that I would pass. Then I thought, you know what would make this prayer superiffic? Incense! So I burned the test paper as incense, then I got a little woozy and confused or something because the next thing I knew I was giving Mark a lapdance."
"Let's just call that your test."

Somewhere North - I think that the Agenda item for 2006 is an excellent idea. With the intolerence in the White House, G.W. could be forced to resign.


Gay. Children already happy
Supermarket. In the produce section
Small Sea(not C)Creatures. Cuttlefish
Donald Trump, or Triump. Not sure which is the correct spelling.

Very Blonde Boy Friend

The correct answers are:

1. Booker T. Washington
2. x = 2
3. Col. Mustard, in the Library, with a Wrench
4. Basketball Jones
5. Mustang Sally

Hey- don't they have those in the Bible?
'And he went before them saying, Lo, I am come down from the mountain, leaving my sheep behind. I am Hepzabub the Hermaphrodite, verily I say unto you, I am the gate that swingeth both ways, I weareth trousers and also gowns, let your children come unto me that I may teach them tolerance...'

Brian - VBBF is great...I was just on the phone with him as he drove the wrong way down a one-way street in front of the police station. Blonds will be blonds.

sure that wasn't Col. Mustard, in the Library, with a Wench?

"just 'cause he believes in something that you don't, that doesn't make him a bad person. remember that whole tolerance thing?"

Yes, but what he believes is both patently ridiculous (it makes no sense to assert that love and marriage - healthy and positive things - become evil simply because they involve people with the same genitalia) and cruel (he wants to deny gay people the right to marry the person they love and have legally secure families - things that he very much values for himself).

And the belief that loving someone of the same gender is a crime to be punished by horrible burning torture, forever and ever, with no rest or respite or peace - inflicted by a loving Father God, mind you - is just horrifyingly awful.

I do tolerate him. I let him worship and speak as he chooses, and I do not attempt to close his church or break up _his_ family (a courtesy he does not extend to my gay and lesbian friends). But that doesn't mean I am not entitled to criticize his beliefs when I find them both foolish and immoral.

Would you argue that someone who believes that Jews or blacks are evil or subhuman is "not a bad person, just because they believe something I don't?"


So serious (not that there’s anything wrong with that).

Like Dobson? Hate Dobson? Can’t we all just agree that booger jokes are funny and move on?

Two boogers walk into a bar....

BigD: Col. M was in the Library with The Wench, but then I bashed in his nose and told him to get his meat-hooks off my wife! He staggered back a few feet and then tripped over a table and bonked his head on the hearth. That's the last I saw of him because The Wench said something about access the ding-ding, and we had to leave right away.

The reason I love this blog is that nothing is taken seriously here.

Except those damned dirty squirrels!

Thanks, Lab! I feel superiffic now!

Who goes to a gay bar 'til quarter to three?
Not SpongeBob SquarePants !!!!


I was looking for a way to respond to that. You did a much better job than the direction I was going.

The Wench is angered at your interference Lab. She just hit your sister in the face with a brick.

And by the way, (in defense of blondness) my tendancy to drive my camel in reverse backwards down one way streets has nothing to do with my hair color.

CatB - what? No defense of blondes?

Most of the blondes I know can defend themselves. Sometimes scarily well.

Most of the blondes I know can defend themselves. Sometimes scarily well.

Sorry for the double post- must have been a brunette moment...

Thank you CatB, for your defense of blondness. I will not report you for discrimination to Mr. Dobson.

This whole Spongebob mess raises a sticky issue - where would Vicky Tisdale stand on this? Are sponges defended by PETA?

Lab - I read 3. as "Col. Mustard, in the Library, with a Wench"

Coupla decades ago, an investigative journalist searched the credit card receipts of attendees at a Christian broadcasters' national conference. Turns out 40% had privately chosen porn over prayer. Hmmm.

I think Ms Tisdale is involved in that rather large snake issue. I noticed that they were feeding the captured reptile 4 to 5 dogs per day!

slowlayne, thanks for the VBBF update. We've been missing them. Glad to know nothing's changed.

Let he amongst us, who is sponge-worthy, cast the first stone.

(That's from the Bible, right?)

Or 'Let he amongst us who is stoned, cast the first sponge'

*That fish was good enough for Jehovah*

*reminds self to kibby*

At the risk of getting stoned ... why can't both sides just compromise?!?!? Most of the feeling against Gay marriage stems from the word marriage that in the bible is defined as between man and woman.
If two people truly love each other and want to be together and have their union recognized, shouldn't they be happy with Calling it a Civil Union if its granted the same rights as a marriage? That way, everyone is happy, and all issues are rectified.

Of course, that would require most people interested in the issue to take a healthy dose of Common Sense, but that could be a good thing.


Sponge Worthy....

I miss Seinfield!

Hmm... all the blonds I know have claws... I mean Acrylic Nails. Goes to the whole protecting thing...

*looking down @ neglected hands*


I actually like Spongebob. So, I'm going to cry about this today, then I'm going to wake up tomorrow and pretend I never heard it. What the heck is wrong with these people?


I just want to watch cartoons every once in a while without all of the political poo-poo.

"Most of the feeling against Gay marriage stems from the word marriage that in the bible is defined as between man and woman.
If two people truly love each other and want to be together and have their union recognized, shouldn't they be happy with Calling it a Civil Union if its granted the same rights as a marriage? That way, everyone is happy, and all issues are rectified."

Civil marriage is not subject to Biblical definitions - not all Americans follow Biblical law, nor should we have to. (New Testament law would have voided Ronald and Nancy Reagan's marriage, for example, as he was previously divorced...not to mention Gingrich's and Limbaugh's current marriages...)

Secondly, civil unions are a positive first step. (Though Dobson and his ilk won't accept those either.) And I'd be fine with referring to all civil marriages - gay and straight - as civil unions and letting churches decide for themselves what to accept as "marriage".

But "separate but equal" rarely _is_ fully equal - setting aside a subclass of Americans as only worthy of a second-class title for their relationships, simply because they don't adhere to the majority religion's purity laws, is a bad precedent.

I know, this is too serious.

Well, it's just like the old saying:

"Homosexuallity is where you find it."

"There are two kinds of people I can't stand. Those who are intolerant of other cultures, and the Dutch."

- Mike Myers

May I just say that Spongebob is nowhere NEAR as gay as "Ren and Stimpy"? I watched those two characters sing about "LOG" as a child and I am *twitch* completely *twicth* fine....

*gropes Leetie*

Steeeempy! You Eeediot!

Hey Jeff,

Its such a difficult topic for me because I believe that Christians have the right to and are required to believe the Bible... and its pretty clear that homosexuality is a sin... no more of a separation from God than any other sin, but it is clearly defined. In perspective, I believe that drooling over (coveting) your neigbors wife knocks exactly the same number of points off your "saved by grace" card as playing roo roo with your neigbor.

Now, with that said, we are 100% absolutely commissioned to love our neighbors. So the focus should be on meeting our neighbors needs, helping them, spreading the Gospel.... condemning homosexual fornicators is somewhere way on down the list.... Its really upsetting to me because Christianity means a lot to me that our priorities get so misconstrued.

And Catb... I love you dear. I think more people need to ask the questions you ask, so don't think this is all a counterpoint.

WC -

Thanks for stating much more eloquently than I could have what I was trying to put in to words. I've been thinking for most of the afternoon of how to respond to this thread (I've been away from my PC, which is probably good - it gave me time to reflect) and it was refreshing to sign on and see what you had written. I very much agree with you that our #1 goal should be loving people.

Thanks again ...

"WAFF spokesman Mark Barondeso told the newspaper that anyone who thought the video promoted homosexuality "needs to visit their doctor and get their medication increased".

Great response! And if those boneheads happen to read this, all I have to add is that they really need to get a life.

And yes, Dr. Laura, I am my kids' dad!

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